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Joey Janela’s Spring Break 2
After a 30 or minute delay (due to supposed massive lines at beer stands, and march tables), we open with a video of WrestlePro regular Dylan Stiffwood in a “Wrestler” type video. The video — a video that pokes massive fun at Lio Rush.
Larry Legend is in the ring, and once again is in vacation gear. The venue is absolutely jammed.
Match #1: Six Way Scramble Match - Eli Everfly vs. DJ Z vs. Tony Deppen vs. Gringo Loco vs. KTB (Kyle the Beast) vs. Teddy Hart
This match is going to be a helluva train wreck. I think like last year this could be a good spotlight for some of these younger guys. KTB got really make an impact last year, much like Flip Gordon did.
Eli Everfly who is the smallest man in the ring really impressed the crowd with just how fast he was. He had a great sequence where he did a leaping tornado DDT, followed by a quick follow up DDT. Gringo Loco showed that despite being a bigger guy, he was as agile as the cruisers in the match. He showed this by doing a step by tope to the outside.
Teddy Hart did his big spots including his spot where he stood on a big man’s back and then flipped into a Destroyer. He also killed Deppen with a Project Ciampa. In fact Hart did this move several times. He then went from a Gory Special stretch into a sit-out power bomb. He then used the ref’s assistance to do an Asai moonsault.
There was a whacky quasi Tower of Doom/Russian Leg Sweep, Blockbuster combo. In a scary moment Loco tried to bounce off someone in a Samoan drop and hit a front flip. He nearly busted his dead. Luckily there was a dope springboard cutter.
At one point there were so many big, complicated, insane spots, I cannot even describe them.
Everfly nails an absolutely bonkers double undercooked destroyer off the top.
Winner: Eli Everfly
Thoughts: That was nuts. It wasn’t the prettiest at times, but man these guys busted their ass.
Match #2: James Ellsworth vs. Matt Riddle
I cannot believe this is a match.
Ellsworth chopped Riddle’s injured leg. He kept working on it. Riddle hit rolling gut wrenches with the greatest of ease. Riddle looked absolutely pissed. He lit Ellsworth up with a chop followed by running forearms. He hit a massive centan. They did a great spot where Riddle went for a knee to the chin, but NO CHIN! Great spot. Hilarious. Ellsworth hit “no chin music” for a one count. He hit another one for NEARLY THREE. He went for a third kick and went into an immediate bromission for the tap.
Winner: Matt Riddle
Thoughts: Quick and fun. Exactly what it needed to be.
Virgil comes out. There had been some social arguments between Virgil and Janela. Janela told him not to show up (which of course meant he would). Virgil is on the mic and cuts an almost inaudible promo, possibly calling out Janela. He basically started walking around the ring. He didn’t anything else…someone from production yelled on a house mic that it was enough, and he needed to leave.
Match #3: PCO vs. Walter
PCO is not a spring chicken anymore, but he still looks like an absolute BEAST. Unsurprisingly, the crowd went absolutely ape for WALTER. Walter gets on the mic and tells PCO he can walk away. His time has passed. PCO tells Walter to suck it. This match is going to be brutal.
PCO blocked a Walter chop. That got the crowd behind him. PCO and Walter lock up, and PCO stuns everyone with rolls throughs and a butterfly hook to get out of a wrist lock. PCO gets leveled at one point by a massive pounce. They just started exchanging chops, and it was STIFF. Walter just kept lighting Walter with chops until PCO came back with roundhouse kicks and chops to the chest. He then went from plunder but after setting up a table Walter literally picks him up and tosses him on the apron like a child.
Walter was arguing with the ref on the apron and PCO tried for a power bomb, but he countered with a low thrust kick. Again chops and chops and chops, and I have no problem with that. Walter did do the spot where he misses the chop and hit the posts. PCO did some interesting work on Walter’s hand. PCO then hit a Terry Funk style BAD moonsault. That was not good at all. PCO did not look good after, neither did the ref. Walter did put PCO through a table, which the crowd kind of reacted like “We should end this.”
Walter hits another bomb, and he called for another official. Bryce Remsberg came out. PCO kicked out at 14 (seriously). Other refs came to get the other referee who was still down. Walter asked Bryce Remsberg to stop the match. Walter kept chopping but PCO hulked up and ripped off his shirt. Walter lit him up as HARD AS HE COULD. And Jesus were they hard. This basically turned into a damn fight. They chopped each other to hell. PCO’s chest was purple. PCO backed Walter down, but Walter came out and annihilated him. PCO hit a discuss strike. Walter is out of the ring, and PCO hit a tope. This is just bonkers as hell. PCO went for another dive, this time a cannonball. PCO put Walter on the top turnbuckle…and hits a RANA!!! None of this makes sense, and I’m okay with it.
PCO goes for a slam, and a DVD but his back gave out. Walter turned him inside out with a German. But somehow PCO hits a fireman’s carry canton on Walter. PCO follows up with A SPLIT LEGGED MOONSAULT. What is reality at this point? PCO gets a standing O.
PCO goes up to the top, but there’s another chop fest. PCO hits his cannonball splash FOR THE WIN!!!
