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WHAT HAPPENED WHEN BROCK LESNAR GOT HIS HANDS ON VINCE MCMAHON, COULD HULK HOGAN GET BACK ON TWO FEET AGAINST RIC FLAIR AFTER WHAT HAPPENED IN ROUND ONE, THE ROCK FACED OFF WITH THE UNDERTAKER AND MORE: FULL ROUND TWO RESULTS AND FINISHES FROM THE ONGOING PWINSIDER MADNESS TOURNAMENT

By Dave Scherer on 2020-03-24 15:27:00

As is the case in round one, here is exactly what didn’t happen in the second round matches to get us to the Sweet 16 of our PWInsider Madness Tournament. I hope get a chuckle or two out of the "report".

EAST BRACKET

Brock Lesnar vs. Vince McMahon

Lesnar came out to the ring with Paul Heyman, being typical Brock.  Heyman did a promo saying that Vince McMahon was a legend but he’s an old man now and if he wants to live to see his next birthday, he should just take the count out loss.  He said that Brock is a beast and he can’t control him.  Sure, you have paid him a lot of money to do very little work and he should show you some mercy, but Brock Lesnar doesn’t know the meaning of the word so if you come out to the ring, make sure that your life insurance premium is paid because you won’t make it to the back when it’s over.  They showed Vince totally irate in the back.  He said to Shano Mac, who was soaking wet due to sweat, “Doesn’t he know I am the Genetic Jackhammer?  No one talks to me like that pal.  After I beat Lesnar’s ass, he and Heyman are FIRED!”  Vince got on his horse and started power walking to the ring.  Unfortunately, before he even got to the ramp way, he blew out both quads and fell to the ground.  The ref counted to ten and Brock advanced.  

Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

Flair came out first, strutting as only he can.  He did a bunch of woos and then waited for Hogan to come out.  As you may remember from his last match, Hogan needed to use his medical alert buzzer to get help after he did the legdrop on Jimmy Hart, he had fallen and couldn’t get up.  He was still in bad shape and came out using a walker, very unsteady.  He got help from security and got in the ring.  He said to Flair, “Listen brother, we go back a long way.  As you can see dude, my leg pythons have given out on me brother.  I said my prayers and took my vitamins brother, but the big dude in the sky just deliver on the promise, brother.  So I am going to do a finger poke of doom deal here, dude, and you are going to move on the next round.  Go ahead and do it, dude.”  Flair went over and hugged him.  He patted him on the back.  Then, he hit him in the nuts and Hogan went down.  Flair said, “Ring the bell!”  He then locked on the Figure Four Leglock and kept it on until Hogan passed out.  At 59 minutes and 50 seconds, he finally covered a completely decimated Hulkster and got the pin as a new rule was put in that if the match ended in a tie both men were out.  Afterwards, Flair yelled, “Hogan!  Hogan!  You thought I liked you?  You thought I forgot all the crap you pulled on me in WCW?  I didn’t!  You have not political strong now so you got what you always deserved.  Someone get out here and change his diaper.  He soiled himself.”  Medics came down and helped Hogan up.  Ends up Flair wasn’t lying.  The ring apron needed to be changed.

Braun Strowman vs. Cesaro

Strowman came out and attacked, like he always does.  Cesaro took a powder to the floor.  Braun did his run around the ring spot but Cesaro knew it was coming and he dropped to the floor. Braun tripped over him, landing in a heap.  Cesaro used his amazing strength to toss Braun back in the ring.  He hit three Neutralizers, did 250 Giant Swings (on a giant no less) and scored the pinfall.

Orange Cassidy vs. The Velveteen Dream 

Cassidy, fresh off of his win over Tony Khan, came in super cocky, thinking his win in the first round actually meant something.  He did his fake kick schtick on Dream. Unfortunately for him, Dream doesn’t work for AEW so he didn’t have to sell for him.  He hit Cassidy with a nasty right hand to the chin, knocking him out.  Cassidy couldn’t make the 10 count.  Or 100 count for that matter.

Sweet Sixteen Matches:

Brock Lesnar vs. Ric Flair

Cesaro vs. The Velveteen Dream

NORTH BRACKET

Steve Austin vs. Luchasaurus 

When they faced off in the ring, Austin looked at Lucha and said, “Damn boy, you’re one big sumbitch.”  Lucha just turned his head, like he does.  Austin said, “Did you hear me son?”, which led to a back and forth with the fans where they said WHAT to his questions.  Finally Austin said, “OK, you won’t answer me? How about you join me in a beer.”  He handed Lucha a can, but he threw it down.  That engaged Austin because wasting alcohol is a Texas State Felonly, so he kicked him in the nuts, hit a Stunner and moved on to the next round.

Kevin Owens vs. Samoa Joe 

Before the match the sometimes partners took the challenger to go to war and let the best man win.  In 47 minutes of amazing back and forth action, that man was Samoa Joe.

