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By Mike Johnson on 2009-09-20 22:52:00
ODB vs. Cody Deaner for vacant TNA Knockouts championship

This needs to be short and over fast, PLEASE.

ODB rubbed Deaner's hat and shirt in her privates.  She worked him over with chops in the corner.  Deaner missed a chop and got nailed with another.    He shoved her away and continued chopping him.  He went for a lowblow but she, you know, has no testicles.

She nailed him again and Deaner went to the floor.  ODB dove off the top to the floor.  She slammed his head into the apron.  Deaner tried to walk out but ODB dragged her back and slammed him into the apron again, then tossed him into the ring.  Deaner reversed an Irish whip but was caught with a kick.  ODB slammed him into the turnbuckles but Deaner nailed her for a two count.  He teased nailing her with a punch, but instead choked her against the ropes.

Deaner slammed her down and grabbed ODB's flask.  He took a drink and mocked ODB's mannerisms.  He went for a double sledgehammer off the ropes but was caught with a testicular claw.  ODB began slamming his head into the turnbuckles with the dirty dozen.  She nailed the Thesz Press for a two count.

Deaner grabbed ODB with a double leg takedown and put his legs on the ropes but the referee caught him at two.  He and Deaner argued and ref Andrew Thomas shoved him into an ODB roll-up.  Somewhere, Tommy Young is smiling.  ODB nailed a sunset flip but Deaner got to the ropes.  Deaner called the ref and idiot, so he kicked Deaner's hands.  Two count.  Tommy Young is definitely smiling.

ODB was drilled with Deaner's knockout punch but got her shoulder up at two.  Deaner went to the top rope but missed a diving headbutt.  ODB nailed a TKO and scored the three count.

Your winner (thankfully) and new Knockouts champion, ODB!

The shenanigans were fine for what it was.  I'm hoping this is the end of men wrestling for the Knockouts division.  There are more than enough talented females for that.

Lauren interviewed ODB on the entrance ramp.  ODB said she might not like all the broads in the back, but they've all worked hard to create a title that means something.  She said let the party begin in all the trailer parks and prisons all over the world.  That cracked Taz up.

Jeremy Borash interviewed TNA champ Kurt Angle and asked if he's got more than he can handle tonight in Matt Morgan.  Angle said that even if that was the case, he wouldn't admit it.  Angle said Morgan is all height and no brains.  He said if height mattered, Morgan would already be champion.  Angle said he could have made Morgan something but instead, he'll just be a statistic.  In regard to Sting and Styles, Angle said that he loves fairy tales as much as anyone, but when it comes to his World title, "It's real, damn real." 

TNA Legends champ Kevin Nash vs. Abyss

Nash is going for the bounty on Abyss' head.  Mick Foley came to ringside to announce carrying a barbed wire bat.  Angle time?

Abyss and Nash battled back and forth in the center.  Nash got the better of him and nailed him with kicks and punches in the corner.  Nash used his boot to choke Abyss in the corner.   Nash drilled him with several kicks and clotheslined Abyss over the top to the floor.  Nash slammed his head into the ring steps.   Nash grabbed a chair at ringside and slammed it but Abyss moved.  Abyss slammed his head into the railing outside the ring, then into the ring steps.

Dr. Stevie came out on the stage and sat down in a chair to watch the proceedings.

Nash nailed Abyss with a boot, then measured Abyss with a back elbow in the corner.  Fans tried to rally Abyss as Nash used his boot to choke Abyss against the ropes.  Nash dropped an elbow.  Abyss came back to duck a right hand and hit a flying clothesline while rebounding off the ropes.  Abyss nailed a sideslam on Nash.

Dr. Stevie came towards the ring but the referee met him in the aisle.  Daffney, looking HOT, hit the ring and tried to taser Abyss but was caught with the Black Hole Slam.  Abyss teased using the Taser but Stevie grabbed it and ran off.  Nash nailed a distracted Abyss with a chair to the head and covered him for a two count.  Nash went for a powerbomb but Abyss escaped and nailed a chokeslam for a two count.

Abyss called for Mick Foley to give him the barbed wire bat.  Foley pointed out there was a referee there, then said OK, he would.  The referee stopped Foley from giving him the bat.  Foley still slowly handed it to Abyss, allowing Nash to taser Abyss in the leg and cover him for the pin.

