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Tonight's show comes to you tonight from the United Kingdom, and we kick off the show tonight with Bobby Roode and Bully Ray coming out to the ring to admire Bubba's legs and do our show-opening promo. Oh, by the way, Hogan's back tonight. Bubba tells everyone that even though they want to see Jeff Hardy tonight, they're not going to because they put him through a table and now we're never going to see him again. Roode says it's great to be back here in Ireland, and he wants to make it clear that they do not suck because Bubba has the largest calves in the world and is the toughest guy and his best friend, Bully Ray. And Roode is the it factor, the leader of the Me Generation, and our World Heavyweight Champion. They're very proud of what they did to Jeff Hardy last week, but they didn't get the job completely done, so he demands that James Storm come out right now. Storm comes out and Bubba tells him to stand back and not think about coming near the World Champion, but now Sting's music hits and he comes out to join the party. Mike Tenay mentions when Sting beat Vader for the title over here 19 years ago, and Sting says he wants to give an update on Jeff Hardy: he says he's doing fine and will be find when we get to Against All Odds. And since that PPV is coming up quickly, the main event will be a four way between Roode, Bubba, Storm, and Hardy. Storm says he wants Bubba and Roode tonight, so Sting says he's going to get both of them tonight, starting with Roode and ending with Bully Ray.
Garett Bischoff is walking around backstage telling his trainer that he's here and he'll see whoever it is when he gets there. Gee, I wonder who it could be. I don't know, maybe the guy they've been heavily hyping as returning tonight.
Samoa Joe & Brutus Magnus vs Matt Morgan & Crimson
This one is a Buckingham Brawl and the winning team can both stay in the ring without having to make tags, and the loser has to go by standard tag team rules. So Crimson is the lucky winner, and Joe and Magnus go right after Morgan and knock him off the apron before laying Crimson out with an inverted atomic drop/big boot/senton combo. They work Crimson over in the corner, and Crimson tries to fire back but gets his head taken off by a lariat from Magnus and Joe follows up with a leaping kneedrop for 2. Crimson finally manages to dodge a charge from Joe and suplex Magnus and finally tag out to Morgan. Morgan goes nuts and hits a fallaway slam on Magnus, then dumps Joe to the floor and hits a side suplex on Magnus for 2. Joe is back in but Crimson spears him and they go out to the floor as Morgan flattens Magnus with a clothesline. Morgan sets up for the Carbon Footprint but Magnus ducks and Morgan lands on the top rope, then Joe and Magnus hit the running knee/snapmare/elbowdrop and get the win.
Winners: Samoa Joe & Brutus Magnus
Great stuff, I'm really enjoying this feud and both teams get better by the day.
Eric Bischoff arrives at the arena, and we'll find out what he wants later on tonight!
Actually, looks like we'll find out right now. Eric Bischoff comes out of the back, gets flipped off by a ringside fan, and gets in the ring to say that he thought Brits were supposed to be civilized. We've all followed the last few weeks as Garett has lived his fantasy about becoming a pro wrestler and trying to become half the man he is. He's here tonight to burst that bubble with a good shot of reality, so he wants Garett to come to the ring. Garett comes out and Eric says it's okay to have goals, but his goals became a fantasy, and to think for a second that he can get a trainer to bring him to higher levels, it's just a sad waste of time because they both know it's never going to happen. The trainer's a coward, he'll never step in the ring to back him up, it was a bad choice, and he's disappointed in Garett. Garett's sad he's upset about his choice, but if he has a problem, he can tell the guy himself. Eric says we all know he's never going to come to London to back him up or help anybody. Garett cuts the promo off to take a phone call, and Eric looks really amused, but Garett says when he's right he's right...but when he's wrong, he's dead wrong because he's here, he's in the building, and he wants to see Eric right here tonight.
We're back and we go to a promo/video package with Mark Haskins, who you might remember from his appearances in TNA last year. He's wrestled all over the world and we're in his house tonight and he's on a level the other guys in the X Division aren't.
