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By Stuart Carapola on 2019-05-12 10:43:00

Welcome to the Impact Wrestling Report here on!

We start off with the usual video looking back at last week's show, then we head to the ring for our opening match...

Moose & Josh Alexander vs LAX

Santana tries to maneuver around Alexander to start, only for Alexander to show he can keep up with him in the maneuverability department.  Santana takes Alexander to the mat, which seems like a real bad idea, but he maintains control of Alexander and tags in Ortiz, who quickly finds himself dumped to the floor by Moose and then dumped face-first onto the apron by Alexander.  Ortiz is in trouble, but gets a Jack Brisco sunset flip out of the corner for 2 on Alexander, then dumps the Canadian to the floor.  Ortiz goes for a tag, but Alexander yanks Santana off the apron, forcing Ortiz to continue going it alone.  Alexander gets a sleeper, but Ortiz gets a vertical suplex into a stunner, then makes the hot tag to Santana, who quickly boots Moose off the apron before taking it to Alexander.  Miscommunication leads to Moose colliding into Alexander, who takes a DP from LAX for 2.  LAX tries a springboard cannonball in the corner, but Moose catches Santana in mid-flip and powerbombs him onto Ortiz, then hits Go To Hell on Santana for 2.  Moose accidentally boots Alexander, then LAX takes Moose out with a double enziguiri.  Series of double teams finishing with a full rotation back suplex on Alexander finishes things.

Winners: LAX

Good opener.

Melissa is backstage with Madison Rayne, who is facing Taya Valkyrie in a non-title match, just like she did twice before.  She knows Taya doesn't have to defend her title for 30 days, but those 30 days will go by quickly, and if Taya wants to make it 3-0, she's happy to oblige.

We come back from commercial and Melissa is with Team Swann.  Tommy Dreamer says he's been a part of all these guys' careers.  People said his career and style have been criticized for decades, and now oVe wants to bring their hate on Twitter like a bunch of keyboard warriors.  Dreamer wants the Warriors to come out and play-ay, because this is a war, and war hurts.  He fights because he knows what's right, and Brian Cage went down with a spinal injury and watched Melissa see it and not know what to do, and the President of this company went with Cage to the hospital until 4 AM, and that's the kind of company he wants to work for.  He's not sure how many fights he has left in him, because now when he gets knocked down, he won't know if he can get back up, but his career is worth it because of seeing what type of wrestlers they have all become.  This is everything, and let's do this.

Josh and Don talk about stuff, then Tessa joins them on commentary for our next match...

Taya Valkyrie vs Madison Rayne

Taya immediately bails to the floor to frustrate Madison and lead her on a chase, then blindsides her with a dropkick back in the ring as we go to commercial.

Taya is still in control as we come back, but Madison turns it around with a flying headscissors and a flurry of right hands.  Madison butchers the Jannetty slide, so she hits another flying headscissors.  Taya counters a springboard something to a suplex for 2.  Taya maintains control by wrapping Madison around the ringpost to crush her ribs, then knocks her flat with a hard forearm.  Madison taps back with some of the softest looking forearms in history, but Taya is nice enough to lay down for a 2 count anyway.  Madison hits a ripcord stunner for 2, then locks Taya up in the half crab for the quick tapout win.

Winner: Madison Rayne

Match was awful, but I like the story here of Taya tapping out immediately, presumably to avoid injury for when she defends her title against Madison down the line.

Melissa is backstage with Rob Van Dam, who acknowledges that it's been six years since he's been on Impact, mistakes Ethan Page for Diamond Dallas Page, and gets Melissa to do the back pointing thing.

Rosemary is in her evil den telling Su Yung that if Su took from Rosemary, Rosemary took from her.  She challenges Su to a Demon Collar Match, winner take all.

Jordynne Grace vs Alexia Nicole

Alexia tries to pepper Jordynne with forearms, but Jordynne just ragdolls her across the ring, then does it again for kicks.  Jordynne with a delayed, one-handed vertical suplex, followed by a giant swing.  Jordynne just crushes Alexia and plants her with Three Seconds Around The World.  Jordynne nearly breaks Alexia in half with the Here It Is Driver for the win.

Winner: Jordynne Grace

Another great showcase for Jordynne.

Josh Alexander is backstage with Ethan Page, reassures him that they're a team, and they're both going to go to the ring together so Alexander can watch Page crush Rob Van Dam.  After that, they'll continue taking over the tag team division.

Melissa is backstage with Kiera Hogan, who says she walked away from Rosemary because Rosemary wanted her to.  Kiera tried to be friends with everyone in the Knockouts Division, and it's gotten her nowhere.  Jordynne comes in to ask her what's wrong, and Kiera tells her she's not her friend, and as far as she's concerned, Rosemary can die just like Allie.

