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GCW - Joey Janela’s Spring Break: Clusterf*** Forever 2025
4/20/25 - Las Vegas, NV
The last big indie show of the weekend. I’m loaded up on coffee. Let’s see how my typing words do. In what seems is tradition, the post-Mania late show is starting about 30 minutes late. I anticipate madness. The true sickos are in the Pearl at the Palms right now. We have two matches for this final show but that second match is going to take a WHILE. Lol.
Steel Cage Scramble: Gringo Loco vs Mike D Vecchio vs Facade vs Cyclope vs Marcus Mathers vs Ninja Mack vs Jimmy Lloyd vs Man Like Dereiss vs Sydney Akeem
It’s not just a steel cage. There’s allllll sorts of f***ery around this thing. I see doors and chairs and boards and diving platforms and spiderweb of barbed wire (that may be the same one Sabu ate the other night). Also, holy s*** I was wondering when Facade would pop up on a show I was watching. NOW it’s a Collective show. Just the array of people in this match means it’s gonna be a MIX of violent styles for this preamble to the Clusterf***. This is going to be a TIGHT squeeze for a 9-person match unless half the crowd just dives over the cage wall at the bell. Akeem poses on one of those cage top platforms and dives right onto everyone. Let’s goooo. Ninja Mack hangs over the cage wall with a kendo stick, setting up a train wreck of a tower of doom off the cage. Cyclope and Dereiss trade destroyers. Nah f*** it, everyone’s doing destroyers. I think Lloyd just hit a Paulverizer. Lol. Dereiss superplexes Vecchio off the top of the cage! Facade off the cage and he doesn’t need one of those basic platforms for non-ninjas. Everyone seems to be picking someone else for a game of “I can do that better”, as we get battles over chair shots, flips, cutters, 450’s and so on. Vecchio with a shooting star off the cage into everyone. Who just entered the cage? We have a 10th person? They are cleaning house…it’s Meido Extremo and he goes right at Cyclope! He tosses his former partner off the cage, through the barbed wire structure outside the cage! They get Meido Extremo out of there. He did what he came to do. Back in the cage, Vecchio is sabu’ing everyone. Cyclope is being helped out of the room after they extract him from the barbed wire. Vecchio going off the cage again? Gringo Loco cuts this off! He makes a door double stack and hits a stout bomb on Vecchio off the cage, making the cover and getting the win!
The Clusterf***
By now, you know the drill. It’s a ridiculously long royal rumble with an unknown number of competitors and eliminations by pinball, submissions, getting thrown over the top rope, leaving the building, or DEATH. It takes a real hot second to get the cage down. In retrospect, maybe the scramble didn’t need to be in a cage. Ha. No really, it’s late. Let’s get this f***ery moving. We watch GCW highlight reel after highlight reel with no updates on what’s going on but at 3:20am EST, we finally look to be starting? Vega Scott, Dave Prozac & Jordan Cassel are on commentary!
Entrant #1 The Up Up Girls
F*** it, let’s start with a whole J-Pop trio. They sing and dance until we hear a loud “SHUT THE F*** UP!”
Entrant #2 Kerry Morton
Morton introduces himself loudly and profanely and promises to show the Up Up Girls what a real American man is like. He forces Emil Jay to introduce him again as “Mr. GCW”. The Up Up Girls quickly take charge of Morton, knocking him cold with a pillow shot and tossing him over the top for the elimination. He is completely unhinged with shock while the song continues…until they are interrupted again.
Entrant #3 B3CCA
B3CCA’s music hits and she sings her own way to the ring as the Girls watch on. On B33ca. On God. B3cca finally makes it in to the ring. She wants to join the Up Up Girls in their song. It’s cute. And then she gut kicks them. It’s still a three on one advantage and it’s going poorly for B3cca.
Entrant #4 Zayda Steel
B3CCA gets giant swung! Steel shoves the UUG’s away from her friend B3CCA. Again, the
Entrant #5 Brad Baylor, Ricky Smokes & Jackson Drake
While they watch Swipe Right making their entrance, B3CCA and Jayda dump the UUG’s out of the ring! B3CCA’s not IN Swipe Right….but Ricky is clearly conducting an audition of sorts? Nah. Zayda hits B3CCA with an Unprettier and gets the three count.
