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WWE RAW ROULETTE REPORT: SHAWN MICHAELS PLUGS HIS SHOW AND THEN DRILLS THE TAG CHAMPS; MAKING UP FOR THE VOTING ERRORS FROM LAST WEEK; BOOKER T PLAYS VANNA WHITE; MARK HENRY FINALLY GETS REVENGE ON THE STEEL CAGE; CM PUNK GIVE A PROMO THAT STOPS SOUND IN THE WWE

By Richard Trionfo on 2011-06-27 23:09:31
We are live from Las Vegas, Nevada and your announcers are Michael ‘Can we see a Coal Miner’s Glove Match tonight’ Cole and Jerry ‘Double Zero’ Lawler.

We see the wheel in the back and Booker T is doing the spinning.

Shawn Michaels makes his way to the ring and Michael Cole has returned the title of ‘Mr. Wrestlemania’ to Cole for one night only.

Shawn says that from the bottom of his heart, he did try to stay away, but he just couldn’t do it. He asks how could he leave all of this. He says that he gave it the old college try, but it is very tough. Twenty plus years of doing something, you just can’t stop cold turkey. Shawn says that he has said it before and he will say it again, but he missed everyone.

Shawn says that no matter what anybody says, it was everyone who made this guy from Texas, the headliner, the showstopper, the main event, Mr. Wrestlemania, and Mr. Hall of Fame.

Shawn says that he doesn’t want to imply that he is the Raw guest host, but he says that something that has bothered him is that when we have a guest host, they are here to plug something. Shawn says that the last thing he is going to do is tell everyone that he has a show on the Outdoor Channel debuting tomorrow night because he doesn’t want to insult the fans. Shawn mentions his twitter account . . .

And then he is interrupted by CM Punk and he is accompanied by David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty. Cole tells us that Mason Ryan is not here because he suffered an injury over the weekend.

Punk says that Shawn just couldn’t stay away because his personality is that addictive that he could not step away from the spotlight. Punk asks everyone if they are happy to see the Heartbreak Kid. Punk says that what is going to make him happy is that on July 17th, he is leaving because it is his last day.

Shawn says that means that nobody will have to see or hear Punk so it is a win-win.

Punk agrees because it is what everyone wants. Punk says that Wynn is not only a hotel on the Strip, but it is what Shawn did not do in his final match. Punk says that he is going to leave a winner and the WWE Champion.

Shawn asks Punk if he ran that by John Cena since he is the champion.

Punk says that he beat John Cena two weeks ago on Raw so he has no doubt that at the Money in the Bank Pay Per View in Chicago, he is going to leave with John Cena’s WWE Title. Punk says that he is leaving because of the people.

Punk says that it is sad that the fans would get on their feet and clap their hands for the past rather than get on their hands and knees for the future to stay.

Shawn says that at the end of the day, the reason why they cheered him was because they know that Shawn is better than Punk.

The fans chant for ‘one more match’.

Punk says that Shawn was better than him, but there is no one who can hold a candle to Punk in the back. It was just like when Shawn was wrestling and there was no one better than him.

Punk wants to know if that is a challenge. He says that they are both brash and will say whatever they want. Shawn says that they are not alike, but there are some similarities. Shawn says at the end of the day, Punk has his style and Shawn has his.

Shawn gives Otunga Sweet Chin Music and Punk says that Shawn made the worst mistake of his life.

We have an e-mail and Cole goes to read it. Punk leaving WWE is his decision, but seeing that he only has three Raws left, they are going to make them count. Since Punk is in the ring already, he will be in the first match on Raw Roulette.

It is time to spin the wheel.

It is a Mystery Match against a Mystery Opponent. It is a one way trip to hell because he will be facing Kane.

We go back to the ring and Shawn gives McGillicutty Sweet Chin Music.

Match Number One: CM Punk versus Kane

Kane with an uppercut to Punk and then Kane throws Punk to the floor and he follows after him. Kane hot shots Punk on the ringside barrier and then he hangs Punk over the apron and punches him.

