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12th February 2017. One week after the 6th Annual Square Go!, ICW returns to its Glasgow home in The Garage before embarking on a lengthy UK-wide tour. New champions, new rivalries and new alliances will be on display before a live crowd of well over 500 people.
MC “Champagne” Simon Cassidy opens the show introducing to us a man who is already on the ring, eager to make his ICW debut: Scott McManus. His opponent is a man who weighs 251lb, representing The Marauders, he is the Alpha Male Iestyn Rees.
Rees doesn’t seem willing to allow his opponent to take the initiative, and demolishes him in a quick match.
Iestyn Rees defeats Scott McManus
Rees then asks for a microphone and launches an open challenge to anyone brave enough to face him. He begins by luring out The Purge, the tag team of “Outlaw” Stevie James and Krobar, who are scheduled to face his allies The Marauders, the new tag team champions, in a match later today. The two bikers are attacked from behind by the champions Mike Bird and Wild Boar.
The match starts (The Marauders’ titles are not on the line) with the two Welshmen aggressively keeping down their opponents. The two Glasgow bikers do their best to remain in the match, but Krobar is kept out of the ring by a merciless Iestyn Rees, who months ago injured him during a one on one match. Finally the Polish Dynamo gets tagged in, but he is too worn out to mount an offensive; the champions hit him with their Mrs. Patterson’s Revenge (and not Mrs. Robertsons’s as erroneously mentioned in the past) and Mike Bird pins him.
The Marauders defeat The Purge
“The East End Butcher” Sha Samuels makes then his way to the ring in his street clothes. After having lead the crowd in a rousing rendition of his theme song “Sha Life”, he sets up two chairs on the ring – each with a can of beer on top. Sha calls out Kid Fite, his former tag team partner in The 55 turned bitter enemy. Fite comes out but sits on the entrance ramp vaping, refusing to set foot on the ring with Samuels. Sha challenges him to a match to end their rivalry, a Barras Street Fight to be held on the 16th of April, at Barramania, that will be held in the East End of Glasgow. Kid Fite refuses to answer.
The next match is a triple threat bout between “The Showstealer” Nathan Cruz, Charlie Sterling (who is “Worth Every Penny”) and “Liverpool’s Number One” Zack Gibson.
Gibson opens the match insulting Sterling, who – he says – is an acrobat, not a wrestler. The fans seem to disagree to a man (and woman). He adds an attack directed against the “backyarders” (his word) who use tables and chairs, thus becoming the most hated man in the Garage. The match itself is extremely hard-hitting and fast-paced, with several phases happening out of the ring. With Zack Gibson temporarily incapacitated, Charlie Sterling hits his finishing manoeuvre on Nathan Cruz only for the Liverpudlian to attack him with a chair – yes, soon after he insulted wrestler who use them – and pin the nearly unconscious Cruz.
Zack Gibson defeats Nathan Cruz, Charlie Sterling
For the next match, our beloved MC Simon Cassidy introduces first a man from the Kingdom of Lanarkshire, “The King in the North” James Scott, a two-time ICW Heavyweight Champion. His opponent weights 110kg of raw minerals, he is a wrestler, a mighty wrestler, the winner of the 2017 Square Go!, the Iron Man Joe Coffey, who reaches the ring holding the briefcase containing a contract that allows him to have a title match any time he wants.
Scott and Coffey have a long story between them. It was defeating Scott that Coffey won his first Ironman match, and to that match four more followed. With the results tied on two wins each, what was supposed to be the final bout in the series ended in a time limit tie – after which James went on a hiatus from ICW.
The opponents seem to respect each other, but this doesn’t mean that they will not try to positively smash each other. Scott seems to want to work on weakening Coffey’s muscular arms, while the Iron Man tries to destroy his opponent with a series of powerful blows. The resilient King in the North seems to be close to the win after hitting a Go to Sleep followed by a picture-perfect suplex, but it is the Iron Man who puts away his opponent with his lariat, the one he calls Awra Best Fur ‘e Bells.
Joe Coffey defeats James Scott
After one more display of mutual respect between the two men, Joe Coffey declares publicly that he plans to cash in his title shot before the biggest audience possible – whatever he means with that.
