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WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT: TENSION IN THE AUTHORITY, HOW NOT TO BUILD A REASON TO WATCH THE TAG TITLE MATCH ON SUNDAY, LAYING DOWN ON THE JOB, AND MORE

By Richard Trionfo on 2015-04-24 00:33:22
We are in Providence, Rhode Island and your announcers are Tom Phillips, Jerry Lawler, and Byron Saxton.

We begin with Seth Rollins coming to the ring with Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble.

Seth says Randy is oh so clever. RKO . . . RKO . . . RKO . . . RKO . . . RKO out of nowhere. Seth says he is glad Randy got it all out of his system on Monday because on Sunday at Extreme Rules, Randy is banned from using the RKO. Monday on Raw, Triple H appointed Kane as the Gatekeeper for the match, but he does not need anybody’s help to beat Randy Orton.

He does not need Jamie or Joey’s help. He doesn’t need the help of the Big Show. He doesn’t need the help of some aging monster like Kane.

Speak of the well dressed monster, Kane makes his way to the ring.

Kane tells Seth he doesn’t get it. Kane says he is not a former monster. He has the ability to choke slam you to hell. He is not just a veteran. He is not just a corporate executive. He is the guy who could be your best friend on Sunday . . . or he could secure the greatest loss of your career.

Seth tells Kane if he is not on his side on Sunday, he will be FIRED!!!!!!!

Kane says that is original and if Seth was smart, he would be sucking up to him because he will be watching the steel cage door on Sunday.

Seth says the only reason why Triple H named Kane the Guardian of the Galaxy or the Keeper of Keys on Sunday is because he feels sorry for you. He didn’t want you to feel left out or worthless. Triple H said that you are not a monster any more. You are a suit . . . a corporate entity. Do us both a favor and stick to what you are good at. Like when you laid down for me. On Sunday, stick to what you are good at and what you are told. That is what is best for business.

Kane tells Seth he is right. Since they are acting like adults and doing what is best for business, there is one thing you can do for him. Kane reminds Seth that he laid down for Seth, it is only fair that you lay down for him.

Seth laughs at Kane’s suggestion and he realizes that Kane is serious. Seth reminds Kane he is the WWE Champion, he does not lay down for anybody.

Kane tells Seth he is not anybody, he is the man who holds the key to Seth’s destiny on Sunday.

Kane tells Seth this is a non-title match and he tells Jamie and Joey to leave the ring.

Seth tells Kane that Triple H is one state over . . . but Kane tells the referee to ring the bell and he does it.

Match Number One: Kane versus Seth Rollins in a Non Title Match

Seth tells Kane he cannot be serious about this and he says they are not doing this. Seth tells Kane no.

Kane says that Triple H isn’t here right now, is he? That means that tonight, he is the Authority.

Seth tells Kane he does not want to do this because it is not best for business.

Kane tells Seth to lay down or he will reach down Seth’s throat and rip his guts out.

Seth gets down to his knees and he lays down. Kane gets down on his knees and he tells Seth he is messing with him. He wants to know what happened to his sense of humor. They are part of the Authority and they have each other’s backs.

Kane says Seth’s opponent is not that reasonable.

Seth says he likes the jokes.

Kane reminds Seth that he has the power to make matches. Kane says Seth needs to know what extreme means. He will be facing Dean Ambrose . . . right now.

Match Number One: Dean Ambrose versus Seth Rollins in a Non Title Match

As Dean comes to the ring, Luke Harper approaches and Ambrose goes after Rollins but Mercury and Noble go after Ambrose. Harper gets into the ring and they fight on the floor. Ambrose punches Rollins but Harper stops Ambrose again and Mercury and Noble join in.

Roman Reigns comes out and he attacks Rollins and then Harper. Reigns sets for a Superman punch on Rollins but he escapes. Harper hits Reigns from behind. Reigns escapes a power bomb and Ambrose punches Harper. Reigns with a Superman Punch for Harper.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Dolph Ziggler and Neville are in the Goldman Box. Dolph says that he cannot wait until Extreme Rules. He will beat Sheamus and make him kiss his own arse. Tonight he teams with Neville. Neville says they are going to cut a few bullies down to size.

