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WWE RAW REPORT: SHAWN AND HUNTER; DWAYNE AND JOHN; TEDDY AND JOHN; KANE AND RANDY; CHRIS AND PUNK; CODY AND SHOW; UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH

By Richard Trionfo on 2012-03-05 23:02:49
We are live from Boston, Massachusetts and your announcers are Michael ‘Yes, I really apologized to him’ Cole and Jerry ‘Scorpion King’ Lawler.

The man who can captivate the fans makes his way to the ring. Shawn Michaels stops the show on the way down the ramp.

Shawn tells someone to turn a sign the proper way before he speaks. He says that nowadays, the best thing about the HBK chant is that he gets to catch his breath because he isn’t used to that any more. Several weeks ago, he came out and caused a little trouble. Shawn thanks everyone and he says that he has his breath back so the chanting can stop.

Things got heated between him and Triple H. Shawn says that he wanted Hunter to take this match with Undertaker at Wrestlemania to take down the streak because of what happened last year. Something changed Hunter’s mind and Shawn says that Hunter not only accepted the match, but he upped the ante to make it a Hell in a Cell Match.

Shawn says that he wants to know why Hunter finally accepted the match. He wants Hunter to come to the ring and Hunter obliges.

Shawn says that he was pretty hard on Hunter a few weeks ago and he threw everything including the kitchen sink at Hunter. Shawn says that it is amazing and why Hunter is the responsible one. He took every cheap shot at Hunter and said things that friends would never say to each other. He pushed the envelope and he is amazed that Hunter did not buckle or waver. He says that Hunter is an oak.

Shawn says that he thought of every dirty underhanded and despicable thing and Hunter would not do it. He says that Hunter is a man of conviction, a man of honor, and a man of integrity.

Shawn says that Hunter said a lot of cool corporate stuff and Shawn reminds Hunter that he called him a coward, which is something that nobody says to his face.

Shawn wants to know what made Hunter change his mind to accept the match with the Undertaker. What was it that made Hunter mad and have a revelation that brought him to his knees and was so humiliating and degrading that he couldn’t turn down the match.

Hunter starts to talk and Shawn interrupts and then he wants to get the footage of when Hunter accepted the match with the Undertaker. He wants to stand with his friend of seventeen years to see what broke Hunter down to say that he can do it and beat the Undertaker.

We see the footage from two weeks ago.

We go back to Hunter and Shawn and Hunter is very serious and Shawn is looking at Hunter.

Hunter starts to talk again and Shawn interrupts and says that is all it took. The worst thing that anybody could say to Hunter is that Shawn is better than him.

Hunter says that it has nothing to do with that. He knows that Shawn did not see it live but he heard and got Hunter’s voice mail. Hunter says that it has nothing to do with who is better than whom. Hunter says that he is tired of it and tired of listening to people like the Undertaker talk behind his back, saying that he couldn’t get the job done. He is tired of people talking about Shawn behind his back, calling him a failure. He was tired of people saying that Shawn was never as good as he thought he was as he was leaving.

Hunter says that he thinks that Shawn is the greatest in ring performer of all time. Hunter says that it kills him and pains him to look at Shawn as a loser. That is why he is going to do it. He is going to finish it and end the Undertaker. He will end the streak and end an era. He will do what everybody runs their mouth saying that Shawn couldn’t do. He is going to do it for himself and as much he is going to do it for Shawn.

Shawn thanks Hunter for that and he does not sound sincere. He says that he thought there was a problem, but Hunter is in his nice suit and he has everything under control. It hurt him last year to have to look Hunter in the eyes that he couldn’t get it done. Then he sat down at Wrestlemania and he saw Hunter dominate the Undertaker and show the world why he is the Game and the Cerebral Assassin. He saw Hunter beat Taker within an inch of his life, but then Hunter lost and Shawn was right.

This year, he knows who will win and he will be right again. Shawn starts to walk out of the ring but he tells Hunter that he knows because he has been made the special referee.

We go to commercial, and we still have Dwayne to talk.

Match Number One: Jack Swagger with Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler versus Santino Marella for the United States Championship

Swagger with a kick and forearms to the back and John Laurinaitis and Starbucks’ Employee of the Month makes his way to the ring.

