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EXCERPTS FROM CHARLOTTE FLAIR'S PLAYERS' TRIBUNE ESSAY

Players' Tribune issued the following excerpts from Charlotte Flair's essay today.   You can read the full story here.

On her brother Reid:

"I have this memory…… It’s about 12 years ago. I get a phone call from Reid — he’s back home in North Carolina. He’s having a really hard time, and he’s begging me to come see him. I tell him I will. 

I will, I will!!! I WILL!!!!

I won’t. I never end up coming home. I never end up seeing Reid. Not because I didn’t love him so much … God, I did. And not because I didn’t want so badly to help him get sober … I would have literally done anything to help him fight that battle. The truth is, I didn’t go home to Reid for a reason that’s so specific, and so silly……… a reason that for the rest of my life I’ll always feel guilty about: I was just too busy wrestling, and I was having too much fun. 

Honestly, that’s it. I was just so incredibly focused on FCW at that point, so driven to get better, so excited for this new beginning of mine, and for this new LIFE I had a chance at, that I didn’t want to go back home and….. I don’t even know. Ruin it, somehow?? Break the spell?? So I put it off a little. Then I put it off a little more.

And then I ran out of time. 

Maybe this will sound strange, but in a way it feels harder to talk about Reid’s death now than ever. And I think that’s because I keep getting older, I keep experiencing things, I keep living — and the more I keep doing all of that, the more aware I am of how Reid isn’t doing the same. The more aware I am of how I’m 39, going on 40…….. while he’s 25, and always will be. It’s like he’s Peter Pan, you know? Like he’s more of my baby brother with each passing year.

And there’s a lot of tough emotions for me that come with that — emotions that are impossible for me to separate from what my wrestling career has grown into. But what I think I’ve realized, over time, is that honoring the memory of a loved one isn’t about having the experiences they never got. 

It’s about loving the person they actually were.

And Reid … he was the best, you know? He was my guy. And when I think about who he actually was?? I mean — it’s not even big stuff I think about. It’s just all the little stuff. 

Like, I remember I came home from college for the first time, and I’d gained the “freshman 15” (or more like 40) — and all these people were calling me “Cheeks.” And somehow Reid turned it into a positive thing. He’d be like, “Nah….. You look GREAT, Cheeks.” And then that’s how I felt. Or stuff like, we were all hanging out in a hotel room on the night before the Four Horsemen’s Hall of Fame induction — and Reid was not doing well with his addiction at the time. But even from the darkest places he was in, where he couldn’t find the strength to take care of himself, he would still find the strength to try to take care of me. And I just remember how that whole night, while the rest of the people there were partying and talking about themselves and the Horsemen … the only thing Reid wanted to talk about was: I was dating some guy who “isn’t good enough” for me, who he thought was “bad news.”

That’s who Reid was to me — and that’s how I remember him: as this sweet, funny, fearless guy, who wasn’t afraid of his own shadow. 

As the baby boy who only ever wanted everyone else to be happy. 

As the only person in my life who’s ever known me, fully, and loved me anyway."

On Charlotte Flair vs. Ashley Fliehr:

"Like the concept that I’m not Charlotte Flair.

Charlotte Flair … She’s the QUEEN!!! She’s the villain. She’s supremely confident, and she never gets rattled. She THRIVES on you booing her — thrives on you hating her. She’s blonde, 5’10”, athletic as hell. Wins constantly. A FOURTEEN-TIME world champ. I mean, she showed up to a WrestleMania one year in a robe with freaking peacock feathers on it. Literally who does that??

Oh and one other thing: She’s a bad f***ing bitch.

But I’m not her. 

Not always, anyway. I know that a lot of people want me to be her. I know that sometimes even I want me to be her. But I’m not. When that camera turns off, I’m just Ashley Fliehr. And unlike Charlotte, Ashley is not always supremely confident. And sometimes she does get rattled. 

And she doesn’t win constantly.

Actually….. I lose pretty often. I’ve spent a lot of my life losing. And if I’m being really real — I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling like a loser. I’ve lost at just about everything there is to lose at: I’ve flaked on promises. I’ve cut and run from challenges. I’ve quit on dreams. I’ve had my childhood home foreclosed on. I’ve alienated friends. I’ve disappointed family. I’ve given up on myself. I’ve lost people I love. And yeah, let’s just get it out of the way: I’ve gotten divorced three times.

And I know that none of that makes me unique…. and I know that nothing in a million years will make me “normal,” or relatable, or sympathetic.

But I’m still human.

And I think in those times when people have seen me appear rattled by the booing, those are just the times when I’ve felt like — at least for a moment — the boos aren’t for Charlotte. They’re for Ashley. They’re for me. They’re because of the way I look. Or because of the energy I’m giving off as a woman. Or because of real trauma I’ve gone through in real life. So when it got mentioned that I have an “0-3 record at marriages” in Chicago … yeah, it rocked me legit. I’m not too proud to tell you that. I don’t need everyone thinking I’m playing 5-D chess all of the time. My reaction to that line was as genuine as it gets. Because — and maybe this makes me naive — in my head?? Charlotte hasn’t been divorced. So I wasn’t expecting it to come up in that promo….. and then all of a sudden I had an entire arena cheering as I got mocked for something that was (and frankly still is) devastating to me. 

