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CM Punk’s music plays and John Laurinaitis sucks the excitement out of the crowd as he makes his way to the ring. John reminds us who he is. He says that when you heard the music, you expected one thing, but got another. John calls himself Mr. Excitement and he says that is proof of the unpredictability on Raw since he became the Interim General Manager of Raw. John says that he is the future and the cause of a Golden Era for WWE.
John says that he is honoring CM Punk tonight and he is a Punk believer.
Punk’s music plays and the real CM Punk makes his way to the ring. Punk does a Jack Swagger victory lap or three in the ring before getting in Laurinaitis’ face.
The fans chant for Punk and he soaks it in. He says that John is trying to antagonize him by poking the champion with a stick. Punk says that this is not an homage. He is trying to get a reaction out of him. Punk asks John what is stopping him from kicking him in the face.
John reminds Punk that he is his boss and he may fire Punk. John says that he is not here to fight with him. He wants to empower Punk with something he never expected. John says that Punk is off tonight. John tries to laugh with a gotcha.
Punk says that everyone thinks that John is not unpredictable. Punk says that aliens are watching on their spaceship and say that he is not unpredictable.
John says that he listens to the WWE Universe and they want to see Punk compete tonight. Punk will have at least two matches tonight. He will be in a gauntlet with John picking all three of his opponents. If they beat Punk, they will get a title match next week on Raw.
Punk comments on John’s decisions and he says that he is up for a challenge. Punk wants to know what happens when he beats John’s three guys. John says that he did not think about that.
Punk says that his head is full of great ideas. When he beats John’s three guys, Punk says that we get a fourth match. Punk asks everyone if they want to see him wrestle four times. Punk says that if he beats those three guys, the fourth match is CM Punk versus John Laurinaitis.
John tells Punk that he doesn’t want any of this and he says that it would not be fair to Punk because he already wrestled three matches.
Punk stops John’s monologue and he tells John to listen to the fans and their chants of “You Can’t Wrestle†and Punk says that they have been watching All Japan tapes.
Punk asks the WWE Universe if they would like John Laurinaitis to face CM Punk tonight and they appear to like the idea.
John tells Punk that he is on.
Before we go to commercial, we get another 1/2/12 commercial for the return of someone.
We are back and we take a look at photos from TLC and then we hear Booker’s Karoake attempt on Smackdown that cost Cody the match against Zack Ryder.
Match Number One: Booker T versus Cody Rhodes in a Non-Title you can only see this match on Raw, Smackdown, or Pay Per View Match
They lock up and Booker with a hammer lock but Cody with an elbow and side head lock followed by a shoulder tackle. Booker with a hip toss and chops followed by a knee and slam. Booker gets a near fall. Cody with a kick and punches. Cody kicks and punches Booker in the corner followed by a forearm. Booker with a back elbow to Cody’s head followed by a suplex.
Booker with a kick and he goes for the scissors kick but Cody moves and Cody with a kick and swinging neck breaker. Cody pulls down the kneepad and he connects with a knee to Booker. Cody with kicks to Booker and then he throws Booker to the floor.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Cody with a key lock on Booker. Booker with punches and forearms to Cody followed by a chop. Booker with a knee in the corner followed by an Irish whip but he spins into an elbow from Cody. Cody kicks Booker and he pulls the kneepad down again. Cody with a knee drop and he rolls through and gets a near fall.
Cody with a snap mare and a quarter nelson and chin lock with a body scissors. Booker gets to his feet and he punches Cody. Cody with a drop down uppercut followed by a clothesline and he gets a near fall. Cody with kicks to the ribs and upper chest.
Cody with punches in the corner but Booker punches back. They exchange punches until Cody hits a drop kick. Cody works on the arm and he adds a chin lock. Cody with a knee to the kidneys when Booker tries to get out of the hold. Cody with punches followed by an Irish whip but he runs into an elbow from Booker followed by boots from Booker. Booker with a running forearm and clotheslines. Booker with a side slam for a near fall.
Cody with a head butt to the midsection and Booker with a floatover into a sunset flip for a near fall from Booker. Cody with a near fall of his own. Booker misses the Scissors Kick again and Cody with a rollup for a near fall. Cody with Beautiful Disaster that did not hit Booker snuggly and Cody only gets a near fall.
Cody with a kick and he sets for Cross Rhodes but Booker counters with a back heel kick and Booker misses a side kick. Booker with a knee followed by a Scissors Kick for the three count.
Winner: Booker T
It is now time for the least electrifying move in sports entertainment, the Spinaroonie.
