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WWE RAW REPORT: THE CONSPIRACY GOES FROM THE WHITE HOUSE TO THE CONFEDERATE WHITE HOUSE; WE HAVE A FEW MATCHES ANNOUNCED FOR CAPITOL PUNISHMENT; WE HAVE A GUEST GENERAL MANAGER FOR NEXT WEEK'S THREE HOUR RAW . . . AND MAKE SURE THERE IS A LOT OF BEER; PUNK/MYSTERIO; BOOKER IN ACTION

By Richard Trionfo on 2011-06-06 23:04:47
We are live from Richmond, Virginia and your announcers are Michael ‘Those are not me in those photos’ Cole and Jerry ‘Are you Tough Enough to be King’ Lawler.

We have Vince and Steve Austin in the ring from the end of Tough Enough and they are interrupted by R Truth as he sings When Little Jimmy Come Marching Home.

Truth is in full Confederate garb as he joins Steve and Vince in the ring.

Truth says that he was told by the Raw general manager that he had to apologize for what he did to get his title match.

Vince suggests that we see why Truth has to apologize and we see the Soda toss heard round the Jimmy World.

Truth thanks Vince for reminding him and everyone else. Truth says that he would like to say that he is sorry. He says that he is a good R Truth. He says that he is sorry to big Jimmy, little Jimmy, and the soda that he wasted on the Jimmys because it was refreshing.

Austin says that Truth should be sorry that he is dressed like a jackass.

Truth says that he knows where he is and he mentions that they are in Richmond, Virginia, the capital of the Confederacy. This is where Jefferson Davis, Robert E. Lee, and a bunch of rednecks formed the Confederate States of America.

Austin wants to know what stuff 150 years ago means today.

Truth says that nothing good came out of the South. The only good idea they had was secession. The Confederacy seceded from the United States. Tonight, R Truth is seceding from the WWE Universe. Truth says that he is keeping the title match, but he is giving up everything else. Truth says no action figures, t shirts, video games, or nothing of him. He talks about a company wide conspiracy and he asks Vince McMahon.

Vince asks R how he spells his name and wonders if he should have been a pirate instead of a pirate. Vince suggests that R stop by during his office hours between 9:00 AM and Midnight to discuss things. Vince says that R can get answers from someone else.

Truth starts to spell conspiracy, but he gets stopped after the c-o-n.

Miz’s music plays and he comes out and gives a series of reallys as he walks to the ring. Miz tells Truth that he has the Chairman in the ring and he wants to bring up the made up conspiracies. Miz says that if it wasn’t for his idiotic and insubordinate protégé Alex Riley, he would still be champion.

Miz says that he is still the most must see champion in WWE history. Miz says that he deserves one last championship match.

Alex Riley’s music plays and he comes out. Riley tells Miz that the only thing he deserves is a third straight week of beat downs.

John Cena makes his way to the ring and he tells everyone to hold on. Cena says that a lot has happened. We get a recap from Cena and he tells Miz that not only did he lose, but Miz said ‘I Quit’. Cena says that Miz will not get a rematch so he tells Miz to get over himself.

Cena tells Riley that he doesn’t like him or trust him, but Riley has shown Cena that he has a set after punching Miz over the last few weeks.

Cena turns to Truth and he says that when he drinks it all in and he sees the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. He tells Truth to take off the ridiculous outfit because he has his title match at Capitol Punishment.

The Raw General Manager makes an appearance and Cole goes to the computer but Vince tells Cole to SHUT UP. Vince suggests that since this is a special Raw. R Truth and Miz will face Alex Riley and John in the main event.

Vince says the guest referee is Steve Austin and Austin finishes his beer.

We go to commercial.

Match Number One: Santino Marella with Vladimir Kozlvo versus Michael McGillicutty with David Otunga

They have some words before they lock up and Michael tells Santino that he is the champ. Santino raises his arm and yells. Santino with punches and then he sends Michael into the turnbuckles. Santino with an atomic drop and then he clotheslines Michael over the top rope and Santino channels Warrior by shaking the ropes.