X Division Champion Austin Aries vs Mark Haskins
Aries quickly takes Haskins down and outwrestles him to get the crowd chanting for him. Then Haskins takes Aries down and goes through the exact same sequence, to a round of boos. Aries with a knee to the midsection and tries to dump Haskins to the floor, but Haskins skins the cat into a flying headscissors and hits a series of moves. Haskins tries to dumps Aries to the floor and now Aries tries to skin the cat, but Haskins dropkicks him to the floor. Haskins goes for a springboard move, but Aries shoves him off and Haskins shish kebabs himself on the top rope before being knocked to the floor by Aries. Aries comes off the top with a shot to Haskins on the floor as the crowd goes nuts for him, and he rolls Haskins back in and hits a slingshot senton and an elbowdrop off the ropes for 2. Aries puts Haskins on the top rope and Haskins fights him off, but Aries again shakes the ropes and crotches Haskins on the top rope. Aries goes for the IED, but Haskins moves out of the way and starts a fiery comeback. He hits a monkey flip, Aries blocks a second one, but he follows right up with a crossbody out of the corner for 2. Haskins with an Ace Crusher for 2 then he goes to the top again and goes for a shooting star press, but Aries moves and Haskins nearly breaks his neck by landing on his face. Aries quickly hits a brainbuster and gets the Last Chancery and Haskins taps.
Winner: Austin Aries
We see five replays of Haskins coming down badly on the shooting star press before we see the replay of Aries finishing him.
Eric Bischoff is on his cell phone backstage trying to call for a cab, but Sting comes out to cut his phone call short and tell him to relax since Garett's trainer won't be here tonight...right? Besides, there's a show to do, so he shows Eric back inside as we head back out to the ring for the first part of the main event.
World Champion Robert Roode vs James Storm
They tie up and feel each other out, Roode comes off the ropes and gets a shoulderblock, but Storm comes back with a hiptoss, bodyslam, elbowdrop, and a legdrop for 2. Storm goes for the Last Call but Roode bails out to the floor for a breather. While he's out there, why don't we take a commercial break?
We're back and Storm is working Roode over in the corner, but comes off the ropes right into a running knee to the gut from Roode. Roode continues working over Storm's midsection with shoulderblocks in the corner, followed by a running shoulderblock to the gut and a gourdbuster for 2. Roode rakes the back and continues kicking at Storm's abdomen, Storm tries to fire back but Roode ducks a shot and picks Storm up in a fireman's carry for an inverted F5 that gets 2. Roode with the Bret Hart stomp to the lower abdomen and then goes to a bearhug on the mat. Storm fights his way to his feet as the camera pulls back and you see that TNA packed a lot of people in here. Storm escapes and comes off the ropes, Roode goes for the knee to the gut again but Storm dives past him and gets a schoolboy rollup for 2. They go toe to toe in the middle of the ring, Roode with a kick to the gut and then he goes to the second rope but Storm cracks him with a right hand to the jaw and hits a top rope Frankensteiner. Storm takes control with a series of clotheslines and a running forearm. Storm with a lungblower and then he goes to the top rope and comes off with a flying elbow for 2. Roode catches Storm out of nowhere with the Crippler Crossface, but Storm rolls through the move and gets to the ropes. Roode with a straight kick to Storm's ribs and goes for the Perfectplex, Storm escapes and goes for the Eye of the Storm, but his midsection's too badly hurt and he drops Roode. Roode hits the Perfectplex but only gets 2, so he goes outside the ring and gets the title belt, then brings it into the ring. He shoves the referee out of the way but Storm comes out of nowhere with Closing Time. He sets for the Last Call but Bully Ray comes running out and grabs Storm ankle to keep him from hitting the move. The interference gave Roode just enough time to hit a spear and get the win.
Winner: Robert Roode
They're not done with Storm, and Roode lays the belt in the middle of the ring so Bubba can hit a Rock Bottom onto the belt. Sting runs out to make the save as Roode and Bubba bail out to the floor. Storm's still got one match to go, and Sting tells Roode he's going to keep his eye on him.
Knockouts Champion Gail Kim vs Tara
Anyone else notice that Gail's music sounds like the old Sid Justice entrace music from 1991-92? Tara overwhelms Gail to start, slams her, tears her shirt off, and hits a standing moonsault for 2. Madison grabs Tara's ankle from the outside and allows Gail to spear her in the corner (wait a minute, that was the finish of the last damn match!), then Gail slumps Tara on the second rope and hits her with a vertical splash. Gail with a leaping clothesline ot the back and a running knee to the back for 2. Gail goes for another fall and again gets 2. Gail with a horse collar on Tara's bad knee, Tara gets out but Gail with a stiff clothesline and plays to the crowd instead of going for a fall. Gail plays with Tara, shoving her around before hitting a hard kick to the back and getting a Dragon sleeper. Tara snapmares out of the hold but Gail with another hard kick and a neckbreaker. Gail comes off the top with a back senton, but Tara moves and Gail hits hard. Tara with right hands and a snap suplex, then a BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK BODYDROP. Tara with a snap powerslam and Madison gets up on the apron, but Tara goes and slugs her. Madison sneaks in and tries to hit Tara from behind, but Tara sees her coming and moves, and Madison hits Gail. Tara dumps Madison to the floor and hits the Widow's Peak to get the win.
