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WWE RAW REPORT: SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS TO THE TAG DIVISION; WE HAVE AN OLD NEW NUMBER ONE CONTENDER THANKS TO A NEW OLD SUPERSTAR; THE TRUTH CAN BE PRETTY AWESOME

By Richard Trionfo on 2011-08-22 23:02:43
We are live from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada and your announcers are Jim ‘Gretzky’ Ross, Jerry ‘Messier’ Lawler, and Michael ‘Pockington’ Cole.

Ricardo Rodriguez is in the ring and he introduces Alberto Del Rio as he makes his way to the ring over Michael Cole’s gushing.

We see footage from last week’s Raw when Alberto Del Rio was able to defeat Rey Mysterio in Rey’s home town of San Diego. We see footage of what happened after the match last week. Michael Cole tells us that due to the cross arm breaker Rey will be out of action.

Alberto tells us who he is . . . but we don’t even get that far because he is interrupted by John Cena who makes his way to the ring.

Cena and Del Rio get face to face and Cena tells Alberto that everyone knows who Del Rio is and that he is the man who thought the title was his destiny. John says that he wants to introduce himself to Alberto and he offers his hand to Del Rio. Cena says that he is the man who is going to take the WWE Championship off Alberto’s waist and he is going to hurt Del Rio. He will hurt him so bad that he will have to go home to his parents. Cena doubts that Alberto owns all of these cars. Cena says that he is a nice guy but Alberto is a target. Cena tells Del Rio that he is tired of making average seem awesome. There is only one person who can go toe to toe with him. . .

Cena says that Alberto is not CM Punk so when they meet for the WWE Championship, he is going to whip Del Rio’s ass.

Speaking of personality, CM Punk makes his way to the stage as his music plays. Punk makes his way to the ring. Punk says that he is feeling some déjà vu. Punk says that Cena wants another title match and he sarcastically says that it is awesome. Punk reminds Cena that he beat him twice in high pressure situations and then Alberto moseys on down and cashes in the Money in the Bank briefcase. If anyone is going to get a title match, it is him.

Punk says that it is ballsy for Cena to come out and make fun of Del Rio and his cars.

Del Rio reminds Cena and Punk that he is still here. He says that it is his time and he is the WWE Champion and he has the belt to prove it.

Punk wants to know if Del Rio is done and then he tells Del Rio never to interrupt him. He says that he doesn’t care that Del Rio cashed in the briefcase because he did it twice. Punk says that Del Rio reaped the rewards of the Money in the Bank Match. Punk says that this is part of a concerted effort by Del Rio, Triple H, Kevin Nash, and maybe even Jack Tunney trying to screw him over.

Punk says that since he has a problem, he tells John to pay attention to the past. John has had problems with Triple H in the past. Punk says that he insulted Hunter’s wife straight to her face at SummerSlam. Then magically Kevin Nash gets a text to take him out. Punk says that if Cena had won, it would have been to take out Cena. Someone wants Alberto to be champion really bad.

Del Rio says that it is destiny.

Punk says that Del Rio means ‘CM Punk officially cashing in his opportunity at the WWE Title’.

Cena says that Del Rio meant ‘John Cena cashing in his rematch tonight’

Punk says that Cena’s rematch clause is as real as Santa Claus.

Punk and Cena argue over who gets to face Alberto Del Rio for the title. Del Rio says that he is ignoring both of them. Del Rio says that it is his time and he defended his title last week so it is time for him to celebrate. Del Rio says that it won’t happen in Canada in front of this crowd. He tells Punk to stop crying like a little girl.

Before Del Rio can continue, the C-O-O s-t-o-p-s Del Rio and he makes his way to the ring. Hunter tells Del Rio to take the smug look off his face because he is not out here to protect him. Hunter says that Del Rio has a match and it is next. Hunter tells Cena and Punk that rematch clauses are not like Money in the Bank because you don’t get to cash them in when you like. Hunter says that is his job. Hunter says that whether you think he screwed your or sent a text at SummerSlam, the person who gets the rematch first will be decided by them. Alberto will defend the WWE Championship at Night of Champion against the person who wins tonight’s main event. It will be CM Punk versus John Cena.

