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Before Triple H went to check on his jailbird wife, he had to make the announcement of John Cena’s opponent for SummerSlam. First, it was Randy Orton, but since he could not make it to the ring, it will be Brock Lesnar who faces John Cena.
We are in Houston, Texas and your announcers are John ‘Enron’ Layfield, Jerry ‘Bad News Bears in Breaking Training’ Lawler, and Michael ‘Home to two Wrestlemanias’ Cole.
John Cena makes his way to the ring to talk about his opponent at SummerSlam.
John mentions the lively bunch in Houston, even though he is not very lively. John says that normally he would share in your enthusiasm. Last week, it was revealed to himself and the world that Plan C, what he hoped would never happen is happening. Brock Lesnar. He is a marked man by the Authority. They want the WWE Title off his neck so bad, they have hired a mercenary.
John says that his opponent at SummerSlam is ‘The’ Brock Lesnar. Paul talked to the WWE Universe. The WWE Universe may want to see Brock Lesnar beat the hell out of him. John says that he is certainly not deaf and he knows who his opponent is.
Brock Lesnar is the most devastating force in the WWE. His force is seismic. He destroys who he wants, when he wants. Forty men have been able to say that they were champion. One beast has defeated the streak. He faces that Beast at SummerSlam. Paul told the truth. John says that he will take the beating of his life. John says that he will not lay down. He will fight. He is going to SummerSlam to beat Brock Lesnar, just like he did in 2012.
For those who cheer and for those who boo, the Authority and the people do not realize what will happen if Brock Lesnar becomes champion. Brock is a mercenary and a hired gun. He fights when he wants. Who can stop Brock?
Paul Heyman comes out and he introduces himself. Paul says at SummerSlam, his client Brock Lesnar will conquer John Cena and take away from him the WWE Championship. Paul says that it is courageous of John to realize the beating that he will take, but he does not understand that those are mighty big words by a man who will be turned into a victim.
Paul asks if he knows what it is like to be victimized? He has suffered defeat but rose to the occasion. Paul says that John has exacted revenge. John has never been victimized. He tells John to ask the Undertaker. You can’t ask the Undertaker because no one has seen or heard from the Undertaker since Wrestlemania.
John wants to defend his title and survive at SummerSlam. Paul says that Brock is looking to conquer John. His client is marching forward and is on the offensive. Brock will not only F-5 John Cena and pin him, Brock will victimize John Cena. Paul says that John loves representing everyone, even the ones who say that he sucks.
The only thing that Brock Lesnar is passionate about is the glee he gets when he beats his victim. John will realize when he wakes up from his beating that he is no longer the champion. John will be beaten, victimized, and conquered.
John says that he is sick of Paul’s crap and he wants to talk real to Paul.
John says that Paul can understand passion. The people chant E-C-W and Paul gets a smile on his face. They both share this passion. John says that this is his friggin’ life. He shows up on time and he works his ass off and he shows it. He has passion for the title. That 300 pound gorilla that he tows around whenever he wants to show up has no passion. He is big, he is strong, and he is a super athlete. The thing that separates him is heart.
Brock will have to beat every breath out of his body because he will walk out of SummerSlam with the title.
Cesaro’s music plays and he hugs Paul Heyman.
Cesaro says that even though he has gone his separate ways from Paul Heyman, he will not let John Cena say that about him. He calls John a muscled up walking billboard, not a wrestler. He tells John that you cannot wrestle in sneakers. Cesaro tells John that he cannot wrestle. Cesaro challenges Cena to a match.
Paul says that everyone gets a bonus in an impromptu match.
John says that he looks forward to wrestling circles around Cesaro tonight.
We go to commercial.
Match Number One: John Cena versus Cesaro in a Non Title Match
Cesaro circles Cena and they go for a Greco Roman knuckle lock. Cesaro with the advantage but Cena gets to his feet. Cesaro with a kick but Cena with a snap mare. Cena with a side head lock. Cena blocks a hip toss and Cena with a monkey flip followed by a side head lock take down. Cesaro backs Cena into the ropes and Cesaro with a side head lock and take down.
Cena goes for a leap frog but Cesaro catches him and hits a tilt-a-whirl back breaker. Cesaro punches Cena and then he punches and kicks him in the corner. Cena escapes a slam and he hits a rana and gets a near fall. Cena punches Cesaro and then he runs into an elbow from Cesaro. Cena and Cesaro go to the apron and Cesaro with a double stomp to Cena’s chest.
