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WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT: A REAL AMERICAN; A US TITLE MATCH; A MEXICAN COMES TO THE AID OF GOOD OLE JR; A PROMO GOES TO CACA; AND MORE

By Richard Trionfo on 2013-03-01 22:00:33
Previously on the show where we fight . . . after the first fifteen minutes of promos on most weeks . . . what will happen tonight after The Shield were upstaged by Sheamus and Randy Orton?

We are in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma and your announcers are Josh ‘At least there is one constant tonight’ Mathews, Michael ‘Is that Jordan Smith’ Cole, and Jerry ‘When did they start a Friday night show’ Lawler.

Before our first match, Damien Sandow has something to say. He says that others will say what they will, but Alberto fits right in with the rest of America, poor grammar, lackluster word choice, and sentence structure that is absolutely abhorrent. He demands silence.

Damien says that the World Champion is accompanied to the ring by a man in an outdated tuxedo and carries a spit bucket.

Damien is accompanied by his superior intellect, his timeless good looks, and the jealous gazes of the unwashed masses.

Damien tells Alberto that he is welcome.

Alberto says that if Damien wants to talk about unwashed. Alberto says that Damien needs to wash his mouth because it smells like caca.

Match Number One: Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez) versus Damien Sandow

They lock up and they go to a stalemate. They lock up again and Sandow with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Sandow asks if this is the World Champion. They lock up again and Del Rio with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Del Rio with another shoulder tackle and Sandow goes to the apron. Sandow demands that Del Rio be held back so he can re-enter the ring.

Sandow with a kick and side head lock take down. Del Rio with a rollup for a near fall. Del Rio backs Sandow into the corner but Sandow with a kick when Del Rio gives a clean break. Sandow with more kicks but Del Rio with a kick and punches to Sandow. Del Rio with a snap mare and kick to the ribs.

Del Rio with a slam and he goes to the turnbuckles for a moonsault and he hits it and gets a near fall. Sandow with a head butt and a knee to the head. Sandow with a suplex for a near fall. Sandow with a reverse chin lock. Del Rio with punches but Sandow sends Del Rio to the mat with help from the hair. Sandow with kicks and a knee drop for a near fall.

Sandow with a reverse chin lock into a side head lock. Sandow with a shoulder tackle but Del Rio with a drop toe hold and a La Magistral for a near fall. Sandow with a clothesline for a near fall. Sandow with a punch but Del Rio with an Irish whip. Del Rio runs into an elbow but Sandow comes off the turnbuckles and Del Rio with a kick to the midsection. Sandow is sent to the apron and Del Rio with an enzuigiri to send Sandow to the floor and we go to commercial.

We are back and Del Rio with a slam and the Elbow of Disdain for a near fall. Sandow with knees to the midsection. Sandow goes to the back with a knee and then he returns to a chin lock. Del Rio punches Sandow and he connects with a head butt. Sandow with a kick but he misses a clothesline and Del Rio with a German suplex.

Sandow and Del Rio exchange punches but Sandow gets the advantage. Sandow with an Irish whip but he misses a charge into the corner. Del Rio with two clotheslines but Del Rio avoids a clothesline from Sandow and he hits a tilt-a-whirl back breaker. Del Rio sets for the super kick and he hits it to a kneeling Sandow but Sandow kicks out at two.

We see Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter watching on a monitor.

Del Rio signals for the cross arm breaker but Sandow escapes and hits a fall out slam and gets a near fall. Sandow has a kick blocked and Del Rio puts Sandow in the ropes and Del Rio with forearms to the lower back followed by a lungblower for a near fall.

Del Rio sets for the running step up enzuigiri but Sandow meets Del Rio in the center of the ring with a knee and then he hits a running flip neck breaker and gets a near fall. Sandow with a front face lock and knees to the midsection. Sandow tries for Terminus but Del Rio counters into the float over and the cross arm breaker and Sandow taps out.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

We go to commercial.

We are back and Alberto talks about how he is a leader and Ricardo suggests that since it is Social Media Smackdown, they let the people do something. Alberto says that he will let the fans choose his opponent on next week’s Smackdown.