Sheamus says their opponents are the underdogs of the WWE. They are underdogs and undersized. It is an insult to compare them to real men like them. In real life, size matters and underdogs never win. He calls Neville ‘pint sized’. He tells Ziggler from the bottom of his heart that he will bring a stepladder so Ziggler won’t have to stand on his tippy toes to kiss his arse

Match Number One: Dolph Ziggler and Neville versus Wade Barrett and Sheamus

Neville and Sheamus start things off and they lock up and Sheamus with a knee. Neville with kicks followed by a drop kick to the knee. Sheamus with an Irish whip but Neville floats over and connects with a kick. Neville with a head scissors to send Sheamus to the floor and then Ziggler drops down and Barrett goes to the floor. Neville with a twisting plancha onto Barrett and Sheamus and we go to commercial.

We are back and Barrett with a reverse chin lock on Neville. Barrett with a knee and Irish whip but he misses a knee in the corner as we see footage of Neville being knocked off the apron. Sheamus tags in and he connects with a knee drop to stop Neville from making the tag.

Sheamus with a suplex throw and then he picks up Neville for a second one. Sheamus with a knee to the midsection and he taunts Neville, but Neville with an enzuigiri and both men are down. Ziggler and Barrett tag in and Ziggler with a flying clothesline and splash into the corner followed by a neck breaker. Ziggler with a leaping elbow drop for a near fall. Ziggler misses a Fameasser but Barrett misses a boot.

Ziggler with a hesitation DDT for a near fall. Sheamus distracts Ziggler and Ziggler punches Sheamus. That allows Barrett to hit Wasteland and he sets up for the BullHammer but Ziggler ducks and he tries for a super kick. Ziggler with a crucifix cover for a near fall. Neville is tagged in and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag. Sheamus pulls Ziggler to the floor and Ziggler hits a super kick.

Neville with the Red Arrow for the three count.

Winners: Neville and Dolph Ziggler

We go to commercial.

We are back with some of the Tough Enough video submissions after Triple H’s announcement about the return of the show.

Bray Wyatt appears on screen in the back and he says your scream is an illusion just like everything else. You cannot fool me. I see right through you. He knows what drives and motivates you. It is the same for every man. It is fear. It runs through you and it is ingrained in your genetic composition. He will expose you for the weakling you are. He will take that one thing from you that you cannot live without. He asks what use is a butterfly with no wings.

We go to commercial.

We are back with footage of Paige being attacked by Naomi a few weeks ago on Raw.

Match Number Two: Natalya versus Naomi

They lock up and Naomi with a knee to Natalya followed by a forearm. Natalya blocks a hip toss and she hip tosses Naomi. Natalya with a side Russian leg sweep and the referee has to hold Natalya back. Naomi sends Natalya into the turnbuckles and she slingshots Natalya into the bottom rope and Naomi gets a near fall.

Naomi with a slam and elbow drop. Naomi misses a leg drop when Natalya moves. Natalya with a slingshot drop and she runs over Naomi’s back and hits a drop kick for a near fall. Naomi floats over and Natalya sends her to the apron. Naomi with a round kick and sunset flip but Natalya rolls through and sets for the Sharpshooter but Naomi with a slap.

Naomi sends Natalya into the turnbuckles and she hits Rear View for the three count.

Winner: Naomi

After the match, Naomi says something to Natalya and she kicks her in the ribs.

We go to the back where it is time for this week’s Prime Time Players Diss. They are still looking for confirmation about where they can find those Puerto Rican bullfighters. Now it is time to talk about the Tag Team Champions. Cesaro is one of the most interesting characters on the roster. Titus tries to figure out why Cesaro is interesting and he cannot think of anything. Darren says it is because he is German and we get the crickets. Titus points out he is Swiss, and that is the same but different.

Titus says there are two things that make him interesting and he takes off his beret and man satchel. Darren says his grandmother has a hat and purse.

Darren says he wrote a poem about Tyson. Tyson Kidd, he may have been trained by the Hart, but his charisma is like church when somebody farts. He is a great athlete and by no means a wussy. He can’t wear the pants in his house, he’s whooped by that . . . .

Titus stops Darren and Darren says he was talking about cats, like the ones he wears on his trunks.

Titus says the Prime Time Players are the best, roughest, toughest Tag team in the WWE. Darren says FACT. They are future tag team champions. FACT. They are worth millions of dollars. Fact.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Lana has something to say. Lana wants everyone to shut up. She speaks in Russian. There is an American phrase that says “Knowledge is power.” On Monday, Rusev educated John Cena about the Russian Chain. John Cena struggled, strained, and tried. One again he failed. The Russian chain has protected Russia’s most valuable treasures and has secured our most dangerous criminals for generations. On Sunday, John Cena will be locked to the Super Athlete and the Russian Chain will destroy America’s last great hope.