Entrant #6 Stephen Crow
Crow is looking at a 4-on-1. The numbers disadvantage is strong. And Jackson Drake f5’s him out of the ring. Ow.
Entrant #7 NBM & His Friend
NBM go for a smooch on Steel but they end up kissing each each before Swipe Right sends them flying over the top.
Entrant #8 The Warlord
WARLORD IS HERE! Drake just tells him to leave. Warlord hits a double clothesline on Smokes and Drake. I think Baylor eliminated himself?!? Swipe Right is GONE! Jayda runs for cover.
Entrant #9 Shreddy
They size each other up and go into a test of strength. Where is Jayda!
Entrant #10 Tombstone Jesus.
As we look at Tombstone Jesus, Shreddy is quickly tossed out. Jesus and Warlord struggle with each other but Jayda runs in and helps send Warlord over the top! She baits Jesus with a slap and he charges….right over the top! Steel is alone in the ring!
Entrant #11 Human Tornado
Tornado is in a good mood and dancing but Steel cracks him across the face. Tornado backhands her down! Dozens of dance-laden boots to the head until the next entrant arrives!
Entrant #12 Spider Nate Webb
This is going to take a while since we have to hear the entirety of Teenage Dirtbag before we get any action. Webb’s arm is in a sling so maybe this delay is good for him. Tornado keeps dancing and stomping Jayda to the song. The crowd loves this. BUT THE SONG IS CUTOFF BECAUSE
Entrant #13 YOSHIHIKO
I love that Yoshihiko uses the Ministry Undertaker theme. It pops me. Human Tornado is ready for this fight and stops stomping the hel out of Zayda. Yoshihiko with a crossbody into the ring and almost gets the three! Tornado with a suplex style cutter. Yoshihiko is prone for some dancing stomps….
Entrant #14 Santana & Blanket Jackson
Zayda attacking Yoshihiko from the outside while Santana and Blanket get to the ring. Also Nate Webb finally made it in. Webb is happy to have a dance off. Jackson obliges. Tornado doesn’t want to dance now? Nate Webb charges and is sent over the top. Tornado drops Santana as he gets back to his feet….but Jackson quickly turns it around and sends Human Tornado flying out! Jackson gives Yoshihiko a wide berth.
Entrant #15 Snitsky
SOMEONE SAVE BLANKET!!!! Santana Jackson doesn’t seem to realize what’s about to happen to his infant child. The crowd is chanting “kick the baby”. Jackson eats a chokeslam. Snitsky grabs Jackson’s hat and glasses and does some Michael poses before sending Jackson flying over the top. Snitsky spies Blanket….and opts to attack Yoshihiko…..and throws her over the top and into the crowd. Zayda Steel considers this…and decides against it. Snitsky grabs Blanket Jackson and boots the baby into the crowd while Santana pleads for him to stop….and then Snitsky leaves the building, eliminating himself and leaving Zayda alone again.
Entrant #16 Tara Zep
Steel goes right on the attack but Zep hits a high crossbody and sends Zayda back to the “safety” of the outside. Zeppelin follows her and tries to turn this into ultra violence but Stell runs back in, catches Tara with an Unprettier and gets a three count.
Entrant #17 Kidd Bandit
Zayda faces off with Bandit but gets her head kicked into unconsciousness and Bandit gets the quick three!
Entrant #18 Unagi Sayaka
Bandit is dialed in on Unagi but eats an x-factor and legdrop.
Entrant #19 Jai Vidal
Jai isn’t making friends tonight and takes it right to Bandit and Unagi. Big dropkick to Kidd’s face as Sayaka rolls to the floor.
Entrant #20 Ashley Vox
Vox with tornado DDT all around!
Entrant #21 Vipress
Vipers goes right for Vox. Bandit tries to intercept but just gets pummeled
Entrant #22 Viva Vann
Misdirections and Vipers eats a spinning head kick
Entrant #23 Sonny Kiss
Rolling forearm to Vann! Vann avoids elimination to blast Kiss with a rolling kick
Entrant #24 Parrow
There’s a lot of people in this ring and Parrow is a house cleaner. Kidd Bandit stays in safety on the floor while the other six try to handle this. Vipers slaps Parrow and is sent over the top. Vann tries and gets shoved to the floor. Kiss sent flying. Unagi landing forearms but Parrow feels nothing as he gently deposits Unagi on the apron and she gladly steps down to the floor. Jai Vidal steps up and….bye. Parrow scores another elimination. Ashley Vox steps up and Parrow picks her up a la Dirty Dancing…and tosses Vox to the floor. This was a bloodbath. I think Kidd Bandit is all that’s left for Parrow to murder.
