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WWE RAW REPORT: PUNK/JERICHO, ROCK/CENA, AND TAKER/HUNTER/SHAWN TALK ABOUT THEIR MANIA MATCHES EFFECTIVELY; WHOSE CORN FLAKES DID MIZ, MARK HENRY, AND ZACK RYDER SNEEZE IN?

By Richard Trionfo on 2012-03-19 23:03:12
We are live from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and your announcers are Michael ‘Cream Cheese’ Cole and Jerry ‘Tastykake’ Lawler.

We start things off with CM Punk and we see footage from what happened last week when CM Punk’s family history was revealed by Chris Jericho.

Punk is not in a good mood and he says that Chris Jericho is not here tonight. Punk says that it goes to show the type of person that Chris Jericho is. Him not being here is a gift because Jericho pissed him off. Last week, Chris Jericho mentioned that his father is an alcoholic.

Punk says that he is not sure if it was supposed to be a secret. It is not Chris Jericho’s story to tell or his business. It isn’t that Chris said or how he said it. It was that he said it to the entire world. Punk says that he is here in front of millions of people and he is on Front Street under a microscope. He is naked for the world to see.

Punk says that he sees kids, parents, brothers, and sisters. All are people who have been affected in some way by alcoholism. Punk says that he doesn’t want a child to think that they cannot be destined for greatness. It was all done to get an advantage at Wrestlemania.

Chris wants to play head games and say that Punk is pre-disposed to drink. It shows that Chris Jericho doesn’t know him at all. Punk says that if there is a devil in his DNA, it is Jericho’s problem. If there is a monster inside, he is going to let it out. Punk says that he refuses to let his past dictate his future. No one should let their past cloud their dreams.

Punk says that the finish of the story is that his father has worked hard to overcome his addictions and he has beaten his demons. Punk says that Jericho doesn’t want everyone to know the facts. Punk says that he is proud of his father and he is proud that he is straight edge.

Punk says that he is proud of all of the obstacles that his father had to overcome. You can jump over an obstacle, or you can crawl under one like Jericho. Punk says that he is going to go through Jericho as his obstacle to prove that he is the best in the world at Wrestlemania.

Chris Jericho appears from a studio and he says that he did not think it would be right to confront him in person. He wants Punk to hear him. He says that all of Punk’s points were right. He was out of line and he is sorry. He says that he is ‘Chris’ talking to Punk. There is no fancy jacket or bravado.

He never should have brought it up and he is sorry for doing it last week. Jericho says that he will never say anything about Punk’s father again.

However, his sister is whole other ball game. Jericho says that he heard about Punk’s sister’s substance abuse problems. Drug addicts will do whatever it takes to score a fix. Jericho says that Punk probably still loves his sister. He brings up that there is a pattern. His father is an alcoholic and his sister is a drug addict. He says that Punk is going to drink.

The good news is that substance abuse and alcohol can be overcome. The bad news is that when Punk loses the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania, it is something that he will never overcome.

Punk says something that was not okay with the WWE censors and he tells Jericho that he will beat the s*** out of him at Wrestlemania.

We go to commercial with Big Show and Kane walking in the back.

Match Number One: Kane versus Big Show

Before the match starts, Cody Rhodes makes his way to the ring. We see a Big Show video package with all of his ‘classic’ Wrestlemania moments.

They lock up and Show with punches followed by an Irish whip. Show runs into a boot and Kane grabs Show by the throat but Show does the same. Show tries for a choke slam but Kane escapes it and he connects with an uppercut. Show with a spear and then he goes to the turnbuckles but Cody gets on the apron and Show stops him.

Kane with a choke slam from the turnbuckles and he gets the three count.

Winner: Kane

After the match, Cody hits Beautiful Disaster and then he kicks Show. Cody gets handcuffs that were sitting behind the announce table that nobody behind the announce table noticed.