We go to commercial.

We are back and we see footage from last week’s match between R Truth and John Morrison.

Match Number One: Alberto Del Rio versus John Morrison in a Non Title Match

Del Rio backs off when Morrison wants to lock up. Morrison punches Del Rio and the referee pulls him off Del Rio. Del Rio misses a punch and Morrison with kicks and he gets a near fall. Del Rio goes back to the apron and he drops Morrison on the top rope but Morrison with a double leg take down and he gets a near fall. Del Rio with a series of kicks to take Morrison down. Del Rio punches Morrison and slams his head into the mat. Del Rio with a kick to the head and then he chokes Morrison in the ropes.

Del Rio with an arm bar as he starts to work on the shoulder for the cross arm breaker. Del Rio with a kick to Morrison but Morrison slides through Del Rio’s legs and he hits a drop kick and gets a near fall. Morrison with a side head lock take down. Del Rio with a kick to the leg and Morrison goes to the mat. Del Rio tries for a German suplex but Morrison blocks it. Morrison sends Del Rio to the floor and then he tries for an Asai Moonsault but Del Rio moves out of the way. Morrison lands on his feet and Del Rio sends Morrison hard into the ringside barrier as we go to commercial.

We are back and Del Rio works on Morrison’s neck. Del Rio with a kick to the back and he gets a near fall. Del Rio with a rear chin lock with his knee in Morrison’s back until John gets to his feet. Morrison with a kick to the leg but Morrison with a tilt-a-whirl back breaker for a near fall. Del Rio with another kick.

Del Rio with a standing power slam for a near fall. Del Rio returns to the reverse chin lock while Morrison tries to get away from the hold. Del Rio with a head butt but when he charges into the corner, Morrison back body drops Del Rio over the top rope to the floor. Morrison with clotheslines when Del Rio returns to the ring and Morrison with a leg lariat followed by a side Russian leg sweep for a near fall. Morrison tries to pull Del Rio into the corner but Del Rio gets away. Del Rio with a kick to Morrison and Del Rio with a German suplex and bridge for a near fall.

Del Rio tries for the float over but Morrison with a rollup to counter for a near fall. Del Rio runs into a boot in the corner and Morrison with a DDT for a near fall. Morrison waits for Del Rio to get up and he tries for a Shining Wizard but Del Rio blocks it. Del Rio tries for a power bomb but Morrison counters with a rana and gets a near fall.

Del Rio with punches but Morrison with kicks. Del Rio with a head butt and Morrison with a springboard round kick and Morrison sets for the split legged corkscrew moonsault but Morrison lands on his feet. Del Rio sends Morrison into the ring post and Del Rio floats over into the cross arm breaker and Morrison fights as much as he can to get to the ropes but Morrison taps out.

Winner: El Padron Alberto Del Rio

After the match, Del Rio kicks Morrison and he puts Morrison in the cross arm breaker again.

Eve Torres and Kelly Kelly are talking in the back as we go to commercial.

We get comments from Beth and Natalya in the Goldman Box. They don’t want to be pretty like Eve and Kelly or have bodies like them. They don’t want to be popular like them. They won’t tell us what they want.

Match Number Two: Eve Torres with Kelly Kelly versus Nikki Bella with Brie Bella

Nikki with a kick and elbows to Eve but Eve with an Irish whip and Eve gets sent to the apron. Eve with a forearm but Brie distracts Eve and Nikki drops Eve across the top rope. Nikki sends Eve back into the ring and Nikki kicks Eve in the head. Nikki with a side head lock but Eve with elbows and a belly-to-back suplex. Eve with a kick and clothesline and Eve with the Victoria Memorial Booty Shake moonsault for a near fall. Eve with a Flatline and then Eve goes up top for a moonsault but Nikki trips Eve and Nikki with a near fall.

