We are live on tape from Baton Rouge, Louisiana and your announcers are Michael ‘Red Stick’ Cole, Booker ‘I’ll show you where to put that red stick, it is one of my fave five’ T, and Josh ‘Please help me’ Mathews.
Since this is a wrestling show, we start off with a promo and it is from the World Champion, Sheamus.
Sheamus says that after Alberto became the new number one contender, he decided to come out and congratulate him the best way he knew how. We see the footage from last week when Alberto took advantage of Randy Orton and pinned Kane. Then Sheamus attacked Del Rio from behind on the stage.
Sheamus says a lot of people questioned what he did, but he was showing Alberto what he has in store for him. Since people have waited on Del Rio his entire life, he wanted to show Del Rio that he is not going to kiss Del Rio’s rear end, he is going to kick it.
Del Rio thinks money can buy you what you want and that having money makes him better than everyone else. Money can’t buy you everything. Money can’t buy you the World Championship.
There is an objection and David Otunga, with his bow tie, sweater, and travel mug makes his way to the ring.
Sheamus introduces David to everyone in case they forgot who he is. Sheamus says that it is great to see David and he wonders how David’s head is after being kicked off his shoulder.
David says that he is not out here for jokes and he is out here for John Laurinaitis. David has some video evidence from two weeks ago when Sheamus hit John Laurinaitis on his way to the ring on Raw two weeks ago. Otunga says the footage speaks for itself. Last week, Sheamus refused to apologize to John through Eve. David says that he is not asking Sheamus to apologize, he is ordering him.
Sheamus asks David if he is ordering him. Sheamus tells David that this isn’t Starbucks where he orders a triple mocha chino or whatever he drinks. He tells David if he orders him around, David will be picking that coffee cup out of his arse for a few weeks. Sheamus tells David if Johnny wants an apology, he better get on his scooter and come to the ring to say it to his face.
David says that Sheamus might be the whitest bulb, but he is not the brightest bulb. He implores Sheamus to reconsider his defiant course of . . .
We will never know what Otunga was supposed to say because Alberto Del Rio interrupts and he drives into the arena and Alberto has something to say.
Alberto tells everyone to be quiet. He tells David that he is wasting his time and breath because he will not get an apologize from this peasant. This guy is nothing but a street hooligan. He is so stupid that he wears it on his shirt. Alberto says that is why people like Sheamus end up working for people like him and Otunga.
Alberto tells David that Sheamus will be sorry . . . very very sorry because after No Way Out, he will be the new World Champion.
Otunga thanks Alberto and he says that he has no doubt that will happen. He feels that Sheamus needs some immediate retribution. Tonight, John Laurinaitis is allowing Alberto Del Rio to select Sheamus’ opponent.
Alberto thanks David.
Sheamus says that he is sorry. He is not sorry about what he did to John Laurinaitis . . . and he gives Otunga a Brogue Kick and the impact sends Del Rio to the floor. Sheamus says that he is sorry about what he is going to do to Otunga. He tells Del Rio never to trust a hooligan.
We go to commercial.
Match Number One: Sin Cara with blue lights versus Heath Slater
Slater with a kick and forearm to the back but Cara with a kick. Slater with a hammer lock but Cara with an elbow and a snap mare. Cara blocks a punch and he kicks Slater. Cara with a double jump arm drag and Slater is sent to the floor. Cara with a cross body off the turnbuckles and then he kicks Slater on the floor.
Slater with a boot to the head and then he kicks Cara. Slater with kicks to the hamstrings and then he applies a reverse chin lock. Cara escapes a belly-to-back attempt and lands on his feet. Cara with kicks to the leg and then he hits a springboard back elbow. Cara with slingshot arm drag followed by an enzuigiri. Cara with a springboard cross boyd and then he hits La Mistica and then gets the three count.
Winner: Sin Cara
We go to the footage from two weeks ago when Bryan hit Kane with a steel chair that led to Kane attacking Punk after the match.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Two: Ezekiel Jackson versus Damien Sandow
Sandow wants a mic instead of locking up with Jackson.
