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WWE MAIN EVENT REPORT: UNITED STATES MATCH; CESARO'S NEXT OPPONENT REVEALED?; BARRETT GAUNTLET IS NO BARRAGE

By Richard Trionfo on 2013-01-02 22:06:55
It is time to start the 2013 wrestling year on television and while 2012 ended with the Intercontinental Title on the line, the United States title is being defending in the first match of 2013.

Main Event is in Richmond, Virginia and your announcers are Michael ‘Baby New Year’ and the Miz.

The two Michaels are in the ring and they welcome everyone to the WWE in 2013. Cole says that we have breaking news. WWE doctor Michael Sampson evaluated CM Punk’s injured knee and the decision will air later in the show.

Michael Cole reminds us that Antonio Cesaro won the United States Title at SummerSlam and he has been on a role since. We see a video package for Cesaro. He says that he is taking the United States Title to a level that no American can reach.

Antonio says that video shows nothing. It was put together in minutes to awful music. Typical of American television. There was no nuance.

Miz interrupts Cesaro and says that every week it is the same sob story. Miz tells Antonio if he does not like America, he can take his Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate, his watches, and silk scarves, call SwissAir and get on the first flight out of here.

Cole interrupts and he asks Antonio if he will be able to beat Great Khali since he has not faced a man like him.

We see a Great Khali video package.

Matt is in the interview area with Khali and and Hornswoggle says that Khali will be the next United States Champion. Natalya says that she believes in Khali so much that he reminds her of her uncle Bret. Natalya asks her if he had enough water, did his yoga, and stretched. Natalya asks to hold it when he wins the title.

Khali tells everyone to stop and he says that they stress too much. Khali starts a USA chant and Hornswoggle and Natalya join in.

Antonio accepts the fact that he is the United States Champion for the United States of Antonio.

We see highlights from the battle royal that put Khali in this match.

Match Number One: Antonio Cesaro versus Great Khali (with Hornswoggle and Natalya) for the United States Title

Cesaro with a kick to the leg but Khali blocks a second kick and he sends Cesaro to the mat. Khali with elbows and kicks in the corner followed by forearms. Khali with a chop across the chest. Khali goes to another corner and he chops Cesaro again. Khali clotheslines Cesaro over the top rope to the floor. Cesaro takes his time getting back into the ring.

The crowd resumes its USA chant.

Cesaro goes for the leg and Khali with a chop and he sends Cesaro to the floor. Hornswoggle with a seated splash on Cesaro. Cesaro focuses on Hornswoggle but Natalya gets in the way. Khali pulls Cesaro up to the apron and then back into the ring.

Khali with a clothesline and Cesaro rolls to the floor to regroup. Khali starts to go over the top rope to the floor but Cesaro drops the leg on the top rope. Cesaro with kicks to the hamstring followed by elbow drops. Cesaro drives the elbow into the knee and then he drops down on the leg again. Cesaro with boots to the chest and he gets a near fall.

Cesaro continues to work on the leg but Khali with punches to get out of the hold. Cesaro goes to the apron. Cesaro goes up top and stomps on Khali’s leg before returning to the mat to work on the leg and knee.

Cesaro with kicks to the leg and then he leaps on Khali’s chest. Cesaro with an elbow drop and he gets a near fall. Khali kicks Cesaro away with his good leg and then he chops Cesaro from his knees. Khali with a back elbow and boot to the head as we go to commercial.

We are back and Khali waits for Cesaro to get up for a chop. Cesaro goes to the apron and then he drops Khali on the top rope. Khali with forearms to the back followed by a head butt. Khali with kicks to the chest followed by a chop. Khali with a clothesline in the corner and a short arm clothesline or two. Khali readies for the chop but Cesaro avoids it and hits an uppercut followed by a springboard uppercut. Cesaro tries to get Khali up for the Gotch Style Neutralizer and he hits it and gets the three count.

Winner: Antonio Cesaro

After the match, Matt Striker goes into the ring and commends Cesaro on his strategy in the match. Antonio interrupts Matt and he says that this is not about him hating the United States. It is about him being superior to everyone. After all, this is the land of opportunity. The opportunity for him to grab whatever he wants and there is nothing that you can do about it because you are soft.

If the pudgy little chipmunk has an issue with it, why not stop hiding behind the commentary booth and challenge him like a man.

Miz tells Cesaro to watch who he is talking to because his title reign will end prematurely, just like his baldness.

Cesaro says that he just beat a giant while Miz only cares about his hair and whether his tie matches his shirt.