Pentagon Jr. vs. Andrade

These two followed Joe and KO’s lead and said let’s show these fans what classic lucha libre is.  They did just that, with Andrade advancing in 34 minutes.

The Undertaker vs. The Rock

In a battle of WWE legends, both men each took 15 minutes just on their entrances.  Taker did his first and it was awesome.  Then Rock did his, and cut some hilarious jokes, causing Undertaker to break character and start laughing.  He could never get his focus back and Rock got the win after a Rock Bottom and The People’s Elbow.

Sweet Sixteen Matches:

Steve Austin vs. Samoa Joe

The Rock vs. Andrade

SOUTH BRACKET

Adam Cole vs. Triple H

Before the match, Triple H, as the head of NXT, put over the greatness of his champion.  But then he said, as Triple H the competitor, he wants to see what his champion has got, and also what he has left in the tank.  He said that neither one of us had a hard first match, so let’s tear it down here.  Cole agreed, and they shook hands.  Their first round opponents came out to watch the match and sat at ringside.  It was a back and forth match for ten minutes until Cole hit two Panama Sunrises to get the win.  Afterward, Kyle O’Reilly got in the ring and celebrated with Cole.  Shano Mac got up from his seat to console HHH but even though he hadn’t moved in 15 minutes, he still sweat so badly that he slipped on a puddle of his own creation around his chair and landed on his head.

Randy Orton vs. Edge

Edge picked up right where he left off at the end of Orton’s last match, attacking him at the start and beating him senseless.  This was actually more one-sided than when Brock Lesnar destroyed Orton years back.  Like Flair earlier, Edge kept the beating up until the last minute, scoring the pin with seconds left in the time limit.

Matt Hardy vs. Bray Wyatt

Wyatt came out as The Fiend.  Knowing he had his hands full, Hardy reacted in kind, coming out as Broken Matt, accompanied by Vanguard 1.  They brawled all over the building, going back and forth.  Matt got the advantage and sent Vanguard 1 to the back to get Señor Benjamin.  He came out on a forklift, with a casket on it.  He brought it to Matt, who tried to improvise on the John Cena-Bray Wyatt finish by putting The Fiend in the casket but Bray remembered how Cena ruined his life and turned the tables, throwing Broken Matt into the box and then putting the tines of the forklift on top of the casket so Hardy couldn’t get out. 

Hangman Page vs. Drew McIntyre 

These two were very unfamiliar with each other so they started a bit cautiously.  A few minutes in, since he is an uber heel, Matt Jackson came out and stole Hangman’s beer as Page watched.  When he turned around, he ate a Claymore kick and was pinned.  Page then ran to the back to find Jackson.  When he caught him, he took a lead from the Inner Circle and crushed him with a rolling door so Matt could join his brother on the shelf.

Sweet Sixteen Matches:

Adam Cole vs. Edge

Drew McIntyre vs. Bray Wyatt

WEST BRACKET

Goldberg vs. CM Punk 

Goldberg, well aware of Punk’s top end stamina after seeing him work 180 minutes to destroy Colt Cabana, knew he had to win this one quickly.  At the bell, he charged Punk.  Much like Kevin Nash, Punk is one of the most cerebral wrestlers to ever enter the ring, so he knew what was coming.  Unlike Nash however, he took Goldberg’s legendary incoordination into account and instead of moving as Goldberg charged him with the spear, he stood still in the spot Goldberg was trying to hit.  In typical Goldberg fashion, he charged at where Punk was standing, was off by five feet, and dropped himself throat first over the second rope.  Punk grabbed him, hit the GTS and moved on to the next round.

Tommaso Ciampa vs. Kenny Omega 

Ciampa was introduced as the best of NXT.  Omega was introduced as the best of AEW.  They said let’s battle for brand supremacy.  Ciampa got the duke in an amazing match. They shook hands afterward.

Tazz vs. Keith Lee 

Tazz made his way to the ring.  He stood with arms folded.  Keith Lee came out.  Tazz took the mic and said, “Brotha, my whole reason for being here was to slap the taste out of Low Ki’s mouth.  Looking at you, like Danny Glover said in Lethal Weapon, ‘I’m too old for this s***.’”  But since he is a man, he said he would try anyway.  Suddenly, Bill Alfonso came running out of the back, grabbed Tazz’s black towel and threw it in the ring.  The ref awarded the match to Lee.  At first Tazz seemed really mad at Fonzie but the ref’s mic caught him saying “Thanks brotha” to his former, and now current, manager.

Chris Jericho vs. Santana

Just like in round one, The Inner Circle allowed the fans to pick. They chose Jericho.

Sweet Sixteen Matches:

CM Punk vs. Tommaso Ciampa 

Keith Lee vs. Chris Jericho

Voting for Round 3 of the Tournament will begin on Thursday.

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