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CM Punk makes his way to the ring, but will this be the last Raw with CM Punk as the WWE Champion.
Punk sits in the ring and he says that this Sunday is the 25th Anniversary of the Royal Rumble and there is a big WWE Championship match with CM Punk in one corner. In the other corner is Dolph Ziggler, the self professed show off. The man who claims that he beat CM Punk three times in the last month because he has. However, those three wins were hand wrapped by John Laurinaitis. It is fitting that John is the referee on Sunday.
Punk says that he will describe Johnny in one word . . . failure. He was a failure as a wrestler, he is a failure as an executive, and as a human being. John sucks at life. Punk says that these are things he has said to John’s face. Punk says that he was shocked that John told the truth last week.
We have the footage.
Punk says that given what we have just witnessed, it is safe to say that John is not going to be an unbiased referee on Sunday so he is as good as screwed. Punk says that he knows better and there is a course of action that could give him the desired results and he will have joy taking it. It will be hard to referee with two broken arms.
Punk tells Johnny that the ball is in his court so John has an invitation to come out here and say what he said last week, but to his face. Punk says that he wants John to take his balls out of his purse and be a man for once to say these things to his face.
Punk looks to the entrance and John Laurinaitis does not come out.
Punk says that he gave John a chance, but now he is going to find Johnny.
A John comes out, but instead of Laurinaitis, it is John Cena.
Punk says that he understands how Cena could be confused because he said he wanted a John who was a company man.
Cena says that he was sorry because he did not want to hear Punk ramble.
Cena says that he is here for business. Cena says that John will come out because he screwed over Zack Ryder last week and he will give John a rematch tonight. John will give Cena a one-on-one contest with Kane, who he will fight on Sunday at the Royal Rumble. John will appear and resign as the interim General Manager of Raw.
Punk tells Cena that sounds all fine and dandy. He wants to know . . .
John Laurinaitis comes out and he wants to clear things up and he introduces himself and tells us his job in WWE. John tells Cena and Punk that in life they have their bad days and they do and say things that they wish they could take back. John says that last week was not one of those days for him. He is not going to be intimidated by either Punk or Cena.
Punk says that he would like to be able to hear John and asks John to come to the ring. Punk tries to convince John to come to the ring. John tells Cena that he made a mistake last week. Zack is here tonight and he is medically cleared to compete. Zack will face Kane tonight in a Falls Count Anywhere Match. John tells Cena that if he gets involved, Zack will never get a United States Title Rematch.
Punk and Cena will be in a tag match tonight and they will be facing these two men.
Dolph tells Punk he shouldn’t be worried about Laurinaitis, he should be worried about him. John doesn’t have to screw Punk. On Sunday, just like the three times in the last five weeks and tonight, he is going to flat out beat him. Swagger tells Cena for what he did to him last week, he is dead meat.
Match Number One: CM Punk and John Cena versus Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger with Vickie Guerrero
Cena and Dolph start things off and they lock up. Cena with a side head lock and take down. Ziggler teases a break and he tries for a punch. Cena with a punch followed by an Irish whip and bulldog for a near fall. Cena looks to Punk to make the tag and he obliges. Punk with a kick and snap mare followed by a kick to the back for a near fall.
Punk tries for a suplex but Ziggler lands on his feet and he punches Punk. Punk gets Ziggler on his shoulders and Ziggler gets away and goes to the floor as we go to commercial.
We are back and Cena gets a near fall on Ziggler. Cena with a reverse chin lock. Ziggler with a kick and punch to Cena. Ziggler runs the ropes and then he stops and poses because he can. Cena with a suplex to Swagger and then Cena mocks Ziggler and punches him. Swagger with a clothesline to Cena and then he kicks Cena.
Swagger punches Cena and then the referee pulls Swagger out of the corner and Ziggler punches Cena and Swagger gets a near fall. Swagger traps the arms and Cena tries to get to his feet. Swagger turns it into a front face lock. Cena with a back body drop and both men are down.