Michael tries for a kick but Santino blocks it and he punches Michael. Michael with a knee to the midsection followed by a kick and he sends Santino into the turnbuckles. Santino floats over Michael and Santino gets the cobra ready and Michael backs into the corner. Santino with jabs and a hip lock take down followed by an arm drag and drop kick. Michael responds with his own drop kick and Michael gets a near fall.

Michael punches Santino in the corner and then he kicks Santino. Michael gets a near fall. Santino and Michael exchange near falls and Michael with a reverse chin lock. Michael punches Santino and he Irish whips Santino but Santino avoids a splash into the corner. Santino with punches and then he does a split followed by a hip toss and then he hits the diving head butt. Santino wants to use the Cobra but Otunga pulls Michael out of the ring. Kozlov takes Otunga down with a shoulder tackle.

Santino gets dropped on the ropes. Santino avoids the running neck breaker and Santino hits the Cobra for the three count.

Winner: Santino Marella

We see a statue of R Truth in front of the building after we see highlights of Andy winning Tough Enough. Lawler and Cole talk about the main event.

We are back with the Slam of the Week: Kharma’s promo from last week that was interrupted by the Bellas.

Match Number Two: Kelly Kelly and Beth Phoenix versus The Bella Twins

Kelly and Nikki start things off and Nikki works on the arm. Kelly uses the ropes to get out of the hold and then she hits a rana and gets a near fall. Nikki with a hot shot to Kelly and then she kicks Kelly. Brie tags in after Nikki connects with a forearm.

They send Kelly into the corner and then Nikki tags back in and they send Kelly into the corner again and they choke her. Brie tags in and she kicks Kelly. Brie gets a near fall. Brie stretches Kelly. Kelly with an arm drag and Kelly tags in Beth.

Beth with a clothesline followed by an elbow and atomic drop. Beth with a slingshot suplex on Brie for a near fall and Nikki breaks up the cover. Kelly with a bulldog to Nikki and Beth hits the Glam Slam on Brie for the three count.

Winners: Beth Phoenix and Kelly Kelly

We go to commercial.

We are back and Booker T and Trish talk about what Booker is working on. He says that he has a secret move. He calls it the Trisharoonie. Booker takes off his jacket and tells Trish to get down to one knee.

Jack Swagger interrupts and he says that if he was a Tough Enough Trainer everyone would be a winner. Swagger suggests that Booker get in the ring with an All American American American if he still has it.

Booker wants to make sure he heard that. He accepts the challenge. Booker says that Jack will not be doing a victory lap, but he will have to answer a question . . . can you dig it?

CM Punk comes out and he is joined by Mason ‘Almostista’ Ryan. Punk points out that he beat Rey Mysterio last week and that puts the total at more than 600 wins without Rey getting a win. Rey continues to moan and demand a rematch. Punk says that he is giving Rey another match. Punk says that he is going to win again, not for his own ego, but because the power of the New Nexus is unending. Punk wants everyone to join him to see the dismantling of Rey Mysterio.

We go to commercial.

We are back with the WWE Rewind: CM Punk defeating Rey Mysterio for the 600th time last week.

Match Number Three: CM Punk with Mason ‘Almostista’ Ryan versus Rey Mysterio

They lock up and Punk misses a kick instead of giving a clean break. They lock up again and Punk with a side head lock and he taps Rey on the top of the head. Rey with a hammer lock and Punk is taken down to a knee. Punk with a reversal and he returns to the side head lock and he takes Rey down. Punk works on the ankle. Rey with a sunset flip for a near fall. Punk with a shoulder tackle for a near fall.

Rey propels Punk to the floor and Rey with a head scissors on the floor. Ryan distracts Rey for a moment and that allows Punk to recover a bit but Punk is sent back into the ring. Rey with a slingshot leg drop for a near fall. Rey with an arm bar but Punk with forearms. Punk with a kick and back kick followed by a running knee to Rey. Punk with an Irish whip and Rey tries for a float over but Punk catches him. Rey stops Punk but Punk with a kick that sends Rey into the tree of woe. Punk with a running knee for a near fall.