Santino with a split and hip toss followed by the diving head butt and then he pulls out his sock and Otunga distracts the referee. Ziggler hits Santino and then Swagger hits the Doctor Bomb but Santino kicks out.

Teddy Long, Aksana, and Kofi Kingston make their way to the ring and where is Daniel Bryan to be overshadowed and we go to commercial.

We are back and Swagger with a hard Irish whip followed by a double jump Swagger Bomb but he connects with Santino’s boots. Laurinaitis gets on the apron and Teddy pulls him off. We get more fighting from those two.

Ziggler hits Santino from the apron and then Ziggler takes care of Kofi. Santino with the cobra to Ziggler and then he goes for Vickie but she gets to the floor. Aksana pushes Vickie down.

Santino tries for the Cobra but Swagger with the ankle lock and then Long knocks Laurinaitis down. Santino sends Swagger into the turnbuckles and gets the three count with a rollup.

Winner: Santino Marella

After the match, John Laurinaitis says that this is his show and Teddy cannot do this. Teddy says that this is his show and he is going to give everyone in the WWE Universe a present. He gets security and they are going to send John onto the streets of Boston.

After the match, Santino celebrates with Teddy and his minions.

We go to commercial.

We are back and it is time for a history lesson from Dwayne. We see Dwayne at the Boston Harbor earlier today. Finally, Rock is back in Boston. He tells John Cena tonight he gets much needed history lessons from Dwayne. In 1773, the great people of Boston had enough of the British. Just like John Cena, the British were in their faces and the people of Boston started a Revolution. The people took England’s tea and threw it in Boston’s Harbor. Tonight, there is going to be a party of their own and it starts now. Dwayne wants the people to take all of the people to take John Cena’s garbage and get rid of it. The Revolution begins tonight so he can take all of his hot garbage and hot trash because the people are sick of it. He tells someone to get all of the John Cena merchandise from the harbor and put it in the trash.

Kelly Kelly is at the announce table for the next match.

Match Number Two: Alicia Fox versus Eve Torres

They lock up and Alicia with a waist lock but Eve with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Alicia with a split into an arm drag but Alicia misses a kick and Eve clips Alicia and gets the three count.

Winner: Eve Torres

After the match, Zack Ryder comes out and he says that he is glad that they never hooked up because they say ‘Broskis before Hoskis’.

We go to John Cena and he is sitting in the arena earlier today and he has thoughts for Dwayne. We have to go to commercial before we can hear from Cena.

We are back and Eve has something to tell to Zack. She hesitates and then she kisses Zack and then walks away with the evil smile on her face. Zack has a goofy look on his face.

It is time for Cole and Lawler to talk about the fact that Shawn Michaels is the special guest referee for Hell in a Cell. It is time for Cole to read some tweets.

It is time to get comments from John Cena inside the empty arena earlier today.

Wrestlemania 28 will be the end of an era and legends will be remembered. All eyes will be focused on two men in one match. It is more than a match. It is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Despite his personal differences, there is no denying that Dwayne Johnson is the most successful superstar in WWE history. He vaulted to stardom outside of the WWE. He said he would not come back until he found a worthy opponent.

John says that he will not be happy to just be there or to be there for the ride. John says that he intends to win. Cena says that Boston is now known as the City of Champions after years of being known as the City of Heartbreak. Cena talks about when the Patriots had a chance for a perfect season only to lose in the Super Bowl. No one remembers second place. John says that he has done some wonderful things in the WWE and he is proud of what he has done.

Wrestlemania 28 is everything. If he does not win, he becomes another name in the notebook of people Dwayne has defeated. If he can go into Dwayne’s back yard and get his hand raised, then he wins the big one. This is a match . . . an event that will make history. It is what it is supposed to be. It will be the most successful event in the history of the WWE. No one remembers second place. That is why he needs to win. That is why Wrestlemania is so important. It is all or nothing. It is his legacy. Wrestlemania 28 is once in a lifetime.

We go to commercial.

We see footage from last week’s attack on CM Punk by Chris Jericho.

Match Number Three: CM Punk and Sheamus versus Daniel Bryan and Chris Jericho

Punk and Jericho start things off and they lock up and Jericho with a side head lock take down but Punk escapes. Punk and Jericho with side head lock take downs and head scissors. Punk with a shoulder tackle. Punk with a monkey flip and arm drags followed by a clothesline. Jericho holds on to the ropes and tags in Bryan.

