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WWE RAW REPORT: THE SLAMMYS; FATAL FOUR WAYS THAT TREND; A POWER COUPLE RETURNS IN SEPARATE SEGMENTS; A VIDEO TRIBUTE THAT SHOULD NOT BE MISSED

By Richard Trionfo on 2011-12-12 23:05:44

We are live from Norfolk, Virginia and your announcers are Jerry ‘Anne Hathaway’ Lawler and Michael ‘James Franco’ Cole.

We begin the annual search for Slamming Excellence with our first award. The presenters for this award are Booker T and Hornswoggle. They are accompanied by Eve and Alicia Fox respectively.

Booker wants to know how everyone is doing and he says that this is the logic defying and head scratching Moment of the Year. Hornswoggle mentions that Booker will face Cody Rhodes on Sunday and will win the Intercontinental Championship.

The first award is Tell Me I Did NOT Just See That Moment and the nominees are:
Santino Marella almost winning the Royal Rumble
Miz hitting John Cena with a Rock Bottom while dressed as the Rock
R Truth losing a WWE Title match because of ‘Little Jimmy’
Jim Ross shaking his groove thing during the Michael Cole Challenge

The winner is Jim Ross shaking his groove thing during the Michael Cole Challenge.

Jim comes out flanked by Eve and Alicia. Jim thanks everyone and he says that he never thought he would win a Slammy for getting jiggy with it.

Michael Cole gets up from the announce table because he has to make every single thing about him. He says that these awards are a sham. Cole says that JR won a dance contest that was rigged and now he is going to accept an award for it. Cole says that JR got jiggly with it like a bowl of human chocolate pudding.

Booker calls Cole a loser. Booker says that Jim Ross can beat Cole in a rap off.

JR makes his way to the ring while Lawler wonders what will happen in a rap challenge.

Booker tells Cole that he gets to go first.

Cole has a spasm before he starts to rap. Cole mentions that he beat Lawler and calls Jim Ross fat.

Booker calls that the worst rap he ever heard in his life. He says that it is time to hear how it is supposed to be done and Jim Ross is next.

Jim Ross points out that Lawler beat Cole at Mania and then he tells Michael Cole to kiss his ass.

Booker asks the fans who they thought won and they say that Jim Ross won, but the real winners are the people who are not watching or forgot that Raw was three hours.

Booker stops Jim Ross and he says that the people want to see the JR-a-roonie. Booker goes first and he is followed by the Sauce-a-roonie.

You can vote for Superstar of the Year on WWE.com.

Mick Foley is walking in the back and he is happy that he gets to present a Slammy tonight.

We go to commercial.

We are back and it is time for more Slammys to award and our next presenters are Mick Foley and Ted DiBiase. They have the Official Human Guide Divas leading them to the podium.

Mick says that they are here to present the Slammy for the Holy #((@ Moment of the Year and Ted steals the Mick Foley Cheap Pop. Mick says that he knows why he is here, but he wants to know why Ted is here to present this award. Mick wonder if it is because Ted is the richest person in the WWE Universe while Mick is the cheapest, but Mick says that he calls it thrifty. Ted reminds Mick that he is an ordained minister so he is the holy part.

Sheamus power bombing Sin Cara through a ladder and into a suspension
Randy Orton giving Christian an RKO onto the ring steps
Mark Henry superplexing Big Show and collapsing the ring
Evan Bourne’s Shooting Star Press off a ladder at Money in the Bank

The winner is Big Show and Mark Henry collapsing the ring.

Show comes out to accept his award. Show thanks the Academy of Sports Entertainment Arts and Athletics. He says that Mark might be a little gunshy after what happened at the last Smackdown. Show says that the Slammy would look good next to the World Championship title belt. Show says that he is not visually spectacular talking so he is going to do something in the ring.

We see the footage from what happened during Smackdown between Mark and Show.

Wade Barrett says that some might think that the award is a bit premature when you consider what he is going to do to Randy Orton at TLC. There will be nothing unexpected about him giving Randy Orton the beating of his life. Barrett tells Show that if he wins at TLC, the Barrett Barrage is coming after him next.