Punk with a waist lock on Rey but Rey gets back to his feet. Rey with elbows to get out of the hold but Punk with a belly-to-back suplex for a near fall. Punk with a body scissors on Rey and he adds a chin lock. Rey fights out of the hold but Punk with a kick and he throws Rey into the ring post. Punk gets a near fall on Rey.

Rey with punches and kicks followed by forearms but Punk drops Rey on the top rope. Punk tries for a superplex but Rey stops him and Rey knocks Punk off the turnbuckles. Rey with a diving head butt and both men are down.

Rey with a kick to Punk followed by a springboard cross body for a near fall. Rey with a head scissors take down but Punk with a power slam for a near fall. Punk sends Rey into the corner and Punk sets for a running knee but Rey with a kick. Punk tries for a belly-to-back suplex. Rey sends Punk into the ropes. Ryan gets on the apron to stop Rey. Rey with a tornado DDT to take care of Ryan and Punk. Rey with a splash for the three count.

Winner: Rey Mysterio

It is time to talk about Capitol Punishment. Who wants a nightmare scenario? This time R Truth has some questions for Obama and Little Jimmy.

Alex Riley and John Cena in the back and they are having some trouble getting on the same page.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Raw is three hours next week for WWE All Star Night.

Alberto Del Rio makes his way into the arena in his car and he walks to the ring to talk to the fans. He tells us who he is, but we already know that.

Alberto says that there are words in America to describe what he has been hearing and that is slander. The WWE Universe is saying that he is a hit and run coward. Alberto tells everyone that it was an accident and we have the video tape to prove it.

Alberto says that it was an accident. That is why he wants the Big Show to come out right now so he can apologize. Alberto knows that Show is afraid of him and he points out that he will not run over Show with his car because it is all the way back there in the arena.

Big Show’s music plays and something resembling Big Show comes to the ring on crutches.

Alberto tells ‘Show’ that he is glad that he showed up because he wanted to apologize to him. He says that it was an accident and he asks ‘Show’ if the crutches are too much.

Alberto says that he knows that this is the way for ‘Show’ to avoid paying for the damage. ‘Show’ continues to try to say something but we cannot understand what he is saying.

Alberto asks ‘Show’ if he will drop the charges if he gives him a lot of food.

Alberto says that ‘Show’ got what he deserved because bad things happen to bad people. Alberto tells ‘Show’ to go home, lick his wounds, and never ever disrespect him again. Alberto tells Show not to make him his enemy because he will get hurt. Alberto says that is not a threat, it is a promise. Alberto reminds us that bad things happen to bad people. Alberto winks.

Ricardo announces Del Rio’s name a few times.

We have a Kofi Kingston video package.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero join Cole and Lawler at the announce table. We see highlights from last week’s match with Kofi Kingston.

Match Number Four: Kofi Kingston versus Zack Ryder

They lock up and Zack with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Zack with a woo woo woo. Kofi with a leaping back elbow followed by a drop kick and Zack wants to know if Kofi is serious. Kofi with a forearm and Irish whip. Kofi misses his leap into the corner when Zack moves. Zack with a neck breaker for a near fall. Zack punches Kofi in the corner and then he hits the running boot to the head.

Zack gets a near fall. Zack with a reverse chin lock. Ryder misses a splash into the corner and Kofi with chops and a drop kick. Kofi with a Superman punch followed by the Boom drop. Kofi sets for Trouble in Paradise but Zack retreats into the ropes. Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise for the three count.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

Miz and R Truth meet in the back and they talk strategy.

Booker T is walking in the back as he gets ready for his match with Jack Swagger.

We are back and Did You Know that there are a lot of members of the Cena Nation.

It is time to see that Alex Riley will face The Miz at Capitol Punishment.

We see what Evan Bourne did to Jack Swagger last week on Raw.