Kane sends Punk into the turnbuckles and then he kicks and punches Punk. Kane gets a near fall after a snap mare and drop kick. Kane with an Irish whip into the corner and then he goes for a second one and he follows it with a side slam. Punk drops Kane’s arm on the top rope and then Punk tries for a springboard clothesline but Kane grabs Punk by the throat but Punk with a kick to the head and Kane goes down.

Punk with kicks to Kane followed by punches and more kicks. Kane pushes Punk away and then he connects with a back heel kick.

Punk with forearms to the kidneys and kicks him in the leg. Kane grabs Punk by the throat but Punk kicks Kane in the leg. Kane with a big boot to Punk and then he goes up top but Punk stops Kane with a punch and he sets for a superplex but Kane blocks it and sends Punk to the mat. Kane sets for the clothesline and Punk knows that it is coming and he goes across the ring and goes to the floor.

Punk walks away and goes up the ramp to get counted out.

Winner: Kane by count out

We go to commercial.

Match Number Two: Sin Cara versus Evan Bourne in a No Count Out and We F-ed up last week Match

They lock up and Bourne with a waist lock and snap mare into an arm bar but Cara with an arm drag. Bourne with an arm drag of his own followed by an arm bar. Bourne with a side head lock into a hammer lock. Cara with a snap mare and then he uses the ropes for leverage on an arm drag. Cara uses the ropes again for an arm drag that sends Bourne to the floor. Cara tries for a baseball slide and Bourne moves out of the way.

They return to the ring and Cara with a kick. Bourne with a kick of his own and then Cara with more kicks. Bourne rolls through a sunset flip and hits a double stomp and gets a near fall. Cara misses his springboard back elbow and Bourne misses a kick. Cara with a head scissors that sends Bourne to the floor. Cara with a suicide dive onto Bourne.

Cara gets Bourne on his shoulders but Bourne counters with a head scissors take down. Bourne sends Cara back into the ring and then Bourne avoids a drop kick and Bourne with a near fall on a rollup. Cara with a La Magistral for a near fall.

Bourne gets a near fall on Cara. Bourne runs into boots from Cara and then Cara with a springboard corkscrew splash for a near fall. Cara with kicks but Bourne blocks another kick and sweeps the leg and hits a standing moonsault for a near fall. Bourne goes up top for the Shooting Star Press but Cara moves out of the way. Bourne lanes on his feet and then Cara with the La Mistica Driver for the three count.

Winner: Sin Cara

Kofi Kingston is in the back with Booker and Booker tells Kofi that he gets to spin the wheel for his match stipulation against Dolph Ziggler. Vickie interrupts and she spins the wheel instead. The match is ‘Player’s Choice’. Kofi gets to choose the stipulation and he chooses the stipulation that he voted for last week with Vickie Guerrero banned from ringside.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Cole and Lawler talk about how the winner of the Money in the Bank match has cashed in successfully.

The Raw match will have Rey Mysterio, Kofi Kingston, Alex Riley, Evan Bourne, Alberto Del Rio, R Truth, Swagger, Miz

Before the match starts, Vickie Guerrero comes out and she throws out a few Excuse Mes before trying to introduce Dolph Ziggler, but the referees stop her.

Match Number Three: Kofi Kingston versus Dolph Ziggler in a We Screwed Up Last Week So Vickie is Banned from Ringside Match

Ziggler goes to the floor and he walks away but Kofi attacks Dolph from behind and Kofi kicks Dolph before returning to the ring. Dolph with kicks to Kofi. Kofi with a forearm that sends Dolph to the floor and Kofi slams Dolph on the floor. Kofi is sent into the ring post by Dolph when Dolph is able to recover in time. We go to commercial.

We are back and Ziggler with a reverse chin lock on Kofi. Kofi with punches but Dolph with kicks. Kofi with an Irish whip but he misses a splash into the corner. Ziggler with a Fameasser for a near fall. Ziggler with a forearm to Kofi’s chest and then he rubs his forearm across Kofi’s eyes. Kofi with kicks to Ziggler followed by punches.

