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Speaking of Independence Day messes, this being a wrestling column, I feel it is appropriate to talk about a wrestling angle that is as synonymous with Independence Day as fireworks and beer, and that's the Lex Luger-Yokozuna feud of the early 90s. For those who aren't familiar with the history, here's what led up to this feud: Hulk Hogan was the WWF Champion in early 1993, but was on his way out of the company and, instead of dropping the title to Bret Hart like most fans wanted, Yokozuna wound up winning the title back at King Of The Ring 93, kicking out of the Hogan legdrop and, one fireball later, Yokozuna dropped Hogan's own patented legdrop on him to regain the title and steal the joy and cheer from every child in America.
It only got worse from there for the now disenchanted youth of America, as Yokozuna and manager Mr Fuji announced that Yokozuna would celebrate their victory over Hogan on the famous USS Intrepid on July 4th, where the 550 lb Yokozuna would challenge anyone with the guts to try and bodyslam him. Everyone from WWF wrestlers like Crush and the Steiner Bros, to football players, and even a horse jockey tried to bodyslam Yokozuna, but nobody succeeded. Just as it seemed Yokozuna would walk off the Intrepid having once again crushed the spirit of America, a helicopter descended from the heavens, from which emerged Lex Luger, who had spent his entire short WWF career as a self-absorbed heel known as the Narcissist, but now was suddenly a flag waving patriot. Don't ask me why the sudden change of personality, but whatever the reason, Luger was able to do what nobody else, including Hulk Hogan, could: he bodyslammed Yokozuna on the deck of the Intrepid on America's birthday, and it seemed that the next great American Hero that would lead the WWF into the 90s and beyond was born.
From there, Lex Luger embarked on a famous and inspirational bus tour known as the Lex Express, which took him all across the country and, in true American grassroots fashion, Luger traveled the country to meet the American people and gain their support as he campaigned for a shot at the WWF Title. Finally his wish was granted on an episode of Monday Night Raw, as Lex Luger signed a contract for a shot at Yokozuna and the WWF Title at Summerslam 93. Unfortunately, Luger didn't read the fine print that Yokozuna's conniving management team of Fuji and Jim Cornette had inserted into the contract: this would be Luger's one and only shot at the WWF Title, and if he lost, he'd never get another shot as long as he lived. Luger was confident, however, and told Yokozuna that it would only take him one shot to become the WWF Champion.
Finally the Lex Express came to its last stop at Summerslam, and Luger faced the massive, seemingly indestructible Yokozuna. With America by his side, Luger fought against the overwhelming might of Yokozuna, battling back against the champion and his interfering cronies Fuji and Cornette, and with all his might, used the illegal steel plate in his forearm to knock Yokozuna silly and send him tumbling out of the ring and to the floor. Yokozuna was counted out and, with confetti and balloons flying, and to the cheers of Americans large and small, Tatanka and the Steiner Bros came out and hoisted Lex Luger on their shoulders in celebration of the fact that he utterly failed to win the WWF Title and would, contractually, never be allowed to get another shot during his lifetime.
Luger was not deterred, and even though he had signed the contract, he was determined to follow the American way by going back on his word and finding some loophole that would allow him to backdoor his way into another title shot. In the meantime, Yokozuna continued to build his reputation as a monster, squashing Bret Hart and Randy Savage multiple times before defeating the Undertaker in a Casket Match where he (with the help of 10 other guys) mobbed the Undertaker and locked him in a casket, causing him to die, deliver an incoherent soliloquy, and rise to the heavens and, presumably, the afterlife.
However, much like Rocky Balboa after his loss to Clubber Lang in Rocky III, Luger was on the comeback trail. He dominated a feud with the evil Finnish environmentalist, Ludvig Borga, and then gladhanded his way into the Royal Rumble which, if he could win, would allow him to circumvent the contract he signed months earlier and get another shot at the WWF Title. The Rumble came down to Luger and Bret Hart and, in one of the most memorable finishes in WWF history, both men tumbled the top rope and, apparently, hit at the same time. It didn't matter that the 17 replays they showed us each clearly exposed the fact that Luger hit first, the fact was that the referees couldn't decide which guy won, so they were declared co-winners. But what would happen with the Wrestlemania title shot?
Luckily, that was answered soon enough, as it was determined that both men would get a title shot at Wrestlemania 10, with a coin toss being held on Monday Night Raw to determine who would get the first shot of the evening. Luger won the coin toss, and with his rematch with Yokozuna finally being set in stone, it seemed Luger was all but guaranteed to defeat Yokozuna and claim the WWF Title. At Wrestlemania 10, right where the Yokozuna feud began in New York City, Luger fought with all his might to defeat Yokozuna and, after neutralizing Fuji and Cornette and knocking out Yokozuna with the monkey wrench he had implanted in his forearm, it seemed victory was at hand. Unfortunately, Luger made the mistake of putting his hands on special referee Mr Perfect, who now had no choice but to disqualify Luger and award the victory to Yokozuna.
This was, of course, a crushing blow to the new American Hero. His thunder was further stolen later in the evening when Bret Hart went on to upstage him by defeating Yokozuna without even needing any foreign objects implanted in his body. Luger tried valiantly to regain his honor by coming out to glom some of Bret's heat by shaking his hand after Hart's title win, but the damage was done. After two failed shots at the WWF Title, Luger had further added to the choker label he had lived with for his entire NWA/WCW run. Another title shot would never come and, after sinking to the depths of a feud with Tatanka and then jerking the curtain in a tag match at Wrestlemania 11, it was obvious that Lex Luger, in spite of the bus tour and illegal weapon surgically implanted in his forearm, was never going to be anything other than a failure.
However, for as depressing a letdown as Lex Luger's WWF run became, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Because Luger was such a dismal failure, Bret Hart was instead given a second run with the WWF Title and went on to have an amazing title reign where he had top notch matches with his brother Owen, Kevin Nash, and everyone on down. When the time finally came, seven months later, for him to drop the title to Bob Backlund in a shocker at Survivor Series 94, Bret had even succeeded in making Backlund look like more of a credible title threat and, eventually, champion than he had been in more than a decade. It was all ruined three days later when Backlund jobbed the title to Nash in eight seconds at Madison Square Garden, but the fact remained that, much like the unheralded sanitation engineers who have to come out on July 5th and clean up after the drunken parties and explosive-laden festivities of July 4th, Bret Hart had succeeded in picking up the pieces of the Luger Era and carrying the company in a way Luger never could.
I hope you all had a wonderful holiday, and thank you for reading.
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