Bryan punches Punk but Punk with punches and he tags in Sheamus. Sheamus kicks Bryan and connects with punches and forearms. Bryan with a kick but Sheamus sends Bryan to the apron. Sheamus with a knee when Bryan tries for a shoulder and then Sheamus with the forearms o’plenty. Sheamus gets a near fall.

Punk tags in and he hits a double sledge from the turnbuckles. Punk with a reverse atomic drop and a back heel kick and a kick to the chest. Jericho with a kick to Punk’s back and Jericho tags in.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Jericho with a quarter nelson and chin lock on Punk. Punk with punches but Jericho with a side slam for a near fall. Jericho with a knee to Punk but Punk with a leg lariat. Sheamus makes the tag and he connects with running double sledges and a clothesline in the corner followed by a power slam. Sheamus with a uranage back breaker for a near fall. Sheamus goes to the floor and Bryan with a running drop kick to Sheamus.

Jericho rolls Sheamus back in and he keeps Punk from making the tag. Jericho sends Sheamus’ head into the mat. Jericho with a forearm to the back and he applies a sleeper. Sheamus with punches and he sends Jericho into the corner but Jericho with a kick and he tries for a bulldog but Sheamus sends Jericho into the turnbuckles and Jericho appears to have hurt his knee.

Bryan and Punk tag in and Punk with a springboard clothesline and swinging neck breaker.

Punk with a running knee into the corner and a slam. Punk goes up top and he goes for the elbow drop despite a bad back. Punk hits the elbow drop but Punk’s back makes it difficult for him to make a good cover and he gets a near fall.

Bryan misses a round kick and Punk with an O’Connor Roll. Punk with a clothesline to Jerihco and Bryan with a drop kick into the corner. Sheamus goes for the Celtic Cross but Jericho blocks it. Bryan misses a charge into the corner and Bryan and Sheamus are on the floor.

Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho but Punk tries for an inside cradle and Jericho rolls through and gets the three count.

Winners: Chris Jericho and Daniel Bryan

After the match, Jericho takes the WWE Title Belt and holds it. Then he brings the belt to the ring and pushes it to Punk.

Dwayne has moved inland and he has his second history lesson. He is in front of a statute of Paul Revere. What if it wasn’t Paul Revere, but it was ‘this goof’. What if it was John Cena. He says that they would have shot him on sight with that stupid outfit. He says that everyone would be playing cricket, sipping tea, and blessing the Queen. The people would be crying into their Johnny Cakes hoping for someone to help them. Then Dwayne would appear thanks to a time machine and his music would play. He steps out after the Flux Capacitor is still smoking.

Benjamin Franklin would have said that Dwayne invented electricity. Then the women of Boston would be giving Dwayne some Boston Cream Pie. Dwayne then gives his lyrics for Yankee Doodle Dandy.

If Paul Revere was alive today, he would be saying that Dwayne is coming to Wrestlemania, but first he is coming to the TD Garden to get in Cena’s face.

We go to commercial.

We are back and it is time to see how Teddy Long removed John Laurinaitis from the building.

Match Number Four: Miz versus Big Show

The bell rings and Miz goes to the floor.

Cody Rhodes makes his way out and he says that there is no better wake up call than embarrassment. He does not have a clip of Show losing at Wrestlemania. He has Show in his natural habitat. We go to Show at Wrestlemania 18 eating at WWF New York when Show shared a hairdo with Mason Ryan.

Miz kicks Show and punches him. The referee backs Miz up and Show sets for the Awesome Clothesline but Show with a spear and it is time to knock out Miz and her comes the punch and Show gets the three count.

Winner: Big Show

We go to commercial.

We are back with more history from Dwayne. Now he is in front of the State House overlooking Boston Common. He talks about the fighting spirit that is inside everyone. It led to the birth of the greatest country under God’s hot sun. Something else will be overthrown after ten long years. He will overthrow John Cena. He can entertain around the world, but there is only one place that he can fight. That is the WWE.

Dwayne says that he has the charisma of George Washington, the brilliance of Ben Franklin, and the you know what of John Hancock. Now that Dwayne has taken John Cena on a history lesson, he is going to make history. On April 1st at Wrestlemania, he will beat John Cena. John will fall to Dwayne.