Ziggler tags in and he drop kicks Cena and gets a near fall. Ziggler with a series of elbow drops and then he does some sit ups before getting a near fall. Ziggler an elbow and punch followed by kicks in the corner. Swagger kicks Cena while the referee deals with Ziggler. Swagger tags back in and he hits the Swagger Bomb and gets a near fall.
Swagger with a bear hug but Cena gets to his feet and Cena with an Attitude Adjustment and both men are down. Ziggler tags in and so does Punk and Punk with a springboard clothesline and a swinging neck breaker. Punk with the running knee into the corner followed by a bulldog and then Punk signals that it is time for the Go To Sleep. Ziggler gets out of the hold but Punk with a round kick. Swagger breaks up the cover.
Cena and Swagger go to the floor and Swagger puts Cena in the ankle lock but Cena with the STF on the floor. Punk slams Swagger and he goes up top but Laurinaitis gets on the apron to distract Punk. Ziggler with a rollup and a handful of tights for the three count.
Winners: Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler with an assist from John Laurinaitis
After the match, Punk gets on the mic and he tells John that this doesn’t change a damn thing. At some point, Punk says that he will beat the hell out of Laurinaitis. Punk says that John has an infinity for Dolph Ziggler and give him presents. Punk wants John to be something for one night. He wants John to be a WWE Superstar for one night. He tells John if he wants to be famous, he will make him famous. CM Punk versus John Laurinaitis tonight. That is unless John is afraid.
John thinks about it and he accepts after giving a sneaky smile.
Chris Jericho is walking in the back and he has his sparkly jacket with him. We go to commercial.
We are back with the Slam of the Week: The six man tag match from last week when Jericho did absolutely nothing.
It is time for the Highlight Reel and your host is the Marcel Marceau Tribute Band featuring Chris Jericho and his sparkly jacket. Jericho takes the mic and he might say something. He wants everyone to be quiet. Jericho is about to say something, but he thinks he is Hornswoggle until Santa gave him his wish. Chris Jericho goes to the back and he gets the t-shirt gun.
Jericho teases shooting shirts into the crowd, but apparently he shoots shirts like he speaks. Jericho then takes the camera and he films the crowd.
We see the Y2J ‘Countdown to the Millennium’ followed by video package.
Jericho says on Sunday at the Royal Rumble, it is going to be the end of the world as you know it.
We go to commercial.
We are back with the WWE Rewind: Dolph Ziggler versus Zack Ryder when Hugh Jackman was in Ryder’s corner.
It is time to talk about the Royal Rumble and it is time for the annual Royal Rumble by the Numbers video package.
Zack Ryder and Eve are in the back and Mick Foley stops by. Mick asks Zack how he is doing. He tells Zack that Kane is an animal but deep down he is a human. Mick tells Zack that he can do this. Eve tells Zack that he doesn’t have to do this. She does not care if he is medically cleared or not.
Zack says that he has to do this. John Cena stops by and he has trouble looking Zack in the eye. He tells Zack that he has his back. Zack tells John to stay out of it bro.
Match Number Two: Zack Ryder versus Kane in a Falls Count Anywhere Match
Ryder with forearms to Kane and then he punches him in the corner but Kane pushes Ryder off and then he kicks Ryder in the taped up ribs. Ryder drops Kane’s arm on the top rope but Kane with a boot that sends Ryder off the apron and into the announce table. Kane with a short arm clothesline to Ryder followed by knees to the ribs. Kane runs Ryder into the ring post twice and then he slams Ryder on the floor.
Kane sends Ryder into the ring steps and then he kicks Ryder in the ribs. Kane with more kicks and Eve Torres has made her way to the ring. Kane runs Ryder into the announce table followed by an uppercut and we go to commercial.
We are back and Ryder is sent into the ringside barrier while Eve is worrying about her ‘guy she is talking to in the back’. Kane with a biel on the floor and then we see Kane connect with an uppercut during the commercial break when Ryder fell from the turnbuckles to the floor. Kane drops Ryder on the ring steps and he gets a near fall when Ryder kicks out.