It is time to take a look back at the main event from Raw when John Cena became the man who will face Rock at Wrestlemania 29.

Kane is in the locker room and Daniel Bryan gives Kane his mask. Bryan says that is the only reason why Kane beat the Prime Time Players. Kane says that it was the choke slam. Daniel says that he talked to Booker T and they will have another match. This time Daniel will have his arm tied behind his back while Kane has to be blindfolded.

Kane says that he is okay with it and Bryan is surprised that Kane would agree to it. Kane says that he has two reasons. First, after he beats the Prime Time Players, it will prove that he is better. Since he will wear the blindfold, he won’t have to look at Bryan’s ugly goat face.

Bryan starts to no.

Match Number Two: Antonio Cesaro versus Miz in a Two-Out-Of-Three Falls Match for the United States Title

Fall Number One: They lock up and Miz with a rollup for a near fall. Cesaro tells Miz to be careful. Cesaro with a waist lock take down and he gets a near fall while going to a side head lock. Cesaro with a shoulder tackle and he gets a near fall. Cesaro returns to the side head lock. Cesaro blocks a hip toss but Miz with an elbow for a near fall.

Miz sends Cesaro into the turnbuckles and Cesaro tries for a sunset flip but Miz rolls through and kicks Cesaro in the head. Cesaro goes to the floor to rethink his strategy. Cesaro kicks the steps because they have betrayed him so far in the match.

Cesaro returns to the ring and he kicks Miz and connects with a European uppercut. Miz with an atomic drop to the knee and he tries for a figure four but Cesaro kicks him away. Miz with a dragon screw leg whip and Cesaro goes to the floor. Miz with a rollup for a near fall.

Cesaro with a knee to the midsection and then he kicks Miz in the head and gets a near fall. Cesaro with a reverse chin lock. Miz with an elbow and then he gets a near fall with a rollup. Miz with kicks but Cesaro with an Irish whip. Miz floats over and connects with a clothesline. Miz sets for the Awesome Clothesline but Cesaro counters with the Alpamare Waterslide for a near fall.

Cesaro argues with the referee and then he picks up Miz but Miz with an inside cradle for a near fall. Cesaro with the Gotch Style Neutralizer for the three count and the first fall.

Cesaro 1 Fall . . . Miz 0 Falls

We go to commercial.

We are back and it is the third fall because during the commercial break, Miz evened the match with a fall. We see Miz applying the Figure Four leg lock to get Cesaro to tap out.

Fall Number Three: Cesaro gets back to his feet and Miz goes for the knee but Cesaro with a dead lift side salto and then he leaps onto Miz’ chest. Cesaro gets a near fall. Cesaro with a reverse chin lock and a sleeper. Miz with elbows to escape the hold. Miz with a boot to the head followed by an elbow and a double leg take down and he punches Cesaro.

Cesaro slaps Miz after calling him a stupid American. Miz with clotheslines and then he hits the first half of the Reality Check but Cesaro sends Miz into the turnbuckles. Cesaro with Swiss Death but Miz kicks out. Cesaro slaps Miz as he shows his opponent no respect. Miz with a kick to the injured knee and then he hits a DDT but only gets a near fall.

Cesaro holds his knee while trying to neutralize the damage done to the leg throughout the match. Cesaro with a head but but Miz with a punch. Cesaro punches back. They get back to their feet and they exchange punches until Miz gains control. The referee pulls Miz out of the corner and Miz with the Awesome Clothesline using his right arm. Miz goes up top and hits the double sledge to the top of the head. Miz with a splash to the injured leg. Miz puts Cesaro in the Figure Four leg lock but Cesaro is able to make his way to the ropes and Miz has to release the hold.

Miz pulls Cesaro back into the center of the ring and Cesaro kicks Miz away when Miz tries for the figure four leg lock. There is a bit of a collision in the corner and the referee is dazed for a bit while Cesaro goes for an O’Connor Roll. Miz reverses but Cesaro reverses the reversal and he grabs some of Miz’ tights to get the three count.

Winner: Antonio Cesaro (Two Falls to One)

We get a Tout from John Layfield from Argentina and he got a shot in on Michael Cole.

