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By Stuart Carapola on 2017-05-18 22:05:00

Welcome to the Impact Wrestling Report here on!

We see a video package looking back at last week, then we go to the ring for our opening match: the beginning of the GFW Tag Team Title Tournament!

GFW Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: LAX vs Garza Jr & Laredo Kid

Basic feeling out stuff for about five seconds before we get into the high-end lucha flippy dippy.  LAX loses their place on a double team attempt and kinda hit it on Garza, then they toss both Garza and Laredo to the floor where Homicide is able to dish out some punishment behind the ref's back.  Suplex/Slingshot senton combo from LAX, and Garza is babyface-in-peril for a bit until he tells LAX to stop, they listen to him, and stand there cooperatively while he tears his pants off and tags in Laredo.  Laredo does flippy lucha stuff, Santana catches him with a frogsplash that misses and causes Santana to land on Laredo's nuts, and they do an "everybody gets knocked out" spot as we go to commercial.

We're back, and Laredo is still in trouble, getting beaten up outside the ring by all 587 members of LAX.  You know what LAX needs back?  Anarquia.  Ortiz gets cleared out and Santana takes out both Laredo and Garza, then Garza superkicks Santana and covers badly for 2.  More flippy dippy, Diamonte gives Garza a flying headscissors off the apron,Santana hits a Mexican Destroyer, then they finish Laredo with the powerbomb/Blockbuster combo.

Winners: LAX

LAX moves on to the second round of the tournament.  Match was what it was.

Josh and Pope are at ringside, Borash isn't behind them, but that doesn't stop Josh from razzing the fans behind him anyway.

Magnus finds Bruce Prichard backstage and blames him for his GFW Global Title loss last week to Alberto El Patron.  Bruce says he's sorry things didn't go his way, but he's out of contention and needs to prove he deserves another shot.  Magnus takes his coat off, throws it on the floor, and says he'll do just that.

We see a video package of Kongo Kong and Laurel Van Ness.  Kong is in action after this commercial break!

Kongo Kong vs Braxton Sutter

Suter rushes the ring and goes right after Kong, but has no effect.  Kong easily scoops Sutter up, but Sutter slips out the back and...gets avalanched and popped halfway across the ring with a belly to belly suplex.  Kong chokes Sutter on the middle rope, and Laurel draws hearts on his head with lipstick.  Kong goes for a cannonball in the corner, but Sutter moves and Kongo hits hard. Now Sutter sticks and moves, hitting Kong and ducking away from his wild swings.  Sutter rocks Kong with a couple of clotheslines and a bicycle kick, then another, but Kong comes right back with a corner avalanche and then plants him in the mat with an Island Driver for the win.

Winner: Kongo Kong

Good match!  Sienna and KM run-in and Laurel holds Allie back while the other three put the boots to Sutter.  Mahabali Shera runs in and backs Kong and his crew off, then Sutter gets a mic and says if that big fat KM wants to grab that dude cousin of his, Sienna, Hot Mess Van Ness, and Kong, and have a tag match next week with Kong and KM against Shera and Sutter.

We see a video package of how awesome the X Division used to be before it was the same five guys having the same match every week for as long as I can remember like some kind of Groundhog Day hell on earth.  The guys in tonight's Ultimate X match share their thoughts about what it means to them to be the X Division Champion.

McKenzie is backstage with Karen Jarrett, who says there's only one way to handle this situation between the Edwards and Richards families.  Magnus walks in, shoves Karen out of the way, and walks back out.

We look back at last week when EC3 whipped Storm like a government mule, leaving his back purple and swollen.  They'll face off...AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL BREAK!

James Storm vs Ethan Carter III

Storm rushes the ring and quickly hits a Thesz Press.  Magnus is on commentary for this one, and he's going with EC3.  Storm with rapid fire clotheslines in the corner, but EC3 quickly shuts that down and stomps Storm out in the corner.  EC3 works over the back and repeatedly chokes Storm on the middle rope.  Storm tries to fight back, but EC3 takes him down by the hair and drives him out to the floor with a running knee to the back.  Storm drags EC3 out to the apron, boots him in the face, and leaves EC3 to tumble face-first to the floor.  Magnus suddenly jumps up and gets in Storm's face, perhaps remembering that time Storm threw his wife on the train tracks in the path of an oncoming train.  Bruce Prichard comes down to ringside and ejects Magnus as we go to commercial.

We're back, and EC3 is back in control since Magnus created enough space for him to blindside Storm and retake control.  Storm manages to break away and mount a comeback with clotheslines and elbows.  Storm goes to the top rope, EC3 shakes the ropes, and Storm lands on his ding ding.  EC3 carries Storm out to the middle of the ring and hits the TK3, then slowly goes to the floor to grab a leather strap.  Back in the ring, the referee takes the strap away, so EC3 hits another TK3.  EC3 gets the strap again and the ref tries to stop him again, so EC3 knocks him out, then pulls his shirt up over his head and starts whipping him.  The bell rings to stop the match.

Winner: James Storm by DQ

Wait, who called for the bell if the referee was laid out?  Storm is up, kicks the strap out of EC3's hand, and hits a lungblower.  He goes for the Last Call, but Magnus runs back out, drags Storm out to the floor, and beats the crap out of him.  Magnus gets in the ring and argues with EC3 as Bruce Prichard comes back out.  He's had enough of this, he's had it, so if they want chaos, they don't have a main event for Slammiversary yet, so they're going to make a three way match between Storm, Magnus, and EC3 next week!  Wait, wasn't Alberto supposed to get the title shot at Slammiversary?  Whatever.  Prichard tells EC3 he gave him advice to look at himself in the mirror, but now EC3 needs to look back in that mirror and find his balls.  EC3 responds by grabbing Bruce Prichard and THROWING HIM ON THE MAT!!!

