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CHIKARA “Dark Water”
11/18/2017 Haverhill, MA
This is CHIKARA’s second show of their 3-day tour through New England before their season finale in Philly on 12/2! Tonight sees the hopeful payoff to a 3-season long feud between Max Smashmaster and Chikara owner Mike Quackenbush. As we are at an elementary school, Announcer Doc Diamondfire explains the rules of wrestling to the audience.
Match 1: Missile Assault Man vs Icarus
Good technical back and forth. Lot of near falls. Icarus slips out off a sharpshooter and Missile’s Rocket Launcher and gets the pin off his Wings of Icarus pedigree. Fun opener!
Winner: Icarus
Match 2: Oleg the Usurper vs Jeremy Leary
The wild Oleg tries to hit a fan with Off With His Head but is redirected to the ring. Leary and Oleg pose off but Leary ambushes Oleg on the top rope. Oleg takes control, Leary takes a powder. They fight in the crowd until Leary is distracted by the Pentucket Lake school principal, allowing Oleg to trap him in a Trash can. Leary grabs a broom. Oleg grabs a sword. As ref Bryce tries to regain control, Leary uses the chance to hit Oleg with his switch blade comb several times. Oleg battles back. Leary goes for the comb again but it’s confiscated by the principal, allowing Oleg to hit a superkick, setting up the pin via Off With His Head. The principal was involved in several matches at last year’s show in this venue. This was chaotic but the crowd dug it!
Winner: Oleg the Usurper
Match 3: Hallowicked vs Mr Touchdown
Touchdown wants revenge from his time being mentally enslaved by Hallowicked, the broadsword of Nazmaldun. Touchdown is super aggressive in the beginning until Wicked tosses him to the outside. Wicked gives Touchdown a lot of punishment, who powers out of several submission attempts. Hallowicked goes for several Yakuza kicks. Touchdown almost gets the pin after reversing Go To Sleepy Hollow. They battle over a top rope superplex until Hallowicked rolls through a Touchdown reversal, grabbing the ropes and stealing the pin. This was a good match with a kind of wonky finish.
Winner: Hallowicked
(Intermission)
Match 4: Officer Warren Barksdale (w/ K9 Magnum) vs “Ophidian” (w/ “Amasis”) for the Young Lion’s Cup.
So if I understand the current storyline correctly, Ophidian was locked away in a sarcophagus by The Whisper, who has now taken his face and his name. Even “Amasis”, the real one unmasked and ejected from Chikara months ago, is a forgery. However, “Fauxphidian” has won the Young Lion’s Cup under this guise. As for the match itself: “Amasis” provides some early distraction, allowing “Ophidian” to punish Barksdale early on. The officer battles back repeatedly but “Amasis” continues to be the key distraction. “Ophidian” gets the win after Barksdale passes out in cross face.
Winner and still YLC champion: “Ophidian”
Cajun Crawdad is out with a basketball. He challenges any child 1-on-1 to a 1-point basketball game. He mocks the child until XyberHawkx2000 arrive to steal the ball and help the child win.
Match 5: Chikara Grand Champion Juan Francisco de Coronado, Cornelius Crummels & Sonny DeFarge vs Dasher Hatfield, Travis Huckabee & Solo Darling (Trios Match)
Dasher and crew use great tandem offense to start this, keeping Juan’s team on the backpedal for much of the opening. At one point, they trap their dastardly opponents in their own suspenders. After a distraction, Juan manages to isolate Solo and they proceed to triple-team her, allowing her to just barely not tag her teammates in. Solo reverses a double suplex and gets Huckabee in, who cleans house. He hits an awesome dropkick Senton combo on the former tag champs, to Juan’s dismay. Solo tags back in to rage and wipe everyone out, almost pinning Juan after Dasher’s traps his partners in the corner. After a bunch of back and forth, it’s down to Dasher and Juan. Dasher gets his eyes raked but rolls through a powerbomb attempt to pin the Chikara Grand Champion!
Winners: Dasher Hatfield, Travis Huckabee & Solo Darling
Match 6: Max Smashmaster vs Mike Quackenbush (Double Official Match)
Your officials for this are Chikara senior official Bryce Remsburg and “Massachusetts licensed official” Sidney Bakabella. Quack gets ahold of Max’s wrist, who spends the early part of the match trying to get him to release it. Quackenbush starts working over Smashmaster’s arm, dropkicking here to the outside. Max catches Quack’s dive and bombs him onto the apron. Bakabella keeps his mouth going, asking Quack if he gives up at every moment and complaining about the speed of Bryce’s counts. Smashmaster almost gets the tap with a standing cloverleaf. Max starts hitting the heavy artillery and Quack starts to crumble. A mistimed charge and Quack is back to working the arm, Smashmaster avoiding being submitted several times. Smashmaster gets near falls off a top rope Senton and a spinning tombstone. Bakabella is going insane outside as the crowd chants “you can’t beat him” to Smashmaster. Bryce gets taken out, bringing Bakabella into the ring. Quack kicks out of several super fast counts. Quack comes back but Bakabella refuses to count at a normal speed or recognize Smashmaster’s tap out. Max reverses a submission and gets Quack back into a cloverleaf. Bakabella immediately calls for the bell. We have a Haverhill screwjob!
Winner: Max Smashmaster
Post-match, Bakabella gets in Max’s face. He says he didn’t want to cheat for Max but he tapped out. That makes Smashmaster a LOSER and Sidney slaps him. Max lays him out hard. Quack is back in the ring and Max admits that he lost. Quack says that there’s no love lost between them but if this IS Max’s last professional wrestling match, he is honored to have been a part of it. They shake hands and Smashmaster leaves to chants of “Thank You Max!”
Overall, a very fun show and most matches delivered. It was a cool moment for the last member of Chikara’s Devastation Corporation to go out as he did. With no one left, we’ll have to see what Sidney Bakabella does now.
CHIKARA is in Enfield, CT tomorrow. You can follow them on Twitter: @chikarapro
For pictures, live results and other nonsense, follow me on Twitter @juliusblaise.
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