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By Stuart Carapola on 2019-03-16 00:00:00

Welcome to the Impact Wrestling Report here on!

We start out with our usual video looking back at last week's show, then we go back to Las Vegas and right into our opening match...

oVe vs Rich Swann, Willie Mack & Tommy Dreamer

All six men brawl in the ring right from the start, with the babyfaces clearing oVe out to the floor.  Jake Crist gets caught in the ring when they come back, but then heel shenanigans  cause Dreamer to wind up in the wrong part of town, and on the receiving end of a 3-on-1 situation.  Dreamer quickly gets to his corner and makes the hot tag to Willie, who cleans house and ends up alone with Sami, catching him on a crossbody attempt and countering to a Samoan drop and standing moonsault.  Swann tags in and hits Rolling Thunder on Sami, oVe gets to the floor and Willie hits a dive, Swann hits a dive, and Dreamer...well, he steps to the floor and does a bowling ball thing onto everyone.  The fans dug that one and inform him that he's still got it as Swann comes off the top rope...right into Sami's boot as we go to commercial.

We're back, and Swann is firmly in peril.  He takes a beating for a bit and finally makes the hot tag to Dreamer, who cleans house Dusty style.  Sami makes the mistake of spitting in Dreamer's face, and Dreamer responds by taking the loogie off his face and eating it (Sami's face when he does that is PRICELESS), then hits a DDT for 2.  Now everyone takes turns coming in and hitting spots until oVe hits a neverending train of corner charges on Dreamer, but Dreamer gets them all in a corner, Mack hits his cannonball out of nowhere, Swann and Mack hit stereo frogsplashes, then goad Dreamer into going to the top, but Sami thankfully rolls out of his way...but not far enough, because Dreamer hits a frogsplash anyway, but Sami then gets a groin claw and hits a piledriver for the win.

Winners: oVe

Fun opener.

Josh and Don talk about stuff, then we go backstage where Brian Cage walks into Johnny Impact's dressing room and gets in his be-neckbraced face.  He asks Impact if he's ready, and Impact says a promise is a promise.

We see a video package looking at the history between Johnny Impact and Brian Cage, then more shenanigans with the Rascalz, whose party gets crashed by Moose.  He is all fun and games until Trey says something that pisses Moose off, and he cartoon punches him a bunch, then does the same for Wentz and Xavier.

Back to the ring, where Disco calls Scarlett Bordeaux out, then when she doesn't show, asks for a clown instead.  Out trots an opponent...

Glenn Gilbertti vs Kikutaro

Kikutaro accidentally puts himself in an armbar, but then wrestles circles around Disco and then disco dances at him.  A comedy match ensues, and Kikutaro nearly puts Gilbertti away with a shining wizard knee.  Kikutaro misses a moonsault, Disco hits the Chartbuster, and that's it.

Winner: Glebb Gilbertti

Funny, and pretty much what you'd expect.

Rolando finds Taya Valkyrie backstage and asks her thoughts on her next challengers, but she's more concerned with Johnny wrestling Brian Cage in the condition he's in.

Reno Scum vs KM & Fallah Bahh

Reno Scum almost immediately traps KM on their side of the ring, and Bahh frantically pleads for the tag until KM finally gets there, and Bahh cleans house on first Thornstowe and then Luster.  KM pulls Bahh out of the way of a charge by Luster, and Bahh hits Thornstowe with a Samoan drop for the win.

Winners: KM & Fallah Bahh

Bahh appears to have hurt his knee, but we don't have time to dwell on that before going backstage where Konnan tells Fenix and Pentagon to tell him know when LAX gets their title shot.  They blow him off, and Konnan asks what's going on with them, then says that they'll both pay a heavy price.

