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WWE RAW REPORT: PUNK VS. BRYAN; WHAT IS AJ THINKING?; A TALE OF TWO SECONDARY TITLES; IS THE FUNK GONE FROM RAW?

By Richard Trionfo on 2012-05-28 23:05:43
In the annual tradition of the WWE, this week’s episode of Raw is dedicated to the people who gave their lives to defend the United States.

We start off with the John Laurinaitis/John Cena/Big Show video package over what happened at Over the Limit and then on Raw.

We are live from New Orleans, Louisiana and your announcers are Michael ‘Are there any flags tonight’ Cole and Jerry ‘Happy Memorial Day’ Lawler.

Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwell, Big Show makes his way to the ring and he is dressed to talk.

Show has a smile on his face and he tells everyone that this is him doing his job. Show says that it was easy to make the people smile. He says that it was a calculated business decision because he made a living doing it. He was a business man who happened to be a giant.

All of that is over now. Show appreciates the ‘whats’ and he says that is why he loves them so much. Show says that he doesn’t have to smile now because he has an iron clad contract.

The crowd chants for John Cena and Show reminds us that he has an iron clad contract with a big bonus so he is set for life. Show says that he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants to whoever he wants and he doesn’t have to worry about having to put smiles on the people’s faces.

Show says that he is seven foot tall and four hundred forty one pounds. He is not an entertainer, he is a giant. There is no one in his league. There is no NFL player, NBA player, or phony UFC fighter, or anyone in the WWE who is in his league.

That is why not one WWE superstar came to his defense when he was at the most humiliating moment in his life, when he was begging for his job.

We see footage of what happened after Show was fired two weeks ago, and we see Brodus Clay and the Funkettes dancing with some members of the WWE Universe.

Show’s tears were not even dry in the ring and Brodus Clay was dancing. Two friends of his, Kofi Kingston and R Truth were yukking it up after he got fired. It was easy for everyone to move on.

Show calls the fans shallow and phony. After all that, there is one guy who disappointed him more than the fans. That person is John Cena.

Show says that he thought Cena was going to fight for him when Cena was in the ring with Laurinaitis. He thought Cena was going to threaten a mutiny in the locker room if Laurinaitis didn’t hire him back right away.

Instead we see what really happened and we see Cena calling Laurinaitis a loser many times.

Show says that Cena made jokes. Show says that he must be one big joke to everyone. Cena hurt him when he didn’t care. Last week, he hurt Cena and knocked him out twice in twenty four hours.

Show says that what he is going to do to John Cena at No Way Out is not going to be pretty. Cena will be standing across the ring from an unstoppable giant. Cena may think that his greatest loss happened at Wrestlemania to the Rock. Cena may think that he was beaten the worst by Brock Lesnar. Cena may think that he was embarrassed the most by losing to John Laurinaitis. Cena will suffer from all three at No Way Out and Show says that puts a smile on his face.

We go to commercial.

We are back with the WWE Rewind: Santino Marella versus Ricardo Rodriguez from Smackdown.

Match Number One: Santino Marella versus Alberto Del Rio with Ricardo Rodriguez in a Non Title Match

Del Rio with kicks and punches to Santino when the bell rings and the referee warns him. Del Rio sends Santino into the corner but he misses a charge into the corner and Santino with a hip toss and diving head butt. Santino reaches for his sock puppet but Del Rio with a kick and then he floats over and applies the cross arm breaker and Santino taps immediately.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

After the match, Del Rio takes Santino’s puppet while Ricardo rubs in the fact that Del Rio won.

Eve Torres is in the back and Alex Riley tells her that she is doing a great job. Big Show stops by and asks Alex if he knows Show. Eve tells Show that Johnny is letting him choose his opponent tonight.

Alex Riley tells Show that he doesn’t think that what Johnny did was right. Show tells Riley to calm down because he is not going to be his opponent tonight. Show has a message for Alex to give the WWE Locker Room and he sends Riley into the wall and walks away.

We go to commercial.