Ziggler with a neck breaker for a near fall on Kofi. Kofi with a kick but Ziggler tries for a slam and Kofi counters with a rollup. Kofi with forearms and kicks to Ziggler but Ziggler with a kick to the head and then he sends Kofi to the floor but Kofi bounces off the ropes and hits Trouble in Paradise for the three count.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

Booker is in the wheel room with Maryse and after Booker keeps talking too long, Alberto Del Rio enters and he wonders why he has to face Big Show again. Maryse agrees with Del Rio. Booker decides to spin the wheel for Alberto, but Del Rio wants the woman from the Great White North to spin. Maryse tries to sweet talk Alberto since he has money but then we see that the stipulation is a Steel Cage Match so the engagement is off.

We are back with the Slam of the Week: Big Show destroying Mark Henry two weeks ago followed by Mark Henry destroying Big Show and an announce table at Capitol Punishment.

Match Number Four: Big Show versus Alberto Del Rio in a Steel Cage Match

Del Rio tries to climb over the top of the cage, but Show stops Del Rio with a chop and then he gives Del Rio a head butt. Show with a chop across the chest. Show sends Del Rio into the cage and then he puts Alberto’s face against the cage and he follows it with a head butt. Show with an Irish whip but Del Rio with a drop kick to the injured knee. Del Rio with more kicks to Show to keep him on the mat and Del Rio with a near fall but Show with a powerful kick out. Del Rio returns to the knee as he keeps Show grounded.

Mark Henry makes his way to ringside to watch the match a little closer than he could in the back. Henry takes a lap around the cage while Del Rio continues to work on the leg. Show with a chop and clothesline to Del Rio. Show sets for the choke slam but Del Rio with a kick and a low DDT for a near fall.

Del Rio climbs the cage by the door without realizing the door is right in front of him. Show stops Del Rio and they fight in the other corner. Show with a superplex on Del Rio.

Mark Henry tries to open the cage door using the handle, but he figures it is easier to rip the door off the hinges and four years later (give or take), he breaks the door off the cage.

Henry brings the door into the cage and then Henry kicks Show in the head. Del Rio crawls out of the cage and hits the ground to win the match.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

After the match, Henry grabs the door and he is not done with Show. Henry with a splash using the door with Show on the apron and the cage wall collapses. While the medical staff checks on Show, Henry has some words with the fans.

We go to commercial.

We are back with a Moments Ago Moment of the damage done to the steel cage by Mark Henry and Big Show.

Michael Cole points out that Big Show is having a few bad weeks.

We see what happened last week when Kelly won the Divas Title from Brie Bella.

Match Number Five: Kelly Kelly versus Nikki Bella with Brie Bella in a Submission Match

Nikki works on the arm and she sends Kelly shoulder first into the turnbuckles. Nikki with an arm bar followed by a Fujiwara arm bar. Kelly gets to her feet and Kelly with forearms followed by a double leg take down and she puts Nikki in a Boston Crab and Nikki taps out.

Winner: Kelly Kelly

After the match, Brie attacks Kelly and Nikki’s back is one hundred percent again. Eve comes to the ring to attack Nikki and Brie and sends them to the floor.

We go to commercial.

We are back with a look back at the last month for Andy Leavine. He says that it was great to win, but then you get welcomed to the company with a slap from Vince McMahon and a Stunner from Steve Austin. He says that winning Tough Enough is a motivating thing. Steve Keirn and Ricky Steamboat comment on Andy and how he was the right choice to win. Andy says that this is where the hard work starts.

Rey Mysterio watches Booker T spin the wheel because you must be ‘this tall’ to spin the wheel. It is a Tornado Match. Rey and Alex Riley will face Jack Swagger and Miz in the ring at the same time.

Diamond Dallas Page shocks Booker with his presence. Page talks about the Nitro DVD that he hosts. He talks about Page’s title matches in the past.