#1 Contender Match: Tessa Blanchard vs Jordynne Grace

Tessa disrespects Jordynne early, and gets steamrolled a couple of times as a result.  Jordynne ragdolls Tessa, then hits a Jackhammer for 2.  Jordynne slowly picks Tessa apart, but Tessa uses a distraction from the ref to cheapshot Jordynne and take control.  Tessa pulls out the classic spot of the night and rubs Jordynne's eyes across the top rope.  Tessa sits Jordynne on the middle rope and hits a Codebreaker for 2, then unloads on her with a series of right hands.  Tessa argues with the ref, Jordynne is up, and she nearly breaks Tessa in half with a spinebuster as we go to commercial.

We're back, and Jordynne plants Tessa with a Michinoku driver for 2.  Tessa escapes another big power move and DDTs Jordynne, yells "SCREW YOU, JORDYNNE!", and goes to the top rope.  She yells to the crowd that she hopes Gail is watching, and doesn't notice Jordynne coming to toss her off the top rope.  Jordynne hits the Here It Is Driver for the win.

Winner: Jordynne Grace

Excellent match!  Jordynne is something truly special, I'm looking forward to seeing where she goes.  Tessa throws a temper tantrum after the match, yells at a bunch of folks around ringside, then grabs a 15 year old boy from the timekeeper table and throws him into the ring.  He begs off, protesting that he hasn't even hit puberty yet, and he begs for mercy, so she finally calms down and lets him go...then knocks him out with a straight ride hand.  She picks the poor boy up and continues beating on him, dumps him face first into the corner, and beats him up some more until Gail Kim finally runs out to confront her.  Tessa takes a shot at Gail, and Gail destroys Tessa before dumping her to the floor.

Tessa flips out on Scott D'Amore backstage, then the GWN Flashback of the Week takes us back to Sting vs Rob Van Dam from 800 years ago.

Rosemary is with Dark Allie, and wants to know where the Bunny is.  Dark Allie says the Bunny is dead, and they speak in riddles at each other for a bit, then Rosemary storms off in frustration.

We go to the oVe Cam, as Sami cuts a promo on Rich Swann and promises to take his X Division Title.

Desi Arnaz Hit Squad vs Eddie Edwards & Eli Drake

This is almost a straight squash for Eddie and Eli, and Eddie is in peril for a few moments, but Eli gets tired of watching and just starts beating up the Desis by himself.  Gama distracts the referee, Eli tosses Kenny to Eddie, Eddie knocks Rohit out with it, and covers him for the win.

Winners: Eddie Edwards & Eli Drake

Good match, and the thing with Eddie and Eli is getting pretty interesting to watch.

Another GWN Flashback takes us back to Sabu vs Abyss in a barbed wire massacre from about 1200 years ago.

And with that, it's MAIN EVENT TIME!

Or at least it's supposed to be. Killer Kross carries Johnny Impact out, and carrying a cinderblock in one hand.  Kross puts the cinderblock...nowhere, because a bunch of security runs out, and is quickly cleared out by Kross.Kross puts the cinderblock next to Impact's head, grabs a chair, and...out comes Taya Valkyrie, dragging Brian Cage out to help.  Cage doesn't want to get in the ring, but Taya runs in and covers Johnny to try and protect him.  Cage just stands up the ramp and watches as Taya goes face to face with Kross, punches him, and does no damage.  Kross menaces Taya with the chair, and finally Cage runs in, destroys Kross with the chair, and sends him scurrying for cover.  Taya thanks Cage for his help and he gives her a hug...then she low blows Cage and the "injured" Impact kips up and lays Cage out.  It wsa all a setup!  Impact drills Cage with a running kneestrike, then puts the cinderblock next to his head, gets the chair, and smashes the cinderblock into Cage's head.  The unconscious Cage's foot twitches involuntarily as Impact celebrates with Taya, and Kross is on the outside watching on and laughing.  Impact and Taya get out to the floor, glance at Kross next to them, and keep walking.  Kross is loving this, and Cage is out cold as we call it a week.

Thanks for reading the Impact Wrestling Report here on, I'll be back Sunday to discuss Impact and more with Dave Scherer on the Stu & Pid Show!

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