PWInsider - WWE News, Wrestling News, WWE

 
 

WWE RAW REPORT: BROCK TELLS PAUL TO 'SAY SOMETHING STUPID' . . . DID HE? WHAT ABOUT VINCE?; THE FIRST BARE KNUCKLED BARBER?; PREMATURE E-CASHULATION?; WE HAVE TWO BRIEFCASES AGAIN; AND MORE

By Richard Trionfo on 2013-08-05 23:02:46
We are in Green Bay, Wisconsin and your announcers are Jerry ‘Lambeau Leap’ Lawler, Michael ‘Is Brett Favre running for Mayor of Green Bay’ Cole, and John ‘I will climb a mountain of cheese’ Layfield.

Stephanie McMahon is in the ring and she welcomes everyone to Raw. She tells us that her father, Vince McMahon does not believe that Daniel Bryan is championship material. She knows that many, including her husband, Triple H, disagree. She says that she has come up with a compromise to be more palatable.

Daniel agreed to a makeover and we see footage.

Stephanie brings out Daniel Bryan and he is wearing a suit. Stephanie says that Daniel looks sharp.

Daniel asks the people if they like his new look or not. Daniel says that he wants to thank Stephanie for all of the time and effort to do all of this. It is funny because he does not think that this is what the company actually wants. What the company actually wants is someone who is jacked up, wears cargo shorts, and a bright yellow t-shirt. They want someone who sells merchandise that nobody wants to buy.

He says that they want somebody like John Cena. He respects John Cena because John picked him to be his opponent at SummerSlam because John thought that he was the best contender. John does not think Daniel can win.

John is a superstar. He is in movies. He is on boxes of cereal.

Daniel says that he is 5’8”, he has a scraggly beard. He is from the middle of nowhere in the Pacific Northwest. How can someone as lowly has him beat the king of the mountain?

Daniel says that John Cena is an entertainer and Daniel Bryan is a wrestler. While John has been up here for the last ten years, he hasn’t seen the holes that he has dragged himself out of or the mud he has climbed out of because Daniel is a wrestler.

If John Cena gets fired tomorrow, he goes back to his home, his twenty cars, his multi-million dollar lifestyle and he will never have to wrestle again.

If Daniel gets fired, he will be in every armory and gymnasium in front of thirty people because he loves wrestling.

Daniel says that it seems like the people love wrestling too.

Daniel says that he will dress up in this suit . . . for now. He will comb his hair back . . . for now. He will do what they want . . . for now. Because at SummerSlam, he will do what everyone wants him to do. He will make John Cena tap out.

Vince McMahon’s music plays and he sports entertainmently walks to the ring.

Vince appreciates what his daughter Stephanie did to reconcile things. He says that Daniel has given the old college try. He says that Daniel’s pants are too short and his shoes don’t match the suit. He tells Daniel that he needs a bow in his hair.

While he doesn’t want John Cena to be champion, he wants Daniel to be champion even less. Vince says that he is warming up to Daniel. If Daniel is the WWE Champion? The WWE has never had a dwarf as WWE Champion. No one with the muscularity of a toothpick has been champion. They have never had someone with the face of a gargoyle as champion. He says that Daniel looks like a miniature Mick Foley.

Vince says that he has influence on Daniel becoming WWE Champion. There is only one thing left and it has to do with Daniel’s face. He looks at Daniel’s beard and asks him if he has a bird’s nest in there. If Daniel really wants to be WWE Champion and have Vince’s support, there is only one thing that needs to be done. That is shave the beard off.

Vince calls for the chair.

Vince says that he knows what Daniel wants. The people want Daniel to go all the way and sit in the chair. He says that if Daniel wants to be champion, Daniel will do what he says. Daniel said that he could get fired, and he tells Daniel not to get his wish tonight.

The people don’t want Daniel to be champion.

Vince calls for a barber and he brings out Wade Barrett.

Daniel tells Wade to wait a second and he requests for Wade to leave something. Daniel with a head butt and then he attacks Wade and he shaves Wade’s beard. Wade charges after Daniel and Daniel sends him over the ringside barrier into the crowd.

Daniel tells Vince that says NO to changing for Vince. He will be who he has always been. He will be WWE Champion.

Daniel removes his jacket and shirt and he has a shirt that says The Beard is Here with an arrow pointing to the beard.

Rob Van Dam and Alberto Del Rio walk in the back.

The Miz has joined Jerry, John, and Michael and Miz reminds us that SummerSlam is coming.

Match Number One: Rob Van Dam versus Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez and the Official Spit Bucket of Destiny)

Del Rio with a kick and punches to Van Dam followed by shoulders in the corner. Van Dam with an Irish whip and a monkey flip. Van Dam with a spinning round kick and a springboard side kick. Van Dam with a standing moonsault after reminding everyone who he is. Christian watches in the back.

Del Rio with a kick to Van Dam but Del Rio misses a splash in the ropes and Van Dam kicks Del Rio to the floor. Van Dam goes to the apron and he hits a moonsault on Del Rio and we go to commercial.

We are back and Del Rio chokes Van Dam and the referee warns him. Del Rio tries to send Van Dam into the turnbuckles and Van Dam blocks it and he kicks Del Rio. Van Dam with a few clotheslines and then he hits a round kick but he misses Rolling Thunder. Del Rio with a super kick for a near fall.

