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By Richard Trionfo on 2011-01-31 23:05:00
We are live from Providence, Rhode Island and your announcers are Jerry ‘When do I get to point at the Wrestlemania Sign’ Lawler and Michael Tingle Time’ Cole.

We start off with the man who made the Royal Rumble so much fun at the end of the match, Ricardo Rodriguez. Ricardo introduces the man who outlasted thirty-eight other men and a superhero, Alberto Del Rio. Ricardo is followed to the ring by a mariachi band.

Alberto tells the band to stop so he can address the people of Providence. Alberto reminds us who he is, but we already knew that. Alberto says that the people never listen. He says that he told everyone it was his destiny to win the Royal Rumble, but they did not listen. Ricardo tells them that they never listen and he told them. Alberto says that tonight we are going to celebrate him. He says that he is going to headline Wrestlemania as he points at the sign.

Even though the people do not deserve it, he hired the best mariachi in Mexico. They only play for the Mexican President and him. He says that this is not Justin Bieber music, it is real music.

Alberto has something important to tell everyone. He can choose his opponent for Wrestlemania and he has made his decision. Alberto says that he will make his decision right now. Alberto says that the championship he will wrestle for is the . . .

It is time to be Awesome, but we still have to hear Michael Cole gush over the most electrifying man crush in sports entertainment. Miz comes to the ring.

Miz congratulates Alberto for winning the biggest Royal Rumble in history. It is almost as important as winning Money in the Bank, cashing it in, and beating Randy Orton three times to retain his title. Miz tells Alberto that he hopes he faces him at Mania because he knows that he will be champion.

Miz says that Edge will lose his title at the Elimination Chamber. Miz says that Edge was celebrating last night and he was telling everyone that he would beat Alberto at Wrestlemania. He says that Edge said that Alberto’s cars were rentals. Miz says that you can ask Alex. Alex says that he heard Edge say that he has no respect for a second rate JBL and Tito Santana knock off.

Alberto says that he knows Miz and he says that it is a ploy to make Alberto choose Edge instead of him. Alberto wants to know if Miz is lying to him. Miz responds with a few ‘reallys’. Miz says that Edge is afraid of Alberto because of what Alberto did to Edge’s buddy, Edge. Miz says that he wanted to tell Alberto the truth.

Edge’s music plays and he comes out to the ring. Edge tells Alberto that Miz is right. He says that he does not like Alberto and he does not respect him. Edge says that he would never say those things behind Alberto’s back, he would tell it to Alberto to his face. Edge says that he will be champion at Wrestlemania and he will beat Alberto. Edge says that he is the rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrated rrrrrrrrrrrrrr superstar, but we already knew that.

Alberto says that it is his destiny to be the greatest of the great and at Wrestlemania he will be the new . . . World Heavyweight Champion.

Edge congratulates Alberto and he punches Alberto.

The band, Miz, and Riley leave the ring. Alberto kicks Edge and then he goes el kabong on Edge and then puts Edge in a cross arm breaker.

Alberto picks up the World Title belt and then he leaves the ring.

We go to commercial.

We are back and we have a moments ago moment of Alberto Del Rio’s announcement.

It is time for the first buzzkill of the night as the Raw General Manager’s only friend stands up for something other than WWE or Miz and he climbs Mount Mac. He quotes that there will be a Raw Rumble match tonight. There will be seven superstars in the match. The winner will face the WWE Champion at the Elimination Chamber. The other six will be in the Elimination Chamber match. The participants are: Randy Orton, CM Punk, John Morrison, R Truth, Sheamus, Jerry Lawler, and John Cena.

Match Number One: Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty versus Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov with Tamina for the WWE Tag Titles

Santino and Michael start things off and Santino with a single leg trip into a side head lock. Michael backs Santino into the corner and he punches Santino on the break. The referee pulls Michael out of the corner. Michael misses a splash into the corner and Vladimir is tagged in and he connects with head butt and then runs Michael into the corner and hits a series of shoulders. Michael with a kick to the knee and the head. Harris tags in and he kicks Kozlov and punches him.

Kozlov pushes Harris and then takes Harris to the mat with a waist lock into a front face lock. Santino tags back in and he punches Harris. Santino with punches but when he tries for a cross body he bounces off Harris and goes to the mat. Michael tags in and Michael is Irish whipped into the corner and then Harris with a splash in the corner and Michael gets a near fall.

Michael with a neck breaker for a near fall and then he throws Santino to the floor as we go to commercial.

We are back and Michael with a near fall on Santino. Michael with a front face lock on Santino as he tries to make the tag. Michael with a forearm to the back but Kozlov with a head butt. Kozlov and Harris tags in and he sends Harris into the turnbuckles and then he kicks Harris and hits a head butt to the midsection and gets a near fall. Michael with a drop kick to Kozlov and Santino tags in. Michael charges at Santino but ducks and Michael goes to the floor. Santino with the Cobra for the three count.