Winner: Tara
I believe that's the first time somebody's caught a fall on Gail since she's been back in TNA, but I'm sure some sharp-eyed reader out there would be kind enough to correct me if I'm wrong about that.
Garett Bischoff is backstage, and he's...WALKING! We'll find out who his trainer is next!
Garett Bischoff comes out to the ring and thanks the fans for being so supportive through his time in the business so far, and he's about to introduce his trainer when Eric Bischoff comes out with Gunner. Eric says they've got eyes everywhere and they know he's not here, so he should give it up before he gets hurt. Apparently Eric wasn't looking that hard because here comes the Hulkster, looking as orange as ever. Hogan celebrates his return by beating up Gunner and then ping ponging him between Hogan and Garett. Gunner rolls to the outside and then Hogan and Garett turn their attention to Eric, but Gunner drags Eric to the floor to save his neck. Hogan and Garett shake hands as Eric and Gunner head to the back while looking mad. Oh, and Hogan appears to have gotten more ink, this time across the back of his shoulders. It's still really weird seeing him all tatted up.
By the way, did I mention how awesome Matt Morgan is in the Direct Auto Insurance commercials?
We go backstage to Hogan and Garett, and Hogan says that Eric Bischoff knows he has a target on his back, and what better way to drive it home by having all the fans in England tell him what they think of him? He tries to incite the fans to riot by saying how great it would be to attack him in a mob assault, and Garett says it was great to see the look on his father's face because it was like someone walked over his grave. Hogan makes fun of Eric's tiny soldier, then says how great it is to be back in England because it's been 18 years, but the fans are as ravenous as ever. TNA is this close to being the best in the world, and he knows they can get there because they're doing everything right.
Time for the second half of tonight's main event!
Bully Ray vs James Storm
Bubba asks Storm how his ribs are, then tells him he's going to break his ribs, but ducks through the ropes when Storm goes after him. They head into the corner where Bubba opens him up so he can gently slap Storm on the ribs to get in his head. Storm spits in his face and fires off some right hands and hits a BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK BODYDROP, but Bubba with a kick to the ribs and Storm goes down in a heap. Bubba takes free shots at Storm's ribs and picks him up for a suplex, but drops him gut first on the top rope, then stands right on Storm's chest. Bubba with a camel clutch and fishhooks his mouth, then stands up and drops all his weight on Storm's back before tearing the bandages off of Storm's ribs. Bubba with a big bodyslam as Robert Roode wanders out to ringside to give Bubba a thumbs up. We're at commercial.
We're back, and Sting wanders out to the ring but, instead of the standard baseball bat, Sting's got a cricket bat over his shoulder. How clever! Bubba gets Storm in a side bearhug which is actually more effective for working over the ribs, but Storm boxes his ears repeatedly to get out of the hold. Storm comes off the ropes, but runs right into a big boot from Bubba, who turns to Sting and says that one was for him. Bubba with a pair of elbowdrops for 2, then kneels on Storm's back while pulling his arm up at an awkward angle. Storm fires back but Bubba yanks him down to the mat by the hair as Roode smiles at ringside. Bubba with what I can only call the People's Big Splash for 2, then yells back at fans for chanting Devon's name at him. Bubba with a STIFF chop in the corner and a big vertical suplex, then he comes off the second rope with a senton, but Storm moves out of the way and it looks like the momentum has shifted. Storm starts firing off right hands at Bubba, then hits a series of clotheslines. Storm snaps Bubba's neck down on the top rope and comes off the top rope with a crossbody, but only gets 2. He should have sold the impact of that move a little more. Bubba catches Storm coming off the ropes with a side suplex for 2, but then the both of them and the referee all collide in the corner and everyone's down. Roode tries to get in the ring to interfere, but Sting comes in and chases him off. Roode backs down as Storm and Bubba make it back to their feet and Storm hits the Last Call for the win.
Winner: James Storm
Great main event and a really well booked angle tonight with Storm facing the both of them and losing to Roode, but coming back and overcoming pretty rough odds to beat Bubba. Terrific show overall, but next week will be the special "Star Wars" edition of Impact Wrestling, so who knows what that's going to bring. Hopefully it won't be like the Muppets on Raw, but as far as tonight goes, great show and probably the best wrestling show any company did this week.
That's it for the Impact Wrestling Report, I'll be back tomorrow with Dave Scherer to discuss Impact and more on the Stu & Pid Show!
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