The former tag team champions Polo Promotions (Jackie Polo and Mark Coffey) come out holding a microphone. Polo opens explaining how a belt is not enough to make a wrestler (or a tag team) into a champion, and that him and the younger Coffey remain champions despite not being the champions. He asks for a rematch against The Marauders, but at that point ICW owner Mark Dallas joins them on the ring. After a speech about giving opportunities to other tag teams, he reminds Polo that his partner Mark, despite having been medically cleared to wrestle, is clearly not fully fit after a concussion. Polo seems incensed and attacks the ICW Owner, who however shuts him up with a few clear words.
It is now time for a clash of the managers, two men who have been often arguing at ringside finally get on the ring for a one on one match.
On one side we have the most decorated pro wrestling manager in ICW, a man with a 100% win record in one on one matches with one win and no defeats, The Wee Man. His opponent is “The Mourinho of the Mat, the Sir Alex Ferguson of Professional Wrestling”, Coach Trip.
The match is… it’s something you must see to believe. The fans chant “Eight Star Match”, the mat skills of both contenders are something never seen before, the… OK, OK: it’s an extremely entertaining comedy match between two very interesting and very funny characters, that the fans seem to appreciate immensely. The comedy is interrupted when Davey Blaze, the Wee Man’s protégé, intervenes to assist his manager. DCT, the man coached by the Coach, tries to even out the odds, but a series of chairshots take him out of contention; the Wee Man gets the win.
The Wee Man defeats Coach Trip
In the next match, the title is not on the line between “The One-Man Purge” from London Jimmy Havoc and the ICW World Heavyweight Champion Trent Seven, from the cabin on Moustache Mountain. But Havoc challenges Seven, who has held the belt only for seven days, to make it a title match. Trent answers by promising that, as long as he is the champion, he’ll never be involved in a non-title match. The belt is now on the line.
Havoc starts at full speed, immediately troubling the champion who has to make use of all his legendary resilience. The challenger’s Acid Rainmaker gets us a fraction of a second from having a new champion, but Seven fights back and closes the match with his Seventh Heaven piledriver.
Trent Seven defeats Jimmy Havoc
Former champion Wolfgang comes out to attack both fighters, worn out from the match, and asks Seven for a rematch. Havoc and Seven manage to fight back, and Wolfgang retreats.
The second half of the show opens with a women’s three way match featuring the Belle of Belfast, “Flying Solo” Kasey; the woman from the flats in Dublin Session Moth Martina and the vixen of violence, the babe of brutality, former champion Viper.
Kasey and Martina have a long history, with several clashes up and down their native Ireland and not only, and in particular Kasey seems to be unhappy to see her old foe in ICW. The three women exchange blows; the more powerful Viper seems to be getting the upper hand when her sworn enemy, Women’s Champion Kay Lee Ray, attacks her from behind. With Viper focussed on the intruder, the two Irish athletes fight each other in a balanced match until Martina extracts a… erm… something very NSFW that she uses for her version of a Mandible Claw, to which Kasey submits.
Session Moth Martina defeats Kasey, Viper
It’s now time for a ZeroG Title match between the challenger, a man weighting 200lb, from beyond the Thunderdome, “The Best Young Wrestler in the World” Lewis Girvan and the champion, weighing at 1.21 Gigawatts, from Thunder Road, Hill Valley, “The Bollocks” Kenny Williams.
Last week Girvan won a #1 Contenders’ match, but in doing so he injured his left knee – and Williams takes advantage of this by focussing all his action on that very knee. After a Figure Four that Girvan barely manages to survive, the high-flying champion hits his trademark Quiffbuster DDT and retains the title.
Kenny Williams defeats Lewis Girvan
After the match, the defeated challenger congratulates the champion, who gracefully accepts his opponent’s handshake.
We suddenly hear the theme song of the Local Hero Joe Hendry, but it is his rival Lionheart who walks out. He admits having underestimated Hendry, who defeated him once and then eliminated him from the Square Go! match, but he promises that he won’t do so any longer before throwing a few savage insults Hendry’s way. On his way out, he assaults a fan clearly disagrees with his ways.
Back to the matches; the next one sees “The Bastard” from the Black Country, Dave Mastiff, face the 17 stone “Big Kink” from Glasgow, Jack Jester.
This match is a clash of powerful war machines. The heavier Mastiff arrives to ask the referee to check whether Jester is ready to give up after normal uppercuts. But at the end of this clash of titans it’s Jack Jester who comes out the winner.
