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By Mike Johnson on 2012-02-19 19:33:11
Backstage, Hornswoggle was wearing a cheese hat and was all excited by the cheese.   He asked someone to cut the cheese and of course it was Natalya.  She said that she swore it wasn't her and then she farted and ran off.  Justin Gabriel showed up and said that Horny was excited to be here.  Horny said that he loves Wisconsin and began running down the cheeses he liked.  He said Jack cheese, which brought Jack Swagger and Vickie Guerrero onto the scene.  He pointed at Vickie and said cottage cheese.   Swagger bullied Hornswoggle (I thought we are against that in this company!) and Gabriel stood up for him.  Teddy Long made a match for them tonight.  Swagger said that once again, Long has abused his authority and that one man should be running the shows.  Long agreeJusd and said that it should be him, then told Swagger his match was next and was for the title.  Waste of a segment.

WWE United States champion Jack Swagger vs. Justin Gabriel (with Hornswoggle)

 Swagger ended up working over Gabriel and nailed the Vader splash off the ropes, then did push-ups on Gabriel.   Gabriel came back with a flying bodypress for a two count   Gabriel sent Swagger to the outside and hit a twisting pescado.   He drilled Swagger with knees and shots.  He went for another kick but Swagger caught his foot and slammed it into the ringpost.  Swagger applied the anklelock and forced him to tap.

Your winner, WWE United States champion Jack Swagger!

Ambulance Match: Kane vs. John Cena

They started brawling in the middle of the ring with Kane nailing him with a right hand and tossed him to the floor.   Kane worked over Cena on the floor but Cena fired back.   Cena slammed him into the railig several times as they battled towards the entrance stage.   Cena called for the ambulance to be backed up into the Arena but Kane cut him off.

Kane worked him over and opened the ambulance doors.    Cena went to nail Kane from behind but Kane pulled the stretcher out, nailing Cena.  Cena was pulled towards the ambulance but grabbed a back board and worked Kane over with it.  Cena nailed Kane with a seires of rights and they battled back and forth in the aisle.  The crowd was alive with the dueling Cena chants, to the point it was the loudest it had been all night.

Cena whipped Kane into the ring steps but was cut off when he returned to the ring.   Kane whipped Cena into the ropes and drilled him with a big boot.    Kane tried to drag Cena out of the ring but was kicked off.   He overpowered Cena and whipped him hard into the turnbuckles.     Cena nailed a series of rights but was caught with a sideslam.

Kane went to the top for a flying clothesline but Cena dropkicked him in mid-air.  Cena nailed his usual moves and the Five Knuckle Shuffle.    Cena set him up for the Attitude Adjustment but was grabbed in the suffocation choke.  Cena went out.  Kane dragged a prone Cena from the ring to the floor.  He pulled out a wheelchair out from under the ring (it JUST happened to be there) and put the unconscious Cena towards the ambulance.  Cena woke up and tried to escape but Kane put the choke back on him.  Cena got to his feet and battled Kane, breaking it and sending him into the guard rail. 

Cena rammed Kane into the side of the ambulance.   He went for the wheelchair, folded it up and ran it into Kane, who was standing against the ambulance trying to regain his bearings.   He placed Kane in the wheelchair and ran Kane into a table containing some production equipment on the side of the entrance.  Kane nailed Cena with a laptop he grabbed from the floor after it was knocked off the table., then hit Cena with the wheelchair.  Cena grabbed a chair and nailed Kane with it.  They brawled into the production area and then into the crowd.

Kane tried to whip Cena into the barricade but Cena reversed it and sent Kane over the rail to the ringside area.  Cena nailed Kane with a mic and then drilled him with a TV monitor he grabbed from the announcer's table. He grabbed the top section of the ring steps and ran it into Kane.  He nailed Kane with it again, then set up the bottom section in front of the Spanish Announce Table.   He pulled Kane on his shoulders and climbed the steps to go for an AA through a table but Kane slipped off, grabbed Cena and chokeslammed Cena onto the table, which collapsed.

Kane retrieved the gurney from near the ambulance and pulled it to the unconscious Cena.  He placed Cena in the ambulance but before he could close the door, Cena kicked it open.  He worked over Kane and slammed Kane's head into the side door.  Cena and Kane battled on top of the ambulance.  Kane went for a chokeslam but Cena fought him off and nailed an AA off the top of the ambulance to the "floor" (crash pad) below.   It didn't get anywhere near the reaction you'd expect.  Cena put Kane in the ambulance for the win.

Your winner, John Cena!

They followed the ambulance driving out of the venue.

Cena pointed at the Wrestlemania sign to close the show.

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