He says that he is standing before another ignoramus. He will not participate in this charade this evening. He tells everyone ‘You’re Welcome’.
Jackson brings Sandow intot he ring from the apron and he punches Sandow and connects with a clothesline. Sandow escapes the torture rack and connects with a series of knees and then he hits a side Russian leg sweep. Sandow winds up and hits an elbow drop for a near fall.
Jackson with punches and forearms but Sandow with a kick and then he hits a Japanese neck breaker for the three count.
Winner: Damien Sandow
After the match, Sandow with a victory cartwheel.
Ricardo Rodriguez is talking to Alberto but Alberto tells him to be quiet. Dolph Ziggler is in the room too. Dolph tells Alberto that he needs to be in the match tonight against Sheamus so Alberto has no problem winning at No Way Out.
Alberto tells Dolph that he has something in his eyes and he has that passion. Dolph will face Sheamus tonight.
We go to commercial.
Ryan Shelton and Chris Lyons are in the ring and since they are not on the roster, we know what is in store for them. Chris gets on the mic and he says that they have come a long way and they have one thing to say. He gives the mic to Ryan and Ryan says that their opponent is very intimidating, but back home they have one saying that gets them fired up and that is ‘Roll Tide Roll.’
Match Number Three: Chris Lyons and Ryan Shelton versus Ryback
Shelton and Lyons surround Ryback and Lyons tries for a cross body but Ryback catches him and then Ryback with a big boot to Shelton. Ryback with a power slam to Lyons and then he hits a power bomb. Ryback uses Lyons to knock Shelton down again and Ryback with another power bomb to Lyons. Ryback with a lariat to Shelton and then he hits a uranage slam on Lyons. Ryback gets both men up for the muscle buster and hits it and gets the three count.
It is time for the Raw Rebound. In case you missed the many times that Big Show has justified his actions, here is your opportunity to catch up.
Booker says that this is a different Big Show.
Josh says that Brodus Clay suffered a concussion and bruised ribs but refused to be taken to the hospital.
Vickie Guerrero comes out and she says that she has made a very special arrangement. Dolph takes the mic and says that tonight he beats the World Champion.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Four: Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero versus Sheamus
They lock up and Ziggler with a side head lock but Sheamus pushes Ziggler away after blocking a side head lock take down. Sheamus with a side head lock and hip lock take down. Sheamus with a shoulder tackle but Ziggler with a drop kick and then he applies a quarter nelson and chin lock. Sheamus with punches and Ziggler goes down.
Sheamus sends Ziggler into the turnbuckles but hits a shoulder tackle and gets a near fall. Sheamus with an arm bar. Ziggler with punches and then he floats over on an Irish whip. Sheamus sends him to the apron but Ziggler with a punch. He goes up top for a cross body but Sheamus catches him and hits the rolling fireman’s carry slam for a near fall.
Ziggler with a kick but Sheamus sends Ziggler over the top rope to the floor.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Ziggler with a key lock but Sheamus with an arm drag to escape. Sheamus with running double sledges followed by a knee lift. Sheamus sets for the Celtic Cross but Ziggler gets to the ring skirt and the referee forces Sheamus to release the hold. Ziggler gets to the floor and Sheamus follows.
Ziggler with a shoulder to Sheamus on the apron and then Ziggler drops Sheamus across the top rope. Ziggler with a drop kick that knocks Sheamus off the apron and into the announce table. While Sheamus is down on the floor, Ziggler is down in the ring. Sheamus gets back into the ring and he hits a neck breaker and gets a near fall.
Ziggler chokes Sheamus in the ropes and then he applies a reverse chin lock and he does a head stand to add pressure to the hold. Sheamus picks Ziggler up to his shoulders but Ziggler is able to hit a DDT and Ziggler gets a near fall. Ziggler with forearms to the upper chest followed by a leaping elbow drop for a near fall. Ziggler with a quarter nelson and chin lock.
