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COMPLETE IMPACT WRESTLING REPORT: JOHNNY IMPACT FINDS HIMSELF UNABLE TO MOVE ON, SAMI CALLIHAN VISITS RICH SWANN IN THE HOSPITAL, THE LAX-LUCHA BROS FEUD TAKES THE TURN WE ALL KNEW IT WOULD, AND MORE

By Stuart Carapola on 2019-02-23 00:02:00

Welcome to the Impact Wrestling Report here on PWInsider.com!

We start with the usual video looking back at last week's conclusion to the Mexico tour, then we head to Sam's Town in Las Vegas as Johnny Impact comes out to open the show.  He says it's rare for someone to do what they say they'll do in this business, but he said he'd be a fighting champion, and he's been one.  This business is what you make of it, and there's been a lot of talk about things not going his way, and even his wife is worried about his body breaking down, but he's on top of the mountain and can look downhill a bit.  He's answered the questions, and at Uncaged, he beat three men, shut three mouths, and finally closed that chapter.  Now it's time to move on to the next contender.  Moose's music hit, and out he comes with a somewhat dissatisfied look in his face.  He says he only hears crying about his body breaking down, and he's not a fighting champion, he's a crybaby and the worst champion Impact Wrestling has ever had.  The only reason he doesn't have the title right now is because of Brian Cage and Killer Kross, the man he thought was his best friend.  Kross apparently heard that, and out he comes looking even more dissatisfied than Moose did a moment ago.  The fans inform Moose that Kross is going to kill him as Kross calls him a defiler, a betrayer, and a son of a bitch, and says he should know better than anyone not to cross him.  He asks Moose if he knows how taxing it is dealing with him on a daily basis and calls his outfits stupid.  They argue over designers, and Impact chimes in to mock Moose's boots.  Moose blows him off to tell him that he played years in the NFL, and Bill Belichik would have benched Kross for dropping the ball as often as he did.  Impact says that beign friends is hard in this business, and the problem is that they both think they're A+ talent, and that's not how it works, because there's A talent and B talent, and he wouldn't mind having a match right now to determine who is who.  In fact, he'll even sweeten the pot by offering the winner a title shot.  Kross says he's proud of Impact taking a page from his book and stirring the pot, but Kross doesn't get to continue because Moose suckerpunches him.  Kross gets Moose in a rear naked choke as Impact steps out of the ring and calls for a referee to come out here, and Moose scoots out to the floor as we go to commercial.

#1 Contender Match: Moose vs Killer Kross

Impact joins Josh and Don at ringside as Kross and Moose proceed to hammer each other with big bombs.  Kross drills Moose with a shot that staggers and eventually floors him.  Kross connects with a pair of corner clotheslines, but Moose pulls the ref in front of him to block a third, then kicks Kross low behind the ref's back and rolls him up for 2.  Kross returns the favor and small packages Moose for a very close 2.  They both yell at each other for aiming low, then they go back to trading right hands.  Moose clotheslines Kross to the floor, Kross lands on his feet and drags Moose under the bottom rope, and they now trade shots on the floor.  Kross rams Moose into the post and then gets in Impact's face.  Impact gets up to confront him, and Kross throws Don's hot coffee in Impact's face.  Moose comes in with a bicycle kick but Kross dodges, so the kick hits Impact.  Moose and Kross wind up back in the ring, and Impact completely no-sells all that to jump into the ring and attack both men.

NO CONTEST

Kross and Moose now work together to beat Impact down until Brian Cage runs down to the ring and lays both of them out.  Impact and Cage hit stereo superkicks to Moose and Kross, then they get in each other's faces.  Cage picks up the belt, hands it to Impact, and walks off.

Josh and Don talk about stuff, and Don informs us that he hired Glenn Gilbertti, playing audio of a podcast he appeared on as he apparently hired him on the air.

We go to the LAX clubhouse where Konnan is super excited abuot the electricity here in Las Vegas.  They're serious like a late period, but they now get one last match with the Lucha Bros, and win lose or draw, this is the last time they face off.

Johnny Impact finds Brian Cage backstage and thanks him for helping out, and he knows Cage wants another title shot, lots of people believe Cage deserves a title shot, including Impact, but there's no way they'll have a clean match until they do something about Moose and Killer Kross.  Impact proposes tagging up to take care of that problem, but cage says he's done too many favors for Impact, and they are friends, but this has happened too many times and can't trust that.  Impact thought he might say that, and hands Cage a contract he already signed that says if they do this match, Cage gets a title shot whenever he wants.  He tells Cage to think about it and walks off.