Kane smothers Ryder and then he lets go to inflict more pain on Ryder. Kane sends Ryder over the ringside barrier and into the crowd. Kane follows Ryder into the crowd and Kane punches Ryder by the pyro area. Kane sends Ryder into some trunks but Ryder hits Kane with a briefcase. Kane responds with an uppercut.
Kane removes the tape that was around Ryder’s ribs and Kane punches him. Kane sends Ryder onto the ramp and then he kicks Ryder in the ribs. Kane sends Ryder into the base of the WWE logo and then we see Eve think about what she should do.
Kane kicks Ryder in the ribs. Kane with another knee and then he gets a near fall. Kane with a head butt to Ryder. Ryder appears to have trouble breathing but he punches Kane but Kane with an uppercut and Ryder is down again. Kane grabs Ryder and choke slams Ryder through the stage.
The referee checks on Ryder and Eve makes her way up the ramp and checks on him. Kane backs Eve down the ramp and John Cena makes his way to the stage. Kane goes through the crowd and Eve joins John on the Zack Ryder takes a nasty fall observation deck. The medical staff checks on Zack while Eve wants to know how he is doing.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Zack Ryder is taken out of the hole and stretchered to the back.
Ryder is put into an ambulance and then Cena tells Zack that he will take care of it. Eve tells Cena that this is all his fault. Eve says that she is going with Zack.
Josh Mathews stops by to ask Cena if he feels awful about this.
Cena has no response. He just snarls at the camera and then at Josh before knocking the mic away. The transformation is complete. Now young Cena can stand side by side with Darth Kane as they take care of the rebel fleet and rule the universe.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Michael Cole is showing more remorse over what happened to Zack Ryder.
Match Number Three: Jinder Mahal versus Sheamus
They lock up and Sheamus backs Mahal into the corner but Mahal with knees. Sheamus with forearms to Mahal’s back followed by a slam and an elbow drop.
Wade Barrett and his Barrage Jacket make their way to the ring and Sheamus with forearms across the chest on the apron. Sheamus with a short arm clothesline and then Sheamus goes up top but Mahal tries to stop him. Mahal with an arm wringer to the mat. Mahal with a running high knee for a near fall.
Mahal with a running knee to the head from the apron. Mahal gets a near fall. Mahal with a quarter nelson and chin lock. Sheamus with a running double sledge followed by a clothesline in the corner and a fireman’s carry slam. Sheamus gets Mahal up for the Celtic Cross but Mahal escapes. Mahal with an elbow but Sheamus with the Brogue Kick for the three count.
Winner: Sheamus
After the match, Barrett takes his Barrage Blazer and he starts to walk up the ramp but Sheamus invites Barrett into the ring.
Barrett gets on the apron but it was a tease because Barrett knew that would be a trap.
Sheamus gets on the mic and he says that he will be the only one left standing in the ring as the winner of the Royal Rumble Match.
We go to the back where Miz is with Josh Mathews. Josh asks Miz about his match against R Truth. Miz says that those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Anyone who teamed with Miz and have crossed him have seen their careers disintegrate. When you forget your place and turn on Miz you have the same result. Miz says that he will win the Royal Rumble and will main event Wrestlemania for the second year in a row. He is the most must see superstar of all time.
R Truth enters the interview area and he has some information for Miz. He says that Miz is the number one at being annoying, whining, and the number one nincompoop. He is also the number one WEIO (for what else is on). Miz is the number one jackass of WWE.
Miz and Truth argue and John Laurinaitis and The Sweater King arrive. John says that he is getting ready for his match against Punk and all he can hear is their arguing. John says that the loser of the match is number one at the Royal Rumble. John and his coffee boy leave.
We go to commercial.
We are back and William Regal has brought some class to the announce table. We see William Regal’s dancing performance on Smackdown only to be interrupted by a Brodus Clay cross body.
Match Number Four: Brodus Clay with The Funkettes versus Heath Slater
Brodus shakes and then he connects with a shoulder tackle and Slater yells at Clay. Slater tells Clay to go off the ropes. Slater with a drop kick but Clay stays on his feet. Clay with a head butt followed by a t-bone suplex and a splash into the corner followed by the cross body for the three count.
