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By Stuart Carapola on 2019-02-16 00:07:00

Welcome to the Impact Wrestling Report here on!

We hit the opening video package, then head right to the ring for our opening match...

Knockouts Title Match/Streetfight: Taya Valkyrie vs Tessa Blanchard

Tessa tries to jump Taya during her entrance, and Taya makes her regret that by knocking her on her butt and tossing her back into the ring.  There's already a table with Taya's loca catchphrase emblazoned on it, and Tessa wedges a chair into the corner before getting German (Mexican? Canadian?) suplexed out of her skin.  Taya repeatedly punts Tessa with sneakers that look like they came out of Naomi's glow in the dark collection before dumping her to the floor.  Taya has an interesting new look tonight, with camo pants and facepaint that is promptly tenderized when Tessa bashes her in the face with what appears to be a trash can lid.  Tessa gets another chair out from under the ring and just launches it at Taya's face, then dropkicks it into her Van Terminator style.  Back into the ring where Tessa chokes Taya with audio cable, and as an added gruesome bones, wraps it under her nose as well.  Tessa tears Taya's shirt off, spits on it, and throws it in Taya's face before grabbing another chair from the outside.  She charges at Taya, who sidesteps and sends her face first into the chair Tessa herself placed in the corner earlier.  Taya is ready to go loca, and she unloads with a series of clotheslines and a running double kneestrike in teh corner.  Tessa catches Taya with a flatliner, puts a chair over her head, and stomps on it.  What a heel.  She covers for a very close 2.  Tessa decides to take it up a notch and throw another half dozen chairs into the ring, grabs Taya by the hair, and yells loca stuff at her before going to the top.  Taya pops up, whips a chair at Tessa's face, and hits a super Samoan drop onto the chairs below as we go to commercial.

We're back as Taya and Tessa are trading shots.  Taya shakes the ropes Warrior-style and proceeds to pummel Tessa with forearms.  They end up sitting in chairs face-to-face and trade shots from the comfort of their seating.  Taya gets tired of that, stands up, hands Tessa her chair, and kicks it into her face before covering for 2.  Tessa ducks a clothesline and spears Taya into the table, but it doesn't break, so Tessa spears her into the table again...and it still doesn't break.  I'm thinking the two of them don't have the body mass to do that, but regardless, Tessa drags Taya out and covers for 2.  She goes to the floor and gets a different table that has a lot more metal than I like seeing for spots I expect to come next.  She puts Taya on the table and climbs to the top, but Taya is up and shoves Tessa to the floor, making her hit her face on the apron on the way down.  Taya goes up top and takes Tessa out with a dive to the floor, then rolls her inside and makes a cover, but Tessa is out at 1.  Taya goes for her Indian deathlock, Tessa kicks her off, and Taya drills her with a knee in the face and puts her back on top of the ugly dangerous table, which is now balanced precariously on the bottom rope.  Taya hits a top rope double stomp, and THAT is finally enough to put Tessa through the table so Taya can cover for 3.

Winner: Taya Valkyrie

Excellent match in what I assume was the final chapter in this great feud.  Good stuff from both ladies.

Josh and Don talk about stuff, then the GWN flashback takes us back to Desmond Xavier winning the Super X Cup a coule of years ago.

Willie Mack vs Ethan Page

Well, this should be fun.  Page gets an early advantage, but Willie does a corner headstand to befuddle Page, then pops down and connects with a leg lariat.  Mack feints a big chop to Page's chest, but tweaks his nipples instead.  Page catches Willie with a DDT, and Mack absorbs a beating for a few minutes before dodging a charge and drilling Page with a bicycle kick in the corner.  Mack with a HUUUUUUGE cannonball senton in the corner, Samoan drop, kip up, and standing moonsault for 2.  Page dodges a stunner and hits a Yakuza kick, a spinning savate kick, and a Snowplow for 2.  Page blocks another stunner attempt, but hits it on the third attempt and gets the win.

Winner: Willie Mack

Fun big man match.

Killer Kross cuts a promo saying that divine intervention has been in Johnny's favor up until now, but this is really a three-on-one handicap match against three guys who have beaten him, so he better be ready.  He leaves, and we see Willie Mack walk through the area...followed by the Crists, who tail him into a room and close the door behind them.

