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THE HOLY MOLY, THE RUMBLE STARTED HOUR TWO AND YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHO IS BACK ROYAL RUMBLE BLOG

By Dave Scherer on 2013-01-27 19:55:03

It should be noted that I tried to watch the pre-show via the WWE app and the sucker crashed on me!

The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro was the match on the show. ... Cesaro was in control early while Matt Striker did his best to channel anti-American sentiment. That stuff worked before we had polarizing news outlets that already do it on a daily basis. Now, it just comes across as dopey. ... After about five minutes, Miz came back while Dawson said "Both men are gassed". Really? After five minutes? Oy. ... Miz just totally botched a leg off the top and seemed to jam his knee. If he is selling, he is a lucky bastard. ... Looks like he was selling, or got lucky. That was one botched spot. ... Cesaro then hit The Neutralizer. Fine for what it was, a warm up match.

We are opening the PPV with Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio in A Last Man Standing Match for the World Title. As ADR was going to the ring, Ricardo was worried. Then, they walked into Bret Hart. Hart tells Alberto that he reminds him of a Mexican Bret Hart. Alberto thanked him and said he reminded him of a Mexican Alberto Del Rio. Bret said that isn't so bad. Ricardo popped big time for Bret and said he was a fan. Bret put a pair of Hitman glasses on Ricardo. The fans popped. It was a good way to get ADR over.  

Your announce team is Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and JBL. Here's to hoping good JBL shows up. Oh yeah, I am continuing my personal war against paying an extra 10 bucks to watch in HD. Standard doesn't look to bad.

The match starts out with the Giant angry and beating on ADR but the champ tried to come back. It didn't last long. Ricardo is worried. ... ADR made a comeback with stiff kicks and turned a bodyslam attempt into a rana. They champ is now in control. ... Well, at least until Show powered out of a cross arm breaker attempt. Splat goes the champion! ... Show went to ringside and a chair. As he was going to use it, ADR hit a dropkick to the gut (hard to miss that sucker). ADR worked over Show with the chair as the fans chanted "si". JBL felt he had to explain that it was a take off of Daniel Bryan. ... ADR came off the top with the chair but Show caught him and did a chokeslam. ADR gets to his feet at 7, then fell through the ropes to the floor. At least he broke the count. Show lumbered out to get him. Scott Armstrong counted but ADR got up, so Show slammed him on the floor. Thank God for mats. ADR got up at 7 as they worked their way towards the ramp. ADR smartly kicked Show in the balls. Now Show is getting counted. The crowd is counting partially in Spanish. Show gets up and nueve. Now it's plunder time as they are up on the stage. Show took a light stick and cracked ADR in the back. Show set up a table. He climbed up on the hanging set and pulled ADR up by his hair and did a quasi chokeslam on ADR through the table from six feet or so. Cool spot. The ref is counting. ADR gets up at nueve again and the crowd popped big for it. ADR went down again, but he stopped the count. Show brought the champ back to the ring and loaded up for the KO but ADR rolled out of the ring. Show grabbed the steps and threw them at ADR's head but the champ ducked. Luckily. Ricardo tried to help him and Show WASTED him into the barricade. He went to gore ADR but the champ moved and Show wiped out a huge portion of the barricade. Show got up at nine. ADR grabbed a chair and started pasting the big boy with it. ADR then put Show's arm in the crevice part of the steps and then nailed him with a cool chairshot. ARD then used a fire extinguisher to the face, a la Roddy Piper to Morton Downey. ADR put the cross arm breaker on Show while Ricardo duct taped Show feet to the ropes so he couldn't get up. Alberto wins and the fans popped! That was a really good and fun match.  

ADR was very happy after the match, mugging for the crowd. He is not ripe for Dolph Ziggler to cash in. Big Show is pissed!

They showed Kaityn and Kofi doing a Slim Jim commercial.

Speaking of Dolph, here he is with AJ and Big E. He said since 1 and 2 are the same in the Rumble, he will take number one, because that is what he is. Striker pissed off AJ so she gave him five seconds to run away from Big E. Big E took the mic and did an interview, in a mock reporter voice, with Dolph. Dolph said he will win and when he does, he will then cash in his MITB, win the World Title and then unify the titles at WrestleMania.  

Many Superstars said they would win the Rumble, including King Poopy. He is probably the one telling the truth.

Time for Hell No vs. Rhodes Scholar. Jerry Lawler just reference The Beach Boys. Yes, he did. ... The champs are in control early while JBL rants about Dr. Shelby being a quack. Call the match. Bryan is kicking the crap out of Sandow while the fans chant "Yes". I just did more match calling than they did. ... Bryan just came flying out of the ring and took out both Rhodes Scholars. JBL took that time to talk about vegans and eating animals that eat grass. ... While that was happening, the challengers took control, working over Bryan. ... While the announcers argued over whether Tom Selleck is a dated reference or not, Bryan tried to fight back. Also Cole had to inform Jerry Lawler that he was no longer on Smackdown when King thought he was. OUCH! He almost hot tagged Kane but Sandow stopped him. ... Finally, Kane came in and wBryan blind tagged int. He took out Sandow. Kane chokeslammed Rhodes while Bryan his the No Lock for the win. The match was solid. The announcing was freakin' brutal. They really hurt the match.

They ran a long Royal Rumble facts vignette. It was cool stuff.  

Kane and Bryan were happy that they were still champs. Vickie came and gave them their entry numbers into the Rumble. Bryan showed Kane his. Kane didn't return the favor. Bryan was mad and asked why not. They then did a penis comparison deal. Kane said it's bad strategy to reveal your number to anyone. The gist is that Kane will be coming in much later than Bryan.

Raw is in MY TOWN tomorrow night! Vegas baby!

This feels BIG TIME. The crowd is into both guys. If I don't type much for a while, it's because I am just watching. Dueling chants. This is great!

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