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Raw Report for March 19, 2007
by Richard Trionfo
We are less than two weeks from Wrestlemania 23 and that means that we only have six more new television shows to push the Battle of the Billionaires match where either Vince McMahon or Donald Trump will get a hair cut in front of more than seventy-thousand people in Detroit. There are other matches on the show and we might get some build for those as well. Tonight is also a Wrestlemania Reversal show as we will see John Cena face Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels will face Bradshaw. What surprises will Bradshaw have in store for Shawn Michaels? When will we see Cryme Time get their title match against John Cena and Shawn Michaels? Will Ashley Massaro be on this week’s show to set up her match with Melina for the women’s title? If she is there, will Ashley have her giant cover from her Playboy? Will we see Mick Foley this week to push his new book? Is Steve Austin going to appear this week? Will Edge and Randy Orton be on the same page or will they still have issues after Orton was thrown to the wolves on ECW when he had to face Bobby Lashley? Are Johnny Nitro and Joey Mercury a team or did the coin land on tails to break them up?
We start off tonight with a graphic in memory of the passing of Arnold Skaaland.
We are live from Indianapolis, Indiana and your announcers are Jim ‘Don’t ask me about Randy Savage, but read my blog’ Ross and Jerry ‘Home of Wrestlemania VII, check out Buck and Mike’s retrospective of the show in the audio section’ Lawler.
The lights go out and the glow sticks are up as Shawn Michaels comes to the ring for his opening match.
The JBLimo arrives in the arena and Bradshaw exits wearing a suit instead of his wrestling gear. Bradshaw says that he just flew in from Wall Street and he is wearing his $8,000 custom suit because he was told that he has a match with Shawn Michaels. Bradshaw enters the ring and says that somebody did not get the memo. Nobody tells JBL what to do nor when to do it. It is damn sure that he is not going to be told to get out of retirement. If he does come out of retirement, it will be on his terms in and in his home city of New York, not in freaking Indiana. HBK versus JBL is not going to happen. Bradshaw says that it is not like Shawn has enough problems. In less than two weeks, Michaels will get his ass kicked by John Cena at Wrestlemania. He has had time after time and opportunity after opportunity to kick Cena’s head off his shoulders, but he did not it. Bradshaw calls Michaels an egotistical prick. Bradshaw says that Michaels is a lightning rod. He has seen Michaels play mind games with his opponents and they were beaten before they got through the ropes. Bradshaw says that Michaels has doubts because when he looks in the mirror and looks deep into his soul he knows that he cannot beat John Cena. Bradshaw says that Michaels does not take the shot because Michaels knows that he can’t do it. Maybe the fans won’t cheer for him, so he gets religion. It means that win or lose, the people will cheer for him even if he does not try. Bradshaw calls Michaels pathetic and he says that if he was not retired, he would kick Michaels’s ass himself.
Michaels takes the mic and he says that he had no idea that it would turn into a verbal spat. One of them came here to fight. With all of the accusations thrown his way, it is time to counter. He does not care about respect because he has it from everyone since he earned it. As far as mind games, maybe no mind games is the greatest mind game of them all. Michaels says that he has no doubts that the can and will defeat John Cena to become the WWE Champion. There is one thing that they can agree upon. Nobody tells Shawn Michaels what to do and when to deliver Sweet Chin Music. He says that he does it when he wants and when you least expect it. It may happen tonight. It may happen next week. It might not happen until Wrestlemania. There is one thing that they can tell with absolute certainty . . . Michaels gives Bradshaw Sweet Chin Music and Bradshaw is down in the ring. It is not going to happen after he knocks Bradshaw’s head off.
Shawn leaves the ring with Bradshaw’s hat and does the crotch chop on the Rawest Ramp in sports entertainment as we go to commercial.
We are back and we are reminded of the Battle of the Billionaires match at Wrestlemania. Time for the tale of the tape featuring topics as ‘Family Ties’, ‘children’, and ‘women issues’.
Edge is in the locker room reading WWE magazine and Randy Orton enters wanting to know why Edge sold him out last week. Orton says that Edge got himself ejected from ringside on purpose. Edge tells Orton to calm down. Orton says that he talked to Vince McMahon about the ‘last chance battle royal’ and that is for Edge’s spot in the match. Orton says that since they did not take out Bobby Lashley and he failed them that Edge’s spot is on the line. Orton says that it is a good thing that Vince is nice enough to give Edge a chance to keep his own spot in the match.