Tonight is March 5th and the Dwayne Revolution is going and he is going to go into the center of the ring and look John Cena in the eye and tell everyone what he sees.

It is time to smell.

We go to commercial.

We are back and next week we will see Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker together again.

We go to footage in the Goldman Box and R Truth talks about the explosions when Kane comes out. Truth wants to know who he is talking to.

We see footage of Kane and Randy Orton fighting on Smackdown.

Match Number Five: R Truth versus Kane

Truth avoids Kane and then Truth punches Kane in the corner. Kane pushes Truth away. Truth with punches to Kane and Kane pushes him away and Kane with a kick to Truth. Kane sends Truth into the turnbuckles and punches him. Kane with a snap mare and a leg drop for a near fall.

Kane with an Irish whip and splash into the corner. Kane with another Irish whip but Truth with an uppercut and split followed by a leg lariat. Kane avoids the scissors kick and Kane with a choke slam for the three count.

Winner: Kane

After the match, Kane’s pyro sets off Randy Orton’s music and Randy makes his way to the ring. Truth grabs Kane’s leg to keep him from getting away. Orton with an RKO to Kane.

Orton gets a mic and he says that it is good to be back.

John Cena is walking in the back because he is actually in the arena.

We go to commercial.

We are back and John Cena makes his way to the ring and the home town fans are not happy to see him.

John says that he thought everyone would be excited. John says that everyone is here because Dwayne is finally back. He says that the real Rock is back. He talks about Dwayne’s history lessons. They are exciting, entertaining, and electrifying. They are everything that Dwayne needs to be. If you sift through all of the infomercial yelling and the dramatic head whips, what is Dwayne saying.

John mentions that he told Dwayne what his problems were last week and what he was going to do about it.

Cena says that Dwayne is obsessed with breakfast cereal, what Cena is wearing, and whatever he is calling his penis. Cena wants to know if he is facing Dwayne or the Situation. He wonders if Dwayne is going to have a midlife crisis.

He talks about how Dwayne was shook up last week. He spent twenty minutes dealing with hashtag stuff. Then he got flustered and sounded like Rain Man, not Dwayne.

Who was the man with the smoking gun in his hand. It was John Cena. Dwayne got shook up by a prep school thug who looks like a Wonder Woman transvestite. John says that he is wearing orange shoes and black socks. Cena mentions that he is wearing knee pads even though he is only talking.

It looks like the University of Miami swagger is back for Dwayne. Now he wants to meet John in the center of the ring. Dwayne’s best stuff recently has been pre-recorded or via satellite. Cena likes the idea because he wants to know if it is going to be the dude who is going to waste twenty minutes talking about Chinese take out or will it be the greatest superstar in the history of the WWE that he will face at Wrestlemania.

Cena says that he doesn’t want to beat the second best at Wrestlemania. Cena wants to know if everyone wants to see him in the ring with Dwayne.

Dwayne’s music plays and he makes his way to the ring.

Dwayne says that with the history that he has in this city, he is going to tell us Finally, he has come back to Boston.

Dwayne says that he was going to look Cena in the eye and tell everyone what he sees. Dwayne gets close to Cena and he says that he sees fear. He sees fear that Dwayne is taking everything away. It is fear that everything that he worked for over the last ten years is going to go away when he loses at Wrestlemania. He hears the fear and doubt in John’s words.

He sees through Cena. Did Cena shake his confidence? Dwayne tells John to look at him. He says that he has never ever been more confident about anything in his life.

Cena wants to know what the fans are chanting and he wants to see if it is Newberry or Tooth Fairy.

Dwayne tells John that if you strip away Wrestlemania, the movies, the catchphrases, and trending worldwide at Dwayne’s core you have six foot four and two hundred sixty-five pounds of man who will rip his throat out.

At Cena’s core, he will always be a little boy who will go down in history as the Rock’s bitch.

Dwayne walks away.

John is still in the ring and he says that Dwayne’s height and weight but he says that Dwayne will have to rip his throat out. He says that he is not afraid of Dwayne. Cena says that Captain Catchphrase will make Cena his bitch, but Dwayne is wrong because he will be the son of a bitch who will make history by whipping Dwayne’s ass. Cena does a curtsey and then does a Lambeau Leap into the crowd.

Cena returns to the ring and he poses as we go to credits.

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