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COMPLETE WWE RAW ROULETTE REPORT: JOHN CENA PICKS HIS OPPONENT FOR WRESTLEMANIA; DANCING IN LINGERIE; SHOWGIRLS; STRANGE BEDFELLOWS IN THE RING; WHO DID MORE WEARING TRACK PANTS TONIGHT?; A NEW HALL OF FAME INDUCTEE; ANOTHER RETURN; AND MORE

By Richard Trionfo on 2013-01-28 23:06:48
We are back and it is time to take a look back at The Shield’s attack on John Cena and Sheamus and Ryback’s inability to help John.

We go to Vickie’s office for the next spin on the Wheel of Gimmickry. It ends up on a Lingerie Pillow Fight and Tensai is in the match against Brodus Clay.

Tensai refuses and he says that he is a monster.

Vickie says that he won’t put them in lingerie. He tells Brodus to spin the Vickie Vegas Challenge Wheel. It lands on Dance Off.

We take a look at what WWE did in Phoenix during Royal Rumble week.

It is time for the Lingerie Free Dance Off between Brodus Clay (with the Funkettes) and Tensai.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Jerry Lawler is the Don Cornelius for this segment. Tensai is in a robe and he tells King to get this over with. Tensai reveals his lingerie but Jerry tells Tensai this is a dance off. Brodus reveals that he never told Tensai.

Brodus dances first, but Tensai refuses to dance. Jerry tells Tensai that this is Las Vegas and ‘what happens in Vegas . . . stays in Vegas’ (even though it is being aired all over the world on USA Network). Tensai wants to make sure that Lawler is serious.

Tensai starts to dance and he does the robot along with some other moves. Brodus and the Funkettes join in.

Ron Simmons is in the back and it is time for that DAMN moment.

Tensai covers his head in shame as he goes to the back.

Alberto Del Rio spins the Wheel of Gimmickry on a Body Slam Match. Vickie tells Alberto that seeing him slam Show is the biggest trick we will ever see in Las Vegas.

Alberto says that anything can happen in Vegas.

We go to commercial.

Match Number Four: Big Show versus Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez) in a Body Slam Challenge

Show attacks Rodriguez and goes after Del Rio. Del Rio gets in a few shots and then Show knocks out Del Rio. Show reaches into his gear and he pulls out some duct tape. Show kicks Ricardo and then he puts Del Rio against the ropes and duct tapes Del Rio’s hand around the middle rope. Show chops Ricardo while the referee tries to get Del Rio free.

Show chops Ricardo again while Del Rio cannot get free. Show Irish whips Ricardo into the ringside barrier and he wants to know if this is funny.

Del Rio says something to Show to get him to stop. Show slams Ricardo. Show kicks Del Rio and then he tapes Del Rio to the ropes again. Show holds Ricardo up while telling Del Rio that he will let him go. Show lets Ricardo fall to the mat as a result of a knock out punch. Del Rio gets to his feet but Show kicks him in the other leg and Del Rio goes to the mat.

Show knocks out Del Rio with a punch.

We go to commercial.

We are back and we take a look back at Big Show’s attack on Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez.

We see Alberto being helped out of the ring.

Match Number Four: Tamina Snuka versus Katilyn in a Las Vegas Showgirl Lumberjill Match

They lock up and Kaitlyn with a break but Tamina with a kick and punch. Tamina backs Kaitlyn into the turnbuckles and then hits a modified Alabama Slam. Tamina with a kick and forearm to the back. Tamina with a kick to the midsection. Tamina with a head butt and a reverse chin lock.

Tamina sends Kaitlyn to the mat and then kicks her to the floor. Some of the showgirljacks attack Kaitlyn but Kaitlyn fights back. Kaitlyn with a shoulder to Tamina and then she uses the headdress on Tamina. Kaitlyn with a flying forearm and she punches Tamina.

All of the Divas get into the ring and the referee lets them battle and Tamina watches from the steps. The referees send the Divas out of the ring and it looks like this is over.

No Contest

We go to commercial.

We are back and we see what happened when John Cena announced that he would face the WWE Champion at Wrestlemania.

It is time to hear from the WWE Champion and he makes his way to the ring.

There is only one word that can describe the spirit of tonight. One word that symbolizes their entire journey and that word is . . . Finally. FINALLY, the Rock has come back to Las Vegas.

Finally, the Rock is WWE Champion. There is no accolade on this Earth that is more deeply ingrained in his blood than this WWE Championship. From 1998 through 2003, he had the honor of winning 7 WWE Championships. After 10 long years, he can honestly say that this moment is the proudest moment of his career.

Rock says that he has already thanked his friends and family. Now he wants to thank everyone.

Rock says that for 434 days CM Punk has come out here and run his mouth. He says that the people did not count and did not matter. The people were nothing. Rock says that those crap days are over. No longer will CM Punk come out looking like a homeless tattooed freak followed by his fat manager.

Paul is coming out worried if he has a bra big enough to hold up his deep fried Twinkie Tits.

Tonight we usher in a new era. It is the People’s Era. They are going to celebrate. He says that everyone is getting pie.