Zack Ryder is in the locker room and he is telling someone it wouldn’t be possible if it wasn’t for him and we see that he is thanking John Cena. Cena says that Zack owes him nothing. Everything happened because of Zack Ryder. He waited for that moment at TLC. Everyone in WWE was afraid to take the chance but Zack wouldn’t listen to them. Zack is the US Champion because he earned it. Zack says that he has a chance to make another Christmas wish come true.
Cena says that if Kane is anywhere in the building, the last Raw of 2011 will go out with a bang.
Zack wishes Cena luck and Cena wishes Zack luck.
Jerry Lawler tells us that CM Punk’s three opponents tonight are Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler, and Mark Henry.
Big Show and Kelly Kelly are in the back and they are talking about Kelly’s blog. Scott Armstrong tells Show that he needs to meet with John Laurinaitis.
We go to commercial.
We are back and David Otunga is holding his coffee mug while John Laurinaitis is telling Brodus Clay that he will be debuting next week.
Big Show enters and he wants to know why Show punched Otunga last week, forcing him to spill his double mocha latte. David says that Show sucker punched him and he says that is a lawsuit. Otunga wants to know what man punches another without them looking. Otunga says that if he was ready . . .
Show says that he can beat Otunga any day of the week with one arm tied behind his back.
John tells Otunga to forget about a lawsuit to face Show with one arm tied behind his back.
Show says that a Giant with one arm is still better than a smug lawyer with no testicles. Show winds up for a punch and Otunga flinches.
The first two victims for the Punk Gauntlet are talking and Swagger doesn’t know why Ziggler is even dressed to wrestle. Ziggler tells Swagger to get in a time machine back to 2009 when he was the Champion. Swagger reminds Ziggler that he lost to Zack Ryder. Vickie stops by and she tells them that one of them will beat Punk tonight and will become the WWE Champion next week.
Mark Henry stops by and says Excuse Me.
Match Number Two: Eve Torres and Zack Ryder versus Tyson Kidd and Natalya
The men start off and they lock up. Kidd backs Ryder into the corner and he kicks Ryder followed by a forearm and more kicks. Kidd with a back elbow followed by a kick to the back of the head for a near fall. Kidd with a forearm to the head followed by an Irish whip but Ryder with knees followed by a drop kick from the turnbuckles.
Natalya tags in and Eve enters the match. Natalya pushes Eve and they lock up. Eve with a clean break. Eve with an arm drag and kick followed by a snap mare and a kick to the head followed by the booty shaking standing moonsault for a near fall. Natalya sends Eve into the ropes and then she slams Eve’s head into the mat. Natalya tries for the Sharpshooter but Eve kicks her off.
Ryder tags back in and Ryder with a flying forearm and clothesline. Ryder drives Kidd face first into the mat. Kidd with a back heel kick but Ryder with a sit out power bomb and Natalya makes the save. Eve with a drop kick to Natalya and then it is time for stereo running boots to the head. Ryder with the Rough Ryder for the three count.
Winners: Zack Ryder and Eve Torres
After the match, Ryder gives his United States Title belt to Eve.
We are back and it is time for John Cena to make his way to the ring to call out Kane, if Kane is in fact in the building tonight.
We see the footage from last week when Cena attacked Kane but Kane fought back.
The fans are on the ‘do not like’ side of the ledger tonight by a good margin.
Cena says that he is probably not Chicago’s favorite son. Cena says that he had his first match in this arena and he has been in this ring many times. He says that the city of Chicago has been salty towards him over the years. Cena says that he wants people to look around because there is magic in this building. Chicago has hosted three Wrestlemanias and inducted Eddie Guerrero into the Hall of Fame. Cena says that one of the greatest moments in recent WWE history took place in this ring when CM Punk beat him to win the WWE Championship this summer.
Some say that the home of the WWE is in New York City. Tonight, he sees another sold out crowd in Chicago and he sees the WWE Universe, not afraid to tell you how they feel. He points out that this is the last Raw of the year so he wants the world to remember this night and remember Chicago.
Cena calls out the Devil’s Favorite Demon and he wants Kane to come out.
Kane is not the one who comes out. Instead it is Miz.
Miz tells John that he wants to see him versus Cena. As the year comes to a close, they have some loose ends to tie up. 2011 was the Year of the Miz. He beat John Cena in the main event of Wrestlemania. The win was a bit tainted thanks to Dwayne. Miz tells the fans to stop with his stupid chants and he says that Rock stole his shining moment. Miz says that he wants to show everyone that he can beat Cena without the Rock. He wants everyone to see Miz standing triumphant over a beaten John Cena.