Entrant #25 Bhodi Young Prodigy
This kid is 17. He’s lean. He’s confident. Parrow smashes him. Bhodi getting rag dolled and sent over the top easily.
Entrant #26 Channing Decker
Decker attacks the pile of eliminated wrestlers?!?! Sure why not! Parrow thought that was a little much. Decker tries to go toe to toe with the monster….big faraway slam into the buckles. And Decker is sent flying over the top.
Entrant #27 Sonico
Sonico sabu’s Parrow with a chair! Parrow eats it, takes the chair and smashes it across Sonia’s back. Sonico sent flying out!
Entrant #28 Ravenous Randy Myers
Randy is SO PALE unless that green Tim Burton-esque outfit. He purple purples Parrow. Parrow hates it. He hits a Rikishi driver and immediately eliminates Myers
Entrant #29 CPA
CPA marks the 35th human in the Clusterf*** as we are close to an hour in. CPA with a drop toe hold, he rips off one of his shirts and hits the 1099! Parrow rips off the clip on! CPA goes for a slam…but Parrow is huge. Parrow with an eye poke and CPA just sits and cries.
Entrant #30 Dustin Thomas
Dustin does not have legs and is ready to make another memorable impact in this year’s event! CPA is back up. Kidd Bandit is back in with a beverage. CPA rips off another shirt and slams Parrow! Thomas with a slingshot splash on Parrow! Bandit with a spinning kick and Parrow is muscled over the top. Parrow is out!
Entrant #31 Sleepy Ed
Ed brings out a whole bed to the stage! He gets in bed and falls asleep. Emil Jay introduces him in a whisper. The whole room goes quiet while we wait for the next entrant.
Entrant #32 Jeffery John
The Babushka Baron ignores the sleeping sleepy ed and heads to the fight. Flying cutter to CPA! Bandit stands off with John but Kidd Bandit drank a bunch while they were gone and falls over instead.
Entrant #33 Rhys Maddox
Rhys goes right for Jeffery John….but he’s wondering why everyone is staying silent.
Entrant #34 Juventud Gurrera, Super Crazy & Microman
The Mexicools are here! Microman is out here with a bubble lawnmower! Sleepy Ed is still asleep! CPA and Rhys thrown into each other! Rhys planted with a michanoku driver for the three! Juvie with a head scissor on Jeffery. Super Crazy with a rollup on CPA for three! Another driver for John and Juvie picks up another three! Microman goes…toe to toe with Dustin Thomas. Dropkick from last year’s winner….619! Dustin with a drop toe hold!
Entrant #35 Too Tough Tony, The Backseat Boys, Dani Mo, Mickie Knuckles, The Brothers of Funstruction
This is Team Juggalo Championship Wrestling! They party around the ring for a moment before everyone slides in for the fight! Super Crazy sent out first. Juvie fights of the Backseat Boys but a high speed dropkick sends him to the floor. Kidd Bandit is wrangled back to her feet. Dustin Thomas to the top into the Brothers of Funstruction….but is caught and sent to the floor. Microman is down and hiding in plain sight in the corner. Drunken Kidd Bandit is picked up and dumped to the floor. Mircroman is left alone! JCW kicks him down. Microman throwing fists at Too Tough Tony’s head. Tony shakes the ropes and Microman falls off the ropes to the floor. Team JCW stand alone!
Entrant #36 Nasty Leroy
Leroy has a cart of weapons and is out here to Natural Born Killaz?!? This is very New Jack of him. He had a garbage can lid for everyone’s head….but he refuses to hit Mickie Knuckles…and that is the hesitation that spells his doom. Big multi person stomping on Leroy. Dani Mo hits him repeatedly with a cokie sheet. The clowns pop balloons on his head before he is slammer and Too Tough Tony hits a moonsault for the three.
