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COMPLETE COVERAGE OF A TRULY INSANE CZW CAGE OF DEATH 14 iPPV

By Mike Johnson on 2012-12-08 11:59:00

Greg Excellent & Mother Excellent vs. Drew Gulak & Kimber Lee

Gulak is the top heel personality here, doing an anti-everything deal leading a movement for a better CZW.  He's a hell of a heel and shows a ton of poise and charisma in the role.  Excellent is sort of the macot and comedy guy around here and is loved for it.  He's had a long going off and on storyline with his legitimate mother who shows up from time to time and this time, she's here to team with him against Gulak and Lee.

Lee and Mom started out.  There was a huge "Let's go Mom" chant.   Lee began browbeating her and insulting her in the ring, then offered her hand in apology.  Mom took it and slapped her.    Gulak tagged in, so Excellent wanted in but his mom told him no.  She ducked several shots and grabbed a side headlock, bringing Gulak over to her corner. 

Excellent tagged in and worked over Gulak in the corner.  Lee tried to interfere so Mom grabbed her and began chopping her in the corner.  They had them in opposite corners.  They then stuck their hands down their pants, then wiped their hands across their opponents faces.  They then licked each  other's hands.  The crowd chanted "You sick f***s."  Mental note: don't ever visit the Excellents on holidays.

Mama teased a dive but stopped.  Excellent then hit a tope, taking out several of Gulak's henchmen.    Gulak attacked Mom and put her in a Dragon Sleeper.  Excellent saved her but not before she was choked out.  Excellent checked on his mom but was jumped by Gulak.  They exchanged punches and Gulak got the better of it.

Lee tagged in and began working over Excellent.  Mama recovered on the outside and returned to her corner.  Lee dropped an elbow on Excellent.  Gulak came off with a big double axehandle off the top.   He drilled Excellent into the mat and began smothering him with his boot in the corner.

Kimber Lee tagged back in and locked in a cross armbreaker.  Excellent make a comeback and put Lee on the top for a move.  Gulak tried to interfere and was grabbed by the nuts.  Lee jumped off the top but was grabbed in the nether-regions as well.  Gulak was beaten off and Lee was powerbombed in the corner.

Excellent went to hit a cannonball in the corner but his Mother wanted to do it instead.  It didn't look good and she may have hurt her neck.   Gulak worked over Excellent and went to send him into a crutch being wielded by one of his lackeys but the whip was reversed and Gulak was hit.  Lee was locked in a Dragon sleeper as mom worked over the hurt Gulak.  Lee finally tapped.

Your winners, The Excellents!

This was total sideshow comedy mixed with some brawling.  For what it needed to be, it was perfect.  You have to give it to Mother Excellent for doing as much as she did.   

As the Excellents celebrated, Colt Caban came out to his music.   He said, "We got a real comedian here, don't we?"  He asked if they thought they were funny people and the funniest one in the building.  They thought they could get a few laughs and steal the show.  He said he would get in the ring and fight him but he had a finger-blasting accident.  He began challenging Excellent to Wrestlecon, but then turned and showed everyone he was challenging Mom.  He told her she had too choices, "fight of f*** and either way, you are going to be bleeding."

Greg Excellent then stepped in and said if they could substitute one set of boobs for another, he would be happy to bring his double Es to Secaucus and they set up a match for CZW that weekend.  Colt then tried to pick up Mom and Excellent said, "You are not going to f*** my mom!" Mom, however, appeared to suddenly have Hanukah plans.

Nice angle to set up what's going to be a big weekend.

No Holds Barred, Falls Count Anywhere: Sami Callihan vs. Adam Cole

They brawled out of the back and around ringside and immediately began tossing weapons into the ring.   They battled all over the ringside area.  Cole began choking out Sami on the floor.

Sami made a comeback and went for a running boot on the floor but ate a superkick.   Callihan  avoided a charge in the corner and Cole ate the buckles.  Callihan nailed a facewash in the corner, then another.  He grabbed a trash can and placed it on Cole's face.  He rebounded off the ropes but was nailed with the trash can.

Cole picked up Callihan and brought him down over his knee.  He teased doing a big move, then sat in a chair while applying a chinlock.  That was funny.  Callihan broke it with a sitdown jawbreaker and Cole took a backwards tumble with the chair,

Callihan set up a chair in the corner but Cole sent him into it.   Cole put a trash can in the middle of the ring and they battled over it until Callihan hit a huge back suplex onto it.   Callihan began beating Cole over the head with hard shots from the can.  Cole responded by spitting in his face.  Callihan grabbed Cole and hit a running powerbomb on a ladder that was leaning in the corner.  This is awesome.

Callihan placed Cole's leg in a chair and began beating it with another.  He then sey up a number of chairs to face each other in another part of the ring.  Callihan went under the ring and tossed a ton more chairs inside as Cole tried to recover.

He set up this insane assembly of chairs, which partially fell apart before they could really be used.   Cole nailed him and suplexed him into another ladder, then properly set up a pyramid of chairs.   Cole tried to pull him up for a move but Callihan nailed him, then hit a superplex off the top through the construction.  Callihan covered Cole, who kicked up, barely, at the last second.

Callihan went to the outside and retrieved a bag...of well, sh**.  He tried to powerbomb Cole into it but Cole fought off.  Callihan began nailing a series of kicks and Cole fell dangerously close to nailing it.  Callihan then powerbombed him into the poo.

Cole was shocked.  Callihgan grabbed him but Cole used a small package and scored the pin.

Your winner, Adam Cole!

Absolutely sick, disgusting and brutal.  Nuts in so many ways.  This is a hell of a great show.

As they started to clean the garbage out of the ring, out came New Jack came out, flanked by Thomas Rodman of BWO fame.   Jack cut a promo and said that he's watching the new generation and he appreciates it.  He said that people tell him ECW died a few years ago and it did, but it was reincarnated as CZW.  He said that he never thought in his life and actually sit at a show and leave him, of all people, sitting there in awe.  He said he has leapt from the highest of the high, but what he saw tonight was a bunch of motherf***ers who don't hold back sh** and everyone showed their a**es.

He said that he has a little problem and he's putting it on record.  CZW is the hardest working locker room that he has seen since ECW died years ago.   He said that this can't be duplicated.   He said he has a problem - Jeez and Ruckus, who are pimples on his ass.  He said he keeps scratching but it won't go away.  He said in a few weeks, they have to come to face him (at Extreme Rising).  He said that they are in an elite group and have surpassed the average indies.  He said they are running with the Pitbulls, The Eliminators, the Public Enemy and the Dudleys, but most of them are dead and they need to prepare for the worst.

Jack said he's at the point in life where he doesn't care if people live or die.   He said they will be there for one reason, to kill them.  He said that they can bring CZW to Philly on 12/29 and they will die...so "Merry f***ing Christmas."  As you can imagine, I cleaned up the language, but the promo was awesome.

Coverage continues on Page 3!


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