Cena tells Miz to shut up and wash the tan off his body. Cena tells Miz that he doesn’t have to badger him. All we need is a referee to get this on.
Match Number Three: John Cena versus MIz
They lock up and Cena with an arm drag. Cena with a waist lock take down as he continues to frustrate Miz. They lock up and Cena with a side head lock take down. Miz gets to his feet and Miz with a top wrist lock but Cena with an Irish whip and Miz goes to the floor.
Miz gets the mic and he tells everyone that they are chanting the wrong superstar’s name. Miz says that everyone needs to understand that he is the most must see champion of all time. Miz reminds Cena that he beat him at Wrestlemania. He beat him. This match does not matter in this crappy city. He did it on the grandest stage.
The referee makes the ten count while Miz says that he is a winner, just like the way that the Packers beat the Bears.
Winner: John Cena by count out
He wants to know if the people get it. Miz says that he is walking out of this crappy city with his head held high because he is the MIZ . . . and he is . . .
Interrupted by Miz’s former tag team partner R Truth who makes his way to the ringside area and Truth takes Miz down with a double leg take down and Truth slams Miz’s head into the mat and then he sends Miz into the ringside barrier. Miz sends Truth into the apron and then they fight over the announce table. Truth slams Miz’s head on the announce table and then he sends Miz into the announce table and ringside barrier.
Truth sends Miz into the ring steps.
Truth gets the mic and he punches Miz some more before Truth tells Miz that he could finish this right now. Truth says that there is no fun in that. Truth punches Miz and Miz tries to fight back. Truth says that is the problem with Christmas. You open all your presents and it’s over. Truth with more punches. He says that he wants every Monday to be like Christmas. He is going to take his time getting to Miz. He says that Little Jimmy says that it is okay. This New Year’s they gonna get got.
Truth gets a bottle of water and he hits Miz with it.
We go to commercial.
We are back with a Moments Ago Moment of Truth’s attack on Miz.
We are told that Kane is in the building and he will address John Cena later tonight.
Match Number Four: Big Show versus ‘The Barrister Barista’ David Otunga in a Big Show has to have one arm tied behind his back Match
Otunga avoids Show as he moves around the ring. Otunga goes into the ropes and Show traps Otunga’s leg. Show with a head butt. Otunga avoids Show some more but Show with a chop. Show with a forearm to the back. Otunga with a kick but it has no effect. Otunga with a thrust kick but Show with a head butt. Otunga backs up on what Jerry Lawler called ‘his bicycle’. Show sends Otunga over the top rope to the floor and Mark Henry’s music plays.
Show removes the wrapping for his arm while Otunga stays on the ground and the referee calls for the bell.
Winner: Big Show by disqualification
Henry waits for Show to try to untie his arm but Mark Henry with a body block and Bryan comes out and he taunts Henry with his title belt. Henry turns around and Show grabs Henry by the throat. Otunga hits Show from behind and he proves that you don’t have to be smart to be a lawyer because Show choke slams Otunga.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Alberto Del Rio makes his way to the ring and he is in a wheelchair accompanied by Ricardo Rodriguez in a neck brace. Ricardo fights through the pain to introduce Alberto.
Alberto says that the man who won everything in 2011, the Royal Rumble, Money in the Bank, and the WWE Title twice as well as the man who brought class and cajones to the WWE, he suffered an injury. Alberto says that last week he tore his groin. Alberto wants to know why the fans are cheering for an injury and he calls everyone peasants.
Alberto says that it doesn’t matter because he will be back.
To make things worse for Alberto, the Bellas come out to yell at the fans. Nikki says that when Del Rio recovers, she will throw a party in her honor. Brie yells at Nikki for copying her idea.
Alberto shuts them up and he tells them both to leave. Alberto says that he promises one thing and that is his New Year’s Resolution. He will be back and he will be more vicious and more aggressive than ever. He will destroy whoever he has to in order to be WWE Champion again.
Alberto tells Ricardo that it is time to leave.
We go to commercial with CM Punk walking in the back.
Match Number Five Part 1 of the CM Punk Gauntlet: CM Punk versus Jack Swaggerwith Vickie Guerrero
They lock up and Punk with a side head lock but Swagger with a waist lock. Punk with a wrist lock and a kick to the leg and a Greco Roman knuckle luck but Swagger gains an advantage. Punk with a bridge and Punk gets back to a neutral position. Swagger with a knee and side head lock. Swagger with a shoulder tackle but Punk with a leg lariat and a near fall.
