We start off with a look back at last week when Wes Brisco and Garett Bischoff turned on Kurt Angle, then Aces & Eights comes out to the ring to open the show. Devon says that he told everyone how Aces & Eights would dominate 2013, and not only are they dominating, they're kicking in the front door of TNA. We look at another video package of Bischoff and Brisco turning on Angle, then Devon introduces them as the newest members of the group. Garett smiles and thanks the fans for their polite reaction, and he says to hell with the fans because this is his new family. Brisco said that he did this because Hogan didn't return his phone calls for two years, then finally did and told him he, a Brisco, would have to start at the bottom. Brisco asks Hogan if he remembers how his dad gave Hogan his first pair of wrestling boots and asks if this is how he repays that respect. Aces & Eights is the ticket to the top of the ladder for him, and Devon says that Kurt Angle better not dare even think about coming back to TNA. If Hogan wants to surprise them with a tables match, that's fine because they've always got an ace up their sleeve.
Tara and Jesse Godderz come into Brooke's office to complain about the cold and the crappy accomodations, but Brooke freaks out on them for being petty and selfish. Tara doesn't want to wrestle Tessmacher, but Brooke says she's wrestling and Jesse is barred from ringside and can get her coffee instead.
X Division Title Match: Rob Van Dam vs Zema Ion vs Kenny King
Ion and King jump RVD right off the bat and double team him, but RVD takes King out with a thrust kick before getting knocked out to the floor by Ion. King dumps Ion as well and then wipes RVD out with a twisting dive, then Ion slips back into the ring and hits a dive of his own. King rolls back inside and Ion takes him out with a missile dropkick. King gets an impressive leapfrog/sunset flip/half crab combination, but RVD breaks it up with another kick. King tries a dropkick, but RVD holds the ropes and King hits nothing. Ion breaks up Rolling Thunder, but falls victim to the rolling monkey flip. RVD catches King with the stepover leg lariat, Ion catches RVD with a tornado DDT, and King breaks up the pinfall attempt at 2. RVD rolls outside as King goes for the Royal Flush, and Ion counters to a small package for 2. Ion seems to bust King's face with an attempted pump handle neckbreaker, then he misses a baseball slide to the floor and gets laid out by RVD. RVD goes up for the five star frogsplash but sees Ion coming and leapfrogs ihm instead. RVD tries a crossbody but Ion dodges and RVD sails to the outside, then nails King with a leaping neckbreaker for 2. King nails Ion with a leaping elbow in the corner, RVD comes in and nails him from behind, but King clotheslines him to the outside. Ion sneaks in with a rollup for 2 on King, then takes him out with a dropkick to the face. Ion drags King out to the middle of the ring and stomps on his face again, but King gets the knees up on a springboard moonsault attempt. King hits shotgun knees on Ion and hits a northern lights suplex, but RVD hits King with the five star frogsplash and then covers Ion for the win.
Winner: Rob Van Dam
Hell of a match! These three worked their asses off and told a good story.
Austin Aries and Bobby Roode are backstage talking about how great they are when they put their differences aside to work as a team, while taking every chance to put themselves over at each other's expense as usual. They have a shot at the World Tag Team Title tonight, and they're planning on bringing the gold home.
We look back at the TNA British Bootcamp miniseries that ran recently in the UK, then we take another look at the Wes Brisco and Garett Bischoff promo from earlier tonight. The mystery cameraman then sneaks a peek through a crack in the door to eavesdrop on a conversation between D-Lo Brown and Bruce Prichard as they talk about how shocked they are that this happened. Bruce also mentions that if things go bad, they need to remember who Brisco is here because of. Ooooh, wasn't that the month D-Lo substituted as a judge? Drama!
Jesse Godderz is out in the ring complaining to the fans that Brooke Hogan barred him from ringside for Tara's match tonight, but not to worry, because he's still going to give the fans what they paid to see: a true Hollywood star. The British fans don't have anyone of their own to cheer for, so they better get their cameras and flip phones out because this is going to be one pectacular opportunity. James Storm comes out to the ring and says that he heard Jesse talking about taking pictures, and he says that the people here don't care about taking pictures because they came here to drink beer and watch people get beat up. Jesse's girlfriend was there to save him from taking a superkick last week, so he's now going to kick the crap out of Jesse, then drink some beer, then hold Jesse up so the people can take pictures of him with no teeth in his mouth. Storm's going to call a referee out, Jesse can call a dentist, and then he's going to whoop Jesse's ass.
