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COMPLETE WRESTLEMANIA 34 COVERAGE: NEW CHAMPIONS ARE CROWNED, MORE SHOCKING MOMENTS THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A STICK AT, AND DID WE GET THE UNDERTAKER?

By Stuart Carapola on 2018-04-09 11:57:00

Smackdown Tag Team Title Match: Jimmy & Jey Uso vs New Day vs Bludgeon Brothers

In continuing with tonight's tradition of over the top entrances, Xavier uses his trombone to summon a bunch of midgets dressed like pancakes who accompany them to the ring and toss pancakes into the crowd on the way down.  Then they start doing the worm around ringside.  This is among the craziest things I think I've ever seen.  Kofi hits Trouble In Paradise on one of the Usos right off the bat but only gets 2 when Harper drags him to the floor.  Another brawl breaks out on the floor just like we saw when the Bloudgeon Brothers laid everyone out at Fast Lane.  They stalk Xavier, who's not in this match, and he tries to get the first shot in, but that doesn't end well for him.  Rowan gives Xavier a powerbomb into the post, then they dump Kofi into the ring and Rowan splashes both Kofi and whichever one of the Usos that is.  Tom calls it Jimmy, so we'll go with that, but he gets dumped to the floor in any case.  Big E gets knocked off the apron, but Jimmy dumps Rowan to the floor and now the Usos double team Harper with a series of double kicks.  Double superkick floors Harper, and Jey comes off the top with a splash for 2.  Rowan pulls Jimmy out to the floor, and Jimmy hits his own Trouble In Paradise on Harper, then superkicks Rowan to the floor.  The Usos try a double dive, but Rowan catches them both by the throat.  They double suplex him on the floor, and Big E powers Harper up off the ground, but gets tossed, leaving Kofi alone with Harper in the ring, and he hits a twisting Boss Man Slam.  Harper drags Kofi up to the second rope, but now the Usos double superkick him as he sits on the top, then they go for a double superplex, but Rowan charges in and knocks them all out.  Kofi runs up again, but Harper tosses him down, and Rowan powerbombs him.  Rowan feeds Kofi to Harper for a top rope sitout powerbomb, and we have new champions.

Winners and New Smackdown Tag Team Champions: Bludgeon Brothers

This was almost a complete squash, totally dominant performance by Harper and Rowan.

John Cena comes to the ring and Lillian announces this as a match.  A referee runs down to the ring to talk to Cena, who doesn't look happy and grabs him by the shirt, then gets a look of disappointment on his face.  The fans chant for the Undertaker as Cena walks out, but as he makes his way back up the aisle to start high fiving fans, out comes...Elias.  He asks if we were expecting somebody else, but he says that somebody else doesn't have the athletic prowess, charisma, or unlimited talent he possesses.  If Cena thought this would be another walk in the park, he's wrong.  The fans chant for the Undertaker as Elias gets into the ring and tells Cena to back up because he'll take it from here.  He looks out into the sea of 75,000 fans who paid to see him do what he does best (Cena goes and climbs back into his seat at ringside), and he's about to make history.  He tells Cena to go do what he does best and be a spectator, and starts a song about how John Cena wanted a fight, but it's Elias' night.  He traveled the world and he found this true: John Cena sucks because he's like all of YOU!  Cena comes back over the barricade and goes after Elias, running him over with a series of shoulderblocks and a blue thunder bomb.  He hits the five knuckle shuffle, then plants Elias with the AA.

The fans chant again for the Undertaker, but Cena's music hits, appearing to close the segment.  He resignedly waves to the crowd and starts back up the ramp again when his music suddenly stops.  Cena freezes in place as the lights go back out, the smoke fills the arena, and the Undertaker's hat and jacket appear in the ring right where he left them last year.  Lightning strikes them, the lights go out, and they're gone when the spotlight comes back up.  Cena stares in disbelief as the bell tolls, the flames streak upward, and...HE'S HERE.  Cena is in the ring with a look of disbelief on his face as the Undertaker approaches, frozen in place as the Undertaker takes off his ring attire and stares a hole through him.  Cena looks deathly afraid of Cena, but the bell rings and...IT'S ON.

