We see a video package hyping tonight's main event four way match for the TNA World Title, then we go to the ring and get right into the action!
Tables Match: Bobby Roode & Ethan Carter III vs Bully Ray & Willow
Bubba and Willow go after Carter and Roode right from the start and take the fight right to them. Bully gets a charging splash in the corner on Carter, Willow springboards off his back to hit Poetry In Motion, then Willow goes to the top and hits WHAZZUP on Carter before Bubba tells him to GET THE TABLES! Willow obliges, but Roode nails them from behind and takes Willow out while Carter puts the boots to Bubba. Roode and Carter try to suplex Bubba through a table, but Willow pulls it out of the way at the last moment to save the match. Roode takes Bubba out to the floor as Carter mocks Willow's laugh and smashes his face into the mat, but Willow no sells and starts firing back on Carter. Willow gives Carter a Twist of Fate, does a Jim Dandy dance, then hits another one and sets up a table. He puts EC3 on top of the table, but Spud comes down to ringside in a wheelchair to distract him. Willow grabs Spud and carries him to the back as Bubba climbs the corner to put Carter through the table, but Roode pops up and shoves him off the top. Bubba shifts his weight and overshoots the table, then pops up and punches Roode in the ding ding and launches him off the top rope onto EC3. Bubba tries to powerbomb EC3 through the table, but Roode nails him from behind and then gives him a spinebuster through the table for the win.
Winners: Bobby Roode & Ethan Carter III
Good opener, and I like that we went right into the action instead of opening up with a promo. Gets the show off to a more exciting start. Roode adds insult to injury by having EC3 set up another table so he can hit the Roode Bomb through it. They set up a third table and Roode goes to the top rope, pauses to savor the moment, and comes off with a splash through the table. Roode hovers over Bubba and tells him that he messed with the wrong son of a bitch, and asks if he knows who he is.
Kenny King arrives at the building on a golf cart and asks a backstage official what he has for him tonight, but the official says that he doesn't have anything for him tonight. King slips him a 20 and walks backstage to find MVP.
Ken Anderson is backstage, and he's...WALKING!
The Mystery Cameraman catches up with Magnus as he arrives at the arena and asks where Abyss is, and Magnus says not to worry about Abyss since he has everything in hand.
MVP is backstage telling another Mystery Cameraman (There are two? Like what, are they Doinks?) about tonight's card when Kenny King comes in. MVP says he can't talk right now, so Kenny smiles it up and takes a walk so MVP can finish. I have a feeling this is going to get less friendly at some point.
Ken Anderson comes out and says that since Samuel Shaw hasn't learned to keep his boogery hands to himself, he has an idea: let's put him in a straitjacket. Shaw comes out and says he uses his hands to create art while Anderson does nothing with his just like all these people, and just like them, he is ordinary. He says the worst crime in society is to be ordinary, and starts to talk about how Christy Hemme loves him when Anderson has enough and nails him to jump start the match.
Straitjacket Match: Ken Anderson vs Samuel Shaw
They start out on the floor as Anderson rams Shaw into the ring steps, but Shaw recovers and starts choking Anderson with the straitjacket as we go to commercial.
We're back as Shaw is still working Anderson over and tries to put him in the straitjacket. He gets both arms on, but Anderson struggles free and fires punches and elbows at Shaw and then gives him a neckbreaker, all with the straitjacket still on. He finally shakes free of the straitjacket and tries to put it on a motionless Shaw, but Shaw kicks him in the ding ding and quickly catches him in his chokehold. Anderson goes out and Shaw tries putting the straitjacket on, Anderson wakes up and starts firing back, so Shaw goes back to the choke and Anderson goes out again, allowing Shaw to finish putting the straitjacket on for the win.
Winner: Samuel Shaw
The Beautiful People are backstage and Angelina says they're going to rewrite history tonight, and if we thought they were dangerous before, we haven't seen anything yet. Velvet says she can't believe she almost felt sorry for Madison until Angelina shed light on her true motive: outshining the two people who made her. They're going to beat Madison and her partner, whoever it is, with their own ugly sticks.
Eric Young says this wasn't originally about the World Title, he just wanted to take responsibility for unleashing Abyss, but it's funny how life works out. He's been here for ten years, and he'll show everyone that he deserves this match tonight.