Winner: PCO
Thoughts: This was an absolutely bonkers match. Go out of your way to watch this match. This match was absolutely a must-see.
Post-Match: They chop each other again and shake hands. PCO soaks in the adulation.
Match #4: GCW Title: Nick Gage (C) vs. Penta 0M
I don’t know how they can top the previous match, but this is going to be a war. Gage grabs a mic and just starts going apes**t.
The two taunted each other. Pentagon got sent out of the ring. Gage went for a dive but ate a massive chair shot. Pentagon smoked Gage with a big chop. He went for another but hit the ring pole. Pentagon grabbed some doors and they had a battle of who would go through. Pentagon lost, and then cracked in the mouth with it after going through. Gage then went from a running boot scrape but got caught and drilled via a DVD through a table. Pentagon had the broken door and slammed it over Gage’s skull. The two battled to the outside. Pentagon used a lot of broken tableland laid them on top of Gage who was prone on a table. Pentagon stood on the guardrail and did a flying elbow. No give!
At one point there was a rough Pentagon driver through a door that was propped up on two tables. Gage could not be beat. Another table was put on some chairs. Gage power bomb Gang and then hit a choke breaker for the win.
Winner: Nick Gage
Thoughts: This was going to be a let down from the last one. But if you like hardcore matches, you’ll dig this. It was brutal fight.
Post-Match: Nick Gage cuts an impassioned promo on how much he loves the crowd…but for all those booing him…he’ll fight you if you want.
Match #5: David Starr vs. Mike Quackenbush
Quack looks to be in terrific shape. He showed he’s still agile as hell with counters and cartwheels out of a wrist lock. Or a flying lucha arm drag into a chain sequence into potential submissions. It defies logic and words. After getting crazy frustrated…he seemed to stop caring about his respect for Quack. He dumped Quack on his head multiple times, and even to the outside to a sickening thud. Quack came back with a palm strike, a top rope Rana, and then a wanton. He then nailed a sick Quackendriver.
In a nuts sequence…Quack does a knuckle lock and goes to springboard into an armdrag, but Starr counted into a stalled power bomb. The match continues with Starr getting frustrated he can’t beat his idol. His composure is gone and his obsession to win is taking over.
Starr tried for a duplex to the outside, but Quack countered and hit a springboard tornado DDT from the outside. Quack hit a beautiful tope suicida. Sadly sad Starr caught him and dropped him on a DDT. The other story here is Quack keeps getting hit in the head, and he has a history with concussions.
Out of nowhere, Starr hits a discuss lariat for the win…and the crowd is kind of stunned.
Winner: David Starr
Thoughts: Good…but the crowd was not into it. I think there was a better match here, but the stories they told here was very, very good.
Post-Match: Starr puts over Quackenbush as one of the best, and most influential independent wrestlers ever.
Match #6: The Cluster F***:
There’s a video package beforehand…you can’t hear it. It seems like MJF can’t get into the show. It’s a little overkill at this point because last year this match was like an hour long.
Entrant #1: Jimmy Lloyd - last year’s winner
Entrant #2: Session Moth Martina
The weirdness is going to start right off the bat. She tries to flirt with Lloyd, who has no idea what to do with her. Until he kisses her.
Entrant #3: ORANGE FREAKING CASSIDY
The man who does not give a damn is going to take his time getting to the ring.
Entrant #4: Yuta Wheeler
Entrant #5: Curt Stallion
Meanwhile Yuta and Martina argue over who is going to give a Bronco Buster to Lloyd. Stallion and Yuta wrestle.
Entrant #6: Facade
Facade does all his signature flips and bridges. He puts Stallion into a Burning Hammer, then flips out onto everyone via top rope walking twisting splash.
Curt Stallion eliminated by Facade via a wicked Coast to Coast.
Entrant #7: Swoggle
Swoggle Germans Yuta, Facade, and Lloyd. He chops Yuta to hell.
Entrant #8: GRADO!!!!!!!!
Swoggle cannot suplex Grado. Grado runs over Swoggle with his gut.
Entrant #9: Kikutaro
Kikutaro tries for the Old School but falls and crotches himself. They throw up the X (as a joke).
Entrant #10: The INVISIBLE MAN
Grado, Swoggle, and Kikutaro get the Invisible Man.
Invisible Man eliminates Kikutaro.
Invisible Man taps out Swoggle.
Entrant #11: Joe Gary
Gacy lays into everyone.
Entrant #12: Earl Cooter
Entrant #13: Brian Idol/Chris Dickinson
Idol eliminates Cooter
Idol eliminates Facade
Idol eliminates Gary
Dickinson eliminates Grado
Entrant #14: Dan Severn
The Beast and Dickinson go at it. Severn tosses Dickinson to the ground as the two grapple the hell out of each other.
Entrant #15: Alabama Doink
Note: There may have been a ton of people who were eliminated but the audio bad, and it’s the cluster**.
Alabama Doink tries to fight Severn, and the Beast.