Winner: Brodus Clay
We are back with the 20th Royal Rumble, which was also called the 20th Anniversary Royal Rumble and we see the Undertaker’s return and his victory at number 30.
We see what Miz did to R Truth a few months ago.
Match Number Five: R Truth versus Miz in a Who Gets Number One on Sunday Match
They lock up and they go around the ring until Miz connects with a knee and punch. Miz with a kick but Truth with a back elbow and punch. Miz goes to the floor and Truth goes after Miz and connects with a clothesline. Miz kicks Truth when he returns to the ring and then Miz with more kicks to Truth.
The referee warns Miz and Truth with a double leg take down and then Miz with a kick and then he drops Truth on the top rope and Miz with a running shoulder that knocks Truth to the floor and we go to commercial.
We are back and Miz gets a near fall. Miz with an abdominal stretch. Truth fights his way out of the hold and hip tosses Miz to escape the hold. Truth with a kick to stop the Awesome Clothesline. Truth with a running clothesline and a rollup for a near fall. Truth with a kick and a sit out gourdbuster for a near fall.
Miz avoids the Scissors Kick and Miz tries for the Reality Check but Truth with a back slide to counter the neck breaker. Miz hits the Reality Check for a near fall. Miz sets for the Skull Crushing Finale but Truth avoids it. Miz blocks the Shut Up and hits a DDT for a near fall.
Miz kicks Truth but Truth with Shut Up and he gets the three count.
Winner: R Truth
We go to the footage from what happened to Zack Ryder earlier tonight, but first we get an update on Ryder and he has a broken back.
John Laurinaitis is in his office getting ready while David Otunga brings a note and a latte for John. David says that he will not like the note and then John reads it and he has the look of ambivalence on his face.
CM Punk is walking to the ring as we go to commercial.
We are back and we look at the card for the Royal Rumble.
Match Number Six: CM Punk versus John ‘The Genius’ Laurinaitis
John does not come out the first time that he is introduced. The same thing happens the second time and then a third. John finally makes his way to the ring followed by David ‘Theo Huxtable’ Otunga.
John has an announcement to make and it says that he received a fax from the Board of Directors. John lets David do something and he reads the fax. It says that the board has become concerned with John’s decisions, especially his intent to abuse authority as referee at the Royal Rumble. The board has decided that John’s title as interim general manager of Raw will be under review. John will get a job evaluation next week to determine his future on Raw. The evaluation will be conducted by Triple H.
John tries to explain his way out of the match. Punk says that this means that if John intentionally tries to screw him on Sunday, it means that John is out of the job. Now there is nothing to stop him from knocking John’s teeth down his throat.
John says that this is a wake up call and he wants to apologize to the WWE Universe and CM Punk.
Punk wants to know if this is just a misunderstanding. Was leaving Foley out of the Royal Rumble a misunderstanding? John says that Foley is in the Royal Rumble. John says that he was going to call the match down the middle, but he said he would screw Punk because Punk insulted him.
Punk says that John is like the spoiled little girl who gets everything all year long until Christmas when she is afraid of getting a lump of coal. Punk says that he hopes that Triple H learned from his grandfather, make that his father-in-law and he hopes that Triple H will fire him.
John says that he has been with the company for more than a decade and he brought Talent Relations from the dark ages.
John has an adequate substitute in David Otunga.
Otunga pearl harbors Punk and kicks him. Otunga with a forearm and clothesline in the corner. Punk with a double leg take down and he punches Otunga and puts him in the Anaconda Vice and Otunga taps like it is going out of style.
Punk turns his attention to Laurinaitis and Punk sees Otunga coming from behind and Punk with a round kick to the head.
John begs for mercy and he offers his hand to Punk. Punk gets ready for some Clobbering Time and he shakes Laurinaitis’ hand and then he hits the Go to Sleep.
Dolph Ziggler attacks Punk from behind and interrupts Punk’s music.
We go to credits.
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