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WWE RAW REPORT: JOHN CENA HAS A ROUGH NIGHT; SO DOES CM PUNK; SANTINO HITCHES HIS COBRA TO THE RIGHT GUY; WILL SASSO IS THE MAN . . . BROTHER

By Richard Trionfo on 2012-04-09 23:03:17
We are live from Washington, D.C. and your announcers are Michael ‘Daniel Snyder of WWE’ Cole and Jerry ‘Ovechkin’ Lawler.

We begin with the man who rules all of television and the guy who carries the most important travel mug in sports entertainment.

John introduces the new face of the WWE. He says that this man is not about catch phrases or to entertain the fans. He is a ruthless athlete who will carry the WWE banner for years to come. We take a look back to Brock Lesnar’s return to WWE.

John Laurinaitis introduces Brock Lesnar and he makes his way to the ring, after doing the Brock Bounce.

John applauds the fact that Brock can hold a mic. He thanks John for having the wisdom to bring legitimacy back to the WWE.

Brock is interrupted by John Cena, who makes his way to the ring. Cena goes after Lesnar but Lesnar with a double leg take down and he punches Cena.

Officials and agents come from the back to separate Cena and Lesnar. Now wrestlers come to the ring to break things up and we have a huge mass of humanity in the ring.

Cena is bleeding from the mouth as we see the aftermath. Cena goes after Lesnar again and they have to be separated again.

Now it is time for Lesnar to go after Cena and it is pandemonium III: The Search for their first match.

Lesnar is pulled from the ring and held back against the ringside barrier.

We go to commercial.

We are back with a Moments Ago Moment of the Slap Heard Round Lesnar’s Face.

John Laurinaitis yells at Teddy Long and blames him for what happened because he could not contain John Cena. John tells Teddy that he wants an explanation from Cena.

John says that this is not the way to start things.

Eve Torres enters and she says that they haven’t had a chance to talk to each other since Wrestlemania. John suggests a one-on-one meeting but Eve tells John to call her.

We see how Brodus Clay and Santino Marella became BFFs last week on Raw.

Match Number One: Brodus Clay and Santino Marella with Funkettes versus Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero

Ziggler and Santino start things off and Santino goes for the leg but Ziggler with a rollup for a near fall. Ziggler with a single leg take down for a near fall. Ziggler with a kick but Santino with an arm drag into an arm bar. Ziggler with a punch and tag to Swagger. Brodus tags in as well. Brodus blocks punches from Swagger and hits a clothesline followed by a punch to the midsection and a knee lift. Brodus tries for the t-bone sheeplex but Swagger escapes with elbows and then dives for the knees.

Swagger with a flying shoulder tackle and gets a near fall.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Ziggler with the leaping elbow drop to Santino for a near fall. Swagger tags in while Ziggler holds the leg. Swagger with a surfboard. Swagger with an arm bar but Santino with punches and he tries to make the tag but Swagger with a modified power slam for a near fall.

Ziggler tags in and he yells at Clay. Santino with a near fall but Ziggler with a clothesline for a near fall of his own. Ziggler with a reverse chin lock but Santino with a snap mare and he tags in Clay. Clay with clotheslines and a running head butt and a t-bone sheeeplex. Clay with the splash for the three count.

Winners: Brodus Clay and Santino Marella

Miz is in the office with John Laurinaitis and John says that he has big plans for Miz and he wants to talk next week.

Teddy returns and he wants to know where he has been. He wants to know where John Cena is and Cena enters the office. Cena says that John is looking for legitimacy. Is Cena an actor who is afraid of ruining his moneymaker. Cena tells John that person left. Cena says that John had to get a monster to face him at Extreme Rules to take care of him. Cena says that John normally sees blood and would give him the night off. John tells Laurinaitis to pick his opponent for tonight.

John tells Teddy to tell Otunga that he will be facing John Cena tonight. John says that he will be out there with David.

John goes to the phone to text.

Santino is in the back and he asks Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins if they have seen the Three Stooges. Then he asks some production people. Santino keeps looking and we see footage from last week when CM Punk fell victim to the World’s Strongest Slam. Will Mark win the WWE Championship tonight?

We go to commercial.

We are back with a look at why John Cena’s face looks the way it does.