Eve kicks Nikki away and then she kicks Nikki and hits a swinging neck breaker for the three count.

Winner: Eve Torres

After the match, Kelly gives a Fameasser to Brie.

Beth and Natalya come onto the stage and applaud Eve and Kelly’s performance sarcastically while Kelly holds the belt high in the air.

Kevin Nash walks through the back

We go to commercial.

We are back with the Slam of the Week: The least entertaining commentary in the history of WWE during the Jack Swagger versus Alex Riley match and the edited Doctor Bomb.

Vickie Guerrrero comes out and she introduces his newest charge, Jack Swagger.

Match Number Three: Jack Swagger with Vickie Guerrero versus Alex Riley

Swagger takes Riley to the mat and he rolls Riley around the ring while in a waist lock. Riley gets to his feet but Swagger with a belly-to-belly suplex. Riley with a spinebuster and Dolph Ziggler comes to ringside and he wants to know what Vickie is doing.

Swagger with a gutwrench and Riley fights out of the Doctor Bomb but Swagger with a clothesline. Swagger sees Vickie on the ground and he wants to know what Ziggler did. Swagger goes to the floor and he argues with Ziggler and then Swagger returns to the ring.

Riley with a rollup for the three count.

Winner: Alex Riley

After the match, Ziggler and Vickie argue up the ramp.

Triple H is on the phone in the hallway and then he gets his cue to start walking into commercial. Guess what comes next since we are almost at 10:00 PM.

We are back and Triple H’s music is already playing and he makes his way to the ring one more time tonight. Hunter says that there is a lot of controversy over what happened at SummerSlam with Kevin Nash costing CM Punk the WWE Championship. Hunter says that he talked to Nash last week to clear things up and he wants Nash to come out to tell everyone what happened.

Nash makes his way to the ring. They hug in the ring and then Hunter says that Nash thought he was doing the right thing for his buddy. Hunter says that the text did not come from him and he wants everyone to know that.

Nash says that he has known Hunter for twenty years and he knows that Hunter does not lie. Nash says that he got the text and he thought that he was doing Hunter a favor. Nash says that he wanted to apologize to Punk but after last week, not so much. Nash says that he wants Hunter not to let him be a man.

Hunter says that he understands and he says that Punk crossed a line last week. Hunter says that Nash doesn’t work here. Nash says that he doesn’t have to put Punk over since he does not work here. Nash says that he would have killed Punk if he had the chance.

Hunter says that he understands Nash’s position. He can’t have Nash calling people out. Hunter tells Nash to call him out and beat him lifeless at the Tim Horton’s across the street. Hunter wants Nash to leave.

Before Nash can leave, Big Kev’s donut buddy comes out and Punk doesn’t want Nash to leave. Punk wants to know who left the text message. Punk wants to play a game of Clue. Was it Big Lazy with a Tube of Just for Men in the Conservatory? Was it Triple H in the back with the sledgehammer? Was it Stephanie with a candlestick in the library? Punk says that he doesn’t believe a word that either of them are saying.

Punk tells Nash that if he wanted to apologize last week, he should have apologized. Punk says that he is a habitual line stepper and he says that Nash is one too. Punk says that he is done talking and last week Nash got off easy. This week, he is kicking Kevin’s ass.

Hunter stops Punk and Punk tells Hunter to get his hands off him. He says that Hunter never liked him and then he called the match straight down the middle until he had a chance to screw him. Is Hunter afraid of the type of champion he will be? Who is calling the shots? Is it Hunter, Kevin, or Hunter’s bean headed wife?

Hunter said that he wouldn’t get involved physically, but he is still the same guy he has always been. Hunter tells Punk that if he crosses a line with him, Punk will be left lying where he stands.

Punk tells Hunter that he wouldn’t want Hunter to take off his suit and fold it up and put it in his wife’s purse where Hunter keeps his phone and his balls.

