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They did a big open for the show. The big question is, Will they live up to it? After the pyro, the first voice I heard was Michael Cole's. Maybe I am a skeptic, but that wasn't a good sign.
The first segment was the Slammy for the "Tell me I did not just see that" award. Our presenters are Booker T and Hornswoggle in his afro. I wish I was kidding. Oh it gets worse. Horny is now HomeySwoggle. I won't recap the nominees because, well, if you really need me to you need to get out more. HomeySwoggle gave us the word that Jim Ross won this award. He is there to accept it too. Honestly, if I were him I think I would rather be part of the sequel to Dr. Heiney than be a part of this mess.
OK, it was dumb. Then it got worse. Michael Cole has the mic and he is being his usual tool self. He is ragging in Jim Ross for winning it at his expense, or something stupid like that. Booker calls Cole a loser. I think we all may be losers for watching this. Anyway, Booker puts Jim Ross into a rap off with Cole. Wow, this should be good and by that I mean this should be really horrible.
Cole started to rap. As a side note, since I have to leave early tomorrow, I am making my wife watch the early part of the show. Our anniversary is at the end of the month and I may not make it unless she is very forgiving. Anyway, Cole sucked, both by design and, well, because he sucks. Ross went next. And, well, he sucked too. Booker threw it to the crowd to decide the winner. The crowd picked Ross. I pick anyway who was smart enough to not watch this crap.
Anyway, Ross won and went to leave. Booker stopped him. You know where this is going. A JR Roonie. Before he did it, Cole told us that HomesSwoggle and Ross are trending, but then added, in a moment of clarity, that this may be the worst segment in the history of television. JR did a.....oh screw it. This was terrible.
Segment two saw Mick Foley and Ted DiBiase (Sr.) come out for another Slammy. With a little luck they will get all of this crap done before 9. If we are lucky. They are doing the Slammy for Holy Bleep moment of the year. Ted stole the hometown pop gimmick from Foley. Cute bit. Foley went for the pop with Hell In A Cell, but it was kind of weak. Anyway, Ted is the HOLY part which makes Mick the BLEEP. Not much reaction, probably given the fact that whatever brain cells most of the audience had were blown out in the opening segment. Â
Big Show and Mark Henry's breaking the ring spot won. Show accepted and said that Henry was hiding because of what Show did Henry on Smackdown. He headed to the ring to do what he does best (no, not eat, wrestle). Out came Wade Barrett. He cut a promo on Show. He also slagged Randy Orton. If Show wins the title on Sunday, Barrett is coming for him. Show wins, of course, when he punches a chair that Barrett brings in.
The one positive I can say about the last segment is that they put some emphasis on Sunday's PPV. Yes, there is a PPV Sunday for those who didn't know. They followed that with a promo for the Kevin Nash-HHH match that I, like most people that have been deprived of oxygen, can't wait to see in 2011.
The Road Dogg came out. He is rapping and trying to stay out trouble. Somewhere in Florida, Billy Gunn is throwing a brick through his TV. Anyway, he is her to present Pipe Bomb Of The Year. Let's just say that there were a lot of nominees and Cole and Lawler thought they were all ridiculously funny. The only person that should have won did, CM Punk. He brought a dummy out with him. No, not Cole, a mannequin! Somewhere in Ohio, Al Snow through a brick through his TV. Anyway, the doll has no penis and is wearing a Dynamic Dudes shirt. Punk tells us it's Jobby Ace. He then does a video montage, including footage from Jobby's Dude days, back when his voice was somewhat normal. A group of people sat in a meeting with Vince McMahon today and didn't have the guts to tell him how bad the first 47 minutes of this show was going to be. Hey guys and girls, when Rome is burning around you it makes sense, for your own sake, to tell Nero to stop fiddling around.
Lita appeared! I wonder if she drove from Georgia to be here. I hope not, for her sake. Anyway, Lita is on WWE TV. Somewhere, under supervision, Matt Hardy is throwing a brick at his TV. Kelly Kelly won the divalicious moment award. She was speechless, which is probably a good thing. Beth and Natayla came out. Beth took her Slammy. Kelly hit her. Nattie pulled Beth away, and she just backed up, even though they had a two on one advantage. That makes perfect sense.....to the group that didn't have the guts to tell Vince McMahon that this show was a pipebomb.
Santino and The Bellas did the OMG award. He called them floozies. They said Oh My God, get it? OK gotta tell ya, with all of these awards the bad moments have totally outweighed the good. It hasn't been a good year for WWE. HHH wins. He came out to accept in his old outfit, with a sledgehammer. He is back, he isn't an exex any more. He blew off going to accept the award and went to the ring instead. Promo time. HHH said the real OMG moment was when Undertaker couldn't leave the ring and Taker is no more. HHH used Vince Russo math to say that was when the Taker's Mania streak come to an end. Yeah, even though he won and HHH lost. That makes perfect sense. Well, to the aforementioned people who didn't tell Vince McMahon that this show didn't look real good on paper. Anyway, we got to relive the HHH-Kevin Nash angle. It was just as riveting the second time around. Luckily for WWE ESPN has one of the biggest dog of an NFL game in a long time. HHH says he will beat Nash this weekend because he is right. He said right a lot. I think a lot of people are saying, "Yeah, I would have bought TLC bought I just didn't think it was right".