Rusev says on Sunday at Extreme Rules, you will not be able to escape him. This chain for you is a handicap, but this is a weapon for him to drag John across the ring as he exposes his failure to the world. He is America’s champion and this is Rusev’s World. Rusev speaks in Bulgarian. John will beg for mercy, but no mercy will be shown. Tonight, the Big Guy Ryback will join the list of fallen Americans.

Match Number Three: Rusev (with Lana) versus Ryback

Rusev drops the Russian chain on the steps before he says something to Ryback. They lock up and go into the ropes and around the ring. Rusev with a knee to the midsection and a kick to the back and double sledges to the back. Rusev with more kicks and a side head lock. Ryback with a back drop driver and he head butts and kicks Rusev. Rusev with a shoulder in the corner.

Ryback chops Rusev and connects with a forearm to the back. Rusev with kicks and punches. Rusev with an Irish whip but Ryback with a clothesline out of the corner for a near fall. Ryback works on the shoulder. Rusev with a knee and Ryback blocks a suplex and hits a suplex of his own. Rusev rolls to the floor.

Ryback follows and he punches Rusev. Ryback rolls Rusev back into the ring and he misses a charge into the corner and Ryback hits the ring post shoulder first and falls to the floor. Rusev picks up Ryback and runs him into the ring post.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Ryback with elbows but Rusev send Ryback into the turnbuckles. Rusev with a bear hug and Ryback with head butts and elbows. Rusev runs into a boot and Ryback with punches and a shoulder tackle. Rusev with an Irish whip but Ryback with a belly-to-belly suplex for a near fall.

Ryback goes for a splash but Rusev gets his knees up. Rusev runs into a boot and Ryback with a running power slam for a near fall. Ryback misses the clothesline but Ryback blocks the jumping thrust kick. Ryback with a spinebuster and then he sets for the clothesline and he connects but he can only get a two count.

Ryback says it is over and he tries to pick up Rusev for the marching musclebuster. Rusev gets to his feet and he goes to the floor. Rusev hits Ryback with the chain and he gets disqualified.

Winner: Ryback (by disqualification)

Rusev wraps the chain around his hand and he punches Ryback with it. Rusev stomps on the back and he applies the Accolade and he wraps the chain around the face.

Seth Rollins walks in the back with Jamie and Joey and he is not moving too fast. He wants to make sure he is on the same page as his tag team partner tonight and that he does not eat him before the match. Jamie says that he knows how to speak to Luke.

Jamie says Luke and him are cousins. He says they are family where he comes from.

They turn around and Luke appears. Jamie says he wants to make sure they are on the same page and he understands the game plan. Seth calls the play and you do whatever he tells you. Jamie says he wants to know if Luke can understand the words coming out of his mouth.

Seth tells Harper to get with the program. He says it is typical of Kane pairing him with this madman. Joey does some sign language but apparently he didn’t translate something. Luke tells Joey he was breaking his concentration because he was thinking of all of the ways to hurt Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns. Luke says pain is his specialty and he tells Seth not to get in his way.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Big E has something to say. He says there is a plague in the WWE Universe. That is a lack of positivity and smiling. A lack of embracing the one next to you. Worst of all . . . a lack of clapping. Xavier says one of the main problems is that Tyson Kidd and Cesaro fail to embrace this message. Never fear the New Day is here. They promise to cure whatever problem you may have. Kofi says that when they become tag team champions, the WWE Universe can get back to doing what the world needs more of . . . clapping. They clap to promote positivity. They do it so you can embrace the New Day.

Match Number Four: Kofi Kingston (with Xavier Woods and Big E) versus Cesaro (with Tyson Kidd)

Kofi goes for a rollup as the bell rings. Kofi with a drop kick and he high fives Big E and Woods. They lock up and Cesaro with a side head lock and he catches Kofi on a leap frog and hits a tilt-a-whirl back breaker. Cesaro with an Irish whip but he runs into a pendulum kick. Kofi with punches to Cesaro followed by a side head lock.

Cesaro with a spinebuster and he holds Kofi for the giant swing. Woods gets on the apron and Kidd pulls him off. Big E with a belly-to-belly suplex to Kidd. Cesaro with a drop kick to Big E on the floor. Kofi with Trouble in Paradise for the three count.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

We are reminded that the rest of the month is free on the WWE Network for new subscribers.