Winners: Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov

After the match, Randy Orton comes out and gives Michael McGillicutty an RKO and then he does the same thing to Harris.

Orton stares at the crowd as he moves around the ring waiting for the rest of Nexus to come to the ring and to get the shot of Orton with the Wrestlemania sign behind him. Orton stands over Harris who is face first on the mat after suffering a cobra and RKO within two minutes. Orton backs up and lines up for a field goal of Harris’ head.

Orton hears a voice in his head, along with the entire building as CM Punk tells Orton not to do that. Punk is flanked by David Otunga and Mason ‘Nottista’ Ryan. Punk tells Orton that it is something he shouldn’t do and something Punk would not do. Punk asks if he has to say please. He says that he is not going to beg Randy, but he gives Orton some advice not to do it. Punk says that if he kicks Harris in the skull, there will be serious consequences and repercussions.

Orton thinks about it and consequences be damned because he kicks Harris and it is good from 45.

Punk, Otunga, and Ryan run to the ring, but Orton is able to escape into the crowd.

We go to commercial with Punk and Orton staring each other down from a distance.

We are back with a Moments Ago Moment of Randy Orton’s revenge on Michael McGillicutty and Husky Harris including a field goal kick to Harris’ head.

Ted DiBiase comes to the ring with Maryse and he has something to say to Jerry Lawler. He says that it doesn’t thrill him to say that Jerry’s career is over while his is just getting started. Jerry doesn’t need any more opportunities and he should step aside for the future. Ted tells Jerry to give him his spot in the Raw Rumble.

Jerry gets up but Cole interrupts and he will speak to Ted. Cole asks how disrespectful a man can be. He says that Jerry Lawler is a legend and a Hall of Famer. He says that Lawler is the Scene Stealer. He is not going to let his ego get him out of this match.

Lawler takes the mic and he tells Ted and Michael that he is not giving up his spot to anybody. The Road to Wrestlemania has always been under construction for him. He has been in the WWE for 18 years and he has never competed in a match at Wrestlemania. Jerry says that his Road to Wrestlemania starts in the ring tonight. If it wasn’t for Cole, he would probably be the WWE Champion right now. He says that he knows that he can beat the Miz and he will be in the Raw Rumble and he will win it.

Ted pushes Jerry and then he runs away. Jerry wants to punch Ted but he puts Maryse between them. Maryse looks at Ted and she slaps Ted for making her a human shield. Lawler punches Ted as well.

Cole tells Jerry to behave and then he reminds Jerry that if he touches him, he will be fired. Cole lectures Lawler about how to behave and Lawler really wants to do what everyone wants him to do.

We go to commercial.

We are back with a person walking into a cabin and then we see the date 2/21/11.

Lawler and Cole are joined by The Bellas because the announcing has been great so far.

Match Number Two: Daniel Bryan with Gail Kim versus Tyson Kidd

Bryan works on the arm and then he works on the wrist but Kidd reverses. Bryan escapes and he hits an arm drag. Kidd with a knee and punch followed by forearms and elbows to the head. Kidd with a snap mare and kicks to the back for a near fall. Kidd blocks a hip toss and Kidd with an arm drag. Bryan kicks Kidd to the apron.

Kidd with a dragon screw leg whip and then he tries for a Sharpshooter but Bryan applies the LeBell Lock and Kidd taps.

Winner: Daniel Bryan

After the match, the Bellas go into the ring and they are taken care of by Gail Kim. Referees come to the ring to help separate the ladies.

Edge and Miz are walking in split screen as we go to commercial and Michael Cole wishes that he was Alex Riley so he could be so close to Miz.

We are back with the Slam of the Week: Miz eliminating John Cena even though he isn’t in the match last night.

Match Number Three: Edge versus Miz with Alex ‘Michael Cole’s closest friend’ Riley versus Edge in a Champion versus Champion There Must Be A Winner Match

They lock up and go to a stalemate. They lock up again and Miz with a hammer lock. Edge with a forearm and elbow to the head. Edge with a swinging neck breaker and he gets a near fall. Edge kicks Miz while we go to split screen from the opening segment. Back to the action in the ring and Edge chokes Miz in the ropes. Miz gets pulled to the floor by Alex Riley but Edge pulls Miz back to the apron but Miz drops Edge’s injured arm on the top rope and then he pulls Edge to the floor and Edge is sent shoulder first into the ring steps.