Ziggler with a sleeper but Sheamus sends Ziggler to the apron. Sheamus puts Ziggler in the ropes and hits the forearms across the chest. Sheamus suplexes Ziggler back into the ring and gets a near fall. Ziggler with elbows to avoid the uranage back breaker. Sheamus with a back breaker for a near fall.
Sheamus goes to the turnbuckles for the flying shoulder tackle but Ziggler hits the ropes and it crotches Sheamus. Ziggler leaps to the turnbuckles and hits an X Factor. Ziggler with a near fall and Sheamus barely kicks out.
Ziggler sets for the Zig Zag but Sheamus holds on and he sends Ziggler to the mat. Sheamus hits White Noise and then he looks into the crowd to motivate himself for the Brogue Kick but Jack Swagger tries to interfere. Sheamus punches Swagger and Ziggler with a kick to the back of the leg and he tries for the Zig Zag but Sheamus sends Ziggler into Swagger and Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick for the three count.
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time to hear from the WWE Champion CM Punk. Matt asks Punk about his match against Kane later tonight. Punk says that Little Johnny can order him around all he wants because he enjoys competition. John is doing this because he wants the title on anyone else because Punk embarrasses him so much. Punk says that he represents everything that John doesn’t like in the world. He doesn’t want to pal around with Clown Shoes. John is everything that Punk cannot stand in this world.
Punk says that Kane is scary and he has a few nicknames. He says that he is the Best in the World and he will make the Devil’s Favorite Demon go to sleep.
We go to the Goldman Box for comments from Darren Young and Titus O’Neil about their opponents tonight. Darren says that they have already between them before. Titus says that they are the Prime Time Players and that means Millions of Dollars.
Match Number Five: Darren Young and Titus O’Neil versus Santino Marella and Zack Ryder
Santino and Young start things off and Young with a knee and forearm to the back. Young with a back elbow and elbow drop. Titus tags in and Young with a belly-to-back suplex and Titus with a gourdbuster of Young onto Marella. Titus with a kick to Santino followed by a European uppercut. Titus tags Darren back in and Young with kicks in the corner. Ryder tries to help out Santino but it only leads to a shoulder tackle from Young.
Santino floats over in the corner and he gets the three count with a rollup.
Winners: Santino Marella and Zack Ryder
After the match, Titus and Darren have something to say to the referee.
Santino and Zack celebrate on the stage and Big Show comes from behind and he sends Santino into the big W on the stage. Show punches Ryder and Ryder crawls down the ramp to avoid Show while Show methodically walks down the ramp and he sends Ryder into the ringside barrier. Show sends Ryder into the ring steps.
Show picks up the steps and he brings them to the ramp. Ryder with a punch but Show with punches and forearms and Ryder is down again. Show picks up Ryder and he slams Zack on the steps. Then he pushes Ryder off and moves the steps up to the stage. Show with a knee to the midsection and then he puts Santino’s head on the step and Show puts Santino on the step. Show applies the Colossal Clutch. Show channels his inner Chong Li and holds his fist up for everyone to see before he connects with Santino’s skull.
We go to commercial.
We are back with a Moments Ago Moment of what happens when you beat Darren Young and Titus O’Neil on Smackdown.
AJ is in the back in her CM Punk gear and she sees Daniel Bryan. Daniel asks AJ if she thinks Punk cares about her. He tells AJ that Punk is using her and that he thinks she is a nut job like everyone else.
AJ tells Daniel that it sounds like he is jealous. She wonders why Bryan cares so much and he says that he doesn’t.
Bryan says that he did care for her once which is more than Punk.
Christian is at the announce table and it is time to see a WWE Rewind of Christian’s victory over Cody Rhodes to win the Intercontinental Title.
Christian says that it was great to win the title on his first night back.