Entrant #37 Matt Tremont, John Wayne Murdoch, Dr Redacted, Bam Sullivan, Lou Nixon, Big Effin’ Joe
It’s Team GCW vs Team JCW! The ring is suddenly in full chaos mode! People are fighting in the ring and on the floor but it doesn’t seem like anyone is eliminated YET. Tony smashing Redacted with gussets. Nixon busted open by Dani Mo! The shopping cart of weapons is well in use. Tremont sent into the cart itself! Dr. Redacted with a frogsplash on Dani Mo! Bring on the doors! Redacted finds a barbed wire board. The Brothers of Funstruction are in there with the bad doctor…and they bomb him through the board! Surprisingly, no one is eliminated yet! Redacted puts on a trash can and dives into everyone! Redacted is a bloody MESS. I forgot about Sleepy Ed. He appears to still be asleep? The two teams are brawling into the back…..did both teams just eliminate themselves? Emil Jay confirms it.
Entrant #38 The Invisible Man
Another Clusterf*** winner is here, he wakes up Sleepy Ed, drags him to the ring and eliminates him over the top!
Entrant #39 Dan Barry
I love Dan Barry but I know he’s about to be taken apart. Invisible Man gets the wrist and tosses Barry over. Dan keeps trying for a headlock but the Invisible Man keeps taking him over. Arm Drag sequence back and forth to a standstill. The crowd chanting both these guys! The crowd not liking that Dan is getting the better of these exchanges. Invisible DDT! Barry sent over the top but he skins the cat! Dan Barry to the top…..he gets crotched on the top! Superplex to Dan Barry and he gets eliminated!
Entrant #40 Frank the Clown
Oh. FTC cutting a promo but he gets beaten on the mic by Invisible Man, who starts a F*** THAT CLOWN chant. Frank is big mad and charges the ring. Invisible Man absolutely wrecks Frank and pins him in about 10 seconds.
Entrant #41 Dan the Dad
Dan the Dad has his coffee and offers a friendly handshake! Denied! What about a hug? Shoved away! The coffee is knocked out of his hand! Dad is mad and gives Invisible Man a big spanking! Dad goes for the belt? Invisible Man stops this and rolls up Dan the Dad for the three!
Entrant #42 Cheeseburger
Cheeseburger tunes up the band but Invisible Man grabs the leg, puts on a figure four. Cheeseburger turns the hold over! Invisible Man turns it back over and Cheeseburge has to tap out!
Entrant #43 Jack Cartwheel
Jack does cartwheels. A cartwheel DVD to Invisible Man! Invisible knees are up on a shooting star and Jack is sent flying over the top! Invisible Man is on a tear!
Entrant #44 Tommy Invincible
Invincible hands out high fives all around. He poses on the top buckle. Invisible Man opts to not take the easy elimination. Invincible doesn’t MEAN all-powerful.
Entrant #45 Harlan Abbott
Instead of teaming against Invisible Man, Abbott and Tommy go right at each other and ignore the match’s TRUE threat. Coast to coast! Abbott connects with a superkick to Invisible Man! Spike butterfly piledriver!
Entrant #46 Manny Lemons
Shouldertackle to Abbott! Double clothesline!
Entrant #47 Effy
The GCW World Champion is here! Iffy taking it to everyone in the ring. Where IS Tommy Invincible? Effy with a TKO to Harlan on Lemons! Double Sack Ryder! Effy charges with a lariat and sends Manny Lemons to the floor. Harlan Abbott lays out Effy with the spike piledriver…Effy with the reversal and gets the three! There’s Tommy Invincible! Invisible Man hits Effy with a low blow and sends the champ flying! Invisible Man is celebrating and Invincible hits a cutter out of nowhere for the three!!!
Entrant #48 JGeorge & Lady Killjoy
Lady Killjoy tries to call cut on this scene. JGeorge uses the break to drop Invincible.
Entrant #49 Megan Bayne
Bayne destroys JGeorge with a F5 into Lady Killjoy immediately …she stacks them and gets three for the elimination. Tommy Invincible wants to join Megasus. Bayne with a fireman’s card slam for another three!
Entrant #50 Frankie B
Frankie tries a lariat but she bounces off Megan. Bayne hits a F5 for the three!
Entrant #51 Brittnie Brooks
Brooks takes her time getting in. But when she gets in, Megan is waiting. Brittnie tries a bulldog? No, Bayne hits a tombstone for the three!
Entrant #52 Lena Kross
Lena actually has a couple of inches of height on Bayne! Hard forearms and chops back and forth. Tradoing germans as the next person comes out!