Doink eliminated by Severn
Severn eliminated by Dickinson
Entrant #16: Rickey Shane Paige
Entrant #17: Markus Krane
Entrant #18: Crazy Boy and Aero Boy
Markus Crane eliminated by Dickinson
Dickinson eliminated by Crazy & Aero Boy
Entrant #20: Rory Gulak
Note: This is also going a lot faster than last year.
Entrant #21: Spyder Nate Webb…who decides to high five the entire audience
Entrant #22: Ethan Page
Rory Gulak eliminated by Nate Webb.
Somehow Martina and Orange Cassidy were eliminated.
Entrant #23: MJF
Note: This match is not going fast anymore.
Crazy Boy and Aero Boy have been eliminated. By MJF and Page
RSP eliminated by Page
Nope, Martina is still in this. She does the condom claw on Page and does the Vagina flip on MJF.
Martina eliminated by Page.
Wait, there’s Orange Cassidy. He’s lazily attacking Page and MJF. People are going nuts. Suddenly he springs to life and double choke slams MJF and Page. He goes to the top…with difficulty. He ends up passing out on the way down.
Orange Cassidy eliminated.
Invisible Man comes back, and he lays into the heels. Jimmy Lloyd piledrives the Invisible Man! Someone from the ‘commission’ throws out Jimmy Lloyd for the illegal move. Someone attacks Lloyd, no idea who.
Page and MJF harass Bryce. They throw him around. Bryce gets up and takes both men out. MJF hits his finisher on Bryce.
Entrant #24: MIKEY WHIPWRECK
Not a joke. Mikey comes out to a monster pop. Mikey throws a damn hurricanrana! Then a Tornado DDT.
Ethan Page eliminated by Webb.
Mikey goes for a TOP ROPE WHIPERNSAPPER…but MJF counters and pins Mikey.
Mikey Whipwreck eliminated
MJF throws Webb out.
MJF thinks he’s won…but he forgot ABOUT THE INVISIBLE MAN.
He rolls MJF for the win.
Cluster F*** 2018 Winner: Invisible Winner
Match #7: Joey Janela vs. The Great Sasuke
4am on the East Coast. Hopefully this one won’t be epic. So instead of intros we get the promo video…which is amazing…but we’ve all seen it.
And unfortunately…. the feed died.
We come back and they’re locking up. Sasuke did great spots where Janela would kick him in the face and Sasuke would kip up into a cross legged. Then Sasuke hypnotized Janela…not kidding. Sasuke hit a baseball slide dropkick. He placed Janela on a chair. He starts looks under the ring for something. Janela is crawling. A ladder is put up on the guardrails. He then cracks Joey with a cookie sheet. Janela whips Sasuke into the ladder. Janela chops Sasuke. Janela puts Sasuke onto the table. But Sasuke gets up and battle Joey. He missile launches Joey into the table which does not break. Sasuke puts a ladder on the bottom rope. He puts a nerve hold on Joey and then places him on the ladder. Sasuke goes to the top rope. Sasuke does a swanton, misses…and HIS HEAD IS IN THE RUNG. That looked painful.
Joey hits a super kick. He calls for an inflatable alligator from the crowd. Joey does a big splash with it…but only for a two count. Joey gets a chair. Then another. And another. And another. Long story short…LOTS OF CHAIRS. Joey sets up about six chairs and yells “I’m going to kill this MF’er!” Joey lays GS chest first on the chairs. Sasuke grabs him and POWERBOMS HIM ON THE SPINE ON THE CHAIRS. Oh and these were heavy, heavy chairs.
Sasuke hulks up and pins Joey…. only two! GS grabs part of a door and throws it in. There’s a bunch of doors in the ring now, with a ton of chairs. He then swings the door like a chair and cracks Joey in the head. Joey whips Sasuke into the door headfirst.
The feed is really crapping out, but lucky we see Janela go at a high speed through the door.
The feed froze, and a few minutes missed. Joey sets the chair up and is peppering GS with fists. Joey goes to the top and he does the flipping senton. Sasuke moves, and Janela crashes HARD. Sasuke sets ups a table. Sasuke hits a swanton bomb through the table. Penelope Ford gets the ring. She tries to do a sexy dance for Sasuke, and Sasuke tries to dance as well. It’s getting a little much right now.
Joey hit a Roaring Elbow. Joey is bleeding from the mouth. Joey takes him to every corner and smashes GS face first into every buckle. Joey goes for the Figure Four. GS gets to the ropes. Man, this match is going on way long.
Joey goes for a moonsault but misses. Joey rolls out of the ring, and we’ve got more brawling. Sasuke gets another table. This table is broken. Sasuke has a damn garbage can on his head. He’s climbing the ropes. He keeps fumbling the damn garbage can. He finally tosses it at Joey. He goes for another Stanton and misses, and he crashes on the side of the table which doesn’t break.
Joey goes for the pin…and of course Sasuke kicks out. Crowd seems to be turning on the match. Joey and GS exchange punches. Joey hits a super kick. Joey gets a ladder and lays it in the ring. He hits a Michinoku Driver on the ladder. AND SASUKE KICKS OUT AGAIN.
The crowd is a mix of cheers and boos at this point. He puts a chair on GS’ chest and does the double stomp. He FINALLY gets the win.
Winner: Joey Janela.
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