Ethan Page vs Rob Van Dam

Van Dam tosses Alexander when he gets in his face then spinkicks Page to the floor.  The North tries to outflank RVD, but RVD takes both of them out.  A second attempt works, as RVD gets caught up fighting Alexander off and Page sneaks in and sweeps RVD's legs out on the apron.  RVD is in trouble now, as Page methodically picks him apart.  RVD gets a rolling leg cradle out of nowhere for 2, then begins unloading on Page with kicks.  RVD hits Rolling Thunder, fights Alexander off the apron again, but again that gives Page enough of an opening to hit a bicycle kick for 2.  RVD with a running leg lariat in the corner, hits the five star frogsplash, and that's all she wrote.

Winner: Rob Van Dam

Good return, RVD visibly looks older, but still seems able to go reasonably well.

We get an injury update from Brian Cage, who says the doctors told him he needs another exam once the inflammation around his spine goes down.  He's going to start rehab and see where it goes from there.

Rolando finds Michael Elgin backstage and says it's despicable that he's beating guys in the ring and putting them in the hospital.  Elgin says Brian Cage and Pentagon Jr are on the list, but others are going to add to it.  Johnny Impact comes in and says he sent Brian Cage to the hospital and all he did was interrupt an ambulance ride.  Impact seems to be the first guy Elgin didn't send to the hospital, and Elgin says the next hospital bed he fills is going to be for Impact.

Desi Hit Squad vs Brent Banks & Aiden Prince vs The Deaners vs The Rascalz

The Desis trap Aiden Prince in their part of the ring for a bit, then the Deaners tag in and start cleaning house.  Then the Rascalz come in and do spots.  The Rohit gets a rollup out of nowhere for the win.

Winners: Desi Hit Squad

Nothing to see here.

We get a video package of Killer Kross cutting a promo on Eddie Edwards saying that ignorance is a universal disease, and truth is a universal cure.  Some say they're both insane, and there's a fine line between sane and insane, but being a genius is unquestionable, and he asks Eddie which of them he thinks has stepped over that line.  He's expecting an answer, and says the clock is ticking.

Trey is in his smoke shed with LAX and asks if he can touch it, then clarifies he meant the title belt.  Wentz and Dez come back and they're disappointed they lost, and want to know where Trey was, and he shows them he was decorating and got a Christmas tree.  LAX decides they're lions who can take on all the teams: the Rockers, the Eliminators, Bert & Ernie, the Wu Tang Clan, then they offer Trey a shot of liquos, and he tries it reluctantly, then LAX offers it to Dez and Wentz.  They do cheers and can't seem to handle their liquor.  LAX calls them boys and laugh about it.

Josh and Don talk about stuff, and then it's...MAIN EVENT TIME!

Hardcore War: Rich Swann, Fallah Bahh, Willie Mack & Tommy Dreamer vs oVe

Bahh tears through Dave Crist, then Mack comes in and overpowers both opponents and hits a standing moonsault on Dave.  We go to the floor where everyone hits a series of dives, then Dreamer heads to the back as the brawl continues at ringside and we go to commercial.

We come back as Dreamer comes back through the curtain with a ladder.  Swann's team is destroying oVe with chairs and tash can lids, then the ladder is used to pummel Sami before being set up in the corner to hiptoss Jake into it.  Fulton gets a chair and unloads on Swann's entire team with it, then side suplexes Dreamer onto the ladder.  Everyone takes turns hitting spots on each other (starting to sense a theme here tonight), then Mack piles a bunch of weapons in the middle of the ring and promptly takes a tornado DDT onto the pile from Jake Crist, who covers for 2.  Bahh gives Jake a belly to belly suplex onto a trash can for 2, and Dave bashes Bahh over the back with a chair wrapped in barbed wire.  Dave goes to the top, Bahh crotches him and sets up a chair platform, Bahh tries to superplex Dave, but Fulton (with much effort) slips under Bahh and powerbombs him onto the chairs.  Fulton puts the barbed wire chair on top of Bahh, and Dave hits a top rope double stomp onto it for 2 on Bahh.  Swann comes in to try and turn the tide, Tullys Fulton to the floor, then climbs the ladder (which somehow got set up on the ramp) and goes for a splash, but Fulton climbs up the ladder behind Swann, grabs him by the hair, and Jake climbs up and hits an Ace crusher off the ladder into the ring for 2.  Fulton dives off the ladder as well, and Bahh catches him and counters to a Samoan drop for 2.  Unbelievable.  Dreamer brings legos into the ring and dumps them in a pile in the ring, Sami gives him a ball claw, Dreamer counters to one of his own, then DDTs both Sami and Dave onto the legos.  Bahh must be on PCP, because he runs right over the deadly legos in his barefeet to avalanche Dave, but then Fulton picks him up (again with great effort) and kind of slams him on the legos.  Mack with a stunner on Fulton, a second stunner with a chair, Mack puts a trash can over Fulton and hits a cannonball, then Sami piledrives Mack onto the legos or stop sign (I couldn't tell which) and covers for the win.

Winners: oVe

Hell of a brawl, but a bit disjointed at times.

Thanks for reading the Impact Wrestling Report on, I'll be back later this weekend to discuss Impact and more with Dave Scherer on the Stu & Pid Show!

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