The GWN Flashback takes us back to Eddie Edwards vs Tommy Dreamer at last year's Slammiversary, then we go to the Rascalz getting high backstage and talking smack about facing Ethan Page.  The Great Gama comes in and asks if this is how they expect to beat the Desi Hit Squad, then decides to show them how it's done.  He pulls out a giant bong and tells them this is the real stuff and they have to give it a try.  Wentz and Trey both try it and cough their heads off, and Xavier does the same without even hitting the thing.  We check back in ten minutes later, and the Rascalz are all passed out as Gama says this is how real men do it, and they used to do 24 hour Broadways in his day.  This stuff is just too funny.

Reno Scum is returning next week!

Desi Arnaz Hit Squad vs The Rascalz

The Rascalz aren't looking so hot after Gama smoked them up.  Singh immediately jumps Xavier and gets a schoolboy rollup for 2.  Xavier is in peril until he starts...slapping the insides of Singh's thighs?  Well, he follows that up with a superkick and goes for a tag, but Trey Miguel isn't paying attention, so Xavier slaps him in the face, and that finally seems to wake him up, because they make the hot tag and proceed with the double teams and speed-based offense.  Trey hits a springboard cutter off the bottom rope for 2, low bridges Singh out of the ring, but Raju nails Trey from behind and the Babalu Boyz hit a wheelbarrow DDT for 2.  Trey and Xavier hit a stereo 619 on Raju, Xavier takes a nap at rignside, and Trey hits Meteora for the win.

Winners: The Rascalz

Melissa is backstage with Eli Drake, who says the Book of Eli says that thou shall not raise their hand to Eli Drake, but that's what Eddie Edwards did last week.  He will come crashing down on Eddie like nothing he's ever seen before.  He's not angry at Eddie, and he doesn't have a problem with him, but he's showing him the way, and will take him by the hand so he can see how hardcore makes him an absolute loser.  He is wrestling, nobody can touch him or what he does, he can't stop being Eli Drake, and that's not an insult, it's just a fact of life.

We go to Rich Swann recovering in the hospital, and Sami Callihan comes in to have a chat with him.  He tells Swann he's sorry, but he did what he did because he loves him.  He's not mad, and he's actually proud of Swann for standing up to him because that took balls.  He knows this is hard, but it's okay because he's here...his big brother is here.  He was there for Swann when all the stuff with his wife went down, even though he was in Japan, and he's told everyone since day one that Swann is the most talented individual he's ever seen, but he's not living up to his potential.  He wants to know if Swann is finally ready to stand up and come home, but a nurse comes in and tells Sami that this time is for family only, and asks him to leave.  Swann turns to the nurse and tells her that he is family, so Sami hands an oVe shirt to Swann and tells him to call him tomorrow, then leaves Swann to think things over.

Eli Drake vs Eddie Edwards

Basic feeling out process to start, then Drake takes Eddie to the corner and unloads a couple of shots, leapfrogs a charge by Eddie, but gets caught with a hiptoss and a couple of armdrags.  Drake bails to the floor, takes a long count, then comes back in to tell Eddie that this is what he's talking about, he doesn't need any of that hardcore crap, this is wrestling.  Eddie responds with a hard chop and clotheslines Drake over the top to the floor.  Eddie goes after him, rakes the back, then picks him up atomic drop style and rams him ding ding-first into the post.  Eddie briefly sits on the ramp to consider his next move, then gets distracted by the ref as Drake recovers and clotheslines him.  Back into the ring where Drake connects with a series of shoulderblocks in the corner, then takes him to another corner to do it some more.  Eddie returns fire with more hard chops, but Drake hits a DDT, then comes off the second rope with a Bret Hart elbow...that misses.  He goes for a springboard moonsault, but Eddie moves out of the way.  Eddie mounts a comeback, hitting a backpack driver for 2.  Drake escapes a tiger driver, but Eddie chops his back and hits a blue thunder bomb for 2.  Drake goes for the Gravy Train, Eddie reverses to a rollup for 2, Drake gets a sleeper drop for 2, and both men are winded.  Drake picks Eddie up, but Eddie catches him with the tiger driver for 2.  Eddie has his crazy eyes as he grabs Kenny from ringside, and the referee tries to get him to stop that, allowing Drake to sneak in and hit the Gravy Train.  Eddie kicks out at 2, so now Drake grabs the kendo stick, and he goes to take a swing at Eddie, but Eddie picks the legs and gets a jackknife cradle for the win.

Winner: Eddie Edwards

Great match!  I thought they told a real good story here.

Tessa Blanchard is backstage flipping out on Impact Management, then she slams the door and walks into Rolando the Investigative Reporter.  He asks for the inside scoop, and she says they won't give her another title shot because they're pissed over what she did to Gail Kim.  They can't save Gail forever, and she'll get her rematch one way or another.