Match Number One: Big Show versus Wade Barrett

 

We are back and the match is joined in progress and Barrett is on the floor. Barrett drops Show’s arm on the top rope but Show with a running shoulder tackle and Barrett goes back to the floor. Show follows Barrett to the floor and the table is set up on the floor and Barrett is in a Tables Match. Barrett sends Show into the ring post and Barrett with a boot to Show’s head and Show is resting on the table. Barrett goes to the turnbuckles but Show recovers and Barrett thinks twice about it because Show breaks through the table with two shots.

Show with a chop that sends Barrett back into the ring and Barrett goes to the floor. Barrett gets a chair and Show punches it so the referee calls for the bell.

Winner: Big Show by Disqualification

We go to commercial.

We are back and it is time for the Road Dogg Jesse James to present the next award. He says that he is trying to keep his verbiage PG and that is a tall order for him. It is time for the Pipe Bomb of the Year Award. The nominees are a lot of things from R Truth, a few things from Booker T, some Santino goodness, stuff from Rock, stuff from Punk, guest host stuff, a few Zack Ryder stuff, General Manager blunders, and Punk asking for ice cream bars.

The Winner is CM Punk.

CM Punk comes out with a mannequin that is wearing a Dynamic Dudes shirt. Punk thanks a lot of people and says that as an activist he wants to shed light on a cause. He wants to mention someone backstage who works day in and day out and does not get the spotlight he deserves. He deserves an honor all his own. He says that this person is boring, completely bland, 100% non descript, and lacks a lot of things. To top things off, this person is 100% anatomically incorrect. Punk has a tribute video for John Laurinaitis.

Punk says that Johnny couldn’t be here because he is watching Point Break wishing that he could be Patrick Swayze. Punk steals a line from Sally Field in Johnny’s voice.

We go to commercial.

We are back and it is time for the Divalicious Moment of the Year Award and the presenter is Lita. Lita mentions some of her favorite moments and it is time for the nominees:

Natalya with the double Sharpshooter
Kelly Kelly winning the Divas Title
Kharma sending Michelle McCool into oblivion
Beth Phoenix and her Super Glam Slam

The winner is Kelly Kelly winning the Divas Title. Kelly accepts the award but Beth Phoenix and Natalya come out because they are sore losers. Beth takes the award and Kelly slaps Beth. Natalya has to hold Beth back.

It is time for the OMG Moment of the Year Slammy and the presenter is Santino Marella, dressed like Jeremy Piven. He is joined by the Bellas, who are looking for Alberto Del Rio or a guest host. Santino says that there are moments that stop time and change history. When that moment is over, you know that they will never be the same and you have to say OMG. The Bellas correct him and tell him that it is not one word. They read the cue cards and call Santino an idiot. Santino calls them a couple of floozies who follow around Alberto Del Rio like a couple of escorts.

The nominees are:

Triple H Tombstones the Undertaker at Wrestlemania
Rock with the Rock Bottom to John Cena to steal the spotlight at Wrestlemania from the Miz
The Walkout
Punk wins the WWE Title at Money in the Bank

The winner is Undertaker kicking out of the Tombstone at Wrestlemania.

Triple H comes out and he is in the leather jacket and finally . . . The GAMEHAMMER has returned to Raw.

Hunter throws Gamey into the ring so he can bring back the Most Electrifying Expectoration in Sports Entertainment . . . The Game Fountain.

Hunter says that the OMG was not what you saw, it was a short period of time when the epic match between the Undertaker and himself ended. It was when the Undertaker could not leave the ring under his own power. Hunter reminds us that Taker was carried from the ring. Nine months later, the Undertaker is no more. The Oh My God Moment was when the streak came to an end.

Speaking of coming to an end, that brings him to Kevin Nash. Hunter says that he would like to see what Kevin Nash has done to him.

Hunter tells Nash that he should have finished the job because he is back. He suggests that maybe their entire friendship was based on lies and deception with both guys scratching to the top. This Sunday, might will make right. On Sunday he will climb to the top of the ladder because he is right. This Sunday, he will get the hammer because he is right. He will bring the hammer down on Nash over and over again because he is right. The deceptions are done and he will show that he is right and that Kevin Nash is simply done.

Hunter walks up the ramp and Santino wants to hand him the award but Santino remembers what Nash did to him so he runs away.