Drew McIntyre enters the room and he says that there are a lot of superstars who think that Booker and Page are relics and Drew says that they are taking his time. Drew tells them to leave in ten minutes or they will be leaving on stretchers. Drew starts to walk away but he gets taken down with Sweet Chin Music. Shawn says that he never saw any of the Nitros on the DVD because he was working at the time.

We go to commercial.

Match Number Six: Jack Swagger and Miz versus Alex Riley and Rey Mysterio in a Tornado Match

Swagger goes after Rey while Miz goes after Riley. Riley punches Miz while Swagger with an Irish whip to Rey and Rey lands on his feet on a suplex attempt but Miz with a clothesline to Rey. Riley with a clothesline to Miz and Swagger with a clothesline to Riley. Swagger chokes Rey in the corner while Miz and Riley battle on the floor with Miz in control.

Miz runs Riley back first into the ringside barrier while Swagger with an Irish whip to Rey. Swagger with a back breaker and it is time for the double jump Swagger bomb and he hits it and gets a near fall. Swagger gets Rey on his shoulders but Rey gets out of the hold and Miz is crotched on top. Rey with a baseball slide to Swagger in the corenr and then Rey with a seated splash off the apron. Riley climbs to the top turnbuckle and he hits a hip toss from the top turnbuckle and Riley gets a near fall on Miz as we go to commercial.

We are back and Swagger and Miz stand over Riley as we see footage from the commercial break when Miz and Swagger worked over Riley. Swagger kicks Rey off the apron. Riley punches Miz but Swagger hits Riley from behind. Swagger with punches of his own. Riley with a kick to Swagger and a rollup on Miz for a near fall. Rey goes up top and tries for a cross body on Swagger but Swagger catches Rey and drops Rey across Miz’s knee but Miz can only get a two count.

Miz kicks Rey while Swagger kicks Riley. Miz with a low DDT to Rey for a near fall. Swagger charges at Riley but Riley sends Swagger to the floor. Miz with a knee to Riley that sends him to the floor. Miz puts Rey on top and he tries for a superplex but Rey blocks it and he head butts and knocks Miz off with a forearm. Rey with a seated splash to Rey and then he sends Swagger into the ropes. Rey with a kick to Miz after knocking Swagger out of the ring and Rey gets a near fall.

Miz tries for the Skull Crushing Finale but Rey kicks Miz into the ropes. Swagger pulls Rey down on the 619 set up. Riley with a spinebuster to Swagger but Miz breaks it up. Miz with an inverted DDT for a near fall on Riley. Miz gets clotheslined over the top rope but Riley. Swagger with a boot to Rey and Rey kicks out at two.

Swagger tries for the Doctor Bomb but Rey counters with a rana that sends Swagger into the ropes. Swagger grabs the leg on the 619 attempt and Swagger puts Rey in the ankle lock. Miz with a front face lock. Riley takes care of Miz and Riley with a hot shot onto the ringside barrier. Swagger is knocked into the ropes and Riley with a drop kick to Swagger that sends Swagger to the other set of ropes where he waits for the 619. Riley with an Impaler DDT and Rey gets the three count with the dive for the three count.

Winners: Rey Mysterio and Alex Riley

We get a brief look at Shawn Michaels’ new show.

It is time for R Truth to spin the wheel and we wonder what conspiracy he will blame on the Tables Match Stipulation. Truth likes that stipulation because it means that tonight John Cena is gonna get got. Truth has something to say to the Little Jimmys and Booker tries to stop him. Booker decides to leave instead and we go to commercial.

Match Number Seven: R Truth versus John Cena in a Tables Match

Truth with a kick and punches to Cena. Cena with an Irish whip and a suplex out of the corner. Cena goes to the floor and he goes for a table but Truth with a punch to stop Cena. They return to the ring and Truth works on Cena’s back. Cena with a snap mare followed by a drop kick and both men are down. Cena tries for the Attitude Adjustment but Truth escapes and he hits a suplex into a stunner and Cena is down.