Sami Callihan comes out to the ring and calls out Rich Swann, because people know he's known him for a long time and are brothers, but he wanted to run his mouth and do a sit-down interview last week.  Sami says there's two sides to every story, and what Swann said is fake news.  He's given him the chance to come home and join oVe several times, but he keeps turning it down.  He's done with all this, so if he and Swann are friends like he said, he wants Swann to come out here now and take his last offer to join oVe.  Swann comes out, and he doesn't look happy.  Sami tells him he has two options: do this the easy way, or the hard way, but it's in Richard's best interests to put on the shirt.  Sami throws the shirt at him, and Swann throws it back.  Sami said he was really hoping he wouldn't want to do it this way, and drills Swann in the face with the microphone.  Swann scoots past him and unloads with some right hands and a spinkick that sends him to the floor, then Swann hits a springboard Phoenix splash from the inside to the outside! (WHOA!)  Sami goes to Swann's eyes, rams him into the entry ramp, and drags him onto the stage by the dreadlocks.  He sets up for a piledriver on the stage, picks Swann up, and drills him head-first into the hard flooring of the stage.  Several referees run out and try to intervene, but he shoves them off, picks Swann back up, and throws him through a table set up next to the stage, with Swann pulling a full flip during the fall and nearly missing the table entirely.

The World Cup trophy is at ringside, and it's time for the kind of, sometimes, often-but-not-always annual tradition that doesn't happen a lot of years...

World Cup: Fallah Bahh, Eli Drake, Eddie Edwards & Sami Callihan vs Puma King, Hijo Del Vikingo, Aerostar & Psycho Clown

Sami and Psycho Clown start us off trading blows, and Sami flattens him with a clothesline.  Clown dodges a charge and hits a springboard crossbody, followed by a clothesline in the corner.  Clown with a snap powerslam on Sami for 2.  Aerostar tags in, and Clown elevates him for a dropkick on Sami.  Aerostar with a twisting crossbody, blows a springboard attempt, and Sami drops him face first on the second turnbuckle.  Eli Drake tags in and takes a flurry of kicks to the legs, but pops Aerostar way up into the air and into a reverse powerslam for 2.  Vikingo tags in for a big flippy tornado DDT for 2, Drake tags Eddie in, and Vikingo hits a twisting headscissors that I've never seen before.  Eddie isn't impressed, and flattens Vikingo with a back elbow.  Vikingo with a twisting enziguiri and tags in Puma King, who connects with a flying bodypress, flapjacks Eddie, hits a superkick, and hits a delayed vertical suplex for 2.  Puma King goes to the second rope, but Eddie catches him with a backpack driver for 2.  Fallah Bahh tags in and eats a few superkicks from Puma King, but lucha rolls over him (!) and hits a Shane Douglas-style belly-to-belly suplex.  Bahh hits the steamroller, Sami tags himself in, and hits a modified abdominal stretch.  All eight men wind up in the ring for a big Sharks and Jets faceoff, leading to Team AAA clearing the ring.  Team Impact returns the favor a moment later, and now we get to the part where everyone hits a dive to the floor until Bahh does his off the apron for laughs.  Vikingo gets cocky and tries a second dive, and Eli catches him and powerslams him off the apron.  Eli tosses Puma King back into the ring, but stops Eddie from using the Singapore cane.  Eddie slaps Eli, and allows Puma King to roll Eli into a leg cradle for 3.

Eli Drake is eliminated.

Sami comes in and locks Puma King up with a rear chinlock, Vikingo and Bahh tag in, Vikingo uses his speed to outmaneuver everyone, hits Sami with a springboard codebreaker, superkicks Bahh in the ass, and hits a double running kneestrike on Eddie in the corner.  Bahh looks mad, Vikingo realizes what he got himself into, Bahh goes "NO NO NO" but misses a corner avalanche.  Vikingo gets a springboard crossbody, Bahh catches him, and hits a twisting powerslam for 3.

Vikingo is eliminated.

We're back at even odds as Aerostar goes to the top for a missile dropkick.  Aerostar isn't doing much damage with his dropkicks and forearms, but Bahh has terrific luck with the running crossbody he hits on Aerostar.  Bahh drags Aerostar to the corner but misses the Banzai Drop, and Aerostar rolls him into a crucifix for 3.

Fallah Bahh is eliminated.

Sami immediately comes in and attacks Aerostar with a vengeance.  Eddie tags in as I realize these guys are the only ones left on Team Impact.  That's a fun fluke of fate.  Aerostar misses a springboard thing and Eddie hits the Boston Knee Party for 3.

Aerostar is eliminated.

We've got two men left on each side, and the next elimination is going to be crucial.  Puma King plants Sami with a sitout powerbomb for 2 and then goes to the top rope, but Sami takes him out of the corner with a powerbomb, a kneestrike to the face, and the short piledriver gets the next 3.

Puma King is eliminated.

It's all on Psycho Clown for Team AAA, and good luck to him.  Eddie and Sami share a grudging, uneasy look of alliance, then they rush Clown, who manages to fight the both of them off for a moment before the numbers are too much for him.  Sami with a deathdrop, Eddie hits the Boston Knee Party, and Sami shoves Eddie to the floor and covers Clown himself for 2.  Sami stops to yell at Eddie, and Clown catches Sami in a small package for 3.