John Cena vs The Undertaker

Undertaker unloads on him right away with a flurry of punches, then hits the flying clothesline.  Undertaker twists the arm and takes him to the corner for Old School, he walks the ropes, and he connects.  Undertaker charges the coerner with a clothesline, then again, then Undertaker hits Snake Eyes and a big boot, followed by a legdrop.  Undertaker goes for the chokeslam, but Cena slips out behind and hits a back suplex.  The fans boo him as he sets for the five knuckle shuffle, but the Undertaker sits up and Cena stops in his tracks.  Cena eats a chokeslam, Undertaker takes the straps down and hoists Cena up, Tombstone, and that's all she wrote!

Winner: The Undertaker

WOW!  Undertaker absolutely annihilated Cena, totally one-sided affair.  Cena got one move in and the match lasted all of MAYBE four minutes.  Undertaker goes up the ramp, pauses, and throws the fist up before leaving.

He see a video package of Friday's Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony, then Lillian introduces the inductees to the live crowd.

Daniel Bryan & Shane McMahon vs Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn (If Zayn & Owens are reinstated if they win)

Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn come out of the crowd and attack Bryan and Shane from behind, tossing Shane into the crowd right in front of his family, then drilling Bryan with a heluva kick on the floor and a powerbomb onto the ring apron right at the beginning of the match.  Shane comes over to check on Bryan as Sami and Kevin gloat in the ring.  Shane decides to fight them both himself, and he immediately knocks Sami off the apron before beating Kevin down in the corner.  Shane with a flying back elbow, then clutches his midsection before unloading on Sami.  Shane with a bicycle kick, but again hurt his midsection before getting laid out by Owens, who beats him down and then hits a double stomp to his midsection.  Sami just straight up tackles Shane and gets a couple of 2 counts on him before tagging Kevin back in.  Kevin tells Shane that moneymoneymoney won't save him now as he grinds his knee into the side of Shane's head.  Shane is in serious pain as Sami works him over in the corner, then locks around his head, rams some knees into his midsection, and hits an exploder suplex for 2.  Shane fights his way out of the corner, but no partner, and he winds up on the losing end of some double teaming and a blue thunder bomb by Shane.  Shane dodges a heluva kick and hammers punches into Zayn's kidneys, sidesteps Owens and sends him to the floor, and now has Zayn hung in the tree of woe.  He goes to the top rope, clutching his lower abdomen the whole time, leaps across the ring, and connects.  He immediately rolls across the ring, writhing in pain, only making a cover just in time for Owens to flatten him with a senton.  Owens tags in and quickly comes off the top with a frogsplash, but Daniel Bryan finally makes it back into the ring to break the count at 2.  Shane avoids a cannonball in the corner, reaches out to make the tag, Shane crawls with everything he's got...but Sami tags in and cuts him off.  Bryand cheers Shane on, and Shane stands up with Sami on his back, walks toward Bryan, gets within ihches...and Sami pulls him back.  Shane suplexes Sami and Bryan is ready to explode as he begs Shane to tag him.  Sami grabs at Shane's foot, but Shane gets away, makes the tag, and HERE COMES DANIEL BRYAN.

Bryan unloads on Sami, knocks Owens off the apron, and nearly turns Sami inside out with a running clothesline.  Bryan baseball slides Owens, then drills him with a running knee off the apron.  Bryan goes to the top rope and hits a missile dropkick, kips up, suplexes Owens, corner dropkick for Sami, one for Owens, one for Sami, one for Owens, and Bryan is IN THE ZONE.  Sami begs off as Bryan hits another corner dropkick, then sets Sami on the top rope and hits a super Frankensteiner.  Owens grabs Bryan's boot and holds him so Sami can hit the heluva kick for 2.  Shane tries to get on the apron, but Shane superkicks him off and catches Bryan with the pop up powerbomb for 2.  Owens is stunned, but tags Sami and charges Shane, who pulls the top rope down to send Owens to the floor, then takes him out with an apron dive.  Now it's Sami and Bryan, and Sami yells "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?" at Bryan over and over as he slugs him in the face.  Daniel fires up, unloads on Sami with a series of slaps, kicks his legs out, and it's time for the Yes kicks!  He fires off half a dozen and then connects with the knockout kick, drills Sami with the running knee, and gets the Yes Lock right in the middle of the ring and Sami taps!

Winners: Daniel Bryan & Shane McMahon

Terrific match for Daniel Bryan's comeback!  Shane slowly comes into the ring clutching his abdomen and they hug and raise their hands.  Daniel goes and gives Brie (sitting behind the announcers in the front row) a big hug and kiss before coming back to lead the fans in a Yes chant.  Wonderful moment.

The show continues on Page 4!


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