Cesaro and Cena exchange punches but Cesaro with a shoulder that knocks Cena to the floor. Cena gets back into the ring and he takes Cesaro down and punches Cesaro in the corner. Cena with an Irish whip and he tries for the bulldog but Cesaro pushes Cena away.
Cesaro with an arm bar and punches as we go to commercial.
We are back and Cena with two flying shoulder tackles and then he tries for the Blue Thunder Bomb but Cesaro counters with a DDT and he gets a near fall. Cesaro tells Cena he can’t see him and Cesaro sets for the Giant Swing but he takes too long and Cena with a sunset flip. Cena floats over into a Baldo Bomb and he gets a near fall.
Cena goes up top but Cesaro hits the ropes and Cena falls to the apron. Cesaro with a boot to the head and then he goes for the gorilla superplex on Cena and he hits it and gets a near fall. Cesaro gets another near fall. Cena goes to the turnbuckles and he tries for a tornado DDT, but Cesaro counters and gives Cena the Giant Swing. Cesaro with a Scorpion Death Lock using the arms but Cena escapes and tries for an STF.
Cena with the Blue Thunder Bomb followed by the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena gets Cesaro up for the Attitude Adjustment and Cesaro grabs the ropes. Cena goes to the turnbuckles and Cesaro with head butts. Cesaro waits for Cena to get up and he hits a cross body but Cena rolls through and he picks up Cesaro and hits the Attitude Adjustment but Cesaro lands on his feet. Cesaro with the pop up European uppercut for a near fall.
Cesaro sets for the Gotch Style Neutralizer but Cena counters with a back body drop but Cesaro lands on his feet. Cesaro with a boot to the head and Cena with a kick. Cesaro with another boot to the head. Cesaro goes up top again and Cena stops him. Cena with a Super Attitude Adjustment for the three count.
Winner: John Cena
Stephanie McMahon is in her office and she says that she has second thoughts. It is a bit different. She says that she cannot go back there. She cannot bear the look in her daughters’ eyes at the disappointment in their mother. Stephanie says that she will never get that smell out of her nose. She says this had better work.
Hunter tells her it will work.
Randy says that they need to talk. He wants to know that the original plan was him versus John Cena at SummerSlam. So Roman Reigns interrupts and Brock Lesnar gets the match. Randy wants to be given his match with Cena at SummerSlam.
Hunter says that he can change the match, but he is not going to do that. As long as Roman Reigns is in the picture, he won’t get a title match. Roman will screw up all of those title matches. To get a title match, he needs to finish off Roman Reigns.
Orton says that he will finish off Reigns tonight, but Hunter tells Orton that Kane is facing Reigns.
Orton says that he has a problem with Kane, Reigns, . . . and Hunter.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Paige skips to the ring and she has something to say.
We see what she did last week.
Paige says that she wants to set the record straight. She is young and she lets her emotions get the best of her. She still thinks that AJ is her best friend in the whole world. What she did was deplorable. She was not thinking of AJ as her friend, she thought of AJ as the person who took her title. Paige vows that she will never act like that again.
AJ’s music plays and she skips to the ring.
AJ tells Paige that she is a casper looking crumpet. She asks if anyone is buying this.
Paige interrupts and AJ tells Paige that she is not done. She gets why Paige is mad. She knows what it is like to have a title you worked for your entire life and have it taken away. If you want to be like AJ and skip around, be like her. She doesn’t play little girl games. She doesn’t smile in front of someone and whisper behind her back. If she doesn’t like you, she is going to say it to her face . . . like a real woman.
Paige says that she is AJ’s friend and if she doesn’t believe that AJ must be crazy.
AJ heard those five letters and wanted to know what Paige said.
Paige says that she would never make fun of AJ’s mental health. Paige tells AJ to calm down.
AJ says that she gets it and it was a mistake. AJ says that it happens to all of us. Even those who are a little off their rockers.
AJ attacks Paige and she throws Paige to the floor. AJ runs Paige into the ringside barrier and then she tries to send Paige into the steps but Paige avoids them.
Paige wants to know why AJ has to be like that.
AJ puts the title belt in the center of the ring for Paige to take.
We go to commercial.
Triple H makes his way to the ring along with a Principal Owner and recent occupant of the Miami-Dade County Jail, Stephanie McMahon.
Hunter says that we have spent a lot of time together. We have laughed together, cried together. He has been proud of you, but he has also been disappointed by you. Hunter says that he was disappointed and angry by what you did last week. You laughed at his wife when she was arrested last week.
