Last night I
attended the Jim Rose Circus vs. Jake "the Snake" Roberts show in
Seattle, Washington at the Showbox Theatre.. I have been a fan of Jim Rose
since 1992 when I first saw his troupe perform at Lollapalooza, and I
have been a Wrestling fan since 1983. I have been looking forward to last
night's show since I first found out about this tour. Seattle was the second
stop on the tour. The evening started with a band called the Super Geek
League. They were the highlight of the evening, Think Gwar updated for 2009
with the addition of 3 amazingly beautiful women. They are a 14 piece band
that was just off the hook exciting. So far we were off to a good start.
After a brief
intermission while the band removed their equipment, Jim Rose came out on
stage and proceeded to try and amuse us with the exact same jokes he has
been doing since 1992. He started out doing a couple of his sideshow tricks,
Swallowing four razor blades and a piece of string then supposedly regurgitating
them back up all connected by the string. He then did the Human Blockhead
where he sticks a spoon into his naval cavity. Both tricks are sideshow
staples and have even been featured on America's Got Talent this year (that
guy used a power drill instead of a spoon). He then invited someone on stage
to break some bottles and then poured them out in a stack of previously
broken glass. If you have seen the Jim Rose show before you would know what's
next, he finds a piece of paper in the glass and talks about how paper cuts
are the worst (same jokes since 1992 again), then has an audience member
step on his head while his face is in the glass.
The next act
was BB the Circus Queen (Jim's wife of 22 years). She proceeded to have a
live scorpion placed on her face and in her mouth and then she put a china
plate on her belly and Jim dropped a bowling ball on it breaking the plate.
So far, all the same old stuff.
The next act
was the Human Dart Board, some big fat guy comes out in a kilt with a
dartboard attached to a 2 x 4 down the center of his spine. Jim then spends
the next 20 minutes inviting audience members on stage to try and get a
bulls eye and whoever does gets a poster. This went on for what seemed like
forever. Most people missed the dart board all together and the darts landed
in the guys backfat.
Some local
circus guy came out next and hung a cinder block from giant hooks in his eye
socket while the Human Dartboard and another fat guy in a kilt broken the
cinder block with a sledgehammer.
The Wrestling
portion begins next, so let me set the stage for you. No wrestling ring,
just a tiny club stage 3 feet off the floor with a Jim Rose vs. Jake Roberts
poster on the wall behind it. No ring, no ropes, no nothing.
Jim introduced
SiNn BowHdie (Kizarny) who came out and acted all babyface in full gimmick
and outfit. Then out of the crowd 14 different local indy wrestlers attacked
him one at a time, a couple of clotheslines, a couple of body slams and hip
tosses and Kizarny cleans house. (All on an empty stage)
Jim then
brought out Jake Roberts, The crowd started a "DDT" chant, and the
local guys started attacking Kizarny again until Jake, in a dirty T-shirt
and blue jeans, makes the save with a kick to one of the guys legs, then
throws a forearm across the guys back to allow Kizarny to make another
comeback.
Jim then
says that its time to make some money and starts having BB staple $1 bills
to Kizarnys head. At this time for some reason Kizarny decides to
attack BB the circus queen and Jake makes the save with another lame forearm
to the back of Kizarny. They act like they are going to fight until Jim Rose
says this show is about "Peace and the Brotherhood and not fighting."
He says they will settle this with an arm wrestling match. They bring out
the most gimmicked folding table I have ever seen, The metal supports were
cut out of the middle (but not the ends) and proceeded to lock up in an arm
wrestling challenge. Kizarny headbutts Jake and Jake is on the floor.
Jim then said we will settle this the circus way with challenges.
Challenge # 1 -
Hand Challenge
Jake must put
his hand on a table and smash his finger with a can of Minestrone soup. (You
cannot make this stuff up.)
Jake places his
hand down and then proceeds to slam the can onto his middle finger.
Kizarny must
place his hand into a raccoon trap. He places a carrot in his mouth and sets
the carrot in the trap snapping it in half. Then he places his hand in the
trap.
Challenge # 2 -
Testicular Challenge
Jake's
Challenge - Jake sits on the ground and they place a cinderblock between his
legs and crush it with a sledgehammer.
Kizarny's
Challenge - Kizarny stands up while a china plate is held in front of his
crotch and crushed with a sledgehammer.
Then all hell
breaks loose, Kizarny attacks Jake, misses a clothesline and Jake grabs
Kizarnys' head, signals for the DDT thru the table. Jake falls with
all his weight onto the table and Kizarny misses the table altogether and
sells the DDT like he is dead. Jakes leaves the stage, comes back with a
chain and punches Kizarny in the head. He again leaves the stage and comes
back with a snake. This is the sad part, he acts like he is tying the snake
around Kizarny's neck and then Kizarny starts wriggling around the stage and
falls with all of his weight onto 1/2 the snake. Poor snake. Jake raises his
hands, end of show.
I can sum up
the show this way, LAME, LAME, LAME, Disgrace to the business and a total
waste of 2 hours and $20.
Bang On Casino
