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WWE MAIN EVENT REPORT: THE MARK HENRY GAUNTLET (BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT HE DO) AND A RAW RECAP GAUNTLET (BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT WWE DO)

By Richard Trionfo on 2013-04-24 20:58:16
We are in London, England and your announcers are Michael ‘I am still waiting for my invitation to the Royal Wedding’ Cole and John ‘FNC is better than reality TV’ Layfield.

John is in the ring and he welcomes us to Main Event because we fight on Wednesday nights. He tells us that he is still a wrestling God. He will make sure that Main Event starts on fire. He brings out one of the most impactful Superstar in WWE history.

We see footage of what Mark Henry did to Sheamus over the last two weeks because that is what he do.

Mark Henry comes to the ring and we have a mini Texas reunion in the ring.

John tells Mark that he has seen Sheamus in some wars but he has never seen Sheamus decimated like that before.

Mark says that he proved Sheamus different that you don’t have to be big or bad.

John says ‘That’s What I Do’ and Mark wants to know if John is making fun of him. John says that he is honored to be in the same ring as him. He says that he would love to see Mark in action tonight on Main Event.

Mark says that he would love that too.

John says that Mark doesn’t turn down any fights. He says that he has seen Mark destroy people in singles matches and others have done it.

Mark suggests that he take on two Superstars if one is not enough for John. John says that he likes the idea of a handicap match. John says that Big Show is awesome.

Mark wants to know if John thinks that Big Show is better than him. Mark says that he will take on three people tonight.

John says that Mark is the World’s Strongest Man and three would be incredible, but Mark deserves to have the respect of being the World’s Strongest Man and a former World Champion. Why not face four men in a gauntlet. The world will owe Mark the respect he deserves.

Mark tells John to take his white hat and get out of the ring. He will face four men because that is what he do.

We go to commercial because that is what WWE do.

Match Number One: Mark Henry Gauntlet of What He Do

Opponent Number One: Jimmy Uso

Jimmy charges at Mark and Mark with a shoulder tackle. Mark grabs Jimmy by the throat and sends him into the corner. Mark with a boot to the head and Jimmy doesn’t know where he is. Mark with a forearm to the back followed by the World’s Strongest Slam for the three count.

Winner: Mark Henry

Opponent Number Two: Jey Uso

Jey attacks Mark and he gets in a few shots but Mark sends him to the mat before the bell rings. Mark with a body block that makes Jey woozy. Mark with a head butt and he tells Jey to look at his brother and he asks him if he saw what his brother got. Mark stands on the throat. Jey with shoulders to the chest but Mark stops him with a forearm.

Mark picks up Jey and he throws Jey over his shoulders but Jey lands on his feet and Jey with a savate kick and he hits the running butt splash and he gets a near fall. Jey with a front face lock but Mark sends Jey into the air. Mark waits for Jey to turn around and it is World’s Strongest Slam time and Mark gets the three count.

Winner: Mark Henry

Mark stares at John and he tells him that is two and John gives a thumbs up as we go to commercial.

We are back and it is time for . . .

Opponent Number Three: Santino Marella

Santino kicks at air and then he goes for the leg but he gets away before Mark can hurt him. Santino backs away from a punch. Mark with a kick and head butt. Mark with a kick to the back because that’s what he do. Mark with a kick to the chest and he stands on the chest. Mark with a punch to the head and he gets a near fall because Santino hasn’t had enough.

Mark says something to John at the announce table before connecting with a forearm. Mark with an Irish whip. Santino with punches that have no effect. Henry with a head butt followed by an Irish whip. Henry with a hard Irish whip and he wants Santino to get up. Henry misses an elbow drop and Santino with punches and he does a split.

Henry blocks a hip toss and he hits a clothesline. Henry misses a splash into the corner and he hits Henry with the Cobra but Henry sends Santino out of the ring when he kicks out. Santino comes off the turnbuckles and Henry catches him and he hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the three count.

Winner: Mark Henry

Opponent Number Four: Great Khali (with Natalya and Hornswoggle)

Henry tells Khali something before they lock up. They lock up and they go to a stalemate. Henry with punches to the head but Khali punches back and he chops Henry in the corner. Khali with kicks to the midsection. Khali with another chop.

Khali misses a boot in the corner and Henry kicks Khali in the hamstring. Henry slams Khali’s leg to the mat because that what he do. Henry with an elbow drop to the leg. Khali with forearms to escape. Henry with a boot to the head but he misses a splash when Khali rolls out of the way.

Henry runs into an elbow from Khali followed by a boot to the chest. Khali with a forearm followed by the chop to the head but Henry kicks out. Khali sets for the choke slam but Henry fights out of it and Henry with the World’s Strongest Slam but Khali gets his foot on the ropes.

Henry with forearms and punches in the corner. The referee warns Henry and then Mark tells the referee not to put his hands on him. Khali with boots and a chop but Henry rolls to the floor. Henry gets up and he decides that he has had enough fun for tonight and he gets counted out.

Winner: Great Khali (by count out)

After the match, Khali is joined in the ring by Natalya and Hornswoggle for some dancing.

We go back to Raw when Triple H lied to Paul Heyman and then he laid Heyman out with a Pedigree.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Matt Striker is on the stage and he brings out his interviewee, Zeb Colter. Zeb does not have his patriotic music as he makes his way out. Matt asks Zeb about the Triple Threat Match at Extreme Rules. How will Jack strategize now that his chances are lessened.

Zeb says that their odds have not been lessened. Zeb says that Jack is just like America, he is surrounded on all sides by enemies. Just like America, Jack will prevail. Alberto weaseled his way into this match and Dolph’s title reign reminds him of a real American, Thomas Paine when he said ‘What we obtain cheaply, we value less’.

Zeb wants to know what type of man dyes his hair beach blonde. A man of peculiar and questionable morals does that. America and the world need a better man and a better champion. They will witness this on Friday when Jack Swagger faces Alberto Del Rio in a No Disqualification match.

Jack Swagger comes out and he takes the mic and tells us ‘We the People’.

We go to the Raw Rebound and a look at what happened at the end with Ryback, John Cena, Mick Foley, and The Shield.

We go to commercial.

We are back with a look at the six man tag match from Raw.

We go to credits.