Your winner and still TNA Legends champ Kevin Nash!

Nash grabbed the bounty money but Stevie said no because he didn't destroy Abyss.  Big Daddy Cool then powerbombed Big Stevie Cool and took the money anyway.

Match was OK but not memorable in the least.  I hated the taser finish.  Too hokey.  The idea here is to obviously build Abyss vs. Foley as a feud.

Backstage, Jeremy Borash interviewed TNA Tag Team champions Scott Steiner and Booker T.  Steiner said they don't like anyone from any other country and told Borash to inform the British Invasion to stay out of their way.  Booker T said Harlem Heat and The Steiners were the best tag teams ever and everyone else - where have all those bums been?  Booker said if they want to lock them in a cage, they'll take everyone else out.

Lethal Lockdown: TNA Tag Team champs Booker T & Scott Steiner & IWGP Tag Team champs The British Invasion vs. Beer Money Inc. & Team 3D

Doug Williams was first out.  Second out is James Storm, so they are starting this off with a pretty good match-up on paper.  Williams charged him on the ramp but Storm spits beer in his face.  He hiptossed Williams on the ramp, then slammed him into the railing.  He then tossed Williams into the cage.  Storm came off the turnbuckles, spinning Williams down back first.  Williams caught him with a jawbreaker and then choked Storm with a t-shirt.  They battled over a suplex attempt.  Storm clotheslined Williams as they announced there was a minute left in the first segment.  Williams nailed several uppercuts.  Storm came back with a shot into the turnbuckles and began choking him with his boot.

The next out was Brutus Magnus, so it's two on one.  As Magnus got to the cage door, Storm kicked it into Magnus, but Magnus avoided it.  Williams slammed Storm into the cage.  The Invasion doubleteamed Storm, who was busted open. 

Next out was Robert Roode, who hit the ring quick and began cleaning house.  He backdropped Williams and hit a spinebuster on Magnus.  Williams caught him with an elbow as he was charging but Beer Money quickly cut off the Invasion and laid them out.  The crowd was into Beer Money.  Magnus slammed Storm into the cage.  Roode caught him with an inverted atomic drop.  Roode then slammed Williams into the cage.

Next out was TNA Tag Team champ Scott Steiner.  Steiner began suplexing Beer Money.  He nailed Roode with a top rope Frankensteiner.  He ran Roode into the cage like a battering ram.  The Invasion then did it to Storm.  The heels worked over Beer Money until the segment ended.

Brother Devon was out next to even the odds.  He nailed the British Invasion and shoulderblocked Steiner down.  Devon nailed a Thesz Press on Magnus, then drilled him with rights.  Devon continued to work over Steiner. 

Competitor number seven was Booker T, who took his time coming out to the ring.  He nailed Roode with a back kick, then kicked Devon.  The Invasion took turns nailing Storm.  Steiner used the cage door to crush Roode's head. 

Brother Ray came out to finish out the babyface side but as he made his way to the ring, Big Rob Terry attacked him.  He slammed Ray into the railing, then nailed him with a chair.  Terry then forced a TNA crew member to lower the weapons and the roof before Ray could enter the ring.  Ray was out on the floor.

The heels began using the weapons to batter Beer Money and Devon.  Ray made his way to his feet and avoided a Rob Terry chairshot, then KILLED Terry with one.  Rey hit the ring with the chair to make the save.  Fans chanted "3D."  The babyfaces grabbed weapons for themselves and it was all weapons shots.  Ray put a trash can over Booker, then slammed it with a crutch. 

Brutus Magnus made his way to the top of the cage.  James Storm followed him up and they battled on the roof.  They teased Storm being knocked off the cage.  Roode followed them up and nailed Magnus with a crutch.  Beer Money hot a double suplex on top of the cage.  That looked BRUTAL.  Steiner was nailed with 3D in the ring but Booker hit the Dudleys with a trash can.  Booker nailed Bubba with The Bookend.  Fans chanted, "This is awesome" live.

Beer Money returned to the ring and worked on Booker.  Roode hit the neck snap.  Beer Money hit the DWI on Doug Williams and scored the pin.

Your winners, Beer Money and Team 3D.

Entertaining match.  The suplex on the top of the cage was insane.  Ray's chairshot on Terry was nuts. 

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