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WWE RAW REPORT: WHO IMPRESSED THE AUTHORITY ENOUGH TO MAIN EVENT FASTLANE?, FINALLY . . . THE NEW DAY KNOW SOMETHING ROCK DOES NOT, AJ STYLES MAKES HIS RAW DEBUT, IF YOU MISSED SOMETHING RESEMBLING THE ATTITUDE ERA . . . THIS RAW IS FOR YOU

By Richard Trionfo on 2016-01-25 23:05:36
Rock finally makes his way to the ring.

Rock asks if you are ready for Wrestlemania. Rock points out if it is live and he wants to know if you are ready for Wrestlemania. Rock says everyone is ready for Wrestlemania. Rock mentions that JBL, Michael Cole, and the other black dude he doesn't know is ready.

Rock says this is the time that they go off the script. Rock goes to ringside and he sees the fans who were moved from the rail because they were dressed as Undertaker, Hulk Hogan, and Randy Savage. Rock says the weed in Miami must be good.

Rock asks if they are ready for Wrestlemania again. Rock wants to talk about tonight.

The Rock is interrupted by the New Day.

Xavier tells Rock to relax a little. He tells Rock that the black guy he does not know is Byron Saxton and he is the best announcer, but that is not saying much.

Kofi suggests that Rock talk about the black guys that Rock knows, the New Day. Three men who whooped the Lucha Dragons, the Dudleys . . . men from your era, and last night put the whooping on your cousins The Usos. They hit the Usos so hard that when they walk north, they look south.

Kofi says they are trying to say that New Day is representing. You call yourself the People's Champion but he does not see any gold. Where is your gold? Is it under your shirt? Kofi says someone who has gold is Big E. Big E says that Kofi has gold. Xavier points out that Francesca 2 is made of gold.

Xavier says they are the WWE World Tag Team Champions.

Big E tells Rock he looks like a man who does not eat his BOOTY-O cereal. You are a pretty smart man. Just like Lebron James . . . who moved from Miami to Clevland, you went from this dumpster fire of a town to Hollywood. Taking the money and you got the hell out of here.

Big E says that Rock says he did it for the people, but he did it for the paycheck. He says that they already knew that they got him because the New Day Rocks.

Big E asks for a rebuttal and he tells a sign guy to quiet down.

Rock says he knows exactly who you are. You are the WWE Tag Team Champions. You are extremely entertaining. The thing that is amazing is that you are that entertaining when you are wearing llama penises on your head.

Xavier explains they are unicorn horns.

Rock says they are corns. He says you look like three chocolate corn holes.

Rock says Big Momma did not like that. He says you are so big and so strong that it is like the Incredible Hulk banged Urkel.

Rock says this is a ring and those are ropes. Why don't you walk down and jump in the ring so he can shove that trombone up all three of your candy asses.

Big E calls for a champion's huddle and it does not involve the Rock.

Rock says they look like three unibitches in a circle.

Xavier asks if everyone wants this to get real. He says you don't deserve it so goodbye.

Rock wants things to be whoaed down. He knows that they are not used to seeing Rock out here. Rock says he has a plan upon a plan. Plan A did not work. Plan B always works.

Xavier says that he got snipped so Plan B is not necessary.

Rock says Plan B is family.

The Usos attack the New Day and Rock with a Rock Bottom to Big E. Kofi gets a Samoan Drop. Xavier is sent into the ring and he turns around and gets a double super kick followed by a spinebuster and the People's Elbow.

Rock says that they will see you at Wrestlemania.

Match Number Six: Brie Bella and Alicia Fox versus Paige and Natalya in a Remember Total Divas tomorrow Match

Natalya and Alicia start things off and Natalya with a waist lock but Alicia with a head scissors. Alicia with kicks and a tag. Brie with a clothesline for a near fall. Brie with a chin lock and she sends Natalya to the mat and gets a near fall. Brie with kicks to the chest. Brie with a drop kick and it is time for the Brie Mode Running knee but Natalya moves and Brie appears to have hurt her knee. Paige tags in and she hits a thrust kick on Brie followed by a running knee in the corner.

Paige with a knee to the head and she gets a near fall. Paige with the PTO but Alicia kicks Paige. Natalya with a discus clothesline and they go to the floor. Paige with the RamPaige for the three count.

Winners: Natalya and Paige

We are told about the WWE partnership with the Boys and Girls Clubs and we see the event that took place in Miami earlier today.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Miz says he is so sick of being interrupted. Whether it is MizTV or the Rock . . . or

Kalisto's music interrupts Miz and he makes his way to the ring.

Match Number Seven: Miz versus Kalisto in a Non Title Match

Miz attacks Kalisto when he has his back turned as the bell rings. Miz with kicks but Kalisto with an Irish whip and shoulder in the corner. Kalisto with kicks to Miz and a head scissors take down. Kalisto with a suicide dive onto Miz on the floor. Kalisto sends Miz into the ring and Kalisto with a cross body for a near fall. Kalisto with a side head lock.

