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THE DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT BUYING THE REPLAY ROYAL RUMBLE BLOG

By Dave Scherer on 2012-01-29 19:27:42

Welcome to my ongoing blog on tonight's show.  I will be updating throughout the evening so if you leave this page up on your machine just refresh every few minutes for the latest updates.

Before I start, I just want to say that I refused to pay an extra 10 bucks to see this in HD.  I think it's highway robbery.  Friggin' thieves should be embarrassed for charging extra for HD.

The open of the show was good, except for the fact that it pointed out how many bigger stars they had in the past.

Michael Cole called tonight the Silver anniversary of the Rumble.  I can't even be bothered to comment.  Jerry Lawler and Booker T are at ringside with Cole.  Too bad Josh Mathews isn't there.  The show is opening with The World Title match, in the cage.  Is it just me or does that tell us where the World Title stands in comparison to John Cena and the WWE Title?

Cole is already ripping Daniel Bryan, even though Bryan has been a heel.  Henry looks like he is hurting.  Show scared a little kid on his way to the ring.  Those are some scary signs.  Well, we do have a cage at least.

Early on, Big Show is on the offensive. Henry is laying down, due to injury no doubt. I give him a lot of credit for gutting it out but early on that means it's Show vs. Bryan. ... Early on, Bryan was going to leave the cage. Henry came alive and stopped him. Henry was working over Bryan when Show got up and put Henry down again. The big man is doing what he can but is obviously limited. This seems to be a lot of Show and Bryan. ... Henry has come back a bit but he is there as a placeholder due to his injury, as in when Show went to pin him Bryan used the opportunity to try and climb out. Big Show went to the top of the cage (he really did, which was impressive). Bryan was outside and Show had him hanging with one hand but couldn't hold on and Bryan dropped to the floor to get the win. Cole is mad, even though Bryan is a cheater now. Whatever. Anyway, it was OK. Not good or bad.

Sheamus is ready for The Elimination Chamber, which airs on 2/19. ... Then it was time to push WrestleMania with a John Cena video package to push his match with The Rock. They are doing all that they can to make him seem as big as they possibly can here. To be fair, he is big but come on already. One guy does not an Attitude Era make. ... God, that was a LONG segment.

Filler time as we get a Divas match with The Bellas, Natalya and Beth Phoenix against Kelly Kelly, Alicia Fox, Eve and Tamina. Can't wait for this one.

Natty starts out with Tamina. I bet she wished for five minutes to show what she could do. Instead Eve comes in and Natty tags out. Time for Even to work on Beth. Eve is going 100 miles an hours, probably because they only gave this match a few minutes. Beth tagged in one of the Bellas. Oh why bother. ... They are trying, I will give them that. Let's go to the end. Kelly hit nice splash onto the other divas on the floor. That led to the finish, which was cool as Beth had enough of it all, nastily tagged a Bella and laid out Kelly.

Zack Ryder is here, in a wheelchair and a chest gimmick. Jobby Ace is his buddy and said he is taking care of him. Eve shows and and you thought John Cena made Zack look like a puss? Well, Eve made him look like even more of one as she also is fighting for him. Man, Zack is weak. Eve pushed him into his nice room.

Up next, John Cena vs. Kane. See, Zack is there to watch Cena kick Kane's ass. Cole says it doesn't matter if they boo Cena or cheer him. Sure, that is what you want for your top babyface, equal amounts of love and disdain. See folks, that is why the booking is the way that it is in this company. ... Anyway, the fans are as advertised, alternating Let's Go Cena chants with their Cena Sucks counterpart. ... A few minutes in, this isn't good. It's so eh that the announcers are talking about Jobby Ace. And Cole is saying John is a nice guy. HHH please fire Ace tomorrow to make this stuff stop if for no other reason. ... OK we are many minutes in and this has been pretty eh. I haven't had anything to talk about. Sorry for sucking at blogging. ... Wow, speaking of sucking, they just did a double count out finish. Damn, that sucked worse than the match. ... They are still brawling to show us "how serious" this is. You know it's serious because Cena posed on the top rope and smirked before doing the Five Knuckle Shuffle to the guy he hates. You know, we all take time to mug before destroying someone we hate. ... Now they are in the back and Kane is beating Cena with a chair, well kind of anyway. ... Amazingly, Kane found the room Zack was in. Yes, I know I was shocked too. He has kicked the door in and incapacitated Zack. He is rolling him away. Lawler said, "Somebody stop this". I KNOW he meant it literally, not in character. This is HORRIBLE. ... Kane rolled Zack to ringside and dumped him on the mat. He pulled him up by his chest/back gimmick and threw him in the ring. Of course, this led to one of his protectors, in this case Eve, coming down and begging for Zach's life. Hey, Kane killed Katie Vick and has his way with Lita, you think he will listen to Eve? Of course not. Tombstone on Zack. As Kane was about to do heinous things to Eve, Cena ran down but he too was laid out. Kane then decided he had more fun with a dead Vick than he could with a live Eve and left. This was brutally bad. It's only January but so far they are setting the bar high for worst PPV of the year. TERRIBLE stuff. ... The only positive was the fan base that could be heard yelling Cena Sucks after this abortion ended.

They did a nice long Rock feature after that mess. It just made me miss him more. ... They showed the Spanish announce team. The guy taking Hugo's place's name is Marcelo Rodriguez. That is my brother-in-law's name. True story. ... Ok, how to follow up the Cena-Kane mess? Brodus Clay vs. Drew McIntyre. OK, I saved 10 bucks by not paying for HD but they have still burned my ass out of 45 bucks. This show has sucked hard so far, and that is before I saw Brodus jiggling in a hideous bright green outfit. ... Drew started strong but now it's time for him to die and he is heading six feet under. Yes, we just had a squash on a PPV. ... Booker just said shucky ducky. I have been thinking of a word that has "uck" in it too. ... Somebody call his mama and tell her that her little Brodus is wearing obscene outfits to the ring.