Match Number Two: Kofi Kingston and R Truth versus Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger with Vickie Guerrero for the WWE Tag Titles

Kofi and Swagger start off and Kofi with kicks to Swagger followed by a drop kick and Truth is tagged in. Truth and Kofi with a double hip toss and then Truth with a split followed by a spinning leaping leg drop for a near fall. Truth does a pelvic thrust and Swagger misses Truth and Swagger goes to the floor. Ziggler comes in and Kofi takes care of him. Kofi and Truth with a double drop kick and then they send Ziggler to the floor. Truth and Kofi with a double baseball slide and we go to commercial.

We are back and Swagger with Kofi’s arms trapped. We see footage from the break when Swagger knocked Kofi off the apron. Back to live action and Swagger and Kofi exchange punches in the corner and Kofi tries to get away but Swagger forces Kofi into the corner again and he connects with shoulders. Ziggler takes the opportunity to interfere when the referee was not looking.

Swagger with a slam and then he tags in Ziggler who hits a leaping elbow drop and gets a near fall. Ziggler with an arm bar. Ziggler hits the turnbuckles and both men are down. Kofi and Swagger tag in and Truth with a leg lariat and a rollup for a near fall. Truth with a kick and DDT for a near fall. Truth alley oops Kofi into Ziggler.

Swagger with a rollup for a near fall. Truth sends Swagger into the turnbuckles and Truth hits the Little Jimmy for the three count.

Winners: R Truth and Kofi Kingston

After the match, Ziggler yells at Swagger for losing the match and Ziggler says that he is better than this. Vickie begs for Dolph to come back but Ziggler walks up the ramp and to the back.

Santino is being helped in the back and Big Show stops Santino and the medical staff. Show says that he gets to pick his opponent and he picks Santino. He says that Santino wasn’t too choked up when he got fired.

Brodus Clay stops Show and tells him to say it to his face. Brodus tells Show to pick him so he can have something else to cry about.

Show tells Brodus to forget about dancing because he won’t be walking.

The Funkettes walk to Brodus’ side and we go to commercial.

We are back and it is time for John Laurinaitis to make his way to the ring. He comes to his ring in the People Power Mover with Eve Torres and The Official Travel Mug of the WWE David Otunga.

John introduces himself and he says that he has several announcements. Big Show will face Brodus Clay tonight. To ensure no interference in the main event at No Way Out, the match between Big Show and John Cena will be in a steel cage. Since his victory over John Cena at Over the Limit, he is the most popular WWE Superstar in history.

John says that he has proof and he mentions the WWE ’13 video game and he says that there is a groundswell of support for someone to be on the cover of the game. Eve and David reveal a cover for WWE ’13. He says that this game will be bigger than Pac Man.

CM Punk’s music plays and he makes his way to the ring. Punk assaults the People Power Mover before coming into the ring.

Punk looks at the mock up of the cover and he has a smile on his face. Punk says that Pac Man is a timely reference. Neither Pac Man nor John have any testicles. Punk says that there wasn’t a groundswell to put him on the cover. He says that John isn’t that popular at all. Being on the cover of WWE ’13 is prestigious.

Punk says that the actual person featured on the cover of WWE ’13 is a whole hell of a lot better looking than John.

We see the real cover and it is CM Punk whose face we see.

Punk says that his is a lot bigger than John’s. Punk says that Eve is looking at the cover. A wrestling video game with an actual wrestler featured on the cover, what a concept. Punk tells John to take the Hoeski and Carlton out of the ring with him.

Punk talks about the type of match that John is going to put him in tonight, but he has to beat Daniel Bryan so he tells John to get out of his ring. Punk says that he doesn’t think that John wants any more ammunition for the Board to aim at him.

John wishes Punk luck and then he leaves the ring with Otis and Miss Tessmacher. Punk takes the Laurinaitis cover and tries to kick a hole in it as we go to commercial.

We are back and we see what Daniel Bryan did to Kane on Smackdown.