Miz with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Miz mocks the Lucha gesture. Kalisto with a take down and front face lock. Miz with a back body drop and Kalisto lands on his feet and he hits a drop kick. Miz sends Kalisto to the apron Kalisto with a kick and springboard cross body for a near fall.

Miz goes to the floor and we go to commercial.

We are back and Miz pulls Kalisto back to the mat and part of Kalisto's mask comes off. We see Miz pull Kalisto off the turnbuckles during the commercial break. Kalisto with a Listo Kick but Miz with a clothesline for a near fall. Miz punches Kalisto. Miz kicks Kalisto into the corner and then he hits the Awesome Clothesline. Miz goes up top and hits a double sledge to the head and he gets a near fall. Miz with a reverse chin lock.

Kalisto with punches but Miz with Reality Check but Kalisto avoids the second neck breaker and gets a near fall with a backslide. Miz gets a near fall and Kalisto gets a near fall of his own. Miz focuses on the fans and that allows Kalisto to recover and he kicks Miz in the head a few times. Kalisto goes to the apron and he hits an enzuigiri. Kalisto with a springboard seated splash followed by a springboard corkscrew cross body for a near fall. Kalisto with kicks and Miz blocks a rana attempt. Kalisto lands on his feet and Miz hits a DDT.

Miz gets a near fall. Miz sets for the Skull Crushing Finale but Kalisto uses the ropes and hits Salida Del Sol for the three count.

Winner: Kalisto

Match Number Eight: Rusev and Sheamus (with Wade Barrett and Alberto Del Rio) versus Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose

Reigns and Sheamus start things off and Reigns with kicks and punches. The referee warns Reigns and Sheamus with punches and European uppercuts. Reigns with a clothesline and he tags in Ambrose. Ambrose with punches and a drop kick to Sheamus against the ropes. Reigns tags in and hits a flying clothesline. Ambrose clotheslines Rusev over the top rope to the floor. Ambrose goes up top and hits an elbow onto Rusev and Sheamus as we go to commercial.

We are back and Sheamus with a reverse chin lock on Reigns followed by an elbow to the head. Reigns gets to his feet and he punches Sheamus. Sheamus with an Irish whip and shoulder into the corner. Reigns with a clothesline and both men are down. Ambrose tags in and he hits a running forearm to Sheamus and follows with a flying cross body and punches. Ambrose with a running forearm to Sheamus and then Ambrose with a back body drop to send Sheamus to the floor. Ambrose with a suicide dive.

Barrett grabs Ambrose's leg and Rusev pushes Ambrose off the turnbuckles. Ambrose is sent into Yeatonville. Rusev tags in and he sends Ambrose into the apron and then into the ringside barrier. Rusev sends Ambrose into the ringside barrier again. Rusev goes for a third throw into the ringside barrier. Ambrose is sent back into the ring and Rusev gets a near fall. Rusev with a gutwrench suplex and he gets a near fall.

Sheamus tags in and he kicks Ambrose. Sheamus hits a uranage back breaker and he hits a second one. Sheamus sets for a third one and he hits it and he gets a near fall. Sheamus with a reverse chin lock. Ambrose tries to make it to his corner but Sheamus catches him and sends him into the corner and Sheamus with a clothesline. Rusev tags in and he hits an elbow drop. Rusev with another elbow drop. Rusev winds up and hits a third one and gets a near fall.

Rusev with a head lock but Ambrose with a belly-to-back suplex to get out of the hold. Ambrose rolls to the floor and Rusev follows after him. Rusev sends Ambrose onto the apron and Sheamus tags in. Sheamus sets for the forearms across the chest and he adds shots to the kidneys. Sheamus has a punch blocked and Ambrose with punches, sending Ambrose back to the floor. Sheamus taunts Ambrose and sends him back to the ring but Ambrose rolls on the apron and clotheslines Sheamus.

Del Rio helps Sheamus into the ring but Reigns and Rusev tag in. Reigns with clotheslines followed by a rollup and kick to the head. Reigns punches Sheamus to the floor. Reigns sends Rusev over the top rope to the floor. Reigns sets for the Superman punch off the steps but Sheamus moves. Reigns with a Samoan Drop. Reigns with the Juggernaut Broad Jump Drop Kick to Rusev.

Reigns with Neverending Story followed by a punch to take Rusev down. Reigns sets for the Superman punch and Del Rio and Barrett distract Reigns to allow Rusev to hit a few kicks. Sheamus tags in and hits a Brogue Kick but Ambrose makes the save. Rusev is sent over the top rope to the floor and Ambrose with a running elbow drop off the apron.

Reigns with a spear for the three count.

Winners: Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns

After the match, Ambrose pulls off the cover on the announce tables. Reigns sends Rusev into the ring steps. Ambrose picks up Rusev and puts him on the announce table. Ambrose picks up Rusev and gives him to Rusev for a power bomb through the announce table.

Stephanie McMahon's music plays and she makes her way to the stage.

Stephanie says that was impressive and since the Authority does what is best for business she has an announcement. Stephanie reminds us that her husband will face the winner of the main event of Fastlane. It will be a Triple Threat with Roman Reigns versus Dean Ambrose versus Brock Lesnar.

We go to credits.


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