Miz says that Cesaro just came off the boat. He is going to educate Cesaro. Miz says that Cesaro does not know the first thing about the USA. They like burgers, apple pie, watching television, and sleeping in our own beds. There is not tougher and more resilient group of people than the United States.

Even people who hate him, agree with him because when presumptuous Euro-Trash crosses them, he can bet his man purse that people will come together because that is what they do in the USA.

Miz says that he is not done yet because he ends with a catchphrase, but he is going to do something special. Miz says that Antonio is in America and . . . It’s AWESOME.

We go to commercial.

We see footage of Wade Barrett’s victory over Kofi Kingston to become the new Intercontinental Champion.

We go to commercial.

We are back and we take a look back at CM Punk not being medically cleared by his doctor, but there is NO CHANCE that Vince McMahon would accept a doctor’s opinion.

We have a Tout from Dr. Sampson and he says that Punk is cleared for competition on Raw.

The match will take place on Monday night between CM Punk and Ryback.

Kofi Kingston has joined Miz and Michael at the announce table. Michael reminds Miz that Kofi beat him for the Intercontinental Title. Kofi says that Wade might have beaten him on Monday but he will win the title on Smackdown.

Wade Barrett comes out and he tells Kofi to wait a minute. He wants to know if he heard Kofi right, saying that the victory was a ‘one time thing’.

Kofi says that he respects Wade as a competitor, but Kofi says that he made a mistake that he will not make again. Kofi says that title is part of him because he is a four time champion and he needs it back. The title means something to him, the people in the arena, and the WWE Universe.

Wade says that means that mediocrity won. It is time for a person with prestige to be the champion. A fighter, not a gymnast. Wade says Kofi will never get the title back from him. Wade says that he will challenge anyone to fight him in a gauntlet match. It won’t be for the title, but one by one, everyone falls victim to the Barrett Barrage.

We take a look back at the crap that happened at the end of Raw.

We go to commercial.

Match Number Two: The Wade Barrett Barrage Gauntlet (not for the title . . . of course)

Opponent Number One: Yoshi Tatsu

Yoshi with a few kicks in the air and Barrett with a Bull Hammer for the three count.

Winner: Wade Barrett

Opponent Number Two: JTG

Barrett with punches followed by a hard Irish whip. Barrett chokes JTG in the ropes. Barrett with a suplex for a near fall. Barrett with a reverse chin lock. JTG with punches but Barrett with a knee. JTG with a sliding uppercut followed by jabs. JTG with a flying back elbow and drop kick.

JTG leaps into the corner but Barrett pushes JTG off and then Barrett winds up for the Bull Hammer and connects and gets the three count.

Winner: Wade Barrett

Opponent Number Three: Justin Gabriel

Gabriel with a flying shoulder tackle followed by drop kicks and then he clotheslines Barrett over the top rope to the floor.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Gabriel with an arm drag into an arm bar. Barrett with a punch to Gabriel but Gabriel with a kick and punches. Barrett with a clothesline to send Gabriel over the top rope to the floor. Barrett sends Gabriel into the apron and then he has some words for Kingston before returning to the ring and Barrett gets a near fall.

Barrett with a knee and punches. Barrett works on the midsection and follows with a punch to the head for a near fall. Barrett stretches Gabriel. Barrett with a back heel kick to the midsection and then he sets for a pump handle slam and hits it and gets a near fall. Barrett chokes Gabriel in the ropes and then Barrett chokes Gabriel in the ropes facing him. Barrett with knees to Gabriel and follows with a boot to the chest and Gabriel goes to the floor.

Barrett rolls Gabriel back in and gets a near fall. Barrett goes to the turnbuckles and hits an elbow drop and gets a near fall. Barrett stretches Gabriel again. Gabriel with punches but Barrett with punches. They go back and forth. Gabriel with a series of kicks and then he flips over Barrett’s back and hits a spinning heel kick and forearm.

Gabriel with a cross body into the corner and then he hits a springboard cross body for a near fall. Gabriel goes for the quebrada and he hits it but he lands on the legs and Barrett is able to kick out. Gabriel tries for the STO but Barrett stops him. Barrett puts Gabriel on the apron and Gabriel tries for a slingshot move but Barret gets Gabriel on his shoulders. Barrett hits the Bull Hammer for the three count.

Winner: Wade Barrett

Opponent Number Four: Kofi Kingston

Barrett is in shock. Kofi with a springboard punch followed by clotheslines. Kofi with a drop kick followed by the Superman punch. Kofi with the Boom Drop. Kofi sets up for Trouble in Paradise. Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise and gets the three count.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

Next week, Sheamus will face Dolph Ziggler.

We go to credits.