James Storm vs Jesse Godderz
Jesse tries to get the jump on Storm and thumbs him in the eye, then chokes him in the corner with his boot. Jesse continues the chokery by stringing Storm across the middle rope before firing back elbows at him in the corner. Jesse gets an abdominal stretch and flexes for the ladies with his free arm, but Storm punches his way free and hits a Russian legsweep. Storm starts firing right hands at Jesse, takes hiym out with a back elbow and an inverted atomic drop before planting Jesse with the Eye of the Storm. Storm hits a leaping enziguiri from the apron, a running neckbreaker, then drills Jesse with a spinebuster before following up with Closing Time. Storm hits the Last Call, and that's all she wrote.
Winner: James Storm
Very disjointed, Jesse blew a lot of moves and looked super green. Storm holds an unconscious Jesse's face up to the mic and says "SORRY BOUT YOUR DAMN LUCK" in a Muppet voice.
World Tag Team Title Match: Chavo Guerrero, Jr & Hernandez vs Bobby Roode & Austin Aries
Chavo and Roode start us off with a back and forth wrestling sequence, Chavo tries a shoulderblock but doesn't budge Roode. Roode unloads with some right hands, but Chavo catches him with a flying headscissors and a dropkick that sends Roode scurrying back into his corner where Aries tags himself in. Aries tells Roode that he's got it, but doesn't see Chavo tag in Hernandez. Aries isn't intimidated and gets a headlock, but Hernandez just picks him up and gently places him on the top rope. Aries pops off and cartwheels past Hernandez on a backdrop attempt, then tries to high five Roode. Roode, knowing that Aries is trying to get him in to fight Hernandez, doesn't go for it and instead waits for Hernandez to try a suplex on Aries to zip in and take a shot. Aries and Roode try to double suplex Hernendez, but Hernandez reverses and suplexes both of them. Chavo tags in and hits Aries with a slingshot senton that he stole from his uncle, but Roode grabs his ankle and drags him out to the floor. Roode holds Chavo for Aries, but Chavo moves and Aries wipes Roode out with a dive as we go to commercial.
We're back, and Aries is still in trouble after the challengers' miscue before the break. Chavo takes Aries out with a basement dropkick, then unloads with European uppercuts in the corner. Hernandez slams Chavo onto Aries and then hits a big splash, but Roode breaks up the pinfall attempt at 2 while chewing Aries out for screwing up. Roode takes a shot at Chavo from the apron, slowing him down just enough for Aries to nail Chavo from behind and turn the tide. Roode finally tags in and stomps Chavo's guts out before covering for 2. Aries tags in as Roode hits a rolling necksnap and hits a diving elbowdrop to the back of Chavo's neck for 2. Roode and Aries take turns tagging themselves in while working Chavo over, tossing him out to the floor so Aries can hit a flying double axhandle from the top rope, Macho Man style. Roode shuts Chavo down with a rear chinlock, Cahvo starts to get free so Roode blows snot at Hernandez to goad him into the ring so he can drag Chavo back out to the middle where Aries can come in and unload with straight punches. Roode comes back in and puts the boots to Chavo, but Chavo slips away, moonsaults over Roode, and they wipe each other out with a double clothesline. Chavo makes the hot tag and Hernandez comes in to clean house, hitting an over the shoulder backbreaker on Aries for 2. Hernandez tries to slingshot into Roode with a shoulderblock, but Roode pulls Aries in front of him to take the shot. The strategy doesn't work, as Hernandez drills him with a Pounce and then tags in Chavo to hit the Tres Amigos De Mi . Aries nails Chavo and tries the brainbuster, Chavo slips out the back and shoves Aries into Roode, leading to an argument between Roode and Aries. Roode walks out on Aries, leaving him alone in a 2-on-1 situation, but Roode comes back in and sneak attacks Chavo, allowing Aries to low blow Hernandez and dump him out to the floor. Roode snaps off a spinebuster on Chavo and Aries hits a 450 splash, and we've got new champions!
Winners and NEW World Tag Team Champions: Bobby Roode & Austin Aries
Bully Ray and Sting are backstage getting psyched up for tonight's main event, and Hulk Hogan comes in to have a word with Bubba while Sting and Brooke take a walk. Hogan says this match is tailor made for him, and this is the end tonight. It's all on Bubba to prove how wrong he is, because nothing would make him happier than if he proved he's really the good guy he says he is. Bubba says that with all due respect, he's not a good guy. Just because he's good to his daughter, he's not a good guy. He didn't forget what Aces & Eights did to Hulk, Sting, and his wife on their wedding day. Bubba asks if Hogan knows who he is, and says he's Bully Ray and he's not a good guy...he's a very bad one. Hogan says that for his family's sake, he hopes he knows who he really is. If he's really family, it's on him to end this for all of us. Bubba says to consider it done...DAD. Hogan sneers as Bubba walks away and says "Perfect."
