Kaiju Big Battel "Kaiju Civil Wars"
3/31/17
Orlando, FL
The Kaiju North & South ring announcers introduce the warring Kaiju promotions to he audience.
Unicorn Party VS #13 (Cosmic Monster Challenge Finals)
Unicorn Party's glitter gun fails to fire. 13 is a horrible mishmash monster with furry legs and crab claws. They need a referee, who bursts out of a Epcot glove at ring center. 13 does jumping jacks to warm up. Unicorn Party dances. Unicorn charges but bounces off of 13, who immediately brings a building into play. 13 tries to hit a People's Elbow on a building but Party saves it. Dr. Cube hits the ring to help his creation. 13 finally destroys a building, impaling it on Unicorn's horn! A SECOND Dr. cube arrives! 13 impales another building 5-knuckle shuffle on Cube 2! AA! 13 tries to destroy a third building but Unicorn spears him with the horn instead. Unicorn Party battles with the now THREE Dr. Cubes until Party lands a top rope splash on 13 for the three count!
Winner: Unicorn Party
Post-match, the Dr. Cubes beat up the referee! They remind the crowd that when the timeline was split, there are now millions of Dr. Cubes in this universe.
Burgerbear w/ Bear Ranger v Urchin
They charge each other into the corners. Burger hits Urchin with chops then hip tossed through several buildings. DW Cycloptopus comes down to trip up Burger Bear, Bear Ranger jumps in and we have a tag team match! Cycloptopus is instantly blinded and is tricked into attacking his partner. The Bears clothesline Cycloptopus out of the ring and make short work of Urchin to get the pin.
Winner: Burger Bear & Bear Ranger
Super Rong is out to dance. Unicorn Party, Bear Ranger and Dusto Bunny bring down a bunch of machine parts down to help build a machine to repair the timeline send all the extra Dr. Cubes back. Suddenly, an infinite army of Dr. Cubes arrives, of all shapes and sizes! They start beating down Super Rong and destroy the timeline repair machine. With their goal completed, the myriad treacherous Dr. Cubes turn on each other, leading to...
The Dr. Cube Battle Royal to the Death
This is chaotic cube combat until the first three Cubes are left with their heads. Super Rong hits the ring with a crocodile but they're beaten down. Cubes 1&2 break the neck of Cube 3. Unicorn Party grabs the crocodile and lays out those cubes with a moonsault. A sexy Dr. cube materializes to distract Unicorn, allowing the remaining Cubes to beat Unicorn down. The surviving Dr. Cubes escape to the back.
Silver Potato & Power Ranjuru vs Hell Monkey & ???? (Tower Match for the Vacant Tandem Championship)
There's a giant towering building in ring center. There's a jewel at the top. Climb the building, get the jewel, win the belts!
Hell Monkey already seems worse for the west so the ref gives him a sobriety test. Hell Monkey's partner is missing. He calls several potential partners until he gets a response...
IT'S SU YUNG!!!!
Initial chaos in the ring! Yung and Ranjuru battle on the outside. Ranjuru ends up fighting hammer vs building with Monkey while Su Yung attacks Potato with a crocodile. As it turns out, Monkey also called a pizza man and dozens of pizza arrive, filling the ring. Potato and Su Yung going toe to toe in the ring. Dozens more pizza boxes fill the ring. The crowd is throwing boxes into the ring. Potato spears Monkey through a pizza box table! Ranjuru chases down Su Yung with a crocodile! In the chaos, Hell Monkey makes it to the top of the giant building and gets the jewel! Su Yung has to be calmed down post-match as she keeps fighting even though she won.
Winners (and new champions): Hell Monkey & Su Yung
It takes a Long time to clean up these pizza boxes .
Dusto Bunny vs Grudyin (Arm Wrestling Championship)
After some initial slams, Grudyin goes to work on Dusto's arms with armbars and slams, trying to get the pin on the arm. Dusto fights back with stunners and cutters. He upends a box of Peeps into the ring, hitting a rock bottom onto the peeps for a near fall. Grudyin dodges a corner splash and choke slams Dusto into the peeps. Grudyin finally hits a pedigree into the peeps for the three count, winning the Arm Wrestling Championship!
Winner (and new champion): Grudyin
Civil war elimination flag match: Team North (Kung Fu Chicken Noodle, Steam-Powered Boulder, Paco Plantain, American Beetle, Choker) vs Team South (Gambling Bug, Scab, Pablo Plantain, Tucor , Iron Brother Claw)
The object of the match is to retrieve your flag from one corner of the ring and place it in the holder on the opposite corner. Participants can be eliminated by pinfall, submission or touching the floor.
Chaos to start until the teams get to their corners. The plantains are facing off! Paco hits a cutter off Pablo's stem! Both plantains fight and roll out of the ring. Both are eliminated! Kung Fu Chicken Noodle faces off against Claw. Karate kicks followed by a corner splash. Standing moonsault onto a building by Kung Fu. Iron lays a bear trap but Kung Fu trips him into it. Scab is in, fighting with Boulder. Boulder tosses Scab over the top rope! Elimination! Gambling Bug pulls down the top rope as Boulder charges, eliminating him. 619 from Choker and a top rope splash for a near fall! Gambling Bug lands a chokeslam and eliminates Choker. American Beetle is in! Bug is begging off which allows Claw & Tucor to blindside him and Kung Fu. Iron Brother Mace is out to help his side. Ophidian hits the ring and hypnotizes everyone. Dance Party! He tries to 10-punch Mace but gets powerbombed onto a pile of buildings. Both Iron Brothers are tossed. Kung Fun tosses Gambling Bug. Tucor and Beetle get their flags and fight to get back to the opposite corner. They have a flagsaber duel! Tucor drops Beetle! The Flag is in place! Kaiju South wins the Civil War!
Winner (and sole survivor): Tucor
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