Truth goes to the floor and he brings a table into the ring and he sets it up while Cena tries to get up. Truth makes the final adjustments to the table and then he sets for a suplex through the table, but Cena blocks it and hits a suplex of his own to the other side of the ring. Truth charges at Cena and Cena ducks down as Truth goes to the floor.

Cena sends Truth into the ring steps. Cena brings a table into the ring and sets it up. Cena brings Truth back into the ring and he waits for Truth to get up for the Attitude Adjustment but CM Punk made his way to the ring and Punk pulls the table out of the way.

Cena goes after Punk and they fight on the floor. They return to the ring and Cena gets Punk on his shoulders for an Attitude Adjustment but Punk pulls the table away and then Truth gets to his feet and he spears Cena through the table.

Winner: R Truth

After the match, Punk grabs a mic and he walks up the ramp to the stage. Punk takes a seat as he tells John Cena that while he lays there hopefully as uncomfortably as he can possibly be. He wants Cena to digest some of the things that Punk wants to get off his chest before he leaves in three weeks with Cena’s title. He doesn’t hate John and he actually likes John. He says that he likes Cena a hell of a lot more than most of the people in the back.

He hates the idea that Cena is the best because he is not. Punk says that he is the best and the best in the world. There is one thing that Cena is better at and that is kissing Vince McMahon’s ass.

Punk says that Cena is just as good as Hulk Hogan was. He doesn’t know if Cena is as good as Dwayne because he is a pretty good ass kisser and still is. Punk says that he is breaking the fourth wall and he waves to the camera. Punk reiterates that he is the best wrestler in the world. He has been the best since day one when he walked into the company and he has been vilified and hated since that day because Paul Heyman saw something in him that nobody else wanted to admit.

Punk says that he is a Heyman guy and he says that another person who was a Paul Heyman man was Brock Lesnar. Brock split just like he is splitting. Punk says that the biggest difference between him and Brock is that he is leaving with the WWE Championship.

Punk says that he has grabbed at so many of Vince McMahon’s imaginary brass rings that it dawned on him that they are completely imaginary and the only thing that is real is him. The fact that day in and day out for almost six years he has proven to everybody in the world that he is the best. He is the best on the microphone, in the ring, and even on commentary. Nobody can touch him.

Yet no matter how many times he has proven it, he is not on the lovely little collector cups, he’s not on the cover of the program, he’s barely promoted, he doesn’t get to be in movies, he certainly not on any crappy programs on USA Network. He isn’t on the poster for Wrestlemania, he isn’t on the signature that’s produced at the start of the show. He’s not on Conan O’Brien, he isn’t on Jimmy Fallon. Punk says that he should be.

He says that this isn’t sour grapes. The fact that Dwayne is in the main event of Wrestlemania next year and he isn’t makes Punk sick. Punk wants everyone who was cheering him to know that they are the biggest part of him leaving as anyone else.

Punk says that they are sipping out of those collector cups, buy those programs that his face isn’t on the cover of. Then at five in the morning, at the airport, you shove it in my face for an autograph so you can sell it on eBay because you are too lazy to get a real job.

Punk says that he is leaving with the WWE Championship on the 17th. Who knows, maybe I’ll defend it in New Japan Pro Wrestling. Maybe I’ll go back to Ring of Honor. Hey Colt Cabana, how ya doing.

Punk says that he is leaving because of the people. After he is gone, they are going to continue to pour money into this company. Punk says that he is just a spoke on the wheel and the wheel is going to keep on turning and he understands that.

Vince McMahon is going to make money despite himself. Vince is a millionaire who should be a billionaire. He says that it is because he surrounds himself with glad handing, nonsensical, (word was omitted, but sounded a lot like d-bag), yes men like John Laurinaitis who is going to tell him everything that he wants to hear.

Maybe this company will be better after Vince McMahon is dead, but the fact is that it’s gonna get taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law and the rest of his stupid family.

Let me tell you a personal story about Vince McMahon. We do this whole bully campaign . . .

At this point Punk’s mic is turned off and he gestures about being silenced by the WWE and then they go to credits.

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