Nash gets in a cheap shot on Punk and then Hunter walks Nash out of the ring.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Hunter is telling Nash that he cannot put his hands on the superstars. Hunter tells Nash to leave. Nash wonders what is happening with Hunter since he put on the suit. Nash says that he cannot believe that he is saying that Hunter has changed and he leaves.

Match Number Four: David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty versus Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston for the Unified WWE Tag Team Championship

Bourne and McGillicutty start off and Michael with a kick and punch followed by another punch. Michael with a kick but Bourne lands on his feet on a snap mare and he kicks Michael. Bourne with a drop toe hold followed by an elbow drop from Bourne who just tagged in. Michael with a forearm to Kofi and then he sends Kofi into the turnbuckles. Kofi with an elbow and then he hits a double jump cross body for a near fall. Kofi sets for Trouble in Paradise but Otunga pulls Michael to the floor. Otunga draws Kofi to the floor and Michael hits him from behind. Michael with kicks to Kofi.

Michael returns Kofi to the ring and he gets a near fall. Otunga tags back in and Michael with a running elbow and Otunga with a running back elbow for a near fall. Otunga with a European uppercut followed by a slam for a near fall. Otunga with a rear chin lock to Kofi. Michael tags in and Otunga with a reverse atomic drop followed by a drop kick from Michael for a near fall.

Michael with a knee to the back followed by a reverse chin lock. Michael with a slam but Kofi with a head scissors. Bourne and Otunga tag in and Bourne with a head scissors followed by a leaping knee and a series of kicks for a near fall. Michael goes to the floor and Kofi holds on to the ropes and then he gives Otunga Trouble in Paradise. Bourne with the Shooting Star Press for the three count.

Winners: Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston

We go to commercial.

We are back and we see the statue of Wayne Gretzky We have footage of the most anticipated title change in WWE history.

Josh Mathews is with the new Tag Team Champions. Kofi says that it feels great. They have talked about teaming up for a while. Now they are the champions. They get the B team celebration crew to come in.

Triple H is walking in the back and John Laurinaitis stops Hunter and tells him that Nash was in an auto accident and he was taken to a local hospital. Hunter tells John that he is in charge of everything since he has to check on the man he kicked out. We go to commercial.

We are back and Did you Know that the Rock leads John Cena on Twitter, but Cena destroys Rock on Facebook.

Before Santino can make it to the ring, Miz and R Truth attack him. Truth sends Santino into the ring and he kicks Santino and then he hits Shut Up on Santino. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Santino.

Truth tells everyone to shut up. He says that we saw what just happened to Little Jimmy. That is what is going to happen to Little Jimmy every time. Truth tells everyone to stop with the Whats. Truth says that he has been saying over and over again that there has been a conspiracy in the WWE. Truth says that Triple H, Kevin Nash, Stephanie McMahon, John Cena, and CM Punk are in on this together. They sit around the conspiracy table and they conspire. Truth says that he used to main event pay per views but now that Triple H is here, it isn’t about the Truth any more. He tells Miz that it isn’t about him anymore either.

Miz says that he cannot believe that he is going to say that Truth is right. There is a conspiracy in the WWE. Miz says that everyone sounds like a bunch of ducks and he tells everyone to shut up while he talks. Miz says that months ago, he was in the main event at Wrestlemania. He beat John Cena and he guesses that is about average. Then Triple H becomes in control of Raw and the Miz has to pick a fight with Jared from Subway just to do something.

Truth says that they are going to be good because he knows how bad things are for them because they are Canadians. Miz says that he will talk slowly so they can understand him. Miz wants to know if everyone is ready.

Truth calls everyone a bunch of animals.

Miz says that he is sick of seeing people like Santino Marella on Raw since he hasn’t won a match in five years when he is the Most Must See Champion in the WWE. They are not going to wait for an opportunity, they are going to take it.