Randy Orton is in his locker room and Sheamus brings up Randy’s match with the Big Show. Sheamus asks Randy if that means that he is a sitting duck for the Shield. Orton says that he has to get ready for Big Show. Sheamus says that The Shield is thinking the same thing, so he will have Orton’s back. Sheamus reminds Orton that he is a loner so maybe he doesn’t need his help. Orton thanks Sheamus.

Jim Ross makes his way to the ring and we go to commercial.

We are back and Jim Ross says that it is great to be back in Oklahoma. He says that he is here for one reason. He wants to address one of the most controversial things he has seen in the WWE. He brings out Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter.

Jim reminds Jack that they go back a long way and even if they aren’t on the same page, he respects Jack’s athletic ability. Jim mentions that he recruited Jack while he was still at the University of Oklahoma.

Jack interrupts and asks Jim if he means that place with no heart thirty miles south of where they are. He says that he believes that Jim is a real American and that is why they granted this interview.

Zeb says that after Monday with the Miz they wanted to make sure that they could deal with someone who would treat them fairly.

Jim says that he has some questions for Jack and Zeb. Jim asks Jack about his World Title match at Wrestlemania, but first he reminds Jack about the sabbatical that he was taking back in September. He says that Jack is not the same Jack Swagger. Jim wants to know what happened.

Zeb says that he told Jack what the real problem was in this country and the reality and truth of what is happening every day.

Jim says that he was addressing Jack and he does not understand where Zeb is coming from.

Zeb says that Jim refuses to see. WWE is a microcosm of what is happening in this country. How is it possible that Jack could go on a losing streak to allow a foreigner to sneak in and take a position that belongs to an American.

Every day, thousands of undocumented workers are crossing our borders and they are taking jobs from real Americans. They will not stand idly by while this country self destructs. Jack adds a ‘We the People’.

Jim points out that Jack can be the World Champion if he can beat Alberto.

Zeb says that the title will be around the waist of a natural born American who can recite the Pledge of Allegiance, speaks English, and has worked for everything that he has gotten in this country. Alberto is not one of us and he does not share our values. He needs to leave this country.

Zeb asks Jim Ross what he does with a fruit basket that rots in his kitchen. Does he keep it or dump it. Zeb says that the stink that we are smelling is Alberto Del Rio. Zeb says that Jack is fighting for more than a championship, he is fighting for the heart and soul of this country.

Jim wants to know what happened to Jack and he says that Zeb has brainwashed him.

Zeb says that is a pretty big word. Since Jim knew Jack during his formative years, it was Jim who brainwashed him.

Jim suggests that Zeb exercise his right to remain silent.

Zeb suggests that Jim keep a civil tongue in his head lest something happen that he will regret later on.

Jim says that he doesn’t know or care what Zeb is saying.

Jack knocks JR’s hat off his head and he says that Zeb is a real American. Jack says that Jim is either a part of the problem or the solution. They are going to fix the problem. He says that JR is not a real American, he is a sympathizer.

Alberto Del Rio comes to the ring to help Jim Ross. Del Rio gives Jim Ross his hat.

Alberto tells them that they have it wrong. Jack and Zeb are the problem and he is the solution. He tells Jack that he is not a real American . . . Jack is a real Jack . . . ass.

We find out who the options for Alberto Del Rio’s opponent for next week are. The first option is Dolph Ziggler. The second option is Wade Barrett. The final option is Antonio Cesaro.

We go to commercial.

Match Number Three: Kane (with blindfold) and Daniel Bryan (with hand tied behind his back) versus Darren Young and Titus O’Neil

We see that Kane’s blindfold has a goat on it.

Bryan tells Kane to start things off and he faces Young. Young gets on his knees and Kane does not fall over him. Young gets on his knees again but Kane does not go down. Darren tells Titus it didn’t work and Kane punches him. Titus blows his whistle to distract Kane and Young with punches to Kane. Young goes up top but Kane hits the ropes and crotches Darren.

Bryan tags in and he kicks Young in the chest. Bryan with a chop to Darren followed by a head butt. Young with a kick and forearm followed by a punch. Bryan with a crucifix driver for a near fall. Titus tags in and he hits a short arm clothesline. Titus barks as we go to commercial.