Jack Jester defeats Dave Mastiff
As Jester celebrates over the felled opponent, a video plays; Jester’s former ally Drew Galloway tries to get in Big Kink’s head by describing their common history in ICW from his own point of view. As soon as he’s done, Mastiff attacks Jester from behind and leaves the ring.
“Champagne” Simon Cassidy introduces next the Patriarch of the House of Saynt (but you can call him “Daddy”), Christopher Saynt, accompanied by Frans Gender and Ann Phetamine. And their bodyguard Big Ross, unannounced. His opponent is a 13 stone man from Edinburgh, “LT Degree” Liam Thomson. The two clashed several months ago, when Thomson made some disparaging comments on Saynt’s transgender entourage; since then, Liam managed to escape his opponent’s challenges – until today.
Thomson starts in a very aggressive way, even before the bell rings, but the sudden arrival of Sammii Jayne – who has some bone to pick with Liam – and Thomson’s former partner Debbie Sharpe, Sammii’s best friend, send the Edinburgh man on the run only to be stopped and brought back to the ring by Big Ross. When Thomson grabs a chair, Sammii Jayne takes it out of his hands. Ann Phetamine slaps him and Christopher Saynt manages to hit him with his finishing manoeuvre for the win.
Christopher Saynt defeats Liam Thomson
It is now time for tonight’s main event, a match between two of the most innovative teams in ICW history, that exchanged title reigns for several months before the emergency of Polo Promotions. First on the ring are The Bucky Boys accompanied by their historic manager The Wee Man and by Kay Lee Ray. Wee Man introduces his men, who have recently overcome the rivalry that a couple of years ago put an end to their alliance: “The Glasgow Barbarian” Davey Blaze (who was called Davey Boy back then) and “The Man Hailing Directly from Jeremy Kyle’s Worst F***ing Nightmare” Stevie Boy. Their opponents, instead, seem to be having issues with each other: we don’t know what to expect. They are introduced as the team of Chris Renfrew and BT Gunn – The New Age Kliq, but Renfrew comes out alone. He seems to be accepting the fact that his partner deserts him, but their music restarts and BT Gunn joins the match.
The NAK seems to have no issues working together in what the Wee Man has proclaimed to be a Street Fight, and the frantic action moves everywhere in the venue, making it pretty much impossible to follow what happens. We see the NAK set up a table near the entrance ramp, then Renfrew even rips a part of a barrier to use as a weapon. The Bucky Boys seem close to defeat when Key Lee Ray interrupts BT Gunn as he’s preparing to hit their team finisher Killer Boots, Man!, only to be attacked by Viper who carries her away from the ring. Stevie Boy and BT Gunn climb up a 16ft balcony where they keep brawling, until Stevie manages to throw BT over the railing and through the wooden table previously set up by the NAK. The Bucky Boys hit a few tag team manoeuvres on Renfrew until Stevie asks Davey to allow him to finish their opponent up. Davey and the Wee Man leave the premises while Stevie binds Renfrew’s hands behind his back with cable tie and destroys a kendo stick on his unprotected head, drawing blood. Renfrew seems to lose consciousness, and Stevie Boy pins him in the centre of the ring.
The Bucky Boys defeat the NAK
ICW owner Mark Dallas comes out to help his ally Chris Renfrew only to be confronted by Stevie, who is however silenced by a suspension threat.
Recap of the results of the night
Iestyn Rees defeats Scott McManus
The Marauders (Mike Bird & Wild Boar) defeat The Purge (Krobar & Stevie James) (The Marauders’ tag team title was not on the line)
Three Way: Zack Gibson defeats Nathan Cruz and Charlie Sterling
Joe Coffey defeats James Scott
The Wee Man defeats Coach Trip
ICW World Heavyweight Title Match: Trent Seven [c] defeats Jimmy Havoc
Three Way: Session Moth Martina defeats Kasey and Viper
ICW ZeroG Title Match: Kenny Williams [c] defeats Lewis Girvan
Jack Jester defeats Dave Mastiff
Christopher Saynt (with Frans Gender, Ann Phetamine and Big Ross) defeats Liam Thomson
The Bucky Boys (Stevie Boy & Davey Blaze) defeat The NAK (Chris Renfrew & BT Gunn)
The next ICW show is a Friday Night Fight Club taping that will be held on Friday the 17th of February at The Engine Rooms in Southampton (England).
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