Truth says that they are just going to take it. If any spiders cross their paths, they are going to squash. Any conspiracies gonna push them around, they are going to push back. Sooner or later, people are gonna get got. That is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Miz says that it is AWESOME.

Miz and Truth tell random people in the crowd that they suck.

CM Punk and John Cena walk in split screen as we go to commercial.

We are back with a WWE Rewind: What Alberto Del Rio did to Rey’s arm to force Rey to get knee surgery only to be stopped by John Cena.

Alberto Del Rio is at ringside, but where is Ricardo Rodriguez? We don’t have a tuxedo at ringside, but we have an empty suit with John Laurinaitis. Cole, Lawler, and Ross update us on Kevin Nash’s condition.

Match Number Five: CM Punk versus John Cena in a Number One Contender Match

Before the match starts, someone threw John Cena’s shirt back at him. Eventually he finds a fan who would keep the shirt.

They circle each other and they eventually lock up and Punk with a side head lock take down but Cena with a head scissors. Punk escapes and he takes Cena down with a side head lock. Cena escapes and he takes Punk down with a side head lock take down and Punk with a head scissors and Cena escapes.

They lock up and Punk with a hammer lock into a side head lock. Punk takes Cena down and mocks the five knuckle shuffle. Cena with the two flying shoulder tackles followed by a Blue Thunder Bomb and then Cena gets too close and Punk with an inside cradle for a near fall. Punk with a drop kick and then he goes for the running knee into the corner and he hits the bulldog.

Punk goes to the apron for a springboard move but Cena knew what was coming and Cena knocks Punk off the ropes with a forearm. We go to commercial with Punk on the ground right in front of Del Rio.

We are back and Cena with a side head lock and Punk tries to get away and he hits a belly-to-back suplex but we have to focus on who is sitting at the announce table. Both men are down. Punk tries for a Go To Sleep but Cena escapes. Cena tries for Attitude Adjustment and Punk escapes. Punk tries for a float over but Cena catches Punk for an Attitude Adjustment. Punk goes to the apron and he hits a springboard clothesline for a near fall.

Punk with knees to Cena and he gets Cena up for Go To Sleep but Cena tries to counter with an STF. Punk misses a round kick and Cena with a Crippler Crossface but Punk gets to the ropes. Cena goes into the ring post with his shoulder. Punk hits Go To Sleep but Cena kicks out at two. Punk pulls Cena into the centre of the ring and Punk goes up top. Punk sets for the Macho Man elbow drop but Cena is able to move out of the way.

Cena goes to the apron in front of Del Rio and he goes up top for the Rocker Dropper and he hits it but Cena can only get a two count. Both men struggle to get back to their feet but Cena gets Punk up for the Attitude Adjustment but Punk with a series of elbows to the head to get out of the hold. Punk with a flying knee to the head for a near fall. Cena gets up and hits the Attitude Adjustment but Punk kicks out at two.

Cena runs Punk into the corner and then he puts Punk on the top turnbuckle. Punk with a head butt to stop Cena from hitting a superplex. Punk pushes Cena off and then Punk with a cross body but Cena rolls through and he tries to get Punk on his shoulders but Punk with a sunset flip for a near fall.

Punk with a round house kick to the head and he signals that it is time for someone to go to sleep. Punk picks up Cena but Kevin Nash comes into the arena and he says that it isn’t over.

Punk stays in the ring and Nash makes his way to the ring. Cena recovers and hits the Attitude Adjustment for the three count.

Winner: John Cena

After the match, Alberto Del Rio attacks John Cena and then he hits the running step up enzuigiri into the corner. Del Rio punches Cena and John Laurinaitis makes his way into the ring and he holds Del Rio back. Del Rio is let free and he goes after Cena. The referee and Laurinaitis have to hold Del Rio back again. Del Rio gets away from Laurinaitis and the referee and he hits Cena in the head with the title belt. Del Rio sends Cena into the ringside barrier.

We go to credits.

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