Cody cuffs Show to the ropes. Cody hits Show with the boxing gloves and referees make their way to the ring to try to stop Cody. Cody throws the gloves at Show and leaves. Someone gets bolt cutters to free Show from the ropes.

Show gets to his feet but he has trouble staying on his feet and the doctor checks on him.

We go to commercial.

We are back with a Moments Ago Moment of Cody acting like he should be main eventing at the Arena in South Philadelphia.

Match Number Two: David Otunga with Barrett Barrage Wear and John Laurinaitis versus Santino Marella with Teddy Long

Santino shows off his abs and poses. Otunga with a pose of his own. Santino does some more posing and Otunga does the same as this match turns into a WBF tribute.

Santino pulls a hamstring and Otunga attacks him. Otunga sends Santino into the turnbuckles. Santino with punches and then he does the split and hip toss followed by the diving head butt to the shoulder. Santino pulls out his green puppet and sets for the Cobra. Johnny and Teddy argue at ringside and Santino does the Garvin Stomp to Johnny’s phone. Otunga with the World’s Most Dangerous Spinebuster for the three count.

Winner: David Otunga

After the match, Johnny does the Santino celebration and then he gets too sassy with Teddy and Teddy slaps Johnny. Teddy and Santino head up the ramp while Johnny is held back by Otunga. Teddy does the Teddy Shuffle.

We go to commercial.

We are back and someone Japanese is coming to WWE. It is Lord Tensai.

Michael Cole introduces Dwayne and he is in front of the Rocky statue. Dwayne looks to the heavens so he know where he has finally returned. He talks about the City of Brotherly Love and the city that loves you back. He says that it is always sunny in Philadelphia. It is the city of ass kickers. The statue he is standing in front of is the symbol of the fightning spirit.

When he was twelve years old, he stood in front of the statue and he was inspired. Rock says that the most important thing about that photo was that he was dreaming of becoming the greatest of all time.

One year later, he watched Hulk Hogan at the first Wrestlemania. Then he watched the Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania 6 and he became an icon. Years later, he headlined his first Wrestlemania in Philadelphia against Steve Austin. He might have lost but he made two vows. He vowed never to wrestle a guy in jean shorts. He also vowed to become the greatest of all time. He went on to beat Steve Austin and Hulk Hogan. There is one name left to become the greatest of all time, John Cena.

When he wants some, he will get some. In thirteen days he will face John Cena. Tonight, he is going to drive down Broad Street and come into the arena and he will give Cena a message. If Cena does not get that message, he will get in his car and drive to Pat’s to get the biggest cheese steak he can find and he is going to stick it up his candy ass.

The greats will thank the Rock in their own way. They will say Bang Bang, woooo, and Oh yeah . . . dig it. It is just the beginning. In the spirit of Rocky Balboa, he is going to beat John Cena to be the best of all time. He will yell out ‘Yo Adrian . . . I did it’. It is time to smell.

Match Number Three: Daniel Bryan with AJ Lee versus Zack Ryder

Daniel asks AJ to come onto the apron before the match and he kisses her.

Bryan with a hammer lock and Ryder with a side head lock. Ryder with a shoulder tackle but Bryan with a knee and kick to the back. Bryan with a knee drop and he chokes Ryder. Bryan with kicks to Ryder and then he chokes Ryder in the ropes. Bryan catapults Ryder into the bottom rope and he gets a near fall.

Ryder with elbows and a punch followed by an Irish whip but Bryan with an elbow. Ryder with a kick and then he sets for the running boot and he hits it. Ryder waits for the Rough Ryder but Bryan tosses Ryder in the air and applies the LeBell Lock when Ryder hits the mat and Ryder taps out.

Winner: Daniel Bryan

After the match, Bryan has AJ kiss him on the cheek.

We see the footage about John Cena’s auto accident from earlier today.

We go to commercial.