Chris Masters is in the ring for the Master Lock Challenge. We see highlights of the people who have fallen to the Master Lock Challenge. This week’s challenger is ECW Champion Bobby Lashley. Lashley sits in the Master Lock Chair for the Challenge. Masters slaps Lashley in the back of the head and Lashley gets up and slaps Masters. The Master Lock is applied to Lashley and Lashley tries to escape. Lashley gets down to one knee, but he returns to his feet and tries to escape. Lashley is able to get out of the Master Lock. We go to commercial.
We are back with a video package where Ashley comments on her Playboy photo shoot.
We have a Moments Ago Moment of Bobby Lashley breaking the Master Lock and then we see Lashley rub his bald head.
We see Vince McMahon clapping for Bobby Lashley in the back. He congratulates Bobby for breaking the Master Lock. Vince tells Bobby that his man Umaga is going to break Lashley. Then he will break Trump’s ego when he shaves Trump bald. Vince tells Lashley that since someone threw his gear into the parking lot, he should leave as well. Vince has a security escort for Lashley. Bobby smiles at Vince before leaving.
Vince walks and sees Maria. Vince comments on Maria’s dress and earrings. Eugene bumps into Vince and he spills coffee on him. Vince tells Eugene that he made a boo boo. Eugene says that accidents happens and he hopes Eugene doesn’t have an accident when he competes tonight. Vince tells Coach to get him Umaga. Ron Simmons shows up and it is time for the DAMN moment of the week.
We are reminded that Edge lost his spot in the Money in the Bank match, but it is now open for a nine man battle royal(e).
Jim Ross talks about the passing of Arnold Skaaland. Jim and Jerry talk about Skaaland and Jim says that Arnold is probably playing cards with Gorilla Monsoon in heaven. It is time for a video package for Arnold Skaaland. We go to commercial.
We are back with
Match Number One: Last Chance Battle Royal(e) for the final spot in the Money in the Bank Match
The participants in the match are Super Crazy, Viscera, Val Venis, Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin, Kenny Dykstra, Ric Flair, Johnny Nitro, Carlito, and Edge.
The men square off until they all focus on Viscera and they toss the big man over the top rope to eliminate him. Carlito goes after Super Crazy and then Val Venis before Haas and Edge work over Venis. Benjamin attacks Flair in the corner. Haas tries to eliminate Nitro. Edge is outside the ring and he favors his knee. Flair punches Super Crazy and then chops him. Benjamin throws Nitro over the top rope, but Nitro holds on to the ropes and he returns to the ring. Haas punches Carlito but Flair chops Haas. Venis tries to eliminate Dykstra but Dykstra holds on to the ropes and rolls in under the bottom rope. Dykstra punches Venis in the corner. Nitro punches Carlito and Flair chops Dykstra. Crazy works over Haas and Benjamin. Crazy is eliminated by Haas and Benjamin and we go to commercial.
We are back and the Battle Royal(e) continues. During the commercial break, Val Venis was eliminated by Johnny Nitro and Carlito eliminated Charlie Haas. We return to live action and Nitro and Dykstra work over Carlito while Benjamin works on Flair. On the floor, Edge is getting medical attention on his leg. Benjamin with a back body drop to Flair and he punches the Nature Boy. Nitro sends Carlito to the apron but Carlito knocks Nitro back into the ring. Dykstra punches Carlito and they both fight on the ropes. Dykstra is knocked back into the ring. Benjamin leaps to the top turnbuckle and punches Carlito, but Benjamin is pushed from the top turnbuckle to the floor by Flair and Benjamin is eliminated. Flair drops Dykstra on the top rope and he chops Dykstra to eliminate him. Nitro is eliminated by Carlito and we are down to Carlito and Flair inside the ring. Carlito ducks a chop and he tries to eliminate Flair. Carlito with punches while Flair chops Carlito. Carlito hits the springboard back elbow to Flair and follows that with a knee. Carlito sends Flair over the top rope, but he lands on the apron. Flair with a thumb to Carlito’s eye and he chops Carlito. Carlito with an elbow when Flair charges into the corner. Carlito tries to use a head scissors to eliminate Flair, but Flair holds on. Flair with a back body drop to eliminate Carlito. Edge returns to the ring and he interrupts Flair’s celebration to win the match.
Winner: Edge
We see footage of Edge’s ‘injury’ to keep him out of the match until Flair ‘won’ the match only to have that spot stolen back by Edge.