Which isn’t the end of the world. I moved past it — I always do. But when I reflect on my time in WWE … honestly, that stuff hits me harder than any bump I’ve taken. Like, it’s tough enough to play a queen on your BEST day, you know??? On your worst day, it’s even tougher. And on those days when you’re feeling insecure, or anxious, or ugly, or weak, or — yes — heartbroken?

It’s almost impossible."

On age:

"Honestly, this is more vulnerable than I usually am — but I’m going to tell you a secret.

I’m old.

Not really, of course. I’m 39. But as a female wrestler who’s pushing 40, I promise you: there are people in this industry who already consider me old. Nevermind that I’m literally younger than Cody, who is considered the face of the company, and Roman, who is probably our biggest star. Nevermind that CM Punk, who I’m seven years younger than, main-evented Night 1 of Mania … and John Cena, who I’m nine years younger than, main-evented Night 2. Nevermind that we live in an era when athletes are extending their primes for longer than ever. For men — and I say this with so much respect for the guys (legends!!!) I just mentioned — there’s no such thing as “aging out.” For WOMEN, though?? The rules are just different. For women, as depressing as it sounds, I think a lot of people still only know ONE way to value them: as young and disposable.

And I think you see that in the women’s stories that are allowed to be told.

So when I say “I’m just now getting good”...... I guess part of it is bittersweet. Because I think the next big step for female wrestlers — it isn’t the same amount of TV segments, or main events, or titles or money or opportunities as men. The next big step is the same amount of years as men. It’s women getting to be Cody, or Roman, or Seth, or Randy, or Punk, or Cena, or AJ, or Rey: guys who get to work through their 40s, hopefully even their 50s, and it does not matter. They’re killing it. No one cares about it — no one even talks about it. It just is.

And that’s what I really want, you know??? More than anything.

I want to PLAY out my career … not AGE out of it.

I want the story when I’m going for my last world title to be “the grizzled vet, chasing one more” … not “she’s old and she’s obsessed.”

I want to be able to say, as a woman, that I want more —

And what I want more of.

I want more time."

On injuries and hitting her rock bottom:

"In December of 2023, I tore my knee.

I remember being back in the locker room after it happened — just totally f***ing shattered. I think I was in shock at first, but once the shock wore off I started having a full-on panic attack. I just kept thinking about all these ways that my life had maybe changed, forever, because of one bad landing on a backflip. And as hard as I tried to not be overwhelmed by that, I couldn’t find the strength to be anything else. It was an out-of-body experience. Like I was watching the s***y part of a sports documentary happen to me in real time.

Everyone was so supportive, which I absolutely don’t take for granted. The women in the locker room all came over to me instantly and put their arms around me. Randy, who I’ve known since I was a kid, showed up for me in a big way. And Hunter gave me the pep talk you hope your boss will give you after you feel like you’ve failed at your job. But truthfully … none of it helped. It just felt so unfair, you know? Like I’d worked my ass off, for so long, just to get to this exact moment — where it felt like everything for once might be snapping into place.

And then it turned out, instead everything was coming apart.

In February, I started my fertility journey. That’s a complicated topic…… and honestly it’s a topic that society doesn’t make very easy to talk about. But I want to be open about it here, as much as I can, because it’s not something I’m ashamed of. I’m not ashamed to say that I feel the pressure of being a female athlete who has 1. a biological clock (one I’m constantly reminded of), and 2. a “happy ending” in mind that involves love, and marriage, and a family of my own. I’m also not ashamed to say I went through four rounds (five tries) of fertility last year, with no luck. And I’m not ashamed to say that that process gutted me, and spiritually exhausted me. 

I think my rock bottom moment was probably sometime last summer, when I was flying around the country for second opinions (Chicago, San Francisco, New York, I went everywhere). Around this same time, I developed tendinitis in my knee from going too hard in my rehab, which of course set my rehab back more. And then also around this same time, I went from trying to save my marriage to facing the fact that I was getting a third divorce. And it’s like each thing just fed into the other. Like: I couldn’t do jumping exercises because of my fertility … but those are exactly the exercises I needed to rehab my knee. Or: It felt like the stress from my fertility had harmed my marriage … but then it felt like the stress from my divorce was now harming my fertility. It was like for an entire year, I just couldn’t win. I was trying so damn hard, at all these things — but it’s like the harder I tried, the worse everything got.

And I’m sure some people will read this and have jokes about it and that’s fine. I know how some people see me — and I know how mean they can be about what they think they know about my life. But I’m not writing this for those people….. this isn’t for my haters. Honestly, this isn’t even for my fans.

This is for myself. 

This is for the version of me that’s spent so much of my personal life needing to be liked, and so much of my romantic life wanting to be loved, and so much of my professional life trying to be hated…... that I think I’ve lost my own compass sometimes in the middle of all of that. So I guess I’m working on finding it again. And I think putting this out there — owning what’s happened to me — is a pretty good start.

Thank you Cena, as they say."

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