CM Punk’s music plays and he makes his way to the stage. He tells everyone to shut their mouth and no one wants to hear their irrelevant opinions.

Punk says that Rock is embarrassing himself and embarrassing Punk. Rock is flushing everything that Punk did down the toilet. Rock never won the title, it was handed to him, just like everything in his spoon-fed life.

Punk tells everyone that in twenty years the people who are telling him that he sucks will be calling him a genius.

If Rock was a man, the third generation blood that courses through his veins, he would come up to Punk and hand him his title back because he did not earn it. He stole it from him and then he would congratulate Punk for being the best in the world and apologize for tarnishing what Punk made great.

Rock tells Punk that if he had an ounce of manhood, Punk would walk down the ramp and try to take it. Punk can go to the ring and face him like a man or stay on the stage and be a punk ass bitch.

Punk makes his way to the ring and he stops at the bottom of the ramp. Punk looks around and then he goes up to the stage and be a punk ass bitch because it is cool to swear. Punk does things when he wants to. Punk says that he might grant Rock a rematch. He will grant him a title match in three weeks.

Rock tells Punk that he will get his rematch in three weeks, but he will be kicking Punk’s ass. Rock tells Punk to smell what he is cooking.

We go to commercial.

Match Number Five: Damien Sandow versus Sheamus in a Tables Match

They lock up and Sandow goes to the floor. Sheamus follows after him and Damien tries for a kick but Sheamus blocks it and sends Sandow to the mat. Sheamus with punches. Sheamus misses a short arm clothesline and Sandow goes to the floor. Sheamus goes after Sandow on the floor and sends him into the ring steps.

Sheamus gets a table and sets it up on the floor. Sheamus tries to slam Sandow through the table but Sandow gets back into the ring and then he goes to the other side of the ring to the floor. Sandow with a drop kick and Damien gets a table of his own.

Sheamus sends the table into Sandow and then he brings it into the ring. Sheamus sends Sandow back into the ring. Sandow with a single arm DDT onto the table and then he kicks Sheamus in the arm. Sandow with a snap mare and knee to the injured arm. Sandow brings another table into the ring and he runs it into Sheamus. Sandow puts the arm in the leg of the table and he stomps on the arm and drops a knee onto the arm.

Sheamus with punches and then he sends Sandow over the top rope but Sandow lands on the apron. Sheamus misses a Brogue Kick and Sandow brings Sheamus to the apron. Sheamus with a flying shoulder tackle and both men are down because Sheamus used his injured shoulder.

Sheamus grabs Sandow by the beard and he backs Sandow into the corner and he punches him. Sheamus with a short arm clothesline. Sandow with a side Russian leg sweep and then he hits the Elbow of Disdain. Sandow sets up the table in the ring and he puts Sheamus on it.

Sandow goes up top but Sheamus recovers and knocks Sandow off the apron and then it is time for the ‘JBL wishes he did this to Josh’ forearms. Sheamus tries to suplex Sandow through the table but Sandow blocks it and drops Sheamus’ arm on the top rope. Sheamus gets Sandow up and hits White Noise through the table.

Winner: Sheamus

We go to commercial.

We are back and Jerry Lawler is in the ring with Great Khali, Hornswoggle, Natalya, and Zack Ryder for WWE Karaoke. Zack and Khali will get to sing the entrance music for a WWE Superstar.

Khali goes first and he will sing Shawn Michaels’ entrance music.

The 3MB interrupt and they make their way to the ring. Slater wants to know if they are kidding him. Drew wants to know if they call this music. Jinder says that they are 3MB and they are music. He calls them an embarrassment.

Zack says that he likes pop music while Khali is into headbanging.

Heath tells Drew to show them and he does some air guitar but Khali with a punch to Drew. Ryder with a leaping leg lariat to Mahal. Khali with a chop to Slater and Hornswoggle goes up top for a frog splash.

Chris Jericho is walking in the back and he has his sparkling jacket as we go to commercial.

We are back and Chris Jericho makes his way into the arena with his technicolor dream jacket.

Chris welcomes everyone to Raw is Jericho. He says that it is great to be back in the WWE. He was only gone for six months, but it felt like six years. When he was the surprise in the Royal Rumble, it was one of the greatest nights of his career. Chris thanks every Jerichoholic who makes him feel good to be here and he will never . . . Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever forget agayne.

Dolph Ziggler comes out and he is joined by his briefcase, AJ Lee, and Big E Langston.

Dolph says that he was glad that Chris had a great time last night before he eliminated Chris. Dolph reminds Chris that he no longer works her and his WWE career was over.

AJ reminds Chris about what she did last year to force him out of the company and she apologizes to Ziggy for doing that. AJ reminds everyone that she got Jericho terminated.

Chris tells Ziggy to put a leash on his little doggie before she pees all over the ring.

Langston tells Chris he better leave before he ruins Chris’ return.

Chris wants to know what the E stands for. He wonders if that is his bra size because he can put a drink on those pecs.

Dolph wants to know why Jericho doesn’t leave.