Match Number Three: CM Punk versus Daniel Bryan

They lock up and Bryan with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Punk with a hip toss and arm drag into an arm bar and then he tries to contort Bryan’s body to add extra pressure. Bryan gets to his feet but Punk with a wrist lock. Bryan with a reversal and take down into a wrist lock. Bryan stomps on Punk’s elbow when he puts it on the mat and then he goes to a hammer lock on Punk.

Punk with elbows to get out of the hold. Bryan tries for a leap frog but Punk catches him and hits a reverse atomic drop. Punk with knee drops to the midsection and he gets a near fall. Punk with a body scissors as he continues to work on Bryan’s ribs. Punk turns it into a bow and arrow but Bryan escapes and gets a near fall with a lateral press. Punk gets a near fall but Bryan with a near fall after a jackknife cover. Punk bridge and tries for a back slide. Punk with a back breaker and he gets a near fall.

Punk drops Bryan on the top rope but Bryan drops Punk’s arm on the top rope and then Bryan with a knee from the top rope to the head. Bryan with a baseball slide and Punk goes to the floor. Bryan with another baseball slide but Punk moves. Punk with a kick and a springboard cross body and both men are down.

AJ Lee makes her way to ringside and we go to commercial.

We are back and Punk is kicking Daniel Bryan in the corner while AJ watches at ringside. We see footage from the commercial break when Bryan hit a running knee off the apron. Punk tries for a suplex but Bryan lands on his feet. Bryan flips out of the corner but he runs into a boot from Punk. Punk tries for a cross body from the turnbuckles but Bryan moves out of the way. Bryan with a running drop kick to Punk.

Bryan works on the arm and bends it in ways that the arm is not supposed to. Punk with kicks but Bryan returns to the arm and Punk goes down. Bryan sets for the running drop kick into the corner and he hits it. Bryan gets a near fall. Punk tries to keep his injured arm away from Bryan for the Yes Lock. Punk kicks Bryan but Bryan is able to get to the arm and Bryan hits a Northern Lights suplex and bridge for a near fall.

Bryan with an arm bar but Punk with forearms. Bryan returns to working on the shoulder to stop Punk. Punk with a knee to the midsection. Punk with kicks and punches to Bryan. Punk hits the leg lariat and clothesline followed by a swinging neck breaker for a near fall.

Punk hits the running knee into the corner but he cannot hit the bulldog. Punk with a rollup when Bryan misses a round kick and he gets a near fall. Bryan with European uppercuts but Punk with an Irish whip.

Bryan sends Punk to the apron and Punk with a shoulder followed by the springboard clothesline for a near fall. Punk goes up top for the elbow drop but Bryan recovers and he crotches Punk on the top rope. Bryan with a superplex and he gets a near fall. Bryan exposes the turnbuckle and AJ tells the referee. Bryan yells at AJ and Punk with a round kick and he gets a near fall.

Punk wants to know why AJ is out here. Punk pulls down the knee pad and Bryan sends Punk into the exposed turnbuckle and Bryan gets the three count.

Winner: Daniel Bryan

After the match, Kane attacks Bryan with a steel chair. Kane grabs Bryan by the throat and he choke slams Bryan on the steel chair.

AJ gives Punk a chair and Punk hits Kane with the chair. Punk looks at AJ and he wonders what to think of her actions.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Cole and Lawler mention that Chris Jericho is not here tonight because of an incident in Brazil.

Cody joins Michael and Jerry at the announce table.

Match Number Four: Christian versus Miz

They lock up and Miz with a side head lock. Christian with an elbow and back heel kick followed by a sunset flip from the turnbuckles but Miz rolls through and connects with a kick to the head for a near fall. Miz sends Christian into the corner and he punches Christian. Miz hits the Awesome clothesline and then he goes up top with a double sledge to the head for a near fall.

Miz with a reverse chin lock. Christian with punches but Miz with the Reality Check for a near fall. Miz with a knee to the back and then he applies a rear chin lock. Christian gets back to his feet but Miz runs him into the corner. Miz puts Christian on the top turnbuckle but Christian with punches and a missile drop kick for a near fall. Christian slingshots to the floor and he punches Miz. Christian with an inverted DDT to Miz.