You found it funny that the mother of his children was handcuffed like a common criminal and be taken out of the arena. You laugh when she is taken out of this arena in a police cruiser?
Hunter says that he will never forgive you for that. Do you know what that did to his wife? Do you know how badly that hurt her? But you think it is funny.
All of that over a simple misunderstanding. Brie has antagonized his wife. Stephanie was defending herself. It was perfectly acceptable and understandable that his wife struck Brie Bella because she was asking for it. It was a simple misunderstanding. That is what they are here for. The reality of the situation is that the charges have been dropped, except for the assault and battery charge.
Brie refuses to let that go. We are here to try to reconcile that misunderstanding. Stephanie has asked Brie to come here tonight so they can put this whole ugly incident behind them.
Stephanie takes the mic and the crowd calls her a jailbird. She wants Brie to come out so they can get this over with.
Chris Jericho’s music plays and he comes to the stage.
Hunter tells Chris they are in the middle of something.
Chris apologizes for interrupting and he tells Stephanie how bad he feels about what happened to her last week. Chris wants to give his sympathies with a song. Chris sings Bad Boys and the crowd joins in.
Hunter laughs sarcastically and he asks Chris if he thinks this is funny.
Chris tells Stephanie that this is 2014 and Orange is the New Black. It is alright to be a jailbird these days. This is the reason why the WWE Network was made. It is so we can see Stephanie taken out in handcuffs over and over and over and over.
Chris says that he has to give Hunter credit for standing by his little flower like a protector to make sure his wife is okay. Chris wonders why didn’t Hunter leave the arena with Stephanie when she was arrested. Why didn’t Hunter wait until 15 minutes after the show ended to check on his wife.
The reason is that Trips realized that Stephanie is nothing more than a filthy dirty, brutal bottom feeding trashbag ho.
Hunter tells Chris he should focus less on them and more on Bray Wyatt.
Chris says that is why he is out here. He is focused on Bray Wyatt. He wants Bray Wyatt in the ring tonight.
Hunter tells Chris he has to wait until SummerSlam to face Bray, but tonight . . .
Seth Rollins hits Jericho from behind with the briefcase and Hunter tells Chris that he will face Seth Rollins tonight.
John Layfield talks about how the people who reference Stephanie’s time in jail are disrespectful.
In case you missed John Cena at the start of Raw, we get some highlights.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Two: Miz, Curtis Axel, and Ryback versus Dolph Ziggler, Jimmy Uso, and Jey Uso
Miz tells the referee to keep Ziggler back so he can take off his sunglasses but Ryback is tagged in and he punches Ziggler and hits a splash for a near fall. Axel tags in and he hits a drop kick for a near fall. Axel with a reverse chin lock. Axel misses a splash and Jey tags in and he punches Axel. Jey kicks Axel in the back of the leg and he flips over.
We see Woods, Big E, and Kofi in the back watching on the monitor.
Jey with a running butt splash followed by a baseball slide. Jimmy with a shoulder off the ringside barrier to Ryback. Miz stays away from Ziggler and we have a standoff as we go to commercial.
We are back and Miz tags in and he kicks Jimmy.
Woods, Kingston, and Big E are now at ringside blocking the view of the people on that side of the ring.
Miz with a reverse chin lock on Jimmy. Jimmy with elbows but Miz with a knee. Miz hits Ziggler and the referee keeps Ziggler on the apron. Ryback kicks Jimmy. Axel tags in and he chokes Jimmy. Axel with a running knee to the head and he gets a near fall. Miz tags in and he kicks and punches Jimmy. Jimmy with punches but Miz tries for the Reality Check but he only hits the first neckbreaker.
Jimmy with a kick and he tries to make the tag but Miz holds him. Ziggler and Ryback tag in and Ziggler with a drop kick and he hits a baseball slide on Axel before hitting a splash and neck breaker on Ryback. Ziggler with an elbow drop but he misses a Fameasser. Ziggler avoids a power slam and Ziggler tries for the sleeper but Ryback pushes him away.
Ziggler with a DDT for a near fall. Miz is sent to the floor. Jey with a plancha onto Axel. Miz drops Jimmy on the ropes and then Ziggler hits the Zig Zag on Ryback for the three count.
Winners: Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, and Dolph Ziggler
After the match, Ziggler has something to say to Miz but Miz puts on his sunglasses.
We go to commercial.
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