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We are live from Corpus Christi, Texas and your announcers are Jerry ‘How I Met Your Mother’ Lawler, Michael ‘I miss Vintage Weekend Update’ Cole, and Matt ‘My ears are bleeding’ Striker.
We are told about the tournament to determine the Superstar of the Year before Dennis Miller is introduced.
Dennis says that he is glad to be here and he comments on the effect of the pyro. Dennis throws out a few comments that go over the fan’s heads. Dennis suggests that there are a few similarities between wrestling and politics and we see a photo of Nancy Pelosi and Vickie Guerrero. We see some other photos of wrestlers and politicians together. Dennis mentions how he has similar beliefs about the troops and he mentions USA Cares.
It is time for the first award and is being presented by the musical stars of WWE, R Truth and Jillian Hall. The first award is for ‘Best Tag Team’ and Jillian decides to belt out a song from the 1990s and it gets almost as good a reception as the opening monologue. Truth has new lyrics for his song and tells Jillian to ‘shut up’. The nominees are Chris Jericho and Big Show, Degeneration X, Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes, David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd. The winners are Chris Jericho and Big Show.
Chris and Show come out to accept their awards. Show looks happy while Jericho looks miffed about last night. Jericho wondered if the crowd was expecting someone else. Jericho says that he could feign surprise but they are the greatest tag team of this year or any other year. They should have won the award. Chris has two people to thank. First, he thanks Edge for being a coward and getting hurt to force them to relinquish the titles. He also thanks himself for choosing Big Show to be his partner.
Show has to stoop to talk into the mic and he says that despite what happened last night, they will regain (or retain as Show said) their titles in the near future. Jericho says that they have invoked their rematch clause and they will face DX tonight to prove that they are the best tag team of all time.
We go to highlights from the Tables match when John Cena lost the title to Sheamus.
We go to commercial.
We are back and William Regal is in the ring with Vladimir Kozlov and Ezekiel Jackson and we see footage from last week’s ECW when they were in a six man tag match.
Regal says that despite what happened last week, they are on the same page right now. Regal says that he has challenged Christian to find two partners for a match tonight.
Christian comes out and Regal wants to know who Christian found as his partner. Christian says that he has found people who have had problems in the past but want to annihilate Regal and his band of miserable men.
Match Number One: Vladimir Kozlov, William Regal, and Ezekiel Jackson versus Christian, Kane, and Great Khali
Khali and Kozlov start off and Khali blocks a kick and he sends Kozlov to the mat. Kozlov goes for the leg but Khali does not move. Khali with a big boot to Kozlov but Kozlov tags Jackson into the match. Khali with a punch and Christian tags in and goes up top for a cross body and gets a near fall. Christian with a punch to Jackson and then he punches Regal. Jackson with a back breaker and a forearm to the back. Regal tags in and he connects with a knee to the back. Regal with a knee to the head and then he puts Christian on the turnbuckles. Kane is tagged in and he hits a clothesline into the corner followed by a vintage side slam. Kane goes up top and hits the clothesline to the side of the head but Kozlov breaks up the cover. Jackson tags in and he hits a clothesline but Kozlov makes a blind tag and he runs into a big boot. Khali tags in and hits the chop to the head for the three count.
Winners: Christian, Kane, and Great Khali
It is time for the next award to be presented. The next award is for Breakout Star and presenting are Tiffany and Teddy Long. Tiffany talks about the New Superstar Initiative and then we see the nominees: Sheamus, Drew McIntyre, Abraham Washington, and Yoshi Tatsu.
The winner is Sheamus. Sheamus comes out with his title belt and he accepts his award. Sheamus says that he figures everyone is taking him seriously now. He asks John Cena if he is taking him seriously. He is not a footnote because he beat John Cena. Sheamus mentions the greats who are in the Hall of Fame who never won the WWE Title like Roddy Piper, Curt Hennig, and Ricky Steamboat. Sheamus tells Cena that he is never getting the title back.
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time for Cole, Lawler, and Striker to talk about John Cena. Striker is not impressed with Cena and he wants to talk about the other three nominees. The nominees are CM Punk, the Undertaker, Randy Orton, and John Cena. Instead of voting, the winner will be determined by a four man tournament.
Match Number Two: Cody Rhodes versus Kofi Kingston
Cody comments to Kofi about his arm and the wrap on his upper arm. They lock up and Cody backs Kofi into the corner and Cody goes for the arm but Kofi gets out of the way. Kofi with a side head lock and Kofi with a shoulder tackle and he shows some pain. Kofi with a kick and drop kick followed by a leaping clothesline. Kofi with the Boom Boom Leg Drop and Ted DiBiase comes out and attacks Kofi. Evan Bourne comes out to make the save.
No Contest
Dennis Miller appears and he announces that we will have a tag match involving these four men. And he also tells Jeremy Piven and Al Sharpton to ‘suck it’ after he gives himself a Slammy.