Video package of Spud, who is going to defy doctor advice and will be back in the Impact Zone next week.  He's going to find that son of a bitch (his words) and get his revenge, and he'll never see it coming.

GFW Women's Title Match: Sienna vs ODB

ODB gets the early advantage with some shoulderblocks, but Sienna sidesteps a charge and sends ODB out to the floor.  Sienna comes out and boots ODB in the face, dumps ODB into the ring, and misses a corner charge.  ODB with chops and a roaring elbow, Sienna slips out of a fireman's carry, butODB catches her with a back elbow and...misses a Thesz press.  Sienna hits the Silencer for the win.

Winner: Sienna

Short but good.  KM Tannen is razzing the fans at ringside while Sienna raises her belt in victory.

Jeremy Borash comes out form the back and says he hired an attorney, a fantastic one, and he wants everyone to know that as of right now, he is reinstated to Impact Wrestling, and according to the legal documents he holds, that is effective immediately.  Josh grabs the papers out of his hand and asks Borash who his attorney is, and Borash says if Josh wants to meet him, to say hello to his attorney...Joseph Park!  Oh Christ, really?  He actually gets a "welcome back" chant, which just goes to show what this company has come to.  Park says that Borash will retake his position in this booth as the lead announcer, and Josh takes his headset off and says that Borash never has nad never will be the lead announcer for this company.  Park says that Borash and the fans don't like Josh, and neither does he.  Josh says he doesn't need their admiration because he has a beautiful family to go home to, but Park tells him to shut his mouth.  Josh says we all know he's Abyss and to stop treating us like we're 11 years old and think he's someone else.  Park says he fought in the courtroom for years, and he's been in the ring for a lot of wars, and even once beat that midcarder Bully Ray.  Josh asks Park what he wants, and Park says he wants to fight him, and so does Borash.  Borash seems less cool with that one, but Park says he and Borash will face Josh and whoever he finds to be his partner at Slammiversary.Josh says he's going to go find a partner, he picks up his backpack, and walks out.  Borash gets a mic and says it's time to sit at the announce table because the Ultimate X is coming up next!  Pope shakes his hand and says "Welcome back, daddy!"

And with that..IT'S MAIN EVENT TIME!

Ultimate X/X Division Title Match: Low Ki vs Trevor Lee vs Andrew Everett

Low Ki totally decimates both men to start, easily superkicking Everett to the floor.  Lee gets a double leg and tries to catapult Low Ki into the corner, but Ki hang onto the structure and starts climbing.  Everett yanks him down and Ki seems to hurt his arm on the way down.  Everett dodges a top rope crossbody from Lee, and instead of going for the belt, he hits a snap flying headscissors on Low Ki.  Lee and Everett gang up on Low Ki, then turn on each other.  Lee shoves Low Ki and Everett off the apron, and they both crash HARD into the guardrail as we go to commercial.

We're back and Lee is in firm control, climbing for the belt before being yanked back down by Everett.  Lee folds Everett in half with a German suplex, then gouges Low Ki's eyes before dropkicking him off the top rope and onto the ring steps.  Ouch.  Lee goes to climb, fights off Low Ki when he tries to stop him, but Everett comes across the ring with a running forearm to take Lee down.  Low Ki goes up and starts to shimmy across, Lee drags him down, and dumps him to the floor.  Lee whips Everett into the corner so hard that he bounces out and crashes to the mat.  Low Ki comes back up, so Lee snaps his neck down in the top rope and then hits a running punt across the apron.  Everett hits a leaping enziguiri that knocks Lee to the floor as well, and now Everett is the only one left in the ring.  Everett takes Lee out with a springboard shooting star press to the floor, but Low Ki manages to move out of the way and avoid taking the move as well.  Low Ki is up and goes for the belt, nearly makes it, but catches a springboard dropkick from Everett.  Helms gives Lee a chair on the floor, and he throws it at Everett to stop him from making his way across the ropes.  Lee sets the chair up in the corner and launches Everett into it, briefly tries to use the chair to get the belt, then thinks better of it and picks the chair up before having it promptly punched into his face, knocking him silly.  Cool spot.  Low Ki goes up again, Lee is up and tries to stop him, Ki knocks him off and goes for a double stomp, Lee dodges and hits a double stomp on Ki instead, then Everet hits the Frankendriver on Lee.  He tries a second one and Lee counters to a powerbomb, and all three men are down.  Ki goes for the Tidel Crush, Lee tries to counter to a German suplex, Ki lands on his feet and double stomps Lee, then goes back to the top to try climbing.  Everett follows Ki up, Ki fights him off, but Everett is back up and smashes Ki's face into the metal truss.  Ki falls and hangs upside down on the scaffold, Helms climbs up and nails Everett, then give him a top rope neckbreaker.  Ki is back up as Lee gets back in the ring and stands on Helms' shoulders to try and get out to the middle, but Ki drills Helms with a Tidal Krush and then a running dropkick.  Low Ki is back up, and his hand is too hurt  to hang from the ropes, so he climbs on top of the scaffold as Lee and Everett get on the ropes and frantically scurry across.  Low Ki drops down from the scaffold, stomps both Everett and Lee off the ropes, and grabs the belt to retain.

Winner: Low Ki

Great main event!  Very dramatic stuff in this one without getting too spotty like a typical X Division match.

Thanks for reading the Impact Wrestling Report here on, I'll be back this weekend to discuss Impact and more with Dave Scherer on the Stu & Pid Show!

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