Del Rio misses the step up enzuigiri and Rob goes up top for a side kick. Van Dam with Rolling Thunder and he gets a near fall. Van Dam pulls Del Rio into the corner and Van Dam with a split legged moonsault but Van dam holds his midsection. Ricardo puts the bucket into the turnbuckles and Del Rio tries to send Van Dam into it but Van Dam reverses and Van Dam with a body scissors rollup for the three count.

Winner: Rob Van Dam

After the match, Del Rio attacks Ricardo. Alberto hits Ricardo with the bucket. Del Rio sends Ricardo through the ropes to the floor. Del Rio puts Ricardo between the ring steps and the ring and Del Rio with a drop kick and Ricardo is not moving.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Cody Rhodes is in the ring with a box. Cody says that Oscar Wilde said that true friends stab you in the front so Damien wasn’t a true friend. Cody says that it is all water under the bridge because he has a gift for Damien. We take a look at why Cody might have a gift for Damien.

Cody says that he knows how much it has affected Damien to have the briefcase sink into the Gulf of Mexico. He says that he has spared no expense and he reveals the briefcase. He tells Damien if he wants the briefcase, come and get it.

Damien comes out and he tells Cody to put the case down and leave. He will not fall for this. Cody puts the case down and he leaves the ring. Damien goes after the case and Cody attacks Sandow and he kicks him and forces him to the floor.

Cody opens the briefcase and he holds what is left of the contract. Cody throws the case to the floor.

We go to commercial.

We are back with the Slam of the Week: Ryback shoving food in the faces of innocent people in catering last week.

Match Number Two: Mark Henry versus Ryback

They lock up and Ryback with a side head lock but Henry with a shoulder tackle and Ryback goes down. Ryback kicks Henry and then he clips Henry. Ryback with forearms to the back and chest. Ryback with punches and kicks to Henry. Ryback with head butts. Henry with a shoulder tackle.

Henry gets Ryback up but Ryback escapes. Henry tries for a back fist and Ryback goes to the floor. Henry wants Ryback to get back in the ring and Ryback lets the referee make the ten count.

Winner: Mark Henry

We are back and the Bellas are doing their make up and then Nikki talks about how hot she looked on Total Divas. Nikki calls Brie’s look warm. They both take credit for the ratings.

Eva Marie doesn’t dance into the area and she congratulates Brie on her victory and she made Nattie look silly.

Natalya enter and Brie says that it is a slap in their face that Natalya is allowed on their show. Natalya shows Brie what a slap in the face is and then she leaves.

John Cena makes his way to the ring in his cargo shorts and bright t-shirt that nobody wants to buy.

John says that it is that time again. All this is a familiar position to him. He is used to being a target. Most of the people chasing the title are bad people. Some times he has to stand in the ring against a fan favorite. That brings him to Daniel Bryan. It forces the WWE Universe to choose and a lot of people choose Daniel Bryan.

John says that WWE brass might not have liked his choice, but he chose Daniel Bryan. Daniel spoke some truth, but he spoke some ignorance. He says that judging him for how he lives his life, he is just like the Rock, CM Punk, and the others. John says that he will not change for Daniel and he will change for no one. He has always been him and he will always be him.

Daniel talks about hard times. John says that he came back 24 hours after breaking his neck.

Daniel wants to glorify wrestling in an auditorium or gymnasium because that is where he would rather be.

John says that he has been here for 12 years and if he is fired, he would never wrestle again because of his respect for the WWE and being a champion.

Daniel Bryan glorifying himself as a wrestler anywhere else, it is like saying you are an All Star in Arena football.

Cena says that the WWE is the NFL of wrestling.

Daniel says that John cannot wrestle. John says that is not original and millions of people have said that before and they are even saying it now.

Cena says that he has held this title 11 times and he has been in some of the greatest matches in WWE history. You don’t get lucky 11 times. He tells Daniel to underestimate him. All of the people who underestimate him, when they leave this company . . .

John stops to hear the boring chants from the crowd and then he says that the people want to see him and Daniel wrestle.

Daniel does not realize the opportunity that is in front of him. If Daniel loses, he will have to wake up and admit that he just wasn’t good enough. Daniel is on a hot streak but he has been mowing people down since January.

Randy Orton’s music plays and he walks to the ring with the briefcase. Will he cash in? Will he announce when he is going to cash in? Is he getting into Cena’s head?

Randy tells John that he never ceases to amaze him. John is always aware of the target on his back, but he is never aware of the target staring him in the face. It does not matter who walks out of SummerSlam with the WWE Title, all that matters is the briefcase which means that he will be the WWE Champion.

It can happen at any time and it means that The Champ is here.

The Shield’s music plays and they make their way to the ring.

They surround the ring on three sides and Daniel Bryan sneaks into the ring on the fourth side and it looks like we have a Teddy Long ‘we have an even number of people so we are going to have a match’ match.

Brad Maddox makes his way onto the stage. Since no one can get along, why not have a six man tag match in the main event. The Shield versus Daniel Bryan, Randy Orton, and John Cena.

We go to commercial.

Coverage Continue on Next Page


Page # [1][2]

If you enjoy PWInsider.com you can check out the AD-FREE PWInsider Elite section, which features exclusive audio updates, news, our critically acclaimed podcasts, interviews and more by clicking here!