We go to commercial.

We are back and it is time for Trending Star of the Year and we have David Otunga with his sweater and travel mug and Tony Atlas.

David says that it is a symbol of social media significance while Laughing Tony Atlas from the Abraham Washington Show is back. David asks Tony if he knows what he is saying. The nominees will compete in a Fatal Four Way and the winner will be announced at the end of the match. Tony says that he is laughing at David. David drinks from the Holy Grail of Travel Mugs.

The nominees are:

Cody Rhodes
Daniel Bryan
Dolph Ziggler
Zack Ryder

Match Number Two Two Two: Daniel Bryan versus Cody Rhodes versus Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero versus Zack Ryder in a Fatal Four Way Match

 

Ziggler goes after Ryder while Rhodes kicks Bryan. Rhodes with knees to the midsection and he punches Bryan. Bryan sends Rhodes to the floor. Ziggler is sent to the floor. Bryan with a suicide dive on Rhodes while Ryder hits a flip dive on Ziggler and we go to commercial.

We are back and Ryder and Bryan are in the ring and Bryan with kicks to the chest. Ryder sends Bryan into the corner and Ryder hits the running boot to the head. Ryder gets a near fall. Ryder with an Irish whip but Bryan flips over and then Ryder and Bryan both hit flying clotheslines and Rhodes gets a near fall on Bryan followed by one on Ryder.

Now it is time for Rhodes and Ziggler to square off but they decide to take care of Ryder and Bryan. Ziggler kicks Ryder while Rhodes kicks Bryan. Ziggler with a belly-to-back suplex and kip up while Rhodes works over Bryan. Ziggler with a drop kick to Bryan’s head and Ziggler with a boot cover but he moves away and Rhodes pushes Ziggler. Dolph and Cody argue and Bryan with a rollup on Rhodes but Ziggler breaks it up.

Rhodes with a kick to Bryan but Bryan with a sunset flip but Rhodes with a reversal. Rhodes and Bryan with a series of reversals. Rhodes sends Bryan to the floor and Ziggler holds Ryder for Rhodes to work on the ribs. Ryder is sent to the floor and Ziggler gets a near fall with a rollup. Rhodes with an Alabama Slam for a near fall.

Ziggler goes to the floor as we go to commercial.

We are back and Rhodes has Ryder in a Figure Four but Rhodes charges into knees. Ryder sets for the running boot but Ziggler with a clothesline from the apron and then he kicks Ryder. Ziggler tries for a neck breaker and Ryder with a sunset flip but Bryan with a sunset flip on Ryder. Everyone but Rhodes with a clothesline.

Rhodes with Beautiful Disaster on Ziggler for a near fall but Bryan breaks it up. Bryan with European uppercuts and kicks to Rhodes and Cody is not having a good time. Bryan with the running drop kick into the corner. Bryan goes up top but Rhodes hits the ropes and crotches Bryan. Ziggler misses a splash into the corner when Ryder moves. Zack goes up top but Ziggler stops him with a forearm.

Ziggler goes for a superplex and he hits it at the same time that Rhodes hits one on Bryan. All four struggle to get back to their feet and Ziggler and Rhodes exchange punches. Ziggler with a kick and then Rhodes sends Ryder into Ziggler for a Rough Ryder. Rhodes with Cross Rhodes to Ryder. Bryan tries for the LeBell Lock on Rhodes but Ziggler with a sleeper. Bryan escapes and he misses a round kick. Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the three count on Bryan.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Dolph Ziggler may have won the match, but who will win the Slammy?

Jerry Lawler comes into the ring and the winner is Zack Ryder.

Ziggler shows his anger at losing the award and he gives Ryder the Zig Zag.

We go to commercial.

We are back and it is time for more Slammy Awards to be presented. The next award is Game Changer of the Year and the presenter is Christian who is helped by two crutches and the ones the doctors gave him. Christian has an award not on the ballot and he wants to give the Courageous Moment of the Year award to himself for showing up despite having numerous injuries.

This award is to remember the one moment that changed the landscape of the WWE. Christian wants to know how he is not nominated for this award or how he is not Superstar of the Year. He won two World Championships this year. Christian blames everyone and their stupid faces for not showing enough outrage that he did not get one more match.