Christian tries for the spear but Miz with a boot to the head but Miz can only get a two count. Miz punches Christian but Christian with boots to Miz and then he hits a back elbow from the turnbuckles. Christian sets for the Killswitch but Cody approaches the ring and then Miz gets a near fall. Christian misses a move from the turnbuckles.

Miz avoids the Killswitch but Miz misses the Awesome Clothesline and Christian hits the Killswitch followed by a frog splash for the three count.

Winner: Christian

John Laurinaitis says that he needs to talk to David and Eve so Eve tells Teddy Long to get him some coffee. John tells David Otunga that he is disappointed because David tapped out to the STF. John yells at Eve for not getting Sheamus to apologize. David tells John that he wants to face Sheamus tonight.

John wants to know if he can count on David and Eve because he won’t be around here forever.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Miz is still in the ring. He says that he wants that match stricken from the record books because it was not a title match. Miz says that he is the sole reason why John Laurinaitis is still in the WWE. Miz wants to know where his contract and title match are. Miz says that he is not going to leave the ring until . . .

Randy Orton’s music plays and he comes to the ring.

Miz tells Orton that he will end . . . it doesn’t matter because Orton RKOs Miz.

Dolph is in the back with Vickie and he tells her to get him out of the tag team. Vickie says that she will look into that.

Sheamus walks in the back, but before we go to commercial, we get comments from John Cena about Memorial Day.

Match Number Five: David Otunga with his Chris Masters pose and Wade Barrett jacket removal versus Sheamus

Otunga with a kick and punches but Sheamus sends Otunga into the turnbuckles and then he unloads with kicks. Otunga has a hip toss blocked and Sheamus with a short arm clothesline. Otunga drops Sheamus on the top rope and then he sends Sheamus into the turnbuckles and hits a clothesline for a near fall.

Otunga with forearms to the chest followed by a diving shoulder tackle for a near fall. Otunga with knees in the corner followed by clotheslines. Otunga poses and then he Irish whips Sheamus but Sheamus with clotheslines and then he sends Otunga to the apron for the forearms across the chest.

Sheamus hits the Air Raid Crash and then he turns around and hits the Brogue kick for the three count.

Winner: Sheamus

Brodus and the Funkettes dance in the back as we go to commercial.

We are back and it is time to take a look at the Dark Ages of WWE when Big Show knocked out the future of the WWE twice in two days.

Match Number Six: Brodus Clay with Funkettes versus Big Show in a Big Show picks his opponent, even though Show picked Santino Match

Before Show goes to the ring, he has something to say. Show says that he is a big fan of Brodus’. Show says that he thought he was a sell out when he put on a diaper and faced Akebono at Wrestlemania. Show says that he did embarrassing things during his career for business. Brodus is doing this nightly. Show says that Brodus can keep embarrassing himself and when the people get tired of seeing him dance, he can get some clown makeup and be the next Doink. The difference between Brodus and Doink is that Doink had talent.

Show with a spear to Brodus on the floor and then he kicks Brodus. Show chops Brodus on the floor while Cameron and Naomi hug each other in fear that their meal ticket is going to be leaving for a while.

Show sends Brodus into the ring post. Show decides to rearrange the announce table but Kofi Kingston and R Truth come to the ring to help Brodus but that backfires. Show breaks the table and he picks up a panel from the table. Show stands over Brodus and hits Clay in the back with the table. Show hits Brodus a second time and it was so forceful, it made all of the sound go away in the building. Show goes for a third shot and it connects.

Show grabs Truth and connects with a knee and then he sends Truth off the ropes. Kofi tries for Trouble in Paradise, but it is trouble for Kofi because Show sends Kofi into the ring announcer pit.

The fans chant for Cena but John knows better than to deal with Show. Show sends Truth into the steps. Show punches Clay in the head and Brodus is out.

The camera pans to the carnage at ringside and then we see what Show did tonight.

We go to credits.

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