Sanada and Tigre Uno come out for the first of a best of three series for the X Division Title, but Kenny King comes out before the match and says that he's in the building, and he's not here to rob the spotlight, he's here to lock it down. He's the Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King, and he is the X Division. He sees all the international talent in this ring, but we all know the X Division isn't the same without him, and he was doing stuff when he was 3 that Mil Mascaras couldn't dream of. MVP cuts King off and comes out to the ring to ask him if he's lost his damn mind for interrupting his show. King asks if this is his show because he won one match, and MVP says it happened when he sent Dixie home and because the people hold him responsible for its content. King says he's the biggest star in this ring, and MVP suggests going back to his office to sort this out, but King says unless he has a big bag of money and girls booty dancing back there, he doesn't want to talk about him. King says he should be main eventing tonight, and MVP says he can't because everyone's all booked up, so King asks him what he's doing tonight. MVP says he's directing wrestling operations, but King says they should have an exhibition match. MVP tells King he's done, so King asks if he can just wave goodbye to his fans. MVP says okay, so King waves to the fans and then shoulder checks MVP as he walks to the ropes. King asks if he got his attention, then challenges him again to face him tonight. MVP says he'll give him a match, but it'll only be an exhibition match if he doesn't whup his ass. Guess the X Division match will happen after this commercial break!
X Division Title Best Of Three Series, Match One: Sanada vs Tigre Uno
Okay, we're finally on to the match. Tigre takes Sanada to the mat, Sanada gets away, but Tigre dropkicks him to the floor and then nails him with a baseball slide as he tries to get back inside. Tigre gets a kneeling surfboard, but Sanada gets out and catches Tigre with a few quick moves before flattening him to the mat with a back suplex and a basement dropkick for 2. Sanada hits the Kiwi roll, but can't put Tigre away with it. Tigre nails a spinkick, but Sanada catches Tigre with a dropkick as he comes off the second rope. Tigre goes for a split legged moonsault, but Sanada gets the knees up and then hits a Tiger suplex for the win.
Ooooh, beating Tigre with a Tiger suplex. That's personal. Great match, looking forward to the next two matches.
The Mystery Cameraman again asks Magnus where Abyss is, and Magnus says we're about to see Abyss like we've never seen him before.
Brittany catches up with Madison Rayne backstage and says she doesn't want to be creepy, but she really admires Madison for starting out with such a small role and rising to being the Knockouts Champion. Madison tries to blow her off, so Brittany just comes right out and asks to be her tag team partner tonight. Madison tries to tell her that she'll protect her from getting involved with Velvet and Angelina, but Brittany says that Madison was in her shoes a few years ago and just needed that shot to make her name. Madison says that, since she did beat Gail Kim and they are dressed the same, to close the door so they can talk strategy. Well, can't argue with that logic.
Magnus comes out to the ring and asks "that handsome devil" Abyss to come out to the ring. Abyss comes out in a suit and tie, presumably from the Joseph Park collection, and seems dubious about the whole deal. Magnus is blown away with how good Abyss looks and says this is how the upper echelon dresses, then wants to get down to business and figure out their strategy against Samoa Joe and Eric Young. They both know that the hook to their match tonight is the idea that they'll fight each other, but that won't happen because they're compadres, best buds, two peas in a very big pod! Magnus treats Abyss like a human, and he doesn't need to remind him about James Mitchell or Eric Young and all their mind games, does he? He says he has trouble expressing himself because British people don't wear their hearts on their sleeves, but he wants to tell Abyss that he loves him. Magnus gives a very confused Abyss a big hug, and then they start to head to the back when Eric Young comes out of the crowd and jumps Abyss. Magnus blindsides Young and they bring him back to the ring to put the boots to him when Samoa Joe runs out to make the save. Magnus runs, but Abyss stays to fight, so Joe knocks him on his ass with a headbutt and sends him packing. Young gives Joe a dirty look and tells him that if he needs his help, he'll ask him, and to stay out of his business. Joe looks amused as Young storms off to the back.
The Beautiful People are backstage, and they're...BFFING!
MVP is backstage with the Wolves as they prepare for their tag title match tonight, but the Bromans come in and say the match is off because Jesse tore his cervial dervial
We catch up with Knux as he finally goes to talk to his dad after not seeing him for two years. Mr Knux tries to convince Knux that he needed him to help out at the shop, and Knux said he never asked for that and that Mr Knux always told him he could be whatever he wanted, but Mr Knux says that people here need him and are counting on him. Knux sighs and asks what can be salvaged, and we leave off there.
The Beautiful People vs Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Brittany
Angelina and Brittany start us off, and Brittany takes the fight right to Angelina, whipping her over with a few armdrags and then plants her with a bodyslam. Velvet tags in and doesn't have much better luck, catching a back elbow before Angelina yanks Brittany to the mat by the hair. Angelina tags in and they do the Holler double elbowdrop for 2. The BPs trap Brittany in their half of the ring, but she finally gets away and tags Madison in to clean house. Madison is only in for a brief moment before Brittany tags herself back in and quickly falls victim to the Makeover. Velvet makes a cover and it's all academic at this point.