OK so this show has blown and we need Punk vs. Ziggler to start to turn this thing around. And the first thing we get is a Jobby Ace promo. Jeez, that doesn't get my hopes up. Jobby is going to oversee the officiating outside the ring, even though he has on a sleeveless ref shirt. So if you knew you were going to do that, why wear the shirt? Oh never mind. I give up.

OK so this show has blown and we need Punk vs. Ziggler to start to turn this thing around. And the first thing we get is a Jobby Ace promo. Jeez, that doesn't get my hopes up. Jobby is going to oversee the officiating outside the ring, even though he has on a sleeveless ref shirt. So if you knew you were going to do that, why wear the shirt? Oh never mind. I give up. ... OK so Ace sent Vickie to the back, so he remembered the announced stip. ... They worked hard and it went back and forth much of the way. Near the end, Punk dropped the big elbow but only got a two. The fans chanted "Randy Savage". ... Then Ziggler got up and pushed Punk into the ref. Ace got up and checked on the ref while, of course, Punk had the Vice on Ziggler. Of course Ace ignore it. Booker said Punk just got screwed. Ziggler pops up and does a roll up but Punk counters and has the pin but Ace cared more about bringing a dead ref into the ring. Booker talked about Punk being screwed. Ziggler went after Punk bit got met with an airplane spin, which of course knocked Ace down. Punk said he has him three times. This is ridiculous. So of course Ziggler almost wins and the dead ref comes back to life for a two. But the ref lives. So anyway, Punk finally hits the GTS. The ref hits one, Ace comes in and joins the ref for the two and three. Ace hands the title to the now undead ref to give to Punk. ... The work was fine, but the match was just so overbooked. The Rumble will have to be off the hook good to just make this a bearable show. I am telling you already. Save your money if you didn't buy this show.

WWE's Youtube channel debuts on Wednesday. I hope they have better stuff planned for it than what we have seen on Raw lately.

Time for the Rumble. Miz has the worst spot, number one. Well, except for the guy who gets number two. In fact, one is better than two because at least with one you are waiting in the ring for the second guy. The second guy has to still come out to the ring and with some guys, that could blow them up. ... OK, Alex Riley is two. No way he makes it to the end. No way, no how. ... My wife just said that she has watched a lot of wrestling in the past, not necessarily because she wanted to. But she said at least a lot of that was good. She does not feel that way about this show. ... Back to Riley, he is gone before number two even comes out. He wasn't buried as bad as Ziggler was, since Dolph lost like 14 times in one match, but that wasn't a great showing. Now, Miz gets Big Jimmy Truth. ... Time for the ring to fill up. They are so thin on talent we have Mick Foley and Ricardo, who actually got a pop. ... Speaking of thin, while Miz is taking a nap we have Ricardo, Mick Foley and Santino in the ring. Think this company needs to get serious about developing talent? Yeah, me too. It's so bad Santino actually got an elimination and now we have Socko vs. The Cobra. It's probably the most entertaining part of the show. ... Lawler just went in, which is cool. Cole said he is taking a spot from someone that deserves it, like there are 30 guys on the WWE roster that would get a bigger pop than Lawler. ... Out goes King as fast as I typed the previous two sentences. ... Hey, it's Jinder Mahal. He is coming slowly to the ring. That is a good idea since he won't actually be in there very long. ... Wow, I typed that last line before I even knew that Great Khali would be coming out. ... Booker just got in. Cole was shocked, even though Booker was in his wrestling tights at ringside. Cole really is too stupid to live. ... OK, Kofi just walked on his hands to keep from being eliminated. Awesome spot. Ziggler needs to pay attention. That is when you walk on your hands pal. ... Here comes Hacksaw Duggan. You knew he would be here and he is. The crowd popped big for him and to be fair, they have been really great tonight, especially given what they have paid to sit through. ... Jeez, Cole is in next. All three announcers are in the Rumble. If that doesn't tell you how weak the roster is, what would? ... Kharma actually got some stuff in. Nice return. ... Finally, someone with a chance came out at 22 when Sheamus hit the ring. ... OK, The Road Dogg just came out. Wow. He got a nice pop, which is nice for him, but man does it send a bad message about the state of the roster. ... OK, I have been talking about the roster all night. Need proof. At number 27, out came David Otunga. Case closed (and pun intended). ... At 28 comes the hometown hero, Randy Orton. It kind of sounded like Booker called him "The Diaper" but I know he didn't. Wow, Cole just said that Cody Rhodes was in Evolution with Orton, before correcting himself and saying Legacy. Too funny. Orton is cleaning house. ... Jericho comes out at 29. They actually turned the lights off during the match. ... Booker just called Jericho a "kid" who "leads his own ship". You have to love Booker and I say that because if you watch the shows, what other choice do you really have? ... And.....FINALLY... the last man to enter the Rumble is.....no, not The Rock, The Big Show. ... Show has cleaned house. We are down to Show, Sheamus, Jericho and Orton. ... Hey, the Royal Rumble is trending on Twitter. That tells me people didn't buy it, they are looking for info online. ... Orton eliminates Show and Jericho drops Orton. It's down to Jericho and Sheamus. Sheamus wins. After a good back and forth battle, Sheamus wins. That is the only truly good thing that happened on this show. The only one. Off to do the post game show.

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