Match Number Two and a Half: Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase versus Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston
The match restarts with Kofi and Evan hitting suicide dives as we go to commercial.
We are back and DiBiase with a chin lock on Kofi. We see footage during the commercial when Cody took advantage of the injury to Kofi from last night. Cody and Ted with quick tags and Ted with a double sledge from the turnbuckles. DiBiase with a near fall on Kofi. Kofi with a punch but DiBiase with a snap mare and a kick to the arm. Cody tags back in and he drops a knee on the arm before tagging Ted back in. DiBiase with a key lock to the injured arm and Kofi with an escape and back body drop before he tags in Bourne who hits a running head scissors to Cody followed by a leg lariat. Bourne knocks Ted off the apron and then he hits a double knee take down for a near fall on Cody. Ted sends Kofi to the floor and Bourne sends Ted to the floor. Rhodes hits CrossRhodes for the three count.
Winners: Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase
We go to commercial.
We are back and did you know that there is still more than 2 hours of show left . . . and the WWE does a lot with the military.
It is time for more awards to be presented and we return to Dennis Miller doing his best David Letterman Oscars imitation. Dennis introduces the next presenters and it is Vickie Guerrero and Santino Marella. Vickie throws out an Excuse Me or two. Vickie talks about special moments that have left audiences speechless. Vickie mentions her return to Smackdown. Santino comments on Vickie’s weight. It is time for Shocker of the Year and the nominees are: Randy Orton IEDDTing Stephanie McMahon; Batista attacking ‘HIS FRIEND’; CM Punk retires Jeff Hardy; and Sheamus runs Mark Cuban through a table.
The winner is CM Punk rids Smackdown and WWE of Jeff Hardy. Punk is excited to win and he accepts his award with pride. He pulls a James Cameron and we go to commercial.
We are back and Kane will be on ECW tomorrow night.
CM Punk is in the ring with his award and he has a list of people he wanted to thank but he figures that the people of Corpus Christi would not be quiet enough to listen. Punk thanks himself because without himself, this year would not be possible. Punk says that he was champion twice, won Money in the Bank for the second time, and is the only man who would tell everyone that they are throwing their lives away. He says that he speaks the truth and he does not care if people don’t like it. Punk says that his crowning achievement was getting rid of the Charismatic Enabler. He says that he is the first straight edge Slammy Award winner. He says that he will become the Straight Edge Superstar of the Year.
Match Number Three: CM Punk versus John Cena in a Superstar of the Year Semifinal Match
They lock up and Cena with a side head lock and Cena with a shoulder tackle. Punk with a drop kick and he gets a near fall. Punk with an Irish whip followed by a knee in the corner and a bulldog. Punk with a key lock as he isolates the arm. Cena powers out and he kicks Punk but Punk tries for the Go To Sleep but Cena counters it and puts Punk in the STF. Punk reaches for the ropes and Cena pulls Punk into the center of the ring and Punk taps.
Winner: John Cena
After the match, Cena gets on the mic and he congratulates Sheamus on being the new WWE champion. He says that he needs to take a second to apologize to anyone he let down last night. He says that you can try so hard at something and be prepared yet fail. Cena says that when you fail it is painful and it causes sadness and disappointment. He says that a man’s character is not judged after celebrating a victory, it is when your back is against a wall. No matter how great the setback and how severe the failure, you never give up. You pick yourself up and you move on. Cena says that there were some who might have lost faith in him. Cena wants to talk to those who still believe and still stand in his corner. He says that the WWE Universe is all that he has. He says that what happened at TLC will never happen again. He says that his Road to Wrestlemania starts right now and he looks for a graphic to point at. Cena says that he will not be stopped. Cena give a headline for WWE.com and he says that he is going to pull a Jack Swagger and not lose until he becomes WWE Champion again.
In case you missed the opening video package because YOUR FRIEND forgot to tell you it was a three hour Raw, we get to see it again.
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time for the Match of the Year Slammy to be presented and it is presented by Triple H and he is decked out in the overstock of DX merchandise. Hunter reminds us that they will be defending the titles later tonight. First, he has an award to present and he gives us a vintage ‘are you ready’. The nominees are: Shawn Michaels versus The Undertaker from Wrestlemania 25 (the 24th Anniversary); John Cena versus Randy Orton from Breaking Point in the I Quit Match; Jeff Hardy versus Edge from Extreme Rules in a Ladder Match and Punk’s victory minutes later; The Lots of People Tag Match from Bragging Rights. The winner is Shawn Michaels versus Undertaker.
Shawn Michaels comes out to accept the award. Hunter tells everyone that they need to buy the DVD to see this match. Shawn says that he has had the good fortune to win this award the last two years. Shawn mentions that he won it last year for beating Ric Flair. This year, he could not beat the Undertaker, but he is proud of what they accomplished in Houston that night. Shawn says that he can beat Undertaker and Taker knows it. Shawn throws out a challenge for Undertaker to meet one more time at Wrestlemania.
We go to commercial.
Coverage continues on next page
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