The Nominees are:

Triple H and Vince McMahon when Vince was fired
Edge announcing his retirement
Kevin Nash attacking CM Punk to allow Alberto Del Rio to cash in
The Rock and John Cena

The winner is The Rock challenging John Cena at Wrestlemania.

John Cena comes out and he says that this award does not rest on the shoulders of one man. Cena is not going to take credit on his own. John wants to introduce the most electrifying man in entertainment, Dwayne Johnson.

Dwayne does not come out and John cannot believe that Dwayne isn’t here. He says that Dwayne never said he would leave. Dwayne’s assistant isn’t even here.

John apologizes and says that when Rock is too busy we get a pre-recorded statement form Rock. John is shocked that Dwayne didn’t even send a clip. John calls it worse than JR’s rap.

John apologizes on behalf of Team Bring It for not bringing it. That doesn’t make this moment worth any less. It makes this moment worth more. John says that he is having fun and he knows that Dwayne will see this and he hopes that it will fuel Dwayne’s preparation and determination. John says that the real game changing moment is on April 1st at Wrestlemania. John wants to make sure that the Rock is at his best. John says that Wrestlemania will be the biggest moment in the history of WWE. At Wrestlemania, Rock and John Cena change the game forever.

We go to commercial.

We are back with the Slam of the Week: The contract signing from last week.

We see footage of how the Barrage can outsmart the Apex Predator from last week’s Raw.

Match Number Three: CM Punk and Randall Orton versus Alberto Del Rio and Miz

 

Punk and Miz start things off and Punk kicks as Miz backs into the ropes. Punk with a side head lock followed by a snap mare and kick to the back. Punk with a slam and snap leg drop. Punk with a single leg sweep and he tags in Orton and Orton with the Garvin Stomp on half the body and he hits a leaping knee drop for a near fall.

Orton with a suplex to Miz for a near fall. Orton punches Miz followed by an Irish whip but he runs into an elbow and then Miz with a DDT for a near fall. Miz with a front face lock and he tags in Del Rio who kicks Orton in the back. Del Rio with kicks and then he chokes Orton. Miz with a choke while the referee was not looking. Del Rio with a snap mare followed by a drop kick to the back and he gets a near fall.

Miz tags back in and he kicks Orton. Orton punches Del Rio on the apron and then he punches Miz but Miz punches Orton and the referee is distracted by Miz and Orton is sent into the apron by Del Rio. Miz gets a near fall. Miz with a reverse chin lock as he wears down Orton.

Orton with a belly-to-back suplex and both men are down. Del Rio and Punk tag in and Punk with a clothesline from the ropes followed by a swinging neck breaker for a near fall. Punk with a knee into the corner followed by a bulldog for a near fall. Punk says that it is nap time and he gets Del Rio up but Del Rio with elbows and then Miz drops Punk against the ropes while Del Rio distracts the referee.

Del Rio with a knee as we go to commercial.

We are back and Miz with a chin lock on Punk but Punk with a back slide for a near fall. Miz with a clothesline and he gets a near fall. Del Rio tags in and he punches Punk and he applies an arm bar. Punk with head butts followed by an arm drag. Punk with a neck breaker. Miz tags in and he kicks Punk and hits a knee to the back. Miz with a kick to the head followed by a leg drop.

Miz misses a boot and Punk with a rollup for a near fall. Miz hits Punk from behind and he tags Del Rio back in. Del Rio with a kick to Punk’s midsection and then he hits an arm breaker for a near fall. Del Rio with a kick to Punk followed by an Irish whip and a running kick to the shoulder.

Miz tags in and hits the Awesome Clothesline and he gets a near fall. Miz with a boot to the head and he has something to say to Randall. Miz sets for the Skull Crushing Finale but Punk gets Miz up. Miz escapes and he tries for Reality Check but he can only hit the neck breaker. Punk with a round kick and Punk tries to make the tag but Del Rio pulls Punk into the center of the ring.

Wade Barrett pulls Randy Orton off the apron and Miz misses the Awesome Clothesline. Miz escapes the Go To Sleep and Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the three count.

Winners: Miz and Alberto Del Rio

After the match, Orton realizes what happened to him and he goes through the crowd after Barrett.