Match Number Five: Booker T versus Jack Swagger

They lock up and Booker with a hammer lock but Swagger with an elbow and punches to Booker. Swagger with kicks to Booker but Booker with a back heel kick and chops. Booker misses a side heel kick and Swagger with a clothesline that sends Booker over the top rope to the floor.

Swagger runs Booker’s back into the ringside barrier and then they return to the ring and Swagger gets a near fall. Swagger with an elbow drop and leg drop. Swagger with a key lock on Booker. Swagger with punches in the corner followed by an Irish whip but Booker with an elbow and a heel kick. Booker chops and punches Swagger in the corner while the referee starts his count.

Booker with a knee and then he sets for the scissors kick but Swagger moves. Booker with a heel kick and Swagger goes to the floor. Swagger walks away and he gets counted out.

Winner: Booker T by count out

After the match, Evan Bourne attacks Swagger from behind. They go into the ring and Booker with a kick and then he hits a scissors kick. Bourne with a shooting star press on Swagger and now it is time for the Spin-a-roonie and a Bourne-a-roonie.

Steve Austin is walking in the back as we go to commercial. I smell a main event coming up.

Match Number Six: Miz and R Truth versus John Cena and Alex Riley with Special Guest Referee Steve Austin

Cena and Miz start things off and they lock up and Miz with a side head lock take down. Cena with a wrist lock and Riley tags in. Truth is tagged in and Miz goes to the floor. They lock up and Truth with a side head lock into a hammer lock. Riley with a reversal and side head lock. Truth with a split and hip toss for a near fall. Truth with a side head lock take down. Truth with a shoulder tackle but Riley with a hip toss.

Riley gets a near fall. Cena tags in and Truth makes the tag to Miz. Cena punches Miz and hits an Irish whip followed by a bulldog. Riley tags in and Miz runs out of the ring and Truth with a clothesline to Riley as we go to commercial.

We are back and Miz with a reverse chin lock on Riley. Riley gets to his feet and he punches Miz to get away. Riley gets backed into the corner and he tries to fight out but Miz with a DDT for a near fall. Miz keeps Riley from making the tag and he kicks his former protégé. Austin pulls Miz forcibly out of the corner and Miz argues with Austin. Miz tries for a shoulder into the corner but Riley moves and Miz goes into the post. Truth makes the tag and he keeps Riley from getting to Cena. Truth with a snap mare with a knee to the back.

Truth with a reverse chin lock on Riley and Austin has something to say to Truth. Truth punches Riley and Austin pulls him out of the corner. Truth with a running boot to Riley. Truth goes to the turnbuckles and he connects with Riley’s boots and Truth goes down.

Cena makes the tag and so does Miz. Cena with two flying shoulder tackles followed by a Blue Thunder Bomb. Miz with the Five Knuckle Shuffle and then it is time for the Attitude Adjustment but Truth punches Cena but Cena sends Truth over the top rope to the floor. Cena puts Miz in the STF and Miz gets to the ropes.

Truth has a chair and Cena moves. Cena with a drop kick to Truth. Miz and Cena with clotheslines and both men go down. Riley has the briefcase and he stands over Cena and he hits Miz instead. Austin does not disqualify him. Austin with a Stunner followed by an Attitude Adjustment from Cena for the three count.

Winners: John Cena and Alex Riley with an assist from Steve Austin

We have a beer bash, but it is interrupted by the Raw General Manager who chimes in.

The referee has blatantly overstepped his bounds so Riley and Cena have been disqualified. The winners are the Miz and R Truth.

We get another and I quote to tell Austin that he is the guest general manager for next week

Austin says that now the official BS is out of the way, Austin knocks over the computer and then he wants to know if the people want him to be the general manager next week and he asks for a Hell Yeah. Austin punches Cole and he brings him into the ring and it is time for Cole to take a beer shower. Austin gives Cole a Stunner and then Cena gives Cole an Attitude Adjustment.

Steve Austin has a handful of beers in his hands but he throws them to John Cena to join him in the celebration.

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