We are back and Titus with a punch to Bryan. Titus with an Irish whip and he runs into boots from Bryan. Kane is tagged back in he points to an empty corner. The crowd tries to help Kane out and he moves towards the corner and he punches Titus. Kane with a biel but Young tags in and Kane with a choke slam to Young but he does not know where Young is to cover him.

Bryan tags back in and Kane grabs the referee and then Bryan. Kane lets go of the referee and then Titus with a rollup for the three count.

Winners: Darren Young and Titus O’Neil

After the match, Kane looks at the mask he was wearing and he wants to know if Bryan thought that was funny. Bryan says that he did not do it. Bryan wants a hug but Kane puts the hood over Bryan and then he slaps Daniel and leaves the ring.

Matt Striker is in the interview area with Big Show. He asks Show about his match with Randy Orton. Show says that this is time to make an impact. What better way to make an impact than to choke slam Randy Orton. Matt leaves.

We go to Chris Jericho who is on Skype and he tells Mitchell Cole how happy he is to be talking to him while on tour in Australia with Fozzy. Chris reminds us that the premiere episode of Robot Combat League will air after Smackdown.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Matt Striker introduces Fandango, who will be making his debut tonight. He dances in and he tells Matt that it is Fannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

He tells Matt to breathe the ‘a’s in. Matt is unsuccessful a third time. He is corrected. Matt says that the WWE Universe is excited for his debut and he asks about his fighting style. He says that he has mastered the art of dance and he has accomplished everything in the ballroom. He will take all of his rhythm and grace to show everyone what he can do and they can follow his lead.

Fandango says that he will not be debuting tonight. He will debut when Matt gets his name right.

It is time for the Raw Rebound.

We go to commercial.

We are back and we know who Alberto Del Rio will wrestle next week. His opponent is Dolph Ziggler who won with 51% of the vote. Wade Barrett finished second with 26% of the vote and Antonio Cesaro got 23% of the vote.

We take a look at what happened on Monday night when Sheamus and Randy Orton outsmarted The Shield.

Match Number Four: Randy Orton versus Big Show

They lock up and Show sends Orton to the mat. Orton punches Show but Show with a punch to the midsection and he tries for the shhhh chop but Orton with a punch. Orton climbs the turnbuckles and punches Show but Show pushes him off and then hits a running shoulder tackle. Show with a head butt.

Show punches Orton in the midsection and then he is able to hit the shhhh chop and Orton crumbles to the mat. Show with a punch to the midsection but Orton with kicks. Show with a head butt. Show with another chop across the chest. Show with an Irish whip and running butt splash into the corner but Show’s attempt at the running shoulder tackle is thwarted by a drop kick from Orton. Show goes to the floor and he shows his frustration as we go to commercial.

We are back and Show works on the left arm. Orton punches Show but Show with a head butt to the arm. Show with a key lock on Orton. Orton with punches to the head but Show with a punch to the midsection and then he hits The Final Cut and gets a near fall. Show goes to the turnbuckles for an elbow drop but Orton rolls out of the way.

Orton punches Show in the head but Show gets Orton set up for the choke slam but Orton counters with a DDT and Orton gets a near fall. Show rolls to the floor but Orton follows and he connects with a double sledge to the back. Orton sends Show into the ring post and then Orton returns to the ring. Show grabs Orton by the throat as he returns to the ring but Orton drop Show on the top rope and Orton with a kick to the head and he goes for a deluxe IEDDT and he connects.

Orton is down and the music for The Shield plays.

The Shield makes their way to the ring through the crowd and they surround the ring.

Before they can enter the ring, while Big Show is out, Sheamus’ music plays and he runs to the ring on the one side that the Shield has not blocked.

The Shield climb into the ring and the referee calls for the bell.

No Contest

Rolins goes after Orton while Ambrose and Reigns work over Sheamus. Reigns joins Rollins in his attack on Orton. Rollins with shots to Orton. Show is finally up and he punches Roman Reigns and knocks him out. Rollins and Ambrose go to the floor to pick up Reigns.

They leave through the crowd.

Orton gets to his feet and Show with a choke slam. Sheamus with a Brogue Kick that takes Show down.

We go to credits.

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