Santino is looking in the back for some stooges. Santino sees Kane and he thinks about his search. Santino asks Kane if he has seen the Three Stooges. Kane stares at Santino and Santino turns around and speed walks away.

Match Number Two: R Truth with Little Jimmy versus Cody Rhodes

They lock up and Truth with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Truth with a clothesline and then he punches Cody. Cody with a drop down uppercut and then he sets for the Alabama Slam and he hits it.

Big Show’s music plays and he comes out and he has something to show Cody. We see footage from last week when Big Show interrupted Cody’s match and forced him to lose.

Cody turns around and is taken down by Little Jimmy and gets pinned.

Winner: R Truth

Santino sees a giant box that says Fragile so he figures that it might be a care package. Santino opens the box and the Three Stooges emerge. Santino asks them what they have in store for the fans and we get a little slap happy. Santino shows them how to hit the Cobra.

We go to commercial.

We are back and the people from Dream Machines are in the front row.

Match Number Three: Yoshi Tatsu versus Lord Tensai with Sakamoto

Tensai with chops to the neck followed by a float over leg drop. Yoshi with chops but Tensai with a chop that sends Yoshi to the mat. Tensai with head butts followed by a delayed butterfly suplex and a back senton. Tensai with a splash into the corner followed by elbows to the head. Yoshi is unable to stand under his own power and Tensai with a sit out choke slam. The referee stops the match because Yoshi is out.

Winner: Lord Tensai

After the match, Tensai applies a claw to Yoshi.

We take a look back at what happened last week between Chris Jericho and CM Punk.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Jerry Lawler mentions that there are a number of wounded members of the military in the crowd.

We hear what Chris Jericho had to say to CM Punk last week after Punk’s match against Mark Henry.

CM Punk comes to the ring and he squats in the center of the ring before saying that he wanted to break the silence surrounding him for the last week. He understands that Straight Edge is a concept that not everyone gets. He understands when people say it is only one drink or one cigarette. He says that it is a personal choice that he made not to fit in or be cool or be trendy. It is a choice because it is a way of life.

He says that he has come out here on numerous occasions to talk about why he is proud to be straight edge. The reason he is straight edge has been kept relatively private because it is nobody’s business and who cares if he is straight edge. Punk says that he never wanted to make excuses for himself.

Punk says that he knew that he was going to make it to the top and he was going to do that because he is the best damn wrestler in the world.

Then along comes Chris Jericho, who comes back and gets into Punk’s head by saying that he is the best in the world. When that doesn’t work, Chris decides to break the privacy about why he is straight edge by talking about his family. At Wrestlemania, when his plan didn’t work, he made Chris Jericho tap out.

Chris Jericho takes it one step further. He takes it one step beyond. He takes it one step too far. He poured whiskey on his body and smashed a bottle on the back of his head.

Punk says that as he laid there trying to remember where he was, there was one thought in his head. Punk says that thought was that he smelled exactly like his father did.

Punk says that smell would punch him in the face every time that his father came home from work or picked him up from Little League.

Chris Jericho interrupts and he says that Punk looks a little green around the gills. He asks Punk if he is still hung over. Jericho says that Punk is just a little shocked about how easily he was able to release the alcoholic gene from his dad. He wants to know if Punk is a little tipsy. Is Punk in the middle of his first bender.

Jericho tells Punk that he is in denial and that is the first step in an alcoholic’s recovery. The alcohol is taking control of his life. It is what all of the wannabes see. They don’t see the WWE Champion or the best in the world. They see a breathing, pathetic, living loser.

Jericho says that when he broke Punk’s life long vow of sobriety, not only did he force Punk to taste alcohol for the first time, it made him realize what it was like to become CM Drunk.

Punk says that the only thing that Jericho broke was a bottle. He can bring up these memories, but Jericho does not realize that he made the biggest mistake of his life because Punk is going to channel this anger and every bad feeling that he has, he is going to use it against Jericho. Punk says that this is no longer about being the best in the world, it is about him kicking Chris Jericho’s ass.

Match Number Four: CM Punk versus Mark Henry for the WWE Championship

Punk goes after Henry and he punches him and connects with knees. Punk with a back heel kick and clothesline but Henry stays on his feet. Henry with a body block and Punk goes to the apron and then to the floor. Henry goes to the floor but Punk hits Henry with the monitor. The second time he hits Henry with the monitor, the referee calls for the bell.