Glenn Gilbertti shows up backstage looking for Impact management for his first day on the job.  The guy gives him convoluted directions, and Gilbertti is already confused as he accidentally finds his way outside and gets locked out.  He bangs on the door and tells them to open up because he's a big star, but no dice, so he looks for another way in.

Alisha Edwards vs Delilah Doom

Delilah has a female Richard Simmons gimmick, which is unique.  they take turns dropping each other over the middle rope, but Doom follows hers up with a 619 and a series of kneelifts in the corner, complete with counting along Jazzercise style.  Was Delilah Doom even born when Richard Simmons was doing Jazzercise?  Alisha hits a top rope bodypress, Doom rolls through for 2, and Alisha hits a MASSIVE flatliner.  Yipes!  Tessa Blanchard comes out and attacks Alisha, press slamming her onto the ramp, then she threatens to hit the ref before coming in to attack Delilah.  Delilah fights back, drops Tessa on the middle rope and tries her 619 again, but Tessa catches her legs and wheelbarrows her into the ring, then hoists her up from a deadlift and hits a NASTY sitout powerbomb.  She drags Doom up by the hair and hits the hammerlock DDT, and Doom is OUT.  Well, message sent.  Let's call this...

NO CONTEST

We see a promo for Ace Austin, then we go backstage to Delilah Doom, who says tonight was supposed to be a huge opportunity for her, but if Tessa wants to fight her, then she challenges her to a match next week.

Video package for Impact at an NFL Alumni event, then we go to the catacombs where Jim Mitchell confronts Rosemary as she tries to steal Allie back from Su Yung and hmiself.  Rosemary asks if they can cut a deal, and Mitchell says he has something Rosemary wants, but she has something "he" wants.  Rosemary says surely he's not interested in a fiddle contest, but Mitchell says she has been calling for a dark war, so she can assemble her dark army, Mitchell and his ladies will assemble theirs, and they do battle in the ring.  If Rosemary wins, she gets Allie free and clear, and if they win, "he" gets Rosemary.  Rosemary accepts the deal, and Mitchell laughs maniacally.

Melissa is backstage with Taya Valkyrie, who isn't going to respond to Tessa Blanchard causing a scene, crying, and throwing a temper tantrum.  Maybe Tessa needs a nap, a cuddle, a hug, or a juice box, but she's not getting it from her because she's the Knockouts Champion and has better things to worry about.

Josh and Don talk about stuff, and then...IT'S MAIN EVENT TIME!

World Tag Team Title Match: Pentagon Jr & Fenix vs LAX

LAX jumps the Lucha Bros during their entrance, then has fun ramming them into ringposts and steel steps.  Ortiz takes Pentagon out with a Homicide dive through the ropes, but Fenix catches Santana with a leaping enziguiri and a flying kneestrike as we go to commercial.

We come back as Ortiz and Fenix trade shots, and Ortiz pulls out Stevie Ray's old slapjack gimmick!!!  That is AMAZING!!!  Santana and Pentagon take a turn, trading shots in the middle of the ring until Ortiz comes in to hit a double team superkick followed by a flurry of double teams on the former World Champion.  Fenix comes in, but also winds up on the receiving end of a beating as Ortiz hits the standing splash drop for 2.  Fenix and Ortiz trade forearms, and Fenix is in peril for several moments until Fenix conencts with a series of kicks and kneestrikes, then makes the hot tag.  Pentagon comes off the top with a crossbody to both of LAX, outmaneuvers them and sends them crashing into each other, hits a slingblade on Ortiz, and he and Fenix hit stereo superkicks.  Fenix with a climbing kick to Santana, Pentagon hits the Pentagon Driver, and Ortiz breaks it up at 2.  Fenix with a swinging mule kick to Ortiz, the Lucha Bros hit WHAZZUUUUUUUUUUP on Ortiz, but Ortiz backdrops Fenix to the floor where Santana kills him with a superkick.  In the ring, Santana hits an Ace Crusher on Pentagon, Ortiz with a Codebreaker, and double back suplex on Pentagon gets 2.  Santana goes to the top rope, but Fenix leaps up out of nowhere to drill him with an enziguiri, then Pentagon and Fenix hit a package piledriver/double stomp combo on Ortiz for the win.

Winners: Pentagon Jr & Fenix

Great main event, but does this put a true end to the story?  Konnan shakes Pentagon and Fenix's hands, then tells LAX to do the same.  LAX hesitates, but sticks their hands out, and...the Lucha Bros blow them off, so LAX lays them out and unmasks them.  We get to admire Pentagon's full, curly locks as Konnan asks LAX what they're doing as we call it a week.

Thanks for reading the Impact Wrestling Report here on PWInsider.com!  I'll be back tomorrow to discuss Impact and more with Dave Scherer on the Stu & Pid Show!

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