Punk with knees and kicks to the side. Swagger with a gutbuster and elbow drops followed by a leg drop for a near fall. Swagger with a waist lock. Punk with an elbow and Swagger runs into a boot. Punk with a cross body but Swagger catches Punk and hits another gutbuster but Swagger was under the ropes.
Swagger with knees in the corner followed by a knee when it looked like he was going for an Irish whip. Punk catches Swagger when he tries for the Swagger Bomb. Swagger avoids the Go To Sleep but he cannot avoid a round kick to the head.
Winner: CM Punk
Match Number Five Part 2: CM Punk versus Dolph Ziggler with Jack Swagger and Vickie Guerrero
Before Ziggler gets into the ring, Swagger clips Punk and he attacks the knee.
We go to commercial.
The match is joined in progress. Ziggler works on Punk’s knee that was injured by Swagger between the first two matches. Punk with kicks to get Ziggler to release the hold. Punk tries for a slam but he cannot hold Ziggler up and Ziggler gets a near fall with a lateral press. Ziggler with kicks to the leg and he gets a near fall.
Ziggler traps the arm and punches Punk in the leg. Ziggler tries for a suplex but Punk with an inside cradle for a near fall. Ziggler clips Punk and gets a near fall with a rollup. Ziggler tries to add pressure to the injured knee and he does a DDT to the leg.
Ziggler with a drop kick for a near fall. Ziggler with a bow and arrow on Punk and Punk refuses to give up. Punk with a head butt to get out of the hold as he tries to use other weapons. Punk blocks a drop kick and he catapults Ziggler into the ring post and both men are down.
Punk with a neck breaker attempt but Ziggler sends Punk into the corner and Ziggler kicks Punk in the bad knee. Ziggler with an elbow and he gets a near fall. Ziggler kicks Punk in the leg and then he applies a single leg crab. Punk tries to press out of the hold and he crawls closer to the ropes. Punk reaches for the ropes and he gets there so Ziggler has to release the hold and he waits until the last moment to release the hold.
Ziggler runs into a boot from Punk and Punk with a punch to the midsection. Punk with punches and Mongolian chops to Ziggler followed by a back heel kick and a kick to the chest. Punk with a slam and he tries to get some feeling back in his leg. Punk with kicks to the back and then he kicks Ziggler in the head and gets a near fall.
Ziggler tries for the Fameasser but Punk pushes him out of the way. Punk with an Irish whip and a running knee into the corner and then he gets Ziggler up but Vickie grabs Punk’s leg while Swagger distracts the referee while he looks at the TitanTron. Ziggler gets a near fall with a Fameasser.
John Laurinaitis comes out and he says that there has been an injustice tonight. Punk with a round kick to Ziggler and John forces Vickie and Swagger to the back while Punk had Ziggler covered. John gets into the ring and he tells Punk that the match that Punk proposed will . . . be interrupted by the Zig Zag and Ziggler gets the three count.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler
After the match, Ziggler picks up the belt and brings it into the ring. Then Ziggler does a victory lap around the ring.
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time to go through Hellfire and Brimstone as Kane makes his way to the ring. Kane says that what you see before you is his true essence. He might wear a mask, but everyone else is living a lie.
We will not know what that lie is for a few more minutes because John Cena interrupts.
Kane sets off his pyro and he tells Cena that he did not come out to pick a fight. He tells Cena the reason he assaulted him and made Cena his victim. It is because Cena has led all of these people astray. He asked them to ‘Rise Above Hate’ but that is a fallacy. This world is a dark dark place. Kane says that it is okay to hate. Humans are hateful by nature. Deep down, everybody hates. Why rise above it when the natural impulse is to embrace it? To let it consume you, people hate. They hate their bosses. They hate their neighbors. They hate their spouses. They hate their miserable existence. Rise Above? That is a fraudulent myth perpetrated by John Cena. Hate is the seed from which we are all born. It drives us. It motivates us. It fuels our impulses. Kane says that he knows Cena feels it. He feels it swimming underneath his skin like a million insects eating away at him.
Once you embrace the hate, you become honest with yourself. You become free. Free. What you fail to realize is that with your denial, you grow weaker by the moment. Until you embrace that which you deny, you can never be truly free.
Kane tells Cena that he is going to help John. All of these people are going to help John on his path towards enlightenment. Right now, the last image that Cena will see this year, the last thing that you will hear is each and every one of these people chanting the words that tear Cena’s soul apart.
CENA SUCKS.
The crowd goes with a dual chant but with each trying to drown out the other.
We go to credits.
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