Match Number Six: Cody Rhodes versus Tyson Kidd
Cody tries for a kick but Kidd blocks it and he hits a leg sweep. Cody with a hard Irish whip and then he kicks Tyson. Cody with a gourdbuster and he gets a near fall. Cody with knees to the midsection as he comes off the ropes. Kidd with kicks to Rhodes and he hits an Arabian Press into an arm drag. Kidd tries for the Sharpshooter but Rhodes sends Tyson into the turnbuckles. Cody with Cross Rhodes for the three count.
Winner: Cody Rhodes
After the match, Cody leaves the ring and Christian gets up from the announce table and they stare each other down before Cody leaves.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Seven: CM Punk versus Kane for the WWE Championship
Punk with kicks to the leg followed by punches. Kane throws Punk into the turnbuckles and punches him. Kane charges at Punk but Punk drops down and Kane goes to the floor. Punk with a baseball slide and Kane is knocked off the apron. Punk with a double sledge from the turnbuckles to the floor.
Punk with forearms to Kane and they return to the ring. Punk with a punch but he appears to have hurt his hand. Kane with an uppercut and kick. Kane sends Punk into the turnbuckles and connects with a punch and knees. Kane with an Irish whip and he charges into the corner but Punk with a kick to the knees and Kane goes into the turnbuckles.
Punk with punches and kicks and then he sends Kane’s elbow into the ring post. Punk kicks the arm. Punk with a punch and kick to the injured arm. Punk with elbows to the shoulder and then he wraps the arm in the ropes. Kane with a boot to the head and then he punches Punk and gets a near fall.
Punk with a kick to the shoulder and then he applies a key lock. Kane sends Punk over the top rope to the floor and Punk is a bit surprised as we go to commercial.
We are back and Punk with a kick and double sledge before he connects with more forearms to the back. We see footage from the commercial when Punk avoided the ring steps and he sent Kane’s arm into the steps. Kane sends Punk from the turnbuckles to the floor.
AJ Lee makes her way to ringside to check on her latest obsession.
Kane hot shots Punk on the ringside barrier while the referee counts both men out. They return to the ring and Kane gets a near fall. Kane with a boot to the head and then he slams Punk and he hits a running elbow drop for a near fall. Kane with forearms across the chest and then he works on the neck.
Punk with punches but Kane grabs Punk by the throat and he tries for a choke slam but Punk counters with a DDT and both men are down. Punk with the running knee into the corner and he hits it a second time. Kane avoids the bulldog and Punk misses a round kick but Punk hits a swinging neck breaker.
Punk gets a near fall. Punk with a back heel kick and he tries for a cross body but Kane catches him. Punk avoids a power slam and Punk with a round kick for a near fall. Kane with a big boot to Punk and he gets a near fall.
Kane with an Irish whip and running clothesline into the corner. Punk gets his boot up for a second kick and then Punk with a bulldog from the turnbuckles and he gets a near fall. Punk gets Kane up for the Go To Sleep but Punk collapses under Kane’s weight. Kane with a running drop kick and he gets a near fall.
Kane goes to the turnbuckles for the clothesline but Punk counters with a drop kick. Punk goes up top for the elbow drop but AJ gets on the apron to warn Punk that Bryan is coming to the ring to interfere. Punk with a cross body onto Bryan and Punk punches Bryan.
Kane grabs Punk on the apron but Punk with a kick to the head. Punk with the elbow drop from the turnbuckles but Kane kicks out at two. Punk goes to the apron for a springboard clothesline but Kane with an uppercut. He sets for the choke slam but Daniel Bryan hits a missile drop kick and the referee calls for the bell.
After the match, Bryan kicks Punk and then he puts Punk in the corner for more kicks to the chest while Bryan ‘yeses’ away. Bryan with an Irish whip but Punk with a clothesline as Bryan charges into the corner. Punk gets Bryan up for the Go To Sleep but Kane grabs Punk and Bryan and hits a double choke slam.
Kane stands over both men and summons the hellfire and brimstone.
John Laurinaitis comes out with Eve and John says that the WWE Championship Match will now be a Triple Threat Match.
We go to credits.