Match Number Four: John Cena versus Mark Henry

They lock up and Henry sends Cena to the mat. Cena with a side head lock but Henry sends Cena to the floor. Cena returns to the ring and Cena tries for a few shoulder tackles but Cena is the one to hit the mat. Henry punches Cena and then connects with knees in the corner. Henry punches Cena and connects with a knee to the head.

Henry throws Cena to the floor and he follows after him. Henry with a forearm to the head followed by a kick to the shoulder. Henry pulls Cena back to the floor when John tries to get back into the ring. Henry tosses Cena into the ringside barrier.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Cena is getting his second wind and he punches Henry but Henry with a shoulder tackle and Cena is down. Henry hits the big splash and he gets a near fall. The referee checks on Cena and then Henry punches Cena in the ribs. Henry with an Irish whip followed by a splash into the corner.

Henry sets for another splash into the corner but Cena gets out of the way and Cena with a belly-to-back suplex to Henry and it is time for the Five Knuckle Shuffle and he hits it. Cena tries to get Henry up for the Attitude Adjustment but he cannot do it. Cena tries for a cross body and Henry catches him. Cena avoids the World’s Strongest Slam and then he hits the Attitude Adjustment for the three count.

Winner: John Cena

After the match, Dwayne comes out and he runs to the ring. Dwayne gives Mark Henry a Rock Bottom and leaves.

It is time to remember when we found out that Shawn Michaels would be the guest referee for the Hell in a Cell Match at Wrestlemania.

We go to commercial.

We are back and it is time to talk about the issues between Beth Phoenix and Maria Menounos. And the match is official.

Miz is in the ring and he says in 1987 King Kong Bundy was in the main event of Wrestlemania 2. Then he had a match with Hillbilly Jim and two little people at Wrestlemania 3. This was the biggest main event drop off in Wrestlemania history. That is until now. At least Bundy had a match. Miz says that he will not go from main eventing Wrestlemania 27 to doing nothing at Wrestlemania 28. Miz says that he has made an open challenge to show John Laurinaitis that he should be on Team Johnny.

Match Number Five: Sheamus versus Miz

Miz with forearms to the back of the head but Sheamus with punches. Miz with a kick and Sheamus with a double sledge to Miz. Miz with an elbow and kick to the knee. Sheamus blocks the DDT and gets Miz up for the fireman’s carry slam.

We see John and David watching in the back and David has a new coffee mug.

Miz with the Reality Check for a near fall. Miz chokes Sheamus in the ropes. Miz with a running boot to the head and he gets a near fall. Miz with a reverse chin lock. Sheamus gets to his feet and he sends Miz into the corner. Sheamus with forearms and kicks to Miz. Sheamus with a power slam for a near fall.

Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick but he hits it a second time and gets the three count.

Winner: Sheamus

We go to Chris Jericho’s comments from earlier tonight when he talked about . . . a sister.

We are back with the Slam of the Week: Shawn Michaels confronting Undertaker last week.

Josh Mathews is on the old school interview stage and he introduces Randy Orton.

Josh reminds Orton that he will face Kane at Wrestlemania and he asks how will he beat the monster. Orton repeats the question and he asks Josh how does the monster plan on beating him. Orton says that we are talking about a Wrestlemania between these two men only because he beat the monster so badly that it turned him human. Now he looks in Kane’s eyes and there are no signs of humanity.

Orton says that he couldn’t care less about Kane’s identity crisis because he knows who he is. He is not the Big Red Monster, the Big Red Machine, or the Devil’s Favorite Demon. His name is Randy Orton.

Orton poses for the crowd.

It is time to look at the Wrestlemania sign as we go to footage from a Be a Star event.

Vickie Guerrero comes out and she says that she is proud to introduce the two newest member of Team Johnny. She brings out Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger as we go to commercial.

Match Number Six: Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger with Vickie Guerrero versus R Truth and Kofi Kingston with Aksana

We are back and Aksana and Vickie have to be separated.

