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COMPLETE WWE RAW REPORT: FINALLY . . . WE HAD THE TLC MATCH BETWEEN PUNK AND RYBACK; FINALLY . . . THE PIPE BOMB GOES NUCLEAR; FINALLY . . . THE ROCK ADDRESSES PUNK; AND MORE

By Richard Trionfo on 2013-01-07 23:06:09
We are back and it is time for a ‘Pre-Dwayne’ Pipe Bomb from CM Punk and he is accompanied by Paul Heyman and the WWE Title Belt.

Punk wipes some blood from his mouth onto his ‘Knees2Faces’ shirt.

Punk says that the time has come to tell everyone something personal. He keeps his ear to the ground and he hears everything that people have been saying. The words ‘pipe bomb’ have been misunderstood. No one understands what it means. A ‘pipe bomb’ in its truest form is the truth. It is honesty. It is what everyone lacks.

The perception of him is someone who is a little disgruntled and sat on a stage in Las Vegas and said pipe bomb. He became the voice of the voiceless and his ego might have gotten to be too much. Punk says that he turned his back on the people.

That is a lie. He tells people not to be mistaken. He meant everything he said . . . except ice cream because looking around the arena, the people don’t need ice cream. Punk says that he could have swallowed that bitter pill and accepted his position. He could have left the company. People think that he sold out. He says that people love to cheer for their superheroes.

The truth about Las Vegas and the WWE is that it does not matter if you are the best wrestler, talker, or make the two clowns sitting at ringside look bad . . . there is a glass ceiling. The more popular you are the more money you make. Punk says that is why John Cena, who had the worst year still got title matches. That is why Daniel Bryan puts a smile on his face and belittles himself. That is why Brodus Clay dirties his hands shucking and jiving with little kids. That is why Little Jimmy is better positioned on the flagship show than a workhorse like Tyson Kidd.

Punk says that everyone is falling for it. People cannot handle anything complicated or interesting. We are all here in the circus to entertain you. No one has been able to achieve a modicum of success without the people until he came around.

Punk says that he has become the most successful champion of all time, not just the modern era. Someone is probably getting ready to put it on a t-shirt. Punk says that he would have been champion for 20 or 30 years if he had to wrestle once a month. You never saw a Hulk Hogan wrestle a TLC match against Ryback. Punk says that he wrestles physically demanding match every week. His one year equals thirty years.

Punk says that he is successful not because of you, it is in spite of you.

Punk says that everyone has the same story that they do it for the people and then they do the cheap pop. Punk says that he watched Roddy Piper smash a coconut over Jimmy Snuka’s head and he never said that he was going to electrify the people of Tampa because he does not care.

Punk says that he is a bad guy. Ric Flair will come out and cry out his 182 year eyes out and say he did it for his fans. Shawn Michaels can lose and find his smile and then say that his entire career was done for the people. Edge can have his career ended and say that he misses doing it for the fans. Punk says that they are either weak or dishonest.

Punk says that he is the best in the world.

Punk says that there are two type of people. Those born to be in the spotlight and those born to pay to see the people in the spotlight.

He says that they were born to pay to see champions like him. Punk says that he has never done any of this for the people. There are superstars and there are nobodies. He is a superstar and everyone else is a nobody. If those people are your friends, why aren’t they giving you some of the millions and millions of dollars.

Punk says that he is being told to wrap it up and go to commercial break.

Punk says that you go to break when the champ wants to go to break. He tells everyone to listen up because the Rock is going to talk a whole lot. The most important thing you are going to hear is that you do not matter. What they want does not matter . . .

We go to commercial.

We are back and CM Punk is still in the ring and he says that he will be on the first Raw of 2014 still your WWE Champion. What fuels him is your constant disappointment in your self appointed superheroes and their inability to win the title.

Punk says that he will not let the Rock tear down everything that he attained. When he defeated Alberto Del Rio in Madison Square Garden in 2011, he beat the system. It did not matter who he defeated to keep the title, he was not beating just them, he was beating everyone. For 414 days, he has been beating them. He has stomped them out under his oppressive boot.

He does not care if the Rock is back, they do not get to win because they are losers.