Winner: CM Punk

After the match Punk goes onto the apron and he is about to throw the monitor onto Henry but Chris Jericho’s music plays.

Henry hits Punk from behind while Punk focuses on Jericho. Henry sends Punk into the apron and then back into the ring. Henry with the World’s Strongest Slam while Jericho has two twelve packs. Henry hits a second World’s Strongest Slam.

Mark leaves the ring and Jericho opens the first twelve pack and he is about to pour the beer on Punk but Punk kicks Jericho. Jericho with a Codebreaker. Jericho removes his sparkly jacket and he pours the beer on Punk. Jericho gives Punk another Codebreaker and then Punk lays in the National Bohemian pool on the canvas.

We go to commercial.

We see what happened last week on Smackdown when Sheamus attacked Chad Patton (sorry, thought it was Mike Chioda as I mentioned on the Smackdown post game show)

Match Number Five: Zack Ryder versus Alberto Del Rio with Ricardo Rodriguez

Del Rio with forearms and kicks to Ryder and he gets a near fall. Del Rio with a snap mare and a drop kick to the head for a near fall. Del Rio with kicks to the ribs in the corner and then he tries to smother Ryder in the corner.

Del Rio runs into boots from Ryder and then Ryder sets for the running boot to the head and he waits for Del Rio to get up for the Rough Ryder but Del Rio sends Ryder into the turnbuckles and Del Rio with the float over into the cross arm breaker and Ryder taps out.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

The Three Stooges are walking in the back and they have an idea for what to do.

We go to commercial.

We are back and it is time for the Three Stooges to make their way into the ring. “Larry” and “Moe” make their way to the ring and they wonder where “Curly” is. “Curly” comes out dressed like Hulk Hogan. “Curly” cuts a promo like Hulk Hogan to tell people to watch The Three Stooges.

Kane makes his way to the ring and he wants a piece of one of the stooges. “Larry” and “Moe” head up the ramp but “Curly” does the finger point of doom and Kane with a choke slam . . . BROTHER.

Josh Mathews is in the interview area with Mark Henry and he asks Mark to explain his actions.

Mark says that last week he beat CM Punk by countout. This week, he beat CM Punk by disqualification. Next week, the match will be no disqualification and no count out. That means that you are looking at the next World Heavyweight Champion (even if it is the WWE Championship)

We have another Earlier Tonight Moment of the Brock/Cena confrontation.

Josh Mathews is with Brock Lesnar and he asks Brock if he is proud to be back in WWE. Brock says that he is proud of everything that he does. Eight years ago, he left the company after bringing it to heights it never achieved before. Then he left WWE and went to UFC to become the World Champion. Brock says that he is proud that John Laurinaitis had the wisdom to bring him back and put him on the top. Brock says that Cena could never hold his jockstrap. He proved it in the ring by messing with Cena’s pretty face. He says that he is an ass kicker. He says that the suits and the fans are proud that he is back.

We go back to photos from the End of An Era Hell in a Cell Match and we get comments from some of the wrestlers.

Match Number Six: David Otunga with John Laurinaitis versus John Cena

They lock up and Cena with a waist lock but Otunga with a wrist lock. Cena with an arm drag. They lock up and Otunga with a side head lock and Cena escapes. Otunga with a kick and punch followed by kicks in the corner but the referee pulls Otunga out of the corner.

Cena with punches and kicks followed by an Irish whip but he misses a charge into the corner. Otunga punches Cena and then he drops an elbow to the upper chest. Otunga with a chin lock and he connects with forearms across the chest.

Otunga with a clothesline followed by a punch. Otunga with an Irish whip and clothesline into the corner followed by a flying shoulder tackle. Otunga with a reverse chin lock. Otunga with forearms to the back.

Otunga thinks that he is the second coming of Chris Masters and he poses for the fans because who cares about winning. Cena with punches followed by two flying shoulder tackles, a Blue Thunder Bomb, and the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena with the Attitude Adjustment and then the STF and Otunga taps out.

Winner: John Cena

After the match, Brock Lesnar comes out and he attacks Cena from behind with a low blow. Cena receives another F-5 from Lesnar.

We go to credits.

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