Kofi and Swagger start things off and Kofi with kicks. Swagger with an Irish whip but Kofi with a pendulum kick and a kick to Swagger followed by a cross body for a near fall. Swagger sends Kofi into the corner but Kofi with an elbow. Ziggler with a clothesline to Kofi followed by a double jump Swagger bomb for a near fall.

Swagger punches Kofi and the referee pulls him out of the corner and Ziggler chokes Kofi. Swagger stands on Kofi’s chest. Kofi tries to punch his way out of the corner but Ziggler tags in and he kicks Kofi in the head. Ziggler tries for a neck breaker but Kofi with a back slide for a near fall.

Ziggler with a drop kick for a near fall. Swagger tags back in and he kicks Kofi. Swagger tags back in and he does push ups on Kofi’s back. Swagger traps the arms but Kofi gets to his feet and he punches Swagger. Swagger keeps Kofi from making the tag but Kofi is able to hit a DDT and both men are down.

Ziggler and Truth tag in and Truth with a running clothesline or two followed by a punch. Truth with the Truth Detector and then he kicks Ziggler and hits the sit out gourdbuster for a near fall. Truth clotheslines Swagger over the top rope ot the floor and Kofi with a running clothesline on the floor to take care of Swagger.

Truth misses the Scissors Kick and Ziggler with the Fameasser and Vickie pushes Truth’s foot off the ropes and the referee does not see it and makes the three count.

Winners: Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger

After the match, Aksana pushes Vickie down and then she tries to explain what happened to the referee. Aksana with a spear on Vickie and the men have to break up the catfight.

We see footage from last night’s Madison Square Garden show when Triple H gave Dolph Ziggler a tombstone piledriver to mock the Undertaker.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Shawn Michaels is the first participant in the Hell in a Cell match to come out.

Shawn says that the Hell in a Cell Match at Wrestlemania will be the end of an era. The thing that people are talking about is the guest referee. He says that is no big surprise because he did make a Hall of Fame career out of stealing the show and being the showstopper. This year will be no different.

Shawn says that it is pretty darn cool that he holds the end of an era in the palm of his hand. Shawn says that you will have to wait until Wrestlemania for his prediction. He will give his opinion about what he thinks will happen.

Shawn says that people wonder if he can be impartial because of his friendship with Triple H. Shawn tells Undertaker that End of an Era is code for the end of the streak. Two years ago, he saw the end and it was inevitable. Now that is where there Undertaker stands . . .

Who ordered a gong because Undertaker’s music plays.

Taker says that Shawn did enough talking last week. Now it would be in his best interest to shut up and listen. He already told Shawn that this match has to remain pure. Before Shawn and his buddy start making plans . . .

Triple H’s music plays and he comes to the ring. It is serious because the GameFountain makes its return.

Hunter tells Taker to stop worrying about Shawn because even though Shawn’s ego wants this to be about him, it is not. It is about the two of them. Like Taker said, it is our destiny. Two parallel legendary careers running side by side. Connected by one thing. The most demonic structure. There have been 24 Hell in a Cell Matches. They have been in 19 of them. It is not a coincidence. It is not a coincidence that the match that started as the Devil’s Playground became his Proving Ground. It is where he learned how to push the limits of human endurance. It is where he learned to end another man’s career. It is where he thrives and excels.

All of those matches have been for one moment. Hunter points to the sign and says April 1st, Wrestlemania, Hell in a Cell. The whole world is going to see the end of an era . . . yours.

Hunter tells Taker that he knows exactly what it will take inside that hell to finish the job.

Taker asks Hunter if he is sure. Your mind, your body, and your soul. Your career. Your wife. Your kids. All of this. Even his life. Is Hunter willing to put it all on the line?

Hunter thinks about it and he says if it means giving Taker the end that he so richly deserves, then he is.

Hunter says that he will.

Taker is about to leave the ring but he turns around and he asks Hunter if he remembers when he said that Shawn was better than him? Taker says that he is.

Taker leaves the ring and Hunter stares into Shawn’s eyes and the smile on Shawn’s face is gone.

We go to credits.

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