Entrant #53 Sam Holloway
Hardway becomes a target for the warring women….but he hits a double chokeslam on them as we get the next entrant…
Entrant #54 1 Called Manders
Manders goes right into Holloway’s face. It’s a meaty morning in Las Vegas! Manders escapes a chokeslam, a lariat sends Sam to the rope and another puts him over!
Entrant #55 Thomas Shire
Manders tag team partner is in the Clusterf***! They hug….and they decide to go into the fight against each other! They can be only one! By my count, we’re at 75 participants?!? These bulls struggle with each other….but Manders sends Shire flying over the top
Entrant #56 Action Mike Jackson
Manders shakes his hand….and kicks that gut. Jackson gets the hand of Manders and damn near breaks those digits with his strength. Jackson with a rope walk?!? He’s in his 70’s! He wraps up a headlock while we get out next entrant.
Entrant #57 Masha Slamovich
Masha slides in and tosses Jackson right over the top. Lena Kross ambushes Masha! Masha makes her pay and Lena goes flying
Entrant #58 Alec Price
Alec flies in! He plants Masha….as it’s THUNDERBALL TIME
Entrant #59 Paul London
Yup. Paul London is gonna sing Thunderball. We just crossed the 2 hour mark of this match, I believe. Alex doesn’t let London finish singing. Alex popped up into a dropkick. London with a belly to belly into the buckles!
Entrant #60 Starboy Charlie
This feels like a bit of a mirror match…and both London and Charlie are feeling this connection with each other. They copy each other’s actions….who is the real one? London charges! Double foot stomp to the back of Charlie!
Entrant #61 Bobby Flaco, Ariel Van Goh, Braden Toon, Davey Bang, Teri Yaki…and one others I missed. Sorry.
This is the BOB SQUAD! They decide to fight each other. Who cares about teamwork! Terry Yaki eliminates himself! Bobby with a cutter of Van Gogh! Bobby sent flying over the top! Manders eliminates the rest of the Bob Squad!
Entrant #62 Man Like Dereiss
Dereiss rapping on the mic while he counters Starboy’s physical offense. He big boots Starboy off the ramp without any break in the lyrics. Masha Slamocich faces him down. Dereiss isn’t here to fight Masha….he wants THAT HIP ATTACK. He wants the cake. The cheeks. Masha covers his eyes with his bandana. Paul London slides in and applies HIS cheeks to Dereiss. Man Like Deireiss just figured it out and rolls out to the floor to recover. Paul tries to be friendly with Masha but she just picks him up and dumps him over the top. Alec Price takes it to Slamovich! Masha hits a backlist….Price with the jackknife for two! Price with another rollup and locks the legs….he gets the three! Manders is in there! Price ducks the clothesline! Flying block buster! Price sent to the apron and a Manders lariat send him to the floor! Megan Bayne is still here and joins Manders in the ring! Are we out of entrants? Is this it? That sun is coming up here on the east coast. Bayne with a flying clothesline….and she sends Manders over the top! Man Like Direiss is back in, he sends Bayne to the corner and he’s about stink face her….
Entrant #63 Joey Janela
Janela is here to save his partner! Bayne and Joey work Deiriess over! Kick out. Janela goes for a chair! Dereiss is about to die but…
Entrant #64 CHRIS BEY
Can Bey compete?!? No, he’s introduces…
Our final participant is the former Dark Order Negative One!!! Brodie Lee Jr is making his professional wrestling debut! Superkick to Janela as he works with his friend Dereiss! Janela fighting off a piledriver! Brodie is soaking in the moment of this while Bayne hits a low blow on the Man. Falcon Arrow and Man Like Dereiss is out! Brodie is facing down Bayne and Janela….Bayne holds him back as Joey grabs a chair. He accidentally sabu’s Megan! Janela tries to eliminate Brodie but he shoves Megan out! It’s down to Brodie and Joey! Joey goes for a piledriver…..Brodie grabs an ankle lock! Joey flips out and Brodie hits the ropes hard. Janela feels like he’s got an easy pin but Brodie Lee Jr is right up. Janela is talking smack but Brodie slaps the life out of him. Brodie Lee Jr hits a stunner and Janela goes flying over the top for the win!!!
What a moment! What a clusterf***! Over two hours. 89 participants, by my count. It was billed as bigger, longer and dumber than ever before and it sure was! We fade to black and I’m gonna go to bed now. Hot damn
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