We will have the ‘first look’ at the Condemned starring Steve Austin tonight on Raw.
There is NO CHANCE that Vince McMahon would not come out to the ring. He has security take the barber shop set to the ring. We go to commercial.
We are back with the Slam of the Week: Donald Trump and Vince McMahon from last week.
Vince McMahon is on the mic and the barber shop has been moved to ringside. Vince introduces the man who will take him on to victory. The man who will crush the ECW champion Bobby Lashley. He brings out the Samoan Bulldozer Umaga.
Umaga comes to the ring with Armando Alejandro Estrada.
Eugene comes to ringside and he is mesmerized by the barber pole.
Match Number Two: Umaga (with Armando Alejandro Estrada) versus Eugene
Umaga knocks Eugene off the apron and to the floor. Umaga sends Eugene into the ring steps and then rolls Eugene back into the ring. Umaga with a head butt to Eugene followed by a kick to the chest and a splash using the ropes. Umaga with another splash to Eugene. Umaga punches Eugene and sends him into the corner. Umaga backs up and he hits the running butt splash into the corner. Umaga picks up Eugene and hits the Samoan Spike for the three count.
Winner: Umaga
Vince leaves the ring with Umaga and Estrada, but Vince has second thoughts. Vince tells Umaga to beat the hell out of Eugene. Eugene is put into the barber chair and Vince tells them to strap him in. Vince tells Trump that this is going to happen to him at Wrestlemania. Vince says that he is going to be overjoyed. Vince tells Umaga to choke Eugene out. Vince grabs the scissors and he cuts Eugene’s hair. Vince grabs some clippers and says that he is going to cut Eugene’s hair, just like he will do it to Trump at Wrestlemania. Vince says that it is symbolic of cutting everyone’s hair. Vince says that he is going to give Trump a billionaire bitch slap and then he slaps Eugene. Umaga spins Eugene around in the chair and then Umaga knocks it over. Vince tells them to take Eugene to the back to finish the job. We go to commercial.
We are back and Candice Michelle is in the ring. Candice comments on the crowd and she says that she has been reading Melina’s blog about Ashley and how Playboy cover girls cannot compete with her in the ring. Candice points out that she is a Playboy cover model and if Melina has a problem with women like her, come out and do something about it.
Melina comes out and she tells Candice to keep mouthing off because everyone knows that the only reason she has a job is because she can take off her clothes. She says that people like Candice piss her off. She says that it does not take a lot of talent to do the Go Daddy spin. Melina says that none of the Playboy cover girls have any talent. She proved it last week against Torrie Wilson. She can prove that to Candice tonight. She will prove it to Ashley in two weeks at Wrestlemania. Melina says that Playboy has been trying to contact her for months but she turned Playboy down because it is beneath her. Candice says that Melina does not turn much down and has been beneath a lot of people. Candice says that she will take off her clothes for the fans and she challenges Melina to a bra and panties match. Melina accepts the challenge and calls Candice a bitch. Melina comes to the ring as we go to commercial.
Match Number Three: Melina versus Candice Michelle in a Bra and Panties Match
The match is joined in progress and Melina has a head scissors on Candice and she tries to take off Candice’s top, but Candice with a kick to Melina’s head. Candice with a head scissors and she removes Melina’s skirt. Candice does the Go Daddy twirl and Melina with a baseball slide. Melina takes off Candice’s top. Candice with an elbow followed by a snap mare and she tries to take off Melina’s top. Melina with a head scissors take down and she punches Candice in the midsection. Candice and Melina each have the other in a head scissors but they get to the ropes. Melina pulls Candice down by the hair and then Melina removes Candice’s pants to win the match.
Winner: Melina
After the match, Ashley Massaro comes to the ring and they have a stare down. Melina pushes Ashley but Ashley with a kick and then she pulls over Melina’s top and Melina covers up outside the ring.
The Great Khali comes out and Melina attacks Ashley from behind and she punches Ashley. Melina gets out of the ring but Ashley is still in there as Khali stands over the Playboy cover girl. Khali picks Ashley up and she grabs her for a choke slam. Jerry Lawler gets into the ring and he kicks Khali in the leg before he can choke slam Ashley. Khali grabs Lawler and then he picks Lawler up for a vertical choke slam. Khali leaves the ring and walks to the back. We go to commercial.
We are back with a Moments Ago Moment of Jerry Lawler saving Ashley Massaro when it looked like the Great Khali was going to destroy the Playboy cover girl. We see what happened to Lawler.