Ricardo gives Miz and Del Rio a ladder and then hit Punk in the midsection and the back. Miz holds the ladder on Punk and Del Rio jumps onto the ladder. Miz gets the mic while Del Rio applies the cross arm breaker with Punk’s arm in the ladder.

Miz says that they aren’t going to take out Punk because they want him at TLC so one of them can take his title at the pay per view. Miz says that he wants Punk to watch this for the next six days when Punk’s pipe bomb explodes in his face.

We see Michael Cole voting for the Superstar of the Year.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Michael Cole says that the launch of the WWE Network will be the most anticipated channel ever.

It is time for the Slammy for ‘A-Lister of the Year’ and the presenter is Vickie Guerrero. She is joined by Goldust. Goldust congratulates Vickie for being a winner. He says that Vickie is the only one who wears more makeup than him. Vickie with an Excuse Me.

The nominees are:

Hugh Jackman
The Muppets
Snooki
Cee-Lo Green

The winner is Snooki.

Snooki showed that she was better than Dwayne because she recorded her comments. She thanks her fans and wishes Zack luck at TLC.

Josh Mathews is in the interview area with Mark Henry. Josh asks Mark what his state of mind is having to face John Cena six days before his match with Big Show. Mark says that if Big Show thought what happened to him was bad, he hasn’t seen anything yet. The title is not going anywhere. John Cena disrespected and embarrassed him. Cena should not be worried about Wrestlemania. He should be worried about being inducted into the Hall of Pain tonight.

We go to commercial.

Before our next match, Jinder Mahal comes out and he complains in Punjabi and then he says that tonight the Great White will play supporting role in Jinder Mahal’s Slammy winning performance.

Match Number Four: Sheamus versus Jinder Mahal

 

Sheamus with a Brogue kick before the bell rings.

We are back and it is time to find out who the Superstar of the Year is. Presenting the award is Rey Mysterio. Rey thanks everyone and he says that it feels good to be back. He says that this award is the greatest honor for the WWE superstars because the fans vote on it.

The nominees are:

John Cena
Mark Henry
CM Punk
Miz
Randy Orton
Alberto Del Rio

The winner is CM Punk.

John Laurinaitis, the man who is Interim Raw General Manager and Executive Vice President of Talent Relations, and the co-star of Bizarre on Showtime. John reminds everyone that Punk will be defending his title at TLC and he is in no condition to accept the award at this time so he accepts it in his honor.

Mark Henry walks in the back and he does not seem angry that he was not the Superstar of the Year . . . and we see the latest ‘Who is coming on 1/2/12’ video. Is it Undertaker? Is it Edge? Is it Officer Barbrady? We go to commercial.

We are back and Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole talk about a soldier who came up to Vince McMahon while he was in the Middle East last week and they show the soldier’s son in the crowd.

Match Number Four . . . this time we mean it: Mark Henry versus John Cena

 

They lock up and Henry sends Cena to the mat. We go to commercial because we have seen one move.

We are back and Henry with a splash into the corner and Cena goes down. Henry gets a near fall. Cena rolls out of the way to avoid Henry and then he leap frogs Mark and tries to slam him but he collapses under Henry’s weight and Henry gets a near fall. Henry works on Cena’s neck.

Henry squeezes Cena’s head but Cena powers out and Cena with a belly-to-back suplex and both men are down. Cena pops up and he looks around. Cena sets for the five knuckle shuffle and he hits it. Cena gets Henry up for the Attitude Adjustment but Cena collapses and Henry gets a near fall.

Henry with a knee to the corner followed by head butts. Henry chokes Cena with his medically wrapped foot. Henry gets Cena up but Cena escapes and punches Henry in the body and head. Cena with a flying shoulder tackle that does nothing. Cena tries again and Henry catches Cena and applies a bear hug.

Cena powers out of the hold and he tries for a cross body but Henry catches Cena and hits the World’s Strongest Slam and pyro goes off and the lights go out.

Kane’s video plays on the screen and he has returned in his Kane X outfit and mask. He comes to the ring and Henry rolls to the floor.

Kane grabs Cena by the throat and gives him a choke slam. Kane stands over Cena and summons the hellfire and brimstone. Kane takes off the outer mask to reveal another mask. We go to credits.

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