Vickie appears on the TitanTron and she tells Dolph that she signed Chris to the contract. She does not let personal feelings get in the way. If they want a match, they can have one.

The wheel of gimmickry lands on Strange Bedfellows. They will be in a tag match against Daniel Bryan and Kane.

Match Number Six: Daniel Bryan and Kane versus Chris Jericho and Dolph Ziggler (with AJ Lee and Big E Langston)

Ziggler and Kane start things off and Ziggler with punches to Kane. Ziggler flicks some sweat on Jericho and we go to commercial.

We are back and Ziggler with a head lock on Bryan and Ziggler refuses to tag in Jericho. Ziggler with a slam and a leaping elbow drop for a near fall. Jericho wants the tag but Ziggler refuses again. Bryan with kicks of no but Ziggler with a kick to the knee. Jericho makes the blind tag and he hits a shoulder tackle on Bryan and then he hits a springboard drop kick that sends Kane off the apron.

Jericho with an elbow and he tries for a Lionsault but Bryan moves and Jericho lands on his feet. Bryan with a kick to Jericho and Kane tags in. Kane and Bryan have some miscommunication and they argue while Jericho stands there.

Bryan pushes Kane and Kane pushes back. Ziggler tags in and then Jericho slaps Kane from behind. Kane grabs Ziggler by the throat and hits a choke slam for the three count.

Winners: Daniel Bryan and Kane

It is time for the third inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame and it is Trish Stratus.

We go to commercial.

We are back and we will find out Booker T will make an announcement about the World Title on Friday night.

Vince McMahon is in the ring and he says that he loves to have fun and he loves to have fun in Las Vegas. Vince wants Paul Heyman to come on down. Vince tells Paul that CM Punk was escorted out of the arena ten minutes ago.

Paul offers his hand to Vince and Vince looks at it before thinking otherwise but he does shake Paul’s hand. Vince tells Paul to hold his mic and Vince applies some hand sanitizer.

Vince asks Paul if he ever had or currently had the Shield or Brad Maddox under contract.

Paul thanks Vince for the opportunity to come out here and look Vince in the eye and settle this once and for all. The answer to Vince’s question is no. He has never had anything to do with Brad Maddox nor The Shield.

Vince asks Paul if he ever lied in his life.

Paul says a long time ago he heard Vince’s father say adversity defines a man’s character in his darkest hour. Paul says that he knows where this is going, he has lied every day of his stinking life because he is a promoter and that is what promoters do. They lie to survive tonight to get to tomorrow. He has lied through his teeth, lied swearing to God, and lied on the souls of his parent. That is what he needed to survive.

With his career on the line, he has lied every day of his life, but he is not lying now.

Vince asks Paul if he is an honorable man.

Paul says that he is trying to be an honorable man and he hopes to learn from Vince. He has never been a saint and he wants to be here. If it takes being an honorable man to stay here, he will.

Vince wants a close up of this honorable face. Vince asks if this is an honorable face or an honest man.

Vince tells Paul that he wants to show Paul some footage and then he wants his comments.

Vince shows Paul footage of Vince talking with Brad Maddox in the back. Paul wants the camera off and while there is no video, the audio is still on. Paul says the show is cancelled. When CM Punk and him plucked Brad from obscurity. They brought him in as the referee to keep the title on Punk. They paid him and he kept coming back for more. Paul says that the Shield does not come back to them to get paid more. They pay the Shield for what they do and they are more effective.

We see the Shield come up behind Brad and Brad apologizes and says that he will leave. Paul tells Brad to take this like a man. Brad wants to apologize to Punk and let it go. Paul says that this is a learning experience. Paul leaves and the Shield beat up Maddox.

Vince wants to know what Paul has to say about that. Vince says that this is a personal performance review.

Paul says that wasn’t him. Paul says that his career is on the line. Paul says that Vince knows what it is like to be falsely accused. Paul says that he has been going through a lot. It wasn’t him.

Paul says that he has a thick New York/Jewish accent that is easy to imitate. We are in Las Vegas, a town full of impersonators. That is an impersonator doing a poor impersonation of Paul Heyman. He says that he is being set up because of envy and jealousy. It is because of his success with ECW and CM Punk.

Vince asks if that was Brad Maddox and The Shield. Paul says that was them. Vince asks if that was Paul Heyman. Paul says that it wasn’t him. Vince asks everyone if Paul is lying and deserves to be fired.

The crowd chants yes.

Vince says that he is going to wish Paul well in his future endeavors. Vince starts with the ‘You’rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre’ . . .

until Brock Lesnar makes his return. Brock does the Brock Bounce on the stage. Brock circles the ring and then he gets on the apron.

Paul tells Brock he had it under control.

Brock puts Paul in the corner. Brock gets in Vince’s face and we have a stare down.

Vince tells Brock if he was him, he wouldn’t do something that he would regret. Vince tells Brock to think about it.

Paul tells Vince to please leave the ring.

Brock looks at Vince and at Paul. Brock gets Vince up and he hits an F-5.

Paul begs Brock not to do any more. Brock does the Brock Bounce in the ring and then he looks at Vince one more time before leaving the ring.

We go to credits.


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