Rock’s music interrupts CM Punk and he appears on the stage. He makes his way to the ring and he poses.

Rock circles Punk and he tells Punk that he had to hear it all. He wanted to wait until Punk was finished what he had to say so he could know what type of guy he is going to face at the Royal Rumble. He says that Punk is straight up delusional. He mentions 414 days as champion. That is incredible. The real number that haunts his dreams is 20. It is 20 excuses running around his mind. 20 hairs standing up on his Straight Edge Scrotum because in 20 days he will be defending his title against the Rock. They all know that in 20 days, Time’s Up.

Punk says that he wanted a revolution and that he rejected the people. Rock says that the people rejected Punk. He talks about change and revolution and he could not do it. He promised ice cream bars for everybody and Punk couldn’t do it. He says that Punk couldn’t deliver ice cream if Carvel, Dairy Queen, and Cookie Puss drove an ice cream truck up his ass.

Rock tells Punk to listen to the voices. He comes in and claims to be the voice of the voiceless but that is a bunch of hot garbage. There is no voiceless. They have voices and they love to use their voices.

They know something special is about to happen. They are going to use their voice to chant the loudest chant they ever heard. It will be something to follow Punk his entire life. They will chant what Punk is. They will chant ‘Cookie Puss’.

Punk tells them to be the puppets they are because Rock got the people to chant for ice cream the same way he did.

Punk says that the people and Rock don’t get to win.

Rock says that they have already won. That is something that Punk fails to realize. They won when the Rock woke up at 4:00 a.m. when he sent out his tweet. Then he went to the gym and ate his breakfast. He drove up I-75 and across Alligator Alley to say FINALLY . . . THE ROCK HAS COME BACK . . . TO TAMPA.

It isn’t just that the Rock is back, it is why he is back. 1) to entertain the fans; 2) to stop Punk; and 3) after ten long years, he is back to win the title. He has watched the show with Punk deceiving, back pedaling and lying.

Rock says that he would say to tell Punk to demand respect so he will shut up. Rock says that he wants to know if Punk has seen a doctor because he looks like Popeye on Crack.

He tells Punk that he has one of the most creative and innovative minds in the WWE but he failed to use it. He became the champion and the biggest jerk we have ever seen. He tells The Rock never to say that the people don’t matter. The people matter and they always matter. It is CM Punk who does not matter.

Punk says that he matters . . .

Rock says that it doesn’t matter if he matters. He tells Punk to get it in his head that there is no way that he will stop the Rock from becoming WWE Champion.

They circle each other and Punk puts the title belt on the mat between them.

Punk says that he is glad that Rock is back. He doesn’t care if he works 16 or 365 days a year. He will kick Rock’s ass. He doesn’t care how many movies Rock does. Every time Rock comes back, he will kick his ass. It is not Candy Land.

You can make fun of his t-shirt, you can talk about pie and rhyme and do his lame ass shtick. In three weeks, he will kick Rock’s ass because he is the best in the world. He tells Rock that he graduated from the kiddy table but he has moved to the major leagues. Punk says that he is swinging for the fences because everything that Rock is doing is kiddy games. When Rock stands in the ring, his arms are too short to box with God.

Rock tells Punk that he may think that the Rock is boxing with God. He knows for a fact that Punk is going one-on-one with The Great One. Not for one single second, he doesn’t know how bad and tough Punk is.

Rock remembers that Punk hit him with a GTS. He hurt and embarrassed the Rock. In twenty days, time’s up.

He tells Punk to go home and think about the next twenty days. He wants Punk to look in the mirror and strip naked. He tells Punk to look at his backside and try to find a small space not covered in ugly tattoos. He wants two more tattoos. On his left butt cheek, he wants Punk to get a big M&M. He tells Punk that he can’t put an Almond Joy on his butt because unlike Punk, they have nuts.

He tells Punk to get a tattoo of Rock’s size fifteen boot on the right cheek to remember how bad he will kick Punk’s candy ass at Royal Rumble.

Rock gives Punk a Rock Bottom and Punk goes to the floor. Rock holds the title belt and then throws it to Punk on the floor.

We go to credits.


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