Sami Callihan is eliminated.

We're down to one member from each team, and they go face-to-face and then trade chops.  Eddie slides to the floor and Clown hits a dive that seems to knock Eddie's head into the steel barricade.  Clown rolls Eddie back inside, but Eddie catches him out of nowhere with a tiger driver for 2.  Clown with a series of boots to Eddie and hits Sliced Bread Numero Dos for 2.  Eli comes back out with Eddie's Singapore cane as Eddie gets an O'Connor roll, Clown kicks out at 2 and Eli drills Eddie with the stick as he is kicked off, and Clown hits la magistral cradle for the win.

Winners: Team AAA

This was a fun match, I like the story you can tell during an elimination match, and Team AAA wins the World Cup.

Brian Cage is backstage, and he's...PUMPING IRON!  The main event is up...NEXT!

Reno Scum are cmoing back to Impact Wrestling in two weeks!

Video package showing Fenix and Pentagon Jr beating LAX for the World Tag Team Title, then we go to the LAX clubhouse where Konnan is chewing LAX out because he knew there was no way Pentagon and Fenix were losing in front of their home fans.  They're getting a rematch, but this time they're doing it his way, and it's going to be the last time they ever face off.

We go to the catacombs where Dark Allie tells Su Yung that the shadow is playing mind games on them.  The screen messes up, Rosemary briefly appears behind them, then disappears before they see her.  Okay then.

Scarlett Bordeaux is in bed in her lingerie telling us that she's making her in-ring debut in Las Vegas, and Sin City will never be the same again.

And with that...IT'S MAIN EVENT TIME!

Impact World Title Match: Johnny Impact vs Killer Kross vs Moose vs Brian Cage

Cage came out with an awesome looking Terminator-esque getup, but Impact quickly clears all three men out.  Cage is up first, sends Impact to the outside, and hits a somersault dive that wipes all three men out.  Cage rolls Impact into the ring, but Impact drills him with a leg lariat and a running kneestrike.  Kross and Moose mob Impact and hit a double powerbomb, Moose covers, but Kross shoves him off at 2.  They go right after Cage and hit another double powerbomb, and they shake hands before Moose surprises Kross with a rollup for 2.  Kross looks infuriated for a moment, but then Moose shakes his hand and they hug...but then Kross gets his killer look and suplexes Moose.  Kross takes some kicks from Impact, followed by a rolling neckbreaker before hitting a Russian legsweep and breakdancing legdrop on Cage.  Moose with a corner dropkick for Cage, one for Kross, and hits Go To Hell on Impact for 2.  Cage with a corner forearm and enziguiri on Kross, then German suplexes both Moose and Kross!  YIPES!  Cage hits a deadlift superplex on Impact for 2.  Kross ducks the roaring clothesline, hits a backdrop suplex and gets the choke on Cage, but Moose breaks that up with a bicycle kick.  Everyone takes turns hitting their big bomg moves on each other, and all four men are down.  Impact is up first and goes to the top, Moose goes for a superplex, Cage follows him up, and Kross comes in from behind for the Tower of Doom spot.  Kross is the last man standing, covers Impact for 2, then immediately transitions to a cross armbreaker.  Moose gets Impact in a figure four on Impact, then Cage comes in with a dragon sleeper on Kross.  Impact reverses on Moose as Kross suplexes Cage on top of Impact and covers for 2.  Kross suplexes Impact onto Cage, Moose hits a delayed corner suplex on Cage, Kross ducks a roaring clothesline from Moose, and drops him on his head with a backdrop suplex.  Kross picks Impact up and eats a surprise Tidal Krush for 2.  Moose pops Impact onto the top rope and Impact reverses Go To Hell to a flying headscissors, but runs right into a pop-up powerbomb and senton for 2.  Moose headbutts Cage, Cage ducks the Gamechanger, drills Moose with a high knee, and plants Moose with the Drill Claw.  Cage covers for 2, and Kross quickly swoops in with a backdrop suplex, Cage no-sells and tears Kross' head off with a roaring clothesline.  Cage hits the Drill Claw on Kross just as Impact hits Starship Pain on Moose, but the ref gets to Impact and counts his fall before Cage can complete his fall on Kross.

Winner: Johnny Impact

Tremendous main event, and I liked how they did the multi-way thing without the usual reliance on people killing time on the outside of the ring.  I also like how this obviously sets up one more match between Impact and Cage, who got screwed by turning this into a multi-way match.  Great show to end their trip to Mexico.

Thanks for reading the Impact Wrestling Report on, I'll be back tomorrow to discuss Impact and more with Dave Scherer on the Stu & Pid Show!

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