Next up, trending star of the year. You KNEW Twitter had to get involved right? David Otunga came out with laughing Tony Atlas. The winner of this insipid award will go to the superstar who trends the most on twitter. They will appear in a fatal four way match and the winner will be announced after. Tony keeps laughing at Otunga. I am glad he can laugh. I want to cry watching this dreck. Anyway, our nominees are Cody Rhodes, Dan Bryan, Dolph Ziggler and Zack Ryder. Hmm, wonder who will win this award. Yeah, I really don't wonder at all. I just get the feeling that trying to get people to trend in this manner is like begging a hooker to have sex with you because you have no money. I could be wrong.
Oh yeah, my wife bailed on this show 15 minutes ago. Just saying.
Four way time. The fans are behind Ryder. They did all of the intros over five minutes, started the match, gave us a minute of action, and then went to commercial. Lots of Twitter mentions here. We have yet to hear a Tebow reference. I am kind of surprised by that. Just when things got decent, we got another commercial break. Really. We come back and things are heating up but the fans don't seem to really care. I think the first 90 minutes of this show gave them all a lobotomy. The finish got good, with lots of action. Funny moment came when Bryan was about to hit Cody with the LeBell Lock and Cole freaked. Even though, you know, Bryan is a geek who can't hurt anyone. Dolph saved Cody with a ZigZag and beat Bryan. Lawler came in to tell us that Zack won the Slammy. Big shocker there. Dolph laid out Ryder and took his Slammy.
Christian is back! He is angry. He hates us for not putting him over for all that he deserves, another World Title match. He is doing the Game Changer Of The Year award. Edge has to win this one. Him leaving really hurt the company. Alberto already lost his title. HHH already lost his role as the boss. Cena-Rock didn't even happen yet. Cena comes out to accept. The crowd boos. Down in North Carolina, Edge a brick at his TV. Cena teases that he will bring out Rock since they earned the award together. Lots of suckers pop for it. They actually believed that he would be there. Cena says get his "assistant Brian" (that is an inside joke for Gewirtz you know). Cena feigns that we will have a satellite clip. He says it's worse that JR's rap. Well, they are close. Cena then does a promo selling their WrestleMania match in April. That is a great move since it's, again, not like they have a PPV on Sunday or anything. Yeah coming to a WWE Network near you in April, all of the PPVs that don't matter! Anything can happen in WWE (except effectively selling B PPV shows that is).
Kane is coming back. Cole then gave us buzz words about how great the WWE Network will be. Then it was time for the WWE A Lister of the year. Vickie and Goldust are your presenters. There is just something so weird about seeing Hugh Jackman wearing a Zack Ryder headband. All I hope is that the friggin Muppets don't win this. If they do, Mike Johnson will be (even more) insufferable about his felt friends. To me, it's Cee-Lo and everyone else fighting for second place. Friggin' Snooki won it. She isn't there but they have a pre-tape. And she already has the Slammy because, well, these aren't predetermined or anything. Snooki put over Zack Ryder. Thank God it will be another year before we have to see these ridiculous "awards" again.
Mark Henry promo. He is keeping the title. I am not man enough to argue with him. John Cena is in trouble too Mark says. Fans from 1999 start doing the what chant. We go to break where WWE tried to push two of their original movies as Xmas presents. They do make good gifts for people you don't like and that aunt that gives you fruitcake every year.
Cole said that he wanted to remind us of the PPV.....so I think he meant TLC. Nope, he meant Elimination Chamber. This company is unbelievable. They should give the Slammy for Everything And Anything Matters More Than Sunday's TLC PPV to Vince McMahon and his buddies on the creative crew. Oh yeah, while I was typing that Jinder MaJob came out babbling to Sheamus, who Brogue kicked him in the face. Jerry Lawler sent us to WWE.com to vote again. There are ad dollars in website impressions folks. Or so they tell me.
They just did an X Box commercials, "Sports, the way they were meant to be played". Yes, inside, on a video game system instead of outside on a field. Looks like WWE creative is doing commercial ad copy now.
Hey, it's 6-1-Rey. He said it feels good to be back. He is giving out Superstar Of The Year. We have Orton, The Miz, Punk, Alberto, Mark Henry and John Cena. Punk wins. Jobby Ace comes out. He took the Slammy, put wheels on it and made it a skateboard. Actually, he babbled about something I couldn't care less about.
As Mark Henry was coming to the ring, we saw the next weirdo kid video. It involves a little girl now too. This has gone from goofy to creepy. Leave kids out of it, please?
Jason Priestly is on the fall finale of Psych. For some reason, I found that 30 second promo a lot more interesting than most of this show. That is not a good sign. Thank God the next PPV doesn't happen until the Elimation Chamber, right?
Before the main event, they talked about the Tribute To The Troops Show tomorrow. Then they told a great story about a soldier and how she met Vince in Afghanistan, then they showed her family in the front row. That was easily the best thing on the show. Major props to WWE for doing what they do for the troops.
Main event time. Once again we get intros, then a commercial. Wonderful. Oh, they told us why. During the break, Henry dominated. We don't need to see THAT! Anyway, Henry was dominating when Kane, with mask and hair, made his return. His new mask is funky. Anyway, Henry bails and Kane chokeslams Cena. Kane takes off the mask and has a second mask, and hair. Yes, the new talent initiative is in full force.
All kidding aside, I don't care what is trending on Twitter, this was not a good effort and it did nothing to sell Sunday's PPV. Yep, moving the B shows to the WWE Network is looking like a better idea every day.
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