Winners: The Beautiful People
Good return for the Beautiful People. I'm also glad the mystery partner didn't turn out to be Lacey Von Erich, and you all should be too.
Kenny King vs MVP
MVP starts by going for an arm wringer, but King easily escapes and then mocks MVP. King now goes for his own arm wringer, but MVP chain wrestles his way out. King tries to use his speed to get around MVP, who just takes him down by the leg and puts him in an STF. MVP releases it voluntarily, keeping the oakie on the leg for a few extra seconds just to mess with King's head, then King takes MVP to the mat and plays with him just to show that he can do that too. King gets a cheap jab to MVP as he breaks in the corner, so MVP takes King down with a waistlock and again dominates him on the mat. King gets frsutrated and fires an elbow at MVP's jaw, so MVP punches him in the grill and takes him back to the mat. They roll back and forth firing punches at each other until the referee has enough and calls for the bell.
The crowd chants to let them fight as referees come out and separate them. King makes like he's going to go peacefully, but knocks MVP on his butt with a shot to the face and then hightails it up the ramp.
Magnus is backstage calling EC3 a handsome devil, and EC3 wonders what he wants, and Magnus says their friendship is solid as a rock, and wants to make sure he has his back. EC3 asks if he means like Magnus had his back earlier when Willow was trying to put him through a table. Magnus says he was busy taking a dump, and EC3 asks why he needs his help when he has a monster in his corner. He thinks he wants an insurance policy in case the monster turns on him, and Magnus says he didn't come here for EC3 to play armchair psychologist and just wants to know if he has his back. EC3 stops to consider for a moment and then says we'll see.
Kenny King is backstage telling the Mystery Cameraman how easy it was to do MVP like that, but MVP comes out of nowhere and goes after King. The Wolves come out and separate them as we go to commercial.
It's main event time!
TNA World Title Match: Brutus Magnus vs Samoa Joe vs Eric Young vs Abyss
Joe and Magnus pair off as Young and Abyss go at it in the corner. Joe takes Magnus out to the floor and beats him up out there as Young dropkicks Abyss to the floor. Young takes all three men out with a dive, then brings Magnus inside and covers him for 2. Young dodges a charge and sends Abyss crashing into Magnus in the corner, then Joe comes in and goes nose to nose with Young. Abyss and Magnus nail them before they have a chance to go at it, and the heels are in control as we go to commercial.
We're back, and Magnus is directing traffic and going after Joe on the floor while Magnus chokes Young in the ring. Magnus wipes Young out with the Marufuji clothesline and covers him for 2. Magnus nails Young with a high knee and covers for a pair of 2 counts as Abyss continues working Joe over on the outside. Abyss finally comes inside to help Magnus with Eric Young, and he puts Young on the top rope but Magnus tells him to step aside so he can get Young. Magnus tries a superplex, but he took too long going after him and Young fights him off before taking both men out with a missile dropkick. They still end up dumping Young to the floor, but Joe comes in and whips Abyss into Magnus, nails both men in thecorner, and takes Abyss out with a leaping enziguiri. Joe snaps Magnus over with a powerslam for 2, then Young comes in and takes a snap powerslam for another 2 count. Abyss hammers Joe with forearms, but he takes a charge at Joe and also gets snapped over with the powerslam. Magnus goes for the Marufuji clothesline, but Joe ducks and gets the Kokina clutch. Magnus mule kicks Joe in the ding ding, then whips him to Abyss, who plants him with the Black Hole Slam. Magnus and Joe go at it on the floor, and Magnus whips Joe into the steps as Young fires punches at Abyss. Abyss goes for a chokeslam, but Young bites Abyss' hand to get away. Young charges Abyss and gets caught in the Black Hole Slam, but Magnus tells Abyss to back off before he can make a cover. Abyss looks conflicted, but Magnus talks him down and goes to the top rope. Abyss stands there helplessly as Magnus comes off the top rope with the flying elbow and covers Young for 3.
Winner: Brutus Magnus
Abyss still looks conflicted, but goes along with Magnus as he raises their hands in victory. And just as I think we're going to get through a decent episode of Impact in one piece, a short video comes up to inform us that next week, someone will face the WRATH OF DIXIE. Well, it was nice while it lasted.
Thanks for reading the Impact Wrestling Report here on PWInsider.com. I'll be back tomorrow to discuss Impact and more with Dave Scherer on the Stu & Pid Show, and then stay tuned all weekend for our coverage of all the events over the course of Wrestlemania weekend!