Miz rolls Edge back in and he gets a near fall. Miz with elbows to Edge and then puts Edge in a key lock as he works on the injured arm. Miz with a stunner to the arm and he gets a near fall. Miz slams the injured arm into the mat. Miz distracts the referee and Riley punches Edge and Miz gets a near fall. Miz with an arm bar on Edge’s injured arm. Edge with a spinning heel kick and both men are down. Miz returns to the arm and slams it into the mat again. Miz with a modified Fujiwara arm bar. Edge makes it to the ropes.

Edge rolls to the apron and he connects with a shoulder and slides into the ring and gets a near fall. Miz with a single arm DDT and then he slams the arm into the mat. Miz works on the wrist again. Miz with a kick to Edge but then each man tries for big boots and they both go down.

Edge with a flapjack but he still shows the effects of what Miz has been doing to the arm. Edge with an inverted side slam and then he kicks Miz in the corner. Miz with an Irish whip but Edge with a sunset flip out of the corner and he gets a near fall. Miz with a kick to the head and he gets a near fall.

Edge pulls at his hair and he tries for a spear but Miz sees it coming and he moves out of the way and goes into the turnbuckles.

There is voice from the crowd and it is John Cena and he tells Miz that he can do it.

Miz turns around and Edge hits a spear and gets the three count.

Winner: Edge

After the match, Cole wants to know if Miz is okay while he tells Riley to help Miz. Cole goes over to Miz and then he tells Riley to take care of Cena.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler talk about Steve Austin hosting the new Tough Enough.

Vickie Guerrero comes out and she has something to say Excuse Me about. Vickie says that Edge may have won his match tonight, but his odds of winning on Friday are nearly impossible. Vickie says that she has quite a surprise for Edge. The World Title will be defended in a way that it has never been defended before. Vickie welcomes everyone to watch Smackdown on Friday to witness that occasion.

We see a photo from last night when Michelle McCool also had someone pinned during the Divas Title Match.

We see Michelle and Layla in the back earlier tonight and they talk about they each did their part but Layla points out that Michelle kicked her with her big boot. They both blame the referee and everything is okay.

Match Number Four: Eve Torres and Natalya versus Michelle McCool and Layla

Natalya and Michelle start things off and Natalya with a near fall. Natalya with a side head lock take down but Michelle with a head scissors. Natalya with a back body drop and then Layla tags in. Layla gets into the turtle position when she sees Natalya. Natalya taps Layla on the shoulder and then gets her up for a back breaker. Layla runs to Michelle for protection.

Natalya watches things and then she hits a butterfly suplex on Layla and gets a near fall. Eve tags in and Eve hits a drop kick and then kicks Layla in the hip and midsection. Eve with a standing moonsault for a near fall. Layla with a back heel kick but Eve runs Layla into the corner and puts her on the turnbuckles. The referee deals with Natalya and Michelle kicks Eve in the head. Layla hits Diamond Dust and gets the three count.

Winners: Layla and Michelle McCool

We go to commercial.

Josh ‘What did I do to deserve this assignment’ Mathews replaces Jerry Lawler at the announce table and he says what everyone wants to do to Cole.

The Raw General Manager interrupts the pre match festivities. Cole quotes that since the Usos are in the ring with the Great Khali and The World’s Strongest man, they don’t have a chance. The match is going to be altered. They will compete in a dance off instead.

Dance Contest Number One: Mark Henry and Great Khali with Runjin Singh versus the Usos

The Usos go first and then they are followed by Henry and Khali.

It is time for the vote of the fans, but before we find out, The Usos attack Sexual Curry. Khali with a choke slam and Mark with the World’s Strongest Slam.

Your winners are Sexual Curry.

We have an earlier tonight moment of Randy Orton’s attack on Michael McGillicutty and Husky Harris so after losing to the Cobra, they are attacked by the Viper.

We go to commercial.

We are back and it is still raining outside the cabin as a man in a black trench coat enters. What will happen on 2/21/11?

We are back and it is time for Cole and Mathews talk about Triple H’s new movie The Chaperone and we have a trailer for the day it will be in theaters to be able to be sold at Wal-Mart.

As John Morrison comes to the ring, we take a look at what John Morrison did last night to avoid being eliminated.

We are told that Edge and Kelly Kelly will face Dolph Ziggler and LayCool for the World Title.

Match Number Five: Raw Rumble featuring R Truth, Jerry Lawler, John Cena, Sheamus, John Morrison, Randy Orton, and CM Punk

John Morrison starts things off with Sheamus and they lock up with Sheamus taking Morrison to the mat with a side head lock. Sheamus with a shoulder tackle but Morrison with a drop toe hold and arm drags into an arm bar. Sheamus with a forearm and then he sends Morrison into the turnbuckles and he tries to eliminate Morrison. Morrison kicks Sheamus and punches him. Morrison with more punches but Sheamus punches back. Morrison with more punches and then he mounts the corner. Sheamus pushes Morrison away and hits the uranage back breaker.