It is time for the next Battle of the Billionaires video package with the latest set of predictions for who would get their head shaved.
Todd Grisham has joined Jim Ross at ringside.
Match Number Four: Jeff Hardy versus Randy Orton
Orton backs Hardy into the corner on a collar and elbow tie up. Orton misses a punch and Hardy with an arm drag into an arm bar. Orton with an Irish whip but Orton misses a charge. Hardy with an arm drag into an arm bar. Orton punches Hardy and then he hits a back breaker followed by the Garvin Stomp for a two count. Orton with a Boston Crab on Hardy but Hardy gets to the ropes and Orton releases the hold. Hardy punches Orton but Orton punches back. Orton with a kick but Hardy with a flying clothesline. Hardy with clotheslines and a mule kick for a two count. Orton with an Irish whip but Hardy hits Whisper in the Wind.
From out of nowhere, Edge comes to the ring and he pulls out a ladder and puts it in the ring. Orton hits Hardy with the ladder and the referee calls for the bell.
Winner: Jeff Hardy (by disqualification)
Edge and Orton have words but Hardy kicks Orton and hits a Twist of Fate on Orton. Edge heads to the back while Hardy sets up the ladder and he climbs the turnbuckles for a leap frog leg drop onto Orton. We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time for a look at The Condemned starring Steve Austin.
Jim Ross says that Austin is the biggest hell raiser in the WWE and he will be the biggest hell raiser in Hollywood.
We run through the card for Wrestlemania 23:
Umaga versus Bobby Lashley in the Battle of the Billionaires with guest referee Steve Austin
Edge versus CM Punk versus Randy Orton versus King Booker versus Matt Hardy versus Jeff Hardy versus Ken Kennedy versus Fit Finlay in the Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Melina versus Ashley Massaro for the WWE Women’s Title
Kane versus Great Khali
Batista versus Undertaker for the World Title
Shawn Michaels versus John Cena for the WWE Title
Vince McMahon is on the phone in the McOffice. He tells someone to hold off until the right time to ‘drop the bomb’ for the crowd. Vince says that next week, Bobby Lashley will face him on Raw. Coach asks Vince if he thinks that is a good idea. Coach says that he agrees with everything that Vince does and says, but he cannot condone Vince going into the ring. Coach says that he does not think that Vince can beat Lashley. Vince says that he will beat Bobby Lashley, humiliate him, and pin Lashley. Vince says that he guaran-DAMN-tees it.
Shawn Michaels comes out to the ring to join Jim Ross and Todd Grisham for the Benoit/Cena match.
We go to an Earlier Tonight moment of Shawn Michaels giving Bradshaw Sweet Chin Music. We go to commercial.
Shawn has joined Todd and Jim at the announce table, but we go to an Earlier Tonight Moment of Umaga destroying Eugene followed by Vince McMahon cutting Eugene’s hair and shaving his head.
We see Eugene in the back wondering why it was him and he cries.
Match Number Five: Chris Benoit versus John Cena
Benoit and Cena lock up and Benoit backs Cena into the corner. Benoit with a chop but Cena with punches. Benoit with a series of knees and head butts followed by more chops and Cena goes to the apron and then he is kicked to the floor. Benoit with knees to Cena on the floor and then he slams Cena’s head into the announce table. Cena blocks a German suplex and then Cena almost hits Michaels. Benoit rolls Cena back into the ring and he hits a snap suplex for a two count. Benoit slams Cena’s head into the top turnbuckle followed by a chop. Benoit with a belly-to-back suplex followed by a snap elbow drop for a two count. Benoit chops Cena in the corner and they move around the ring. Benoit with an Irish whip, but Benoit charges into a boot. Cena punches Benoit and slams Benoit’s head into the turnbuckle. Cena with an Irish whip and he charges into a boot from Benoit. Benoit with a dragon screw leg whip and then he puts Cena in the Sharpshooter. Benoit pulls Cena into the center of the ring but Cena wills his way to the ropes to break the hold. Benoit and Cena exchange punches but Benoit with the Hat Trick German suplex combination. Benoit goes up top for the diving head butt but Cena moves out of the way and both men are down. Cena with a flying shoulder tackle followed by the Blue Thunder Driver and the five knuckle shuffle. Cena sets for the FU but Benoit gets out of the hold and he tries for the Crippler Crossface. Cena avoids the hold and he puts Benoit in the STFU and Benoit taps.