We take a look back at the crappy year AJ Styles had in 2012, then it's off to the ring for Knockouts action!
Knockouts Champion Tara vs Brooke Tessmacher
Tara brutalizes Tessmacher right from the start, pounding on her with forearms and taking her down with a side headlock. Tessmacher sweeps the ankle and hits a dropkick, then wheelbarrows into a facebuster for 2. Tara is very distracted and out of her game without Jesse at ringside as Tessmacher stinkfaces her clear out to the entry ramp. Tessmacher goes after Tara and dumps her back into the ring, but Tara catches her up top and hits the Spiderweb for 2. Tara tosses Tessmacher across the ring by the hair and then puts her in a full nelson. Brooke tries to fight her way out, but Tara yanks her down by the hair and chokes her. Tara covers for 2 and then grinds her ass into Tessmacher's face, but Tessmacher reaches up and rolls Tara into a rollup for 2. Tara quickly nails Brooke and puts her in a chinlock as Todd, Mike, and Taz run off the names of every British wrestler they can think of who made it in the United States. Brooke starts mounting a comeback against Tara, hitting a flying headscissors before climbing on her in the corner and grinding her crotch into Tara's face. Tara takes her out with a clothesline, but Tessmacher hits an atomic facebuster for the win.
Winner: Brooke Tessmacher
Good match and I'm happy to see Tessmacher get a big win after kind of treading water the last few months.
Jeremy Borash introduces Rockstar Spud, who won the British Bootcamp competition, and congratulates him on his big win. Spud says that he is in the building and is finally where he always wanted to be: in a TNA ring in front of his countrymen. Robbie E interrupts Spud, coming out to the ring with Robbie T to say that Spud winning the contract is a travesty unless they're hiring midgets now. E says that he's not a rockstar, he's a pizza delivery bro. E pulls T in front of him and yells at Spud that he's lucky T is holding him back because if he told T to knock him out, he'd do it right now because Spud is a hamster and T does what he tells him to do. T steps aside to "pick up his clipboard" and Spud steps in and drills E with a right hand. E rolls out to the floor and yells at T for screwing up, then Spud holds T in the ring to throw up the metal sign and pump his fist for the fans.
Sting and Bully Ray are backstage, and they're...WALKING! Bubba and Sting conspire over the destruction of Aces & Eights, and Brooke gets all hot watching him go to war. The main event is up next!
Tables Match: Bully Ray & Sting vs Devon & Doc
All four men start brawling before the bell, and Bubba finally gets his hands on Devon as he and Sting ram the members of Aces & Eights together. It's all Bubba and Sting as they unload on Devon and Doc, and I just noticed that Bubba has the war paint on like Sting as they whip Devon to the ropes and take him out with a double clothesline. Sting holds Devon so Bubba can hit a Stinger Splash, then Sting hits one of his own. Aces & Eights have still gotten zero offense as Bubba and Sting whip Doc into Devon, then Bubba hits another running splash in the corner and Sting takes Doc out with a clothesline. Sting and Bubba clothesline Devon and Doc out to the floor as we go to commercial.
We're back, and Aces & Eights finally takes the advantage when Doc wipes Bubba out with a big boot, sending him to the outside and choking him with his studded motorcyle dude belt. Devon unloads on Sting inside the ring, but Sting turns the tide and slams Devon, holding him spread eagle so Bubba can go to the second rope for WHAZZUP. Sting tells Bubba to get the tables, Bubba gets a table from under the ring, and Doc and Devon nail them because they took too long to do their schtick. Bubba nails Doc and then goes up for a ten punch count in the corner, but Doc nails Bubba and dumps him to the floor. Doc sets the table back up and Devon puts Sting on top of it, Bubba pulls Devon out to the floor and they wipe each other out with a double clothesline, and Sting superplexes...no wait, Mike Knox comes in the ring and moves the table out of the way before Sting hits the superplex through the table. Knox holds Sting for Doc, but Sting moves out of the way and Doc nails Knox. Sting hits the deathdrop on Doc, Devon unloads on Bubba with right hands, but Bubba hulks up. Bubba does YOU, hits the right hands and big boot, then picks Devon up and hits a uranage through the table for the win.
Winners: Bully Ray
Hulk and Brooke Hogan come out to the ring to celebrate with Sting and Bubba as we watch replays of the finish, and we'll be back next week in London!
Thanks for reading the Impact Wrestling Report! Dave Scherer is on vacation, so I'll be back tomorrow to discuss Impact and more with Mike Johnson on...whatever we decide to call the show!