Number Three is John Cena. Sheamus waits for Cena and Cena punches Sheamus and hits a bulldog out of the corner. Cena with a suplex and then he gets Morrison up for the Attitude Adjustment but Morrison lands on his feet and hits an enzuigiri. Morrison kicks Sheamus and then he kicks Cena. Morrison tries to eliminate Sheamus but Sheamus stops him and Cena pulls Morrison out of the way to work on Sheamus. Sheamus takes care of Cena and punches Morrison.

Number Four is CM Punk. Punk with a running knee to Cena followed by a bulldog. Punk with a kick to Morrison’s head and then he goes after Sheamus. Punk kicks Morrison and then he goes after Cena. Punk with a leg lariat and then he tries to eliminate Morrison as they rekindle their ECW feud. Sheamus tries to eliminate Cena while Morrison and Punk are in the ropes. They all stay in the match. Cena with a belly-to-belly suplex.

We are waiting for Number Five and it is R Truth. Truth with clotheslines to Cena and then he hits a hip toss followed by a leg lariat. Truth sends Morrison over the top rope but he holds on and skins the cat. Morrison and Truth both skin the cat but Truth has trouble with the ropes. Sheamus waits for Truth to get back into the ring and he goes after Truth. Punk with a DDT to Cena after escaping an Attitude Adjustment. Truth holds on to the ropes while Sheamus tries to eliminate him.

Jerry Lawler is Number Six and he punches everyone. Lawler tries to eliminate Punk but Sheamus makes the save for Punk. Sheamus with a European uppercut and then he tries to eliminate Lawler. Cole seems happy that Lawler is about to be eliminated but Lawler holds on to the bottom rope. Morrison tries to eliminate Truth while Punk kicks Cena.

It is time for the final participant, Randy Orton and CM Punk rolls under the ring. Orton pulls up the ring apron to look for Punk and Orton grabs someone and it is Punk. Orton punches Punk before they enter the ring. Orton with clotheslines to Morrison and Sheamus. Orton clotheslines Punk over the top rope but Truth eliminates Orton. Orton stares at Truth as we go to commercial.

We are back and Morrison and Lawler try to eliminate Truth while Sheamus with an inverted neck breaker on Cena. Truth holds on to the ropes while Cena hits the two flying shoulder tackles and then it is time for the Blue Thunder Bomb and we finish off the Legendary Sequence with the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena sends Truth into the turnbuckles and then he sends Morrison into the corner too and he gets Morrison and Truth up for a super duper Attitude Adjustment and Truth is eliminated. Morrison tries to eliminate Cena from the apron and they are both on the apron as they battle. Cena and Morrison hold on to the ropes and Morrison with a kick to the back. Sheamus tries to eliminate them but he goes to the apron as well. They fight on the apron and Lawler watches from the other side. Sheamus kicks Cena back into the ring. Sheamus with a clothesline to Lawler.

Morrison tries to suplex Sheamus to the floor but Sheamus tries to suplex Morrison back into the ring. Morrison with a shoulder and then he tries to slide in but Sheamus with a knee. Morrison has his feet in the ropes and he stays in the match. Morrison sends Sheamus over the top rope to the apron. Sheamus with a slingshot shoulder tackle to Morrison. Cena with a drop toe hold and then he puts Sheamus in the STF and he taps like it means something. Morrison with the corkscrew split legged moonsault that barely grazes Cena who was on top of Sheamus. Lawler sends Morrison over the top rope but Morrison’s feet did not hit the ground. Morrison with a springboard round kick to Cena. Morrison tries for the springboard round kick but Sheamus catches him. Morrison goes to the apron and Sheamus with the pump kick to eliminate Morrison.

Cena with an Attitude Adjustment to Morrison and then Lawler hits a drop kick on Cena. Cena stands by the ropes and he tries to eliminate Cena. Cena goes to the apron and he tries to eliminate Cena. Sheamus knocks Lawler out of the way. Sheamus punches Cena but he is able to hold on to the ropes. Sheamus punches Cena some more while Lawler watches. Sheamus sends Lawler into Cena and Cena is eliminated.

Sheamus sets for the pump kick but Cena pulls Lawler out of the way and Sheamus goes over the top rope to the floor.

Winner: Jerry Lawler

After the match, Cena raises Lawler’s hand in victory.

We see Miz and Alex Riley watching in the back as he sees his opponent at the Elimination Chamber Pay Per View. Cole says that Miz will have the night off as he continues to insult his broadcast partner.

We go to credits.

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