Winner: John Cena
After the match, Shawn Michaels gets into the ring and he teases hitting Sweet Chin Music but stops short. He says that he almost got him. Shawn tells him that Cena knows that Michaels can get him at any time. Cena gets Michaels up in the FU and then lets him go. Cena tells Michaels that he can do it too.
Bradshaw comes out and he wonders why they cannot get along. Bradshaw says that they will have to do it next week. There will be two main events. In addition to Vince McMahon versus Bobby Lashley we will see a rematch of No Way Out with Cena and Michaels facing Undertaker and Batista. The lights go out and the building turns blue as we go to credits with Taker’s music playing.
Raw Thoughts:
Does this mean that Chris Benoit has been in more matches on Raw in the last month than Chris Benoit has been involved in on his own brand?
When Bradshaw came out wearing a suit, did anyone think that one of two things would happen. 1) Bradshaw would get Sweet Chin Music or 2) The annual return of Marty Jannetty? I guess it was better that it was sweet chin music because it would take less time and would allow for more time for Vince to talk about his ‘match’ at Wrestlemania.
Why was it a shock that Bobby Lashley would be the man to take part in the Master Lock Challenge when IT WAS ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE WWE WEBSITE!!!
Does Bobby Lashley get the money that Masters was offering for someone to escape the Master Lock?
While I am not normally a fan of the ‘hey we have this person standing around for no reason’ spots in the back, but when it involves Maria we need more than one.
When Eugene spilled his beverage on Vince McMahon, didn’t you know that he was going to be thrown to the Samoan wolves?
Did anyone expect to see Vince give Ron Simmons the evil eye so he would not do the DAMN or do it much quieter than usual?
If it was Randy Orton and Edge’s fault for not finishing off Bobby Lashley, shouldn’t it be both of their spots in the Money in the Bank match on the line in the Battle Royal(e)? If it wasn’t for Edge’s injury, I would have expected it.
The video packages that the WWE does to pay tribute to their wrestlers are great. It is a shame that we have to have them and that there have been so many in recent weeks.
That Steve Austin commercial for Wrestlemania with the little kid using milk cartons instead of beer cans was hilarious.
With Edge ‘injured’ during the Battle Royal, does that mean that he will come back into the ring when there is ‘one man’ left to eliminate that man and get his spot back in the Money in the Bank match? It isn’t like something like that ever happened before like with Chavo Guerrero in and then out of the Cruiserweight Open at No Way Out.
I wonder if they will have Eugene’s character change since he got his head shaved. Maybe he can be the third member of the bald white guy triad with Kane and Gene Snitsky.
In addition to a Wellness policy, can the WWE institute a policy for promos so that people like Candice and Melina never get on the mic again? Where is Jeff Hardy to watch paint dry?
With the announcement of the bra and panties match, is anyone else looking forward to the ‘shocked that she is in her bra and panties’ run to the back by the loser?
I think that was the first time that I was happy to see the Great Khali come to the ring. Why did Jerry Lawler have to try to be the hero to save Ashley? At least we saw Ashley check on Lawler since he did save her . . . you mean she didn’t check on Lawler? Maybe Melina was right about Ashley before she went to the ring.
I don’t know if it was intentional that they had no sound after Lawler was choke slammed, but it was a good touch because you wouldn’t expect to see Jim Ross act like nothing happened if his friend was attacked by Khali.
I think it was great that they had Edge come to the ring to tell Orton to use the ladder. Is Randy Orton trying for the ‘Sting Gullibility Title’ by using the ladder knowing that he would get disqualified?
Will they build on the Orton/Edge feud after Mania or will they get back together as a team? Is there a rule that there can only be one tag team that is together and broken up all the time (while the Hardys would be a viable second option).
I guess if Vince can defeat Bobby Lashley, he could also break the Master Lock. Is there any doubt that there is going to be some sort of interference or stipulation to help Vince, only to backfire in the end?
Did Eugene look like the missing Highlander? He also resembled political commentator Andrew Sullivan.
While I have no problem with John Cena getting the victory over Chris Benoit, I did not like the fact that after Benoit dominated the match, he is beaten after the ‘Moves of Doom’ and nothing else.
I liked the way that Cena and Michaels teased the fact that either one of them could hit their finishers but did not hit them. It increases the anticipation for their match when one of them eventually hits their move.
I guess everyone who paid forty dollars for the No Way Out pay per view are happy that they will be redoing the main event on an episode of Raw.
Feel free to send feedback to richard@pwinsider.com
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