We see Big Show being interviewed and he says Roman is getting opportunities he does not deserve. Show says he had to fight for everything while Roman is handed everything. He will expose Roman for what he is on Sunday . . . beneath him.

Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns talk strategy in the locker room as we go to commercial.

Before the start of our main event, the Keeper of the Flame, the Holder of the Key, and the Guardian of the Galaxy Kane makes his way to the ring.

Match Number Five: Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose versus Seth Rollins and Luke Harper

Harper and Ambrose start things off and Harper backs Ambrose into the corner and he connects with punches. Harper with an Irish whip and Ambrose floats over. Ambrose with a dragon screw leg whip and he rakes the face. Ambrose puts Harper’s leg in the ropes and he hits a drop kick. Reigns tags in and he sends Harper into the turnbuckles and he kicks Luke. Harper with an Irish whip but Reigns with a clothesline out of the corner.

Ambrose tags in and he punches Harper and snap mares him and hits a sliding D on Harper followed by a Muta elbow drop. Harper with a punch to Ambrose and Rollins tags in. Rollins with a side head lock take down. Ambrose gets to his feet and Rollins holds on to the side head lock. Ambrose with a belly-to-back suplex to escape. Ambrose with chops and jabs and he tags Roman in.

Roman with a punch while Ambrose holds him. Reigns with a suplex to Rollins and he gets a near fall. Reigns works on the arm and he Irish whips Rollins but runs into a boot and goes down. Rollins with a double sledge to the back followed by punches in the ropes and the referee warns him.

Rollins with a front face lock. Reigns gets to his feet and he tosses Rollins away. Ambrose tags in and he hits a double thrust to the throat. Ambrose with a running forearm into the corner but Rollins avoids the bulldog. Ambrose with a kick and he sets for a moonsault but Rollins crotches him and sends him to the floor. Joey and Jamie attack Ambrose and then Harper with a boot to the head.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Rollins with Slingblade for a near fall. Rollins with a body scissors. Rollins goes for a rear chin lock but Ambrose with a catapult that sends Rollins into the corner and Harper tags in. Harper with an Irish whip and Ambrose with a boot and tornado DDT. Both men are down.

Harper grabs Ambrose’s ankle and Harper with a boot to the chest. Rollins tags in and he punches Ambrose. Rollins with another punch to Ambrose. Rollins slaps Ambrose in the head as he shows Ambrose no respect. Ambrose with a forearm but Rollins with punches. Rollins with short arm clotheslines to Ambrose. Ambrose ducks a short arm clothesline and both men go for a cross body and both men are down.

Harper and Reigns tag in and Reigns with clotheslines and he runs Harper into the corner for clotheslines. Reigns with a Samoan drop and a tilt-a-whirl power slam to Rollins. Reigns with a wrist clutch exploder and then Mercury and Noble get on the apron and Reigns with a Superman punch to both of them. Then Reigns with a Superman punch to Harper after Harper tries for a rollup.

Rollins breaks up the cover and Ambrose with an elbow from the turnbuckles to Rollins. Harper goes after Ambrose but Dean drops down and Harper goes over the top rope to the floor. Ambrose with a suicide dive onto Harper that sends Harper into the ringside barrier. Harper pushes Ambrose into the apron and he gets Ambrose on his shoulders as he prepares to send Dean into Yeatonville.

Reigns with a clothesline to Harper and he sends him back into the ring. Reigns sets for the spear but he gives Rollins an uppercut. Harper with two super kicks but Harper can only get a near fall. Rollins gets back on the apron and he tags in. Rollins goes up top and hits with a knee to the head. Rollins gets a near fall.

Rollins sets for the Buckle Bomb but Harper tags in. Rollins with the Buckle Bomb and Harper with a discus clothesline but Ambrose makes the save. Rollins and Ambrose tag in and Ambrose leaps over Rollins but Rollins with a back heel kick and kick to the chest. Ambrose bounces off the ropes and hits a clothesline. Ambrose sets for a double underhook DDT but Harper gets in the ring and Ambrose goes to the ropes and Harper charges at him and misses again and goes over the top rope to the floor again. Rollins is sent to the floor with a back body drop.

Ambrose goes up top and hits an elbow onto Rollins, Harper, Mercury, and noble. Kane gets up and he stands there. Kane sends Rollins back into the ring and Ambrose gets in as well. Reigns